Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Blue beauty

I can’t make up my mind whether to give Miss Georgia Eden my moral support. She is a 22-year-old English model who was booted out of a beauty contest for posting a topless “selfie” on twitter. If you look at the photo, you’ll see that one breast is obscured by her arm and the other is cupped in her hand. The bikini parade of the pageant would have exposed more of her actual titty flesh.

The organisers of the event should be denounced for taking such a hard line. Is there an unwritten rule that the boobs of a beauty queen must always be connected to a piece of fabric? Their fear of the liberated bosom suggests a reactionary agenda of constraining a woman’s jahoobies within conventional gender stereotypes.

Yet I am hesitant to launch a campaign on Georgia’s behalf. Frankly, I don’t want her to participate in a competition which objectifies women. What’s more, her lips seem to have a hole between them when her mouth is closed. I suspect she spent a good part of her girlhood drinking soda pop through a straw. It may seem like a minor imperfection, but the judges of beauty contests are often swayed by such anomalies. It would be humiliating for Georgia to finish last after being reinstated as a candidate.

Now, Georgia says her “selfie” had a serious purpose. It was to promote awareness of breast cancer, presumably by reminding women they have breasts. The problem with this worthy intention is that most of the people ogling the photo seem to be men. Can they really be trusted to pass on the breast cancer message to their wives, sisters and mistresses? Men can very forgetful about such things, so perhaps Georgia should think of other good causes her breasts could support.

An excellent role model for young ladies trying to succeed in public life is Chelsea Clinton (née Clinton). To my knowledge, her bosom has never been a topic for public debate – indeed, it’s probably not been mentioned outside of this blog. The good news is that Chelsea’s chesticles will soon be playing a bigger part in her life, because she has announced she’s pregnant with her first child:

Mark and I are very excited that we have our first child arriving, said Chelsea. I certainly feel all the better whether it's a girl or a boy that she or he will grow up in a world full of so many strong young female leaders. I just hope that I will be as good a mom to my child as my mother was to me.

You don’t need to be an expert at reading between the lines to deduce that Chelsea is hoping for a girl. Personally, I’d like it to be a boy. Ever since Bill got caught with his pants down, there’s been too much matriarchy going on in the Clinton stable. That family badly needs another male member who’ll restore the balance between yin and yang. Let’s hope he’s a hungry little tyke with a massive Oedipus complex.

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I feel the same way, they took too hard a line with her when you couldn't even see anything.
And if Chelsea has a girl I wonder if she'll grow up with the habit of freeze drying her party dresses... or just her husband's balls.
miss eden certainly is an attractive and well proportioned woman. if fact she looks a little too perfect to be 100% natural. not that i'm complaining.
I did not find her "selfie" to be in bad taste at all. I thought it was perfectly fine and tasteful and urged women to get their breast exams. Shame on those who did not support her and booted her out.
I don't know, GB. Don't you think a baby boy would be highly disappointed by Mommy Chelsea's chesticles?

I think the men of the world should support her and post naked selfies all over the internet with one, or possibly two if need be, hands cupped over our naked testicles. Solidarity!

I hope to live to see another male Clinton reach the throne.
Oh yes. Men are so terribly forgetful at passing on such visual treats. I don't know what all the fuss is about myself. Seen far worse titty selfies than that.
Mary: You're very broad-minded, Mary. I wouldn't say you can't see anything, though. Did you look at the photo?

Steve: That would depend on which was in greater need of preservation. My guess is her husband's balls.

Billy: I'm glad you looked at the photo, Billy. If they're not natural, I send the surgeon my compliments.

Rose: I thought it was fine too, Rose, although it took me a while to appreciate she was checking for lumps.

Robyn: He might well be disappointed if he saw you, Robyn! Babies don't know what size means until they compare similar objects!

Scott: It's a nice idea, but who would make the connection? There's no point comparing walnuts with melons.

Juliette: Have you, Jules? It's a pity you didn't link them so we could compare and contrast.
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Another social media victim. Apparently for a good cause and not like Anthony Wiener who had sexual intent (not sure for who though?).
I liked Bill Clinton as president. He has achieved great things as an ex-president. I'm wishing the family all the best.
How does anybody find Miss Georgia Eden the least bit attractive? I mean, look at her. One eye appears *slightly* lower than the other. Ugh! That's foul. 1/10. Would not date. ;-)

But in all seriousness, a light "lip gap" wouldn't deter me in the slightest, but I'm sure she's out of my league...
I took a long, long look at that selfie, and I think you can see a nipple through her right hand.

Good call on Bill needing a boy. He's outnumbered over there like that damn "Cosby Show."
Boobies are very nice.

And you can't get much bigger tit than Ole Bill.
A model what? I don't find her attractive in the least. Does that make me strange? Stranger...I mean.

Look, if we don't protect boobs from all this constant exposure, we're going to become hardened and seeing them won't be such a big deal anymore. I don't want that! Do you? Let's keep them the mysterious treat they are.

Can we pull back on the breast cancer awareness messages? Is there anyone left on earth who's unaware of breast cancer?

Are you implying that Chelsea Clinton's husband might have taken her name. I sure would have! What a door-opener that must be. I took my wife's last name when we got married. It's a real conversation-starter.
Jimmy: I hope Chelsea's daughter grows up believing that porn stars have feelings and deserve the same rights as everyone else. Would you go to church with a porn actress and embrace her after the service, Jimmy? I think it's what Jesus would have done. How about embracing Miley, who's feeling sad because her dog died?

Bill: I don't know how men like Anthony Wiener and Clarence Thomas can show their faces in public after boasting about their sexual organs. Clinton was a satyr, but he never boasted. The dirtiest thing Cinton said to a woman was "kiss it".

HermanTurnip: Her eyes look level enough to me, but isn't she slightly cross-eyed? It's not a face that exudes intellect, that's for sure.

Dr Ken: I hope you didn't strain your eyes, Dr Ken! I wonder if Bill doesn't enjoy a little pussy-whipping?

TS Bastard: I won't have that! Hef is a much bigger tit than Bill!

Exile: The horse has bolted from that stable, amigo - boob pictures are everywhere these days. I was implying that Chelsea Clinton has kept her own name; I had no idea it was even possible for a husband to adopt his wife's last name. What you've done sounds rare enough to get interviewed by National Enquirer.
Wow, Gorilla. Thanks for the lecture but my comment was clearly satirical.
She DOES have a hole in the middle of her lips when her mouth is closed. That picture is strange, it's like she's asking her followers which boob they prefer, they look so different x
I love watching beauty pageants and have been since I was little. The evening gown is always my fave part. Hmm, I must be one of the very few that doesn't think beauty pageants objectifies women.

Personally I didn't see anything wrong with the pic.
I clicked on Miss Eden's link to judge for myself. All I have to say is: who cares that she has a hole between her lips when her mouth is closed?
Hubba hubba.
Still, I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating crackers.
[looks at lap]
"Right, Crackers?"
And imagine if his yang was bigger than Grampa Bubba's?
Jimmy: Haha, my lectures are never serious, Jimmy, although I'm flattered you thought I was a genuine champion for the rights of porn stars! I was hoping you'd indicate whether you'd be willing to embrace a porn actress or Miley in the circumstance I described.

Scarlett: We don't really have a good view of them, Miss Scarlett. If we did, there might be little to choose between them.

Cocaine Princess: They do look lovely in their evening gowns, Miss Princess. I suppose the pageants are okay for women who want to be admired purely for their looks.

Al: I don't think they'll be any impressive yangs in the Clinton household. Don't you remember what Paula Jones said?
Just wondering how you take a selfie if you have one hand on one boob and your other arm on the other one? Perhaps she has a third arm?
There is an unwritten rule that beauty queens should sleep with the judges lest they shall go on Twitter and find a boob pic.
Suburbia: Good point, ma'am! I suspect the picture was taken by an evil dwarf!

Blue Grumpster: I don't believe sleeping with the judges would stop them looking at your boob pics. If anything, it would encourage them.
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