Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Kiss of death

Katy Perry is denying that she intended to kiss Miley Cyrus on the lips:

“I just walked up to her to give her like a friendly girly kiss, you know, as girls do, and then she like tried to move her head and go deeper and I pulled away,” waffled Katy. “God knows where that tongue has been. We don't know! That tongue is so infamous!” she added.

Frankly, I think Miss Perry should be prosecuted for malicious slander and being a nasty hussy. Of the two tongues, hers is the more evil by far. If I were the presiding judge, I would sentence her to a 3-month term as Miley’s slave girl and concubine. It’s an experience that might teach her the value of discretion.

A lot of people think you can say anything you like in America because of the First Amendment and all that. If you look at the legal fine print, however, this doesn’t seem to be true. The town of Grand Rapids, for example, has an ordinance making it an offence to “wilfully annoy another person”. It’s a pity they are now planning to repeal it. This sensible by-law must have deterred all manner of vexatious deeds, including the making of obscene noises and insults beginning with the words “Yo mama”. Grand Rapids will be a rowdier and less congenial place without it.

As far as I know, it is perfectly legal for a woman to breastfeed a puppy in America. I mention this because a woman from Colorado Springs has admitted suckling a runt that refused bottle milk:

“He just wasn’t taking it. I didn’t know what else to do, I was desperate and I just couldn’t bear sitting there watching it die,” she said.

The women asked for her identity to be hidden when she was interviewed on TV, fearing that her act of mercy would expose her to the wrath of the multitude (to say nothing of lewd requests from “adult baby” perverts). Breaking a sacred taboo can be as dangerous as breaking the law, although one has to wonder why the woman made a public confession if she was so worried about it. Who would have ever found out if she’d maintained an inscrutable silence? The puppy certainly wouldn’t have squealed, except possibly in gratitude or excitement. Much as I admire her generous deed, there is something weirdly exhibitionist about this woman.

It goes without saying that there is no justification for abominating a woman who breastfeeds a baby animal. It’s a despicable double-standard when you consider that human infants have been nursed by mammalian surrogate mothers in the most hallowed myths: Romulus and Remus were suckled by a she-wolf; Tarzan took milk from his beloved ape mother; Zeus was wet-nursed by a nanny goat. There is nothing special about the human titty – it’s just a rounder and less hairy version of a female gorilla’s udder. It might also be softer, but I’m not going to stick my neck out on that one.

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If that woman was so adamant about feeding a puppy, why didn't she at least place some milk into a bottle? Why the need to breastfeed the little beastie? This is yet another dubious decision by an increasingly diminished and vapid segment of society. Next thing you know we'll be hearing of cults who insist on suckling cave spiders or some such craziness.
Answering Herman above: Breast nipples are far different from bottle nipples.
Many men seem to be so focused on breasts....hmmmm
Your argument about humans taking milk from animal surrogates is sound. We've been drinking cow and goat milk for centuries. Though admittedly not necessarily straight from the teat...
I don't think I'll be moving to Cedar Rapids anytime soon. My preference is for chocolate skim milk with a straw, and yes the two are related. I'm bananas over your excellent observational humor!

Oops, I meant Grand Rapids. Sorry about that.
Who knew Grand Rapids would be at the crest of free speech in Freedomland? I drove through it once and didn't feel any charge of electricity or change in the air.

Have you ever read The Grapes of Wrath? It's a good thing they didn't film THAT ending! YIKES!

I was kind of upset when I found out there was food in those things. That they weren't my personal playtoy. It was a pretty sobering moment.
Well, I've a post about Miley today. Imagine that.

Have a fabulous day. :)
Was your Katy Perry/Miley Cyrus coupled (geddit?) with the Breast sucking deliberate?
No complaints from here!
I have no opinion on this. I guess I could have just skipped the comment but I think it is important sometimes to say - "I have no opinion." Everything does not have to be judged by society.
that miley is one smart cookie. a new gimmick every week to keep her face on the cover of some magazine.
HermanTurnip: In fairness to the woman, she did say that it wasn't premeditated. I suppose the mothering instinct was just too powerful to resist.

Rose: That's very true, Rose. Both men and puppies prefer flesh to rubber.

Steve: What makes you think humans haven't drunk from a goat's teat? I bet you'd find full case histories if you googled.

Julie: Thank you, Julie, I love it when my readers go bananas! Are you avoiding Grand Rapids because the law was repealed or because it was passed in the first place?

Exile: The ending of The Grapes of Wrath inspired a scene in a British movie called O Lucky Man!. Yes, that was its title, I'm not pulling your leg. I only wish it was on You Tube so I could show it to you.

Sandee: An auspicious, if unsurprising, coincidence. That young lady is the talk of the town.

Lost Jimmy: No, it wasn't deliberate. Such chance couplings often occur in this blog.

David: C'mon, David, there are two pictures for you to examine! If you don't have an opinion, you must have a gut reaction!

Billy: She's being smart and enjoying herself at the same time. That could be the secret of a happy life.
I heard Miley was greatly offended by Katy Perry's comments. Anyway, is it that common for STDs to be passed through kissing? What if an infected fast food worker drools on your Whopper before serving it at Burger King? What happens if I get bitten by a mosquito that just bit Miley Cyrus?? What happens if a mosquito bites a Whopper being eaten by Miley Cyrus and then bites me???
Maybe she thought it "Tasted of cherry chapstick" la la la. All for publicity! Same as the mad chick breast feeding puppies from her puppies. I'm starting to feel very normal.
There's nothing more beautiful or natural than a mother nourishing her baby but a human and a dog.....she should go on the Jerry Springer Show. He once had a guest who married a horse.

Why didn't she just take the puppy to the vet?

Okay. :)
I do have a gut reaction. The idea of a woman breast feeding a puppy or whatever is kind of disgusting. That doesn't mean I think it should be illegal or that she should be ostracized from society. I pretty much believe people should have the right to do whatever they want.

On the Katy and Miley thing, it sounds like Miley might have gotten a bit carried away...uh, into it, you know?
Not a fan of Miley's, and Katy is….meh. The breast feeding dog reminds me of that story of the mom who happily breast fed her pug. Gross. But then again, my pug eats his own poop and on occasion eaten my granddaughter's dirty diaper (when he thought no one would notice) so who am I to judge?
Re Miley, I think it's a shame she has to behave the way she does, to keep herself on a magazine cover (well put) because her voice is wonderful. Check out some older covers, or accoustics.

Secondly, regarding the kiss, I thought Miley took advantage of Katy being a good sport. Katy made a later comment on Australian media 'you don't know where that tongue has been" and Miley slapped that comment back with a reference to how much of a boy slut, John Mayer is, and well, Katy has boned him. Or words to that effect.

Jury is still out on the breast-feeding, but we do both agree tha ta bottle is preferable over the nipple, milk all good.
First off, that picture with the dog looking to suck the boob next was gross. Couldn't you go with a Katy Perry boob pick? She has pretty ones. Hey, remember her first hit was "I kissed a girl, and I liked it?" Guess she kissed Miley and didn't like it . . .
Jimmy: People who say they caught something from kissing usually caught it from something more intimate than kissing, so maybe it's just a convenient myth. Miley is right to be offended, because Katy is just as likely as she is to have an STD. Would you gargle with a mouthwash if Miley kissed your mouth, Jimmy?

Juliette: I've never tasted cherry chapstick, but it sounds quite delicious. Do you use it yourself, Jules?

Cocaine Princess: That little runt was in urgent need of nourishment, Miss Princess. I don't think a vet would have breastfed it.

David: Thanks for your gut reactions, David! It's interesting that even a tolerant dude like you is disgusted by the idea of a woman suckling a puppy. I think it reflects the unique sexual role of the breasts for humanity.

Mrs Mama: Hello and welcome, Mrs Mama! It's hilarious that your dog tried to eat the diaper sneakily! At least he knew enough to have a guilty conscience about it!

Honeyinthesun: Katy should have been a good sport by saying she enjoyed the kiss instead of insulting Miley's tongue. She should have expected a cutting retort from Miley. I have no sympathy for a tongue-insulter.

Dr Ken: You only find it gross because you think of a woman's breasts in a sexual way, Dr Ken. I'm not blaming you, because it's hardwired in your brain. We don't know whether Katy liked the kiss or not - we only know she didn't like being seen doing it.
Next time she feeds, I'd like to watch.
Naw, gorilla. Everyone knows Miley Cyrus germs are too powerful to be destroyed by Listerine.
I remember when Britney and Madonna locked lips.
Huh. Don't hear much from them much anymore.
On the other hand...that lucky dog.
Suckling a runt to save its life: admirable. Sticking your tongue in Cyrus or Perry's mouth: Why? It's not like it's never been done before.

TS Bastard: When a man gets to a certain age, he becomes a voyeur.

Jimmy: Maybe, but not all germs are harmful. I'd like to think Miley's are good for the tonsils. Do you still have your tonsils, Jimmy?

Al: Yes, that was a famous smooch. Thanks for reminding me of it. They are both still around if you know where to look.

Robyn: You're right, Robyn, French-kissing either of them would be nothing to write home about. Now if Charlton Heston had stuck his tongue in Zira's mouth, that would have really put the cat among the pigeons!
There have been several women that have breast fed animals that I've heard of over the years. I just watched a talk show not too long ago where a woman said she tried to breast feed her rabbit. If they want to feed the animals, who cares. I can think of a lot of other things to be disgusted about.
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