Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Franny and Warnie

So it seems that two thousand Filipino traffic cops were forced to wear nappies because of the Pope’s visit. I suppose a few of them might have enjoyed the experience, but the vast majority must have felt like utter cretins. One imagines they were too ashamed to look their wives in the face after returning home from work. The Mayor of Manila issued this diaper decree so the road patrollers could attend to their duties without sneaking off to answer a call of Nature. Ensuring the smooth progression of the papal convoy was clearly too important a task to be jeopardised by anyone taking a leak.

It’s not known whether Pope Franny wore a nappy himself – it probably wasn’t necessary because his vestments are wide enough to conceal a bedpan. Realising that the traffic cops might blame him for their predicament, he shrewdly attempted to deflect their resentment by encouraging mothers to suckle their babies in the Sistine Chapel. The subtext intended for the nappy-wearing officers is as clear as the holy water in the papal douche:

“Yes, I made you feel like babies, but being a baby isn’t all bad – you get to suck on a woman’s titties.”

Now some people are saying that the current High Pontiff has relatively liberal views on birth control and recreational sex. While I’m prepared to believe that he’s less of a curmudgeon than ex-Pope Benny, he needs to do more to nail his colours to the mast. A good way of getting the message across would be to grant an audience to Shane Warne, the legendary Australian ball-spinner, who is probably the most famous fornicator of the Catholic faith. Warnie recently lived up to his reputation by seducing an Adelaide mother-of two, who was suitably dazzled by his tricky fingerwork:

“He’s very strong in the bedroom,” said 43-year-old Kim McGrath. “He asked me to keep my high heels on while he spanked me.”

What I admire about Warnie, apart from his masterly spanking technique, is that he arranged his date with Ms McGrath on Tinder. A celebrity who uses the same dating site as the average Bruce and Sheila is better, in my view, than a sleazy big shot who persuades a friendly pimp to get escorts for him. Ms McGrath was certainly thrilled to have attracted Warnie’s attention, although one cannot condone her spilling the beans to the press. It seems she couldn’t contain her excitement.

The relevant point for the Holy See is that both Warnie and Ms McGrath are single, so no adultery was involved. It gives Pope Franny the perfect opportunity to prove his liberal credentials by inviting Warnie to the Vatican for a wine and wafer party. In return for the honour of being blessed by the Holy Father, Warnie could meet him in the confession box and fill him in on all the juicy details. They’ll be playing cricket in Rome and Buenos Aries when Warnie’s deeds are revealed to the faithful!

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I have never heard of a wine and wafer party, but it sounds devine!!!

My fiance and I are taking RCIA classes so we can get married in the church. The deacon was so proud that the pope was going to the Philippines for the first time in forever. Maybe I should refer him to your article this Thursday for extra credit???
She doesn't look very smart, but that's an intelligent idea to wear heels before getting spanked. If any man tries to spank me, GB, I'll put on stilettos and kick him where it counts. If he's wearing a nappy, though, it won't be very effective. I'll have to figure out a different strategy. Ideas welcome.
History will record that Pope Franny made cops piss their pants. Not sure if that's a bad advertisement for the Catholic Church or not.
That girl is 43 years old?! And has given birth twice?! She looks 23. How'd she get her body to snap back into shape like that? Now, THERE'S a miracle the Pope needs to investigate straight away.
just tell the filipino traffic cops that they're training to become astronauts.
Oh, good grief, Jax... don't refer the deacon to Gorilla's blog. That act of blasphemy will get you excommunicated, and your fiance liquidated by the Inquisition.

Anyway, Gorilla. I doubt this Shane Wane is the most famous Catholic fornicator. Jimmy Savile was so Catholic he got an audience with one of the popes. But, I digress. I think more humans are wearing diapers than you are aware of, Gorilla. How do you think Manny Pacquiao goes for 15 rounds without having to excuse himself to use the restroom?
It's hard to chase a trouble maker while sporting a full nappy; hence they might be forced to shoot first, and ask questions later. I suppose the same could also happen on Tinder.

I thought Warnie was still involved with Liz Hurley??
Jax: Maybe you could ask him what he think about breastfeeding in the Sistine Chapel. If he's not in favour, he may be a heretic posing as a deacon.

Robyn: You could retaliate with nipple clamps, Robyn. But are you sure you wouldn't enjoy being spanked just a little?

Steve: Making people piss their pants is not a mortal sin, so it shouldn't cause too much grief. It might also deflect attention from other less savoury deeds.

Exile: She must have done all the right exercises, as well as eating like a kookaburra. I still think Naomi Watts has her beat though.

Billy: Yes, that might have made them feel better. Is the diaper worn by Buzz Aldrin in a museum?

Jimmy: This Manny fellow shouldn't have taken up boxing if his bladder is that small. I'm sure Muhammad Ali and George Foreman never wore nappies in the ring. Fornication is too noble a word for what Jimmy Savile did and Warnie would be horrified to be mentioned in the same breath as him. Would you be ashamed to listen to Warnie's confession, Jimmy?

Julie: It would be most unfair to describe Warnie as trigger happy, Julie. The testimonial from Ms McGrath indicates he doesn't shoot until the victim is begging to be put out of her misery.

Michael: Boy, are you behind the times! Several women have been loved and left by Warnie since Liz was flavour of the month!
Gorilla, if he feels the need to bare his soul, he is welcome to contact me. However, I have no authority to give him absolution.
Nappies on coppers? Holy....well,...quite. I'm certainly never going to attend The Pope's wine and wafer party if he wears a bedpan under his frock.

So, if that picture is to be believed, that's what happened to Macauley Culkin.
He became the Pope.
Who knew?
If the police chief or anyone told the police in the US to wear diapers for their patrolling, there would be a volcanoes amount of trouble. lol
Ah, high heels are always fun in he bedroom, at least for me they have been. :)
I like this pope. He would slay on Tinder. Because the cool thing about Tinder is that you don't even have to be that hot. A humourous bio is sufficient for getting matches. I've heard.
Jimmy: I don't think he wants to be absolved, Jimmy. He'd settle for gasps of awe and wonder.

Jules: You'd be better off throwing your own party, Jules. I'm sure your wine and wafers would be much tastier than the Pope's!

Al: Either that or the Pope is trying impersonate him. Poor Macaulay is not the fresh-faced boy he used to be.

Mary: Do you think they'd show their displeasure by pissing on something, Mary? How about the police chief's lawn?

Cocaine: Ooh, Miss Princess, does that mean you've fooled around with your heels on?

Fredulous: He should definitely go for it. It would do wonders for his image if a breathless nun told the world he was great in the sack.
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