Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Jack of one trade

Jack Nicholson is pining for one last fling at the age of 77.

“I would love that one last romance, but I'm not very realistic about it happening,” he said. “What I can't deny is my yearning.”

Maybe he ought to ask Shirley MacLaine out on a date. I thought they made a lovely couple in Terms of Endearment, a film which has a cult following among the apes of the Congo Basin. I don’t know what Shirley is up to these days, but I’m sure she’d be game for anything that didn’t involve the frontbend contortion.

Jack used a memorable line in that movie to persuade Shirley to submit to his wicked desires. She was telling him she had to play hard-to-get to avoid being likened to the star-struck floozies he habitually consorted with.

“Not much danger in that unless you curtsy on my face real soon,” he replied.

Come to think of it, Shirley hated that remark and almost slapped his face, but she still went to bed with him! That’s the kind of power Jack had over women – his roguish charm was irresistible. No wonder he’s feeling down because he’s bereft of female companionship as the ravages of time inflict their retribution.

I actually wonder whether having your face slapped is better than sex for men of Jack’s age. The blood rushes to their craggy cheeks without requiring exertions that might involve excessive huffing and puffing. And if jowl toning is too tame for them, they can always hire the services of someone like Princess Lucina. This formidable Englishwoman, whose real name is Lorraine White, has recently won permission from Stockport Council to keep her “pleasure dungeon” open for business in a respectable part of town. Miss White told the hearing that her clients were generally restrained or gagged, but the punishments she inflicted were not too severe:

“It involves a lot of humiliation, doing domestic work and dressing up in women’s clothes,” she explained.

Her neighbours raised no objection, believing that the customers she attracted were good for the local economy. A man who pays hard cash to be bound and gagged is likely to be a generous tipper in bars and cafés.

Would you believe that the Princess has a blog? It only contains three posts though, the last one being published over a year ago. All of them are very short on words (but not pictures). She seems to be one of those novice bloggers who gives it a try but quickly runs out of inspiration.

Perhaps one of the accomplished lady bloggers who visit here should befriend the Princess, giving her advice on how to compose regular posts, entertain her readers and build up a loyal following. She, in return, could offer tips on the finer points of caning men’s buttocks and stabbing their flesh with stiletto heels as they grovel and whimper on the carpet.

I like to see women sharing ideas in a sisterly way – it’s the hallmark of a progressive society.

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I'm nowhere near Jack's age but understand only too well what he's going through :( the desire doesn't diminish, but the opportunities do. jack and I should consider moving to Stockport . Will you suggest it to him GB?
jack has hundreds of millions of american dollars. with that amount of money and his pedigree, he should be able to find lots of nubile young ladies capable of convincing him that they truly love him for his inner self.
I think you'll find most men pine for one last fling regardless of their age.
"Next item on the agenda for the planning committee is an application for retrospective planning permission for the Bondage Dungeon. The application is furnished complete with economic impact assessment and detailed demographic of current client base..."

"No need to go into details, Old Boy, I am sure it is all in order!'
I don't think Jack's gonna have any trouble finding someone. As a wealthy movie star with a reputation for being a "bad boy," he'll have women between the ages of 27 to 97 lining up for him. Even if he was just a regular 77 year old guy, the fact that he walks upright would still make him a stud. Great advice about befriending Lorraine. What a wonderful return on such a minimal investment!

Didn't I read just last year that Jack crashed his car and a lady friend ran out saying she could let her husband find out? Doesn't sound as though he's having too many problems to me...
Good Lord. Can you imagine still feeling that empty yearning at 77? I'm hoping to have put all that aside long before I'm elderly. How long can I expect to be tormented by desire? Is there no end to it? Jack's problem is that he's not married.

Face slapping costs extra. Don't ask me how I know. Just trust me.

Who has time to blog when you're busy beating the shit out of white collar schmoes?
Welp, why didn't you put a picture up of what Jack Nicholson looks like now, so we could compare the 2? With his money he could always pay for companionship unless he has become so grotesque and disgusting, not even any woman will take him up on that offer. I have not seen him in some time... my guess is he probably looks like an obese version of the Yoda in the Empire Stikes Back by now.

I hate bloggers who make a few posts and then give up. If everyone were to blog regularly it would bring us all closer together, I do believe.
Joe: I don't think Jack would listen to me, Joe. But if Princess Lucina contacted him he might make the pilgrimage - you could welcome him at the airport!

Billy: I'm sure that's true, Billy, but he seems to have lost his confidence. Or maybe he's fed up with gold diggers.

Steve: You mean they're willing to live like a monk afterwards? Or do you mean get married?

Hippo: I doubt it involved that much paperwork. Miss White doesn't bother with lengthy reports full of facts and figures. Her speciality is face-to-face persuasion.

Julie: You could be right, Julie, but he seems to have lost the old self-belief. I hope to see you send the Princess a tweet!

Nota Bene: Maybe she ran away before they did anything. It could have been the incident that led to his current despondency.

Exile: Jack probably knows that getting married results in a loss of libido, which is why he's been avoiding it all these years. I don't believe Princess Lucina is too busy to blog - you get great hours in her line of work. She may have a problem with expressing herself in writing.

Jimmy: I thought of doing that, Jimmy, but I took pity on Jack at the last minute. I also try to make my blog easy on the eye for the casual browser. How about leaving a comment on Princess Lucina's blog or sending her a tweet? I'm sure she'd be flattered that her fame has spread to America.
Only you could go from a post about a movie star to BDSM so easily. lol
I think Jack could find romance even at his age if he sought it with women closer to his age and not a way too young lady. I for one would not mind a romance with an older man who could show me places, relate adventures, share activities, and enjoy holding hands and sweet cuddles. Romance does not have to be hot and heavy sex. That actually makes it all less romantic for me. Enjoying each other, sharing interests, discovering new places, holding hands, long looks in eyes, warm cuddles, me this is romantic.
The other you can pay for.
I am sure he has been to many places in the world that he could show to someone and share it with knowledge.
Princess Lucina and Jack Nicholson should definitely get together sometime.
Well I am TOTALLY the woman for that job! Just call me Princess Julietta from here on and I will happily give this wench some tips on scrotum heeling and bedridden whiplash! What a great job. I'm jealous.
Well you can't blame the guy for trying!!!! I remember a pretty sexy scene between him and Kathy Bates. Is she single?? ...and I can totally see him enjoying a nice slap in the face!! Haha
One last fling would be fantastic. As long as I'm asleep by nine.
I am not a lady, but I agree to hook this woman up with whatever knowledge she needs in exchange for some erotic humiliation. No questions asked.
Mary: It seemed a very natural progression to me, Mary, but thank for the compliment. :)

Rose: If only you were Jack's life coach, Rose. It might be too late to teach an old dog new tricks, but there's no harm in trying.

Michael: Yes, he might enjoy being manacled. I wonder if she'd let him touch her.

Jules: You'd make loads of money, Jules! 'Princess Julietta' would be the Queen of Whiplash!

Jax: Hello and welcome, Ms Jax! Didn't Kathy Bates tie someone up in a movie? It might have been James Caan. Jack has the perfect face to be slapped. Have you ever slapped a man's face?

Al: You might be unconscious by nine if you find someone like Princess Lucina.

Fredulous: She'd probably give you a student's discount, but you'd have to pay for the ferry to Stockport.
Are you suggesting Jack should get involved with this dominatrix woman for some ass beatings, bondage, and humiliation? Well, it's never too late to try that out, even at the ripe old age of 77. But I don't know if that will result in that love affair that he's going for . . .
Can Jack rise to the occasion? Oh, who cares, what's his number, GB?
Ken: Well it's something Jack should consider if he can't find romance. Getting tied-up and whipped should take his mind off his other woes.

Robyn: I'm sure Jack has a plentiful supply of blue pills, Robyn. But I'm not going to give you his number because I know you're spoken for. :)
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