Wednesday, March 05, 2014

Bag head

We gorillas aren’t spooked by humans who cover their faces. I’m well aware that it’s frowned upon in most human societies, because of its association with bank robbers, anarchists and other assorted scoundrels. But let’s not forget that Zorro and the Lone Ranger had to work incognito to avoid being pestered by autograph hunters. I don’t worry about the concealment of faces because I have faith in my sense of smell. No masked interloper could ever sneak up on me without his character and intentions being sniffed out in advance.

Consider the fellow pictured above. I don’t even need a whiff of him to know that he’s a certifiable nincompoop. His name is Shia LeBoeuf, which I would have assumed was an Iranian meat dish had the text below the photograph not informed me otherwise. The crowning glory of his twattery is the statement “I am not famous anymore” printed on the hoover bag over his head. When was he ever famous? There are shoe-shine boys in the Congo who are better known than he is.

It seems his exaggerated sense of celebrity has arisen from his part in a film called Nymphomaniac. Although one shouldn’t generally judge a movie from its title, I think we can safely pigeonhole this one as a turkey. You may as well make a film about a female fruit fly during the mating season. One of his co-stars in the movie, an obscure English actress called Felicity Gilbert, has warned him that he risks alienating his fans by wearing a bag over his head. I think he should be more worried about public-spirited bystanders kicking him in the arse.

I have nothing against nymphomaniacs, of course. Compulsive behaviour is not a sin to be condemned, but an illness to be regarded with compassion. Maybe they could be cured of their addiction by replacing it with something else, just as methadone is used as a heroine substitute. Some have suggested bungee jumping, but my prescription would be tomato ketchup. Having seen pictures of a 19-year-old student who consumes 75 kilos of the stuff every year, I am certain it would restore the virginal freshness to the cheeks of the most insatiable hoochie.

One must be careful not to misdiagnose women with a healthy sex-drive as nymphomaniacs. The singer Robbie Williams came perilously close to doing so when he described Australian women as “Olympians at sex”.

“I’ve got my wife and I am very, very happy, but I did think it was an Aussie that I was going to end up with,” he said.

I find this less surprising than he does. His brain may have loved the idea of Olympic sex marathons, but his body knew its limitations and vetoed the idea. The woman he did marry is of Turkish ancestry, so one wonders what she’ll make of his remarks. We don’t know whether she’s energetic in bed, but it’s quite likely she has a fiery temper. Maybe Mr Williams should wear a jockstrap beneath his pyjamas for the next couple of weeks.

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i've never heard of shia leboof but i'm quite familiar with mr kerry and his big ketchup sale to mr buffet and i'm guessing that ketchup won't impress vlad putin.
I'm of the opinion that to be an actor one has be to 1 part talented and 2 parts crazy. Sometimes that crazy part takes over given enough time and wealth. The brain shuts down, you plagiarize other people's work, and you being to wear a bag over and consider it chic.

Saying this, it's a wonder why I'm such a huge fan of the movies. Glutton for punishment?
It is plain to me that nymphomaniacs could be cured by an encounter with Shia LeBeouf. The paperback may delay the effect for a second or two.
I have no idea who Mr. LeBeouf is and have a feeling I do not care to either. I remember when there was a comic called the "Unknown Comic." He was first on a TV show in the 70's call the Gong Show. He always wore a bag on his head and he was pretty funny. I saw him perform once in Huntington Beach, California at Bill Medley's nightclub (of the Righteous Brothers).
Is he the one in Little Red Riding Hood? The One who's really creepily intense? What a gobshite x
He tried to pass it off as a piece of performance art. Believe it or not, James Franco wrote a piece in the New York Times defending his nuttiness.

I dated a nymphomaniac once. For real. It's not as fun as you'd think. It gets kind of tedious after a while. All the passion evaporates. Sex starts to feel more like a medical procedure.
Billy: You can't fool Putin with ketchup, he's seen too much real blood.

HermanTurnip: Most actors don't show us their crazy side until they've put in a few notable performances. This idiot Leboeuf is making himself famous for being an idiot.

Steve: Well they might become lesbian nymphos, which would be an achievement Leboeuf could be proud of.

Rose: I admire any comic who would hood himself for his art. Did you ever discover his name, Rose?

Scarlett: I looked up his resume and Little Red Riding Hood doesn't seem to be there, Miss Scarlett. But that doesn't mean he isn't a gobshite.

Exile: I'm fed up with people describing any old crap as "art". John Lennon wore a bag over his head in the 60s as a joke without pretending it was art. Did you try doing non-sexual things with your nympho girlfriend?
Shia LeBoef....who's he when he's at home? Can't be much of a nympho if I've never heard of him. What a hooverbag.

Shia LeBoeuf has fans? Well, he can put a bag over his head and leave it there forever for all I care. I have tried eating a lot of ketchup for it's supposed health benefits, but all it ever ended up doing was giving me giant zits. I don't recommend it at all.
I don't believe I have ever read where anyone said, "I am happy now that I'm famous." No doubt some people or maybe most experience temporary joy because of attention. This is probably the thing with Mr. LeBoeuf - he was craving a temporary ego boost. People will pull all kinds of stunts for that and IMHO, Mr. LeBoeuf gets points for originality for words if not for the bag.
I just read the article and laughed at the other people with bags over their heads. When I saw this post, GB, I figured the no-longer famed guy must be hiding a big mole or something. But he's hot. He looks like Ellen's/my pizza delivery guy. I take issue with using a recyclable bag in such manner.

I preferred the fur story with the naked lady from Chelsea
Hmm, I wonder if Shia's antics are nothing but a publicity stunt?

Juliette: He's a young man who thinks he's famous, Jules. I bet he'd run a mile if he met a real nympho.

Jimmy: I don't believe the ketchup gave you zits, Jimmy. It's been scientifically proven that the red pigment in tomatoes is good for the skin. Were you feeling stressed at the time? People who eat a lot of ketchup are often stressed, so maybe that gave you zits.

David: It's true that fame doesn't bring happiness, but there are people far more famous than LeBeouf who can handle it without a paper bag. He's a sissy and a poseur.

Robyn: He's not a bad-looking boy, but didn't you think his neck was too long? Have another look at him, Robyn.

mnk: That's old news. A jolly good story, but it's time to move on now!

Cocaine Princess: It might well be, Miss Princess. So would kicking him in the seat of the pants!
So, he's a "Shia" head?
Only one letter and the title would be apt.
Lady nymphomaniacs are some of my favorite people.
If only I could meet one...
Gorilla, I am always stressed.
Don't ask how I know, but in many states it's at least an extra 5 years if you wear a mask during a robbery.
I think Robbie made the right call. While the olympic sex athlete can be quite a bit of fun, part of you will always worry bout how many "athletes" she "competed" with.
Mr. La Beouf is quite uninteresting and trying to be controversial.

I have never met a nympho, understand they're a lot of fun though as long as you're fit and take your daily vitamins...
I think Shia got mad when he was replaced in Transformers. Megan Fox was also replaced but I didn't see her wearing a bag on her head. In fact, I haven't seen her since. Maybe Shia could do the same for us.
I can't help but be entertained by the asshattery of Beef LaDouche as I like to call him. His antics, including the early stages of a very probably impending nervous breakdown, this facebag, all solid gold to a humor blogger.
Al: 'Lady nymphomaniac' is either a tautology or an oxymoron. It might even be both. I'll consult an English professor and get back to you.

Jimmy: I'm sorry to hear that, Jimmy. If meditation doesn't help, try having your head massaged.

Mis Anthropy: I hope the penalty is equally stiff for masked flashers, Crazy Mama.

Dr Ken: Another worry is being compared unfavourably to previous gallants. That's why some men want to marry virgins.

Lost Jimmy: Are you sure you've never met a nympho, Jimmy? There must have been a few at the rock concerts you've attended.

Elsie: Megan Fox has disappeared? That's funny, because she's still more famous than LeBeouf. He'll have to do something crazy, like having sex with a dolphin, to match her level of fame.

Joy: Haha, I hope everyone starts calling him Beef Ledouche! He just might be crazy enough to adopt the name himself!
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