Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Charity video

My old circus chum, Smacker Ramrod, sent me a video which was made to raise money for a worthy charity. Apparently it earns a few pennies every time someone views it.

“If you pass it on to ten other bloggers, who each pass it on to ten more, it will soon get millions of hits,” he explained.

His calculations may be inaccurate, but I’m happy to get the ball rolling. The greatest landslide on Earth could be triggered by a dung beetle kicking some poo downhill.

The video begins with an earnest male college student asking random women whether they will raise money for charity by riding a “Sybian”. This contraption is a vibrating saddle designed for the purpose of pleasuring a lady’s nubbin. (If you already knew what it was, I take off my imaginary hat to you – I only found out after watching the video.)

It would be wrong to suggest that the women who agreed to mount the machine should be celebrated in the annals of hoochiedom. They remained fully clothed and seemed genuinely surprised that the device was so effective at stimulating their nether regions.

“I hope my boyfriend doesn’t see this!” gasped one young belle. “I may not need to have a date tonight,” quipped another.

All but one of them jumped off the Sybian before it could shift the San Andreas fault. Most of them laughed in embarrassment as they did so, which I thought was a sweet and ladylike response. The one woman who permitted her pantyworks to explode made the on-lookers feel like unwilling participants in a peep show.

Be that as it may, I consider the video to be first-rate entertainment. Far superior, to be sure, than the atrocious Fifty Shades of Grey that will soon be appearing in a cinema near you.

“I’d like to wipe the movie poster on my butthole and call it ‘Fifty Shades of Brown’!” exclaimed one disgusted film buff.

The actress who plays the female lead has described the elaborate preparations she made for the part:

“I was going to be naked, so I wanted to look good,” explained 25-year-old Dakota Johnson. “I did a lot of working out and had more waxing than any woman should have.”

A crash program of yoga would have been more helpful for a role which involves getting tied up in a variety of positions. Smooth skin is no substitute for supple limbs when you’re being toyed with by a fiend who likes to immobilise his victims before pouncing. Maybe Mr Grey was a spider in a previous life – it would explain why “I don’t do romance” was one of the brilliant lines he used to seduce women. Spiders never do romance, but they’re very adept at preparing their partners for the kill.

Where does Miss Johnson’s career go from here? A sensitive drama about a couple who make love in a straitjacket? An erotic thriller about a woman tied to a railway line? If I were her agent I’d advise her to get on a Sybian.

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I heard a porno actress on the "Howard Stern Show" riding a Sybian, and it was the hottest thing I ever heard. And that is before I knew what she looked like. Holy crap. I tip my hat to that young lady.

Are you going to see "50 Shades of Grey" and do a write-up about it? I think that would be best so that we all can have a laugh and we all don't have to sit through the entire thing. Take one for the team, ape man!!!
Is this why cowboys loved rodeos?
The Sybian is brought to you by the same gender that invented 'friends with benefits.' James Brown was right: It's a MAN'S world.
I'll put it on record that I have nothing against the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon, just like I had no problem with Twilight.
Well, that's too bad that it appears "50 Shades of Grey" is a stinker with the movie critics. But then again, maybe some of them are lying and just saying they don't like it, so they don't ruin their credibility. I remember when Roger Ebert gave a good review of "Shakes the Clown" and never lived it down.
I liked the scene in When Harry Met Sally better, but at least it was for a worthy cause! Julianne Moore was in Boogie Nights, and it didn't seem to hurt her career, so you never know what's down the road for Dakota. I'm glad I learned a new word today!

Dr Ken: The film will be a forgotten relic before I get to see it, Dr Ken. If someone puts a 10-minute highlight montage on You Tube I'll be sure to give it a look!

Steve: Not unless you're talking about the cowboys in Brokeback Mountain. There are other devices for stimulating the male organ.

Exile: Eh? Why is the Sybian good news for men? Is this your way of telling us you don't feel threatened by it?

Michael: You mean the book created a phenomenon? Do you know any girls who liked it?

Jimmy: Yes, a film critic who liked it would be too embarrassed to admit it. I hope you don't feel the same way about the Sybian video. Did you like it?

Julie: I liked that scene too, but Sally was obviously faking it. Didn't you find the performances of the Sybian girls more convincing?
Gorilla, I started watching it, but then I realized it was going to be emblazoned on my youtube watch history for all eternity. If I ever run for president they are going to hold that against me. Though, from what I did see, it seemed like it was just another sneaky way for some nerdy filmmakers to meet some hot chicks. However, if you really think it is mandatory viewing, I will watch again in it's entirety and submit a full report.
I'm not sure what I think about all this, GB. How much is the Sybian and where can I purchase it?
"Woman Works Out and Gets Waxed Before Starring in Domestic Abuse Porn" seems like the summarized backstory of 50 Shades.
Come to think of it, my Mum was going around with a twinkle in her eye for a while...
Hmm, well |I suppose it's all for a good cause, right?

As for 50 Shades of Grey-- I haven't the book but from what I've heard about it, it has hints of the films 9 1/2 Weeks & Wild Orchid. I guess this weekends box office will determine whether the film is a flop or a smash.

I actually have heard of this contraption thanks to Howard Stern. Unfortunately my virgin ears couldn't handle Mr. Stern and I no longer listen to him. Anddd I went off on a tangent again...sorry :(
Jimmy: No one can condemn you for watching a charity video, Jimmy. I think you should watch the whole thing and give each woman a grade for her performance.

Robyn: Careful, Robyn, you'd better discuss it with George first. Some men feel threatened by these machines!

Ninja: Your knowledge of the plot is admirably superficial, Ms Ninja.

Michael: How embarrassing for you! I hope you told her off!

Cocaine Princess: I've heard it takes all the fun out of being tied up and spanked, Miss Princess.

Jax: You've got virgin ears, Miss Jax? Does that mean they've never been nibbled?
Where can I obtain a Sybian? It might help accelerate my wife's journey to the promised land, saving me the time and energy of binding her to the bedpost and whipping her with stinging nettles!
I've heard of the Sybian. Although I don't own one. lol As for the 50 Shades of whatever. I didn't read the books and don't plan on seeing the movie. I do read romance, erotica and some does involve BDSM but there are much better for true to life type of books out there if one is into that lifestyle.
I didn't want to watch it, but I felt I had to.
After all, it's for a good cause.
I'm a "Man of the People" that way.
How have I gone this far in life without knowing about this toy?

Bryan: You're tempting fate, my friend. She might banish you to the garden shed while she's playing with her toy.

Mary: Would you write a review if you were offered a free Sybian, Mary?

Al: I hope you didn't suffer too much. Try putting an ice pack on your lap the next time you watch it.

Jules: They've never been mass produced, Jules. They're too big to hide in the home and the amusement parks didn't want them. Maybe they need a poster girl to help with the marketing.;)
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