Wednesday, December 03, 2014

Cut-price cups

An Italian lingerie chain is celebrating its 50th birthday by offering discounts on its bras. No milk-nourished mammal could object to this news, but what should we think of their policy of giving bigger discounts on bigger-sized bras? Before denouncing the practice as discriminatory, let us ponder the words of first-officer Spock:

The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.

Although busty ladies are not more numerous than their moderately stacked sisters, no one can deny that their bosom flesh outweighs anything Spock beamed onto the Enterprise. Being in greater need of support, the universal law of compassion dictates that their jahoobies should be catered for at economy rates. Some might even favour giving them free bras as part of a public chest-health program.

This generous promotion resulted in a particularly dense throng of customers at the shop in Padua. The store manager made the following statement to the press:

“Fortunately for us, many women in Padua are curvy. So this also benefited the buxom women economically, and not those who are as thin as toothpicks.”

The manager did not mention that many of the shoppers were men, an anomaly puzzling enough to make me scratch my chin with my toes. Let us analyse their possible motives logically, as Spock would do.

1) They were bra-hunting on behalf of their busty girlfriends.

2) They were hoping to find a busty girlfriend.

3) They wanted to ogle busty women and possibly cop a feel in the melee.

Option 1 can be dismissed on the grounds that there is no point shopping for bras if the breasts they are intended for are not at hand to try them on. It’s simply not possible to make such measurements by eye.

Option 2 is improbable because women looking for bras are in no mood to be propositioned or otherwise flirted with. You can’t mix business with pleasure where the boobies are concerned.

This leaves us with Option 3, which is a slur on Italian men that would make the noble Garibaldi pluck out his whiskers in disgust. On the other hand, Garibaldi is dead while Berlusconi still lives. Why should Italian men be less louche than a recent prime minister of the republic? Let us not be hasty in our judgements - the buxom ladies of Padua are invited to submit their evidence.

I give the last word to the actress Naomi Watts, still beautiful (if small-breasted) at the age of 46. In her latest movie she plays a Russian stripper who entertains Bill Murray, a role she admitted had stretched her talents:

“I just worked on my moves and my accent and my underwear,” she explained.

There is an important lesson here for women looking for bargains in a lingerie shop. However attractive the prices are, you won’t achieve anything unless you work on your underwear like Naomi. I wouldn’t go so far as to say this was a worthy parable for the Christmas season, because it obviously isn’t. But I hope it will generate goodwill between bosoms all of sizes.

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I'm really worried that that first lady will have back troubles.
Oh, who am I kidding?
No, I'm not.
Good God, that first picture! Why??!! I guess if they were giving discounts for bigger bra sizes, she's get her free??

Working on my underwear? I'm not sure what this means, GB. Do I place my granny panties and D cup bra on my chair before I sit down at my desk? Naomi Watts is gorgeous, but she's flat as a board and doesn't even need a training bra. I'd rather have my big bosoms. It gives me more to work on.
That first pic made me throw-up a little. How is that sexy? That's the very definition of a fetish. I like 'em small in case you're keeping score.

Watts is 46?! Are you sure?! I just saw St. Vincent a few days ago. A fine film. A dandy rental. Watts is bursting with pregnancy which isn't very attractive, but the Russian accent is excellent. In one scene, she's cleaning Murray's home. I thought it was the greatest piece of acting ever committed to film.

The bigger the bra size the less discount, is what I think is fair. After all, huge boobies have had loads of money spent on them already, and the carriers can't be short of a bob or two (implants are costly) whereas normal boobs (my favourites, such as Naomi's) deserve all the discounts and praise they can get.
Dear god! Now, they are boobies. I suspect a couple of hammocks could take the place of that scrap of pink fabric, that I assume is some kinda bra?

I'm going to have to try and wipe this image from my brain...

Al: Well you're not a doctor. How would you know the difference between her back troubles and front troubles?

Kinley: Good question. Maybe it's a mental disorder similar to anorexia. She probably thinks her boobs are too small!

Robyn: I was hoping you'd be able to explain what she meant, Robyn. I was only pretending to understand.:) And thank you for mentioning your big bosom. I didn't want to talk about it unless you brought it up first!

Exile: Her performance was really that good? I must see the movie now. Pregnant woman are wonderful - I call it the fertile look!

Joe: Well, Naomi isn't short of a bob or two, so maybe her boobs deserve praise without a discount!

Wendy: That scrap of pink fabric is probably much bigger than it looks. Even King Kong looked small when climbing the Empire State Building. Looking at the picture of Naomi might help you forget. Chalk and cheese!
I wish I were able to scratch my chin with my toes. It must be a great feeling to be able to do that. I didn't realize Naomi Watts was 46, but it just goes to show you that 46 is the new 29. I am glad Bill Murray is still alive and kicking as well.
I sympathize with the notion of greater discounts for larger sizes. I have known people in the upper echelons of bustiness by nature rather than choice, and it's a long and expensive process to get suitably supported!
I believe Naomi Watts is Australian. We breed them well down here.
The phrase working on one's underwear makes it sound akin to a work out in the gym. Plainly one's underwear can be improved with a few push-ups and the odd stroke on the rowing machine.
I agree with Steve. Naomi was probably doing a series of tush-tightening exercises. The women in the first photo never has to worry about drowning.

Good Lord! That woman could feed an entire town full of babies with those breasts!
Gorilla, you're a breast man aren't you? lol

Working on my underwear...hmmm, not sure what that all entails but as long as they are comfortable and not a string riding in places that string should never be, I'm all good.
Jimmy: It brings mutual satisfaction to the chin and the toes. Have you ever tried yoga, Jimmy? You'd be amazed what your body is capable of.

Ms Ninja: I feel for them as much as you do, Ms Ninja. If only there were natural methods of bust reduction.

Michael: Yes, she was a childhood friend of Nicole Kidman. But isn't she a Pom by birth?

Steve: You must be thinking of Barbara Windsor in Carry on Camping. There's not much in lowbrow British entertainment that you don't know about.

Julie: I hope you're right, Julie. There are few things more admirable than a woman working on her tush. We gorillas are lucky to have naturally tight tushes.

Miss Princess: I'm not so sure, Miss Princess. They're certainly full of something, but I doubt it's milk.

Mary: Hah! I may give the impression of being a breast ape, but I'm only interested in their elevated importance among humans. I'm sure your underwear issues have been thoroughly sorted out, Mary.:)
When I was juat a baby boy I would watch a yoga show on PBS. I don't quite remember, but I'm sure I wasn't any good at it, as I was not good at anything in my youth.
it's been my experience that large breasts don't age very well. on the other hand, those large breasts should give her plenty of weight bearing exercise to stave off osteoporosis.
So a frontal massage would probably be out of the question...?
On a related note...Robyn? D cup? Hubba, hubba.
Shh, you'll spoil it.
Jimmy: It seems to have made a big impression on your infant mind, Jimmy. Maybe you could try some of the positions from memory.

Billy: Gravity is a killer. A busty woman should be invited to live in the space station to see how things work out.

Al: Nothing is out of the question for those willing to pay the price.

Michael: She might be an Aussie in spirit, although she sounds like an American to me.
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