Wednesday, December 18, 2013

The high price is right

Psychologists have published research on how women respond to sexual imagery in advertising. Doesn’t it depend on the type of imagery? In my experience, not many women warm to the sight of baboons mating. One or two see the funny side (like me), but most screw up their noses and cross their legs. Those very same women might unscrew their noses and uncross their legs if they saw Joe Beefcake rubbing oil on his pecs.

So what did the psychologists discover? It seems that women dislike sexual imagery in advertising unless the goods being promoted are very expensive, when they view the imagery as erotic rather than vulgar. I was so surprised by these findings that I rushed to the safari camp and interrupted the manager and his wife during tiffin.

“Oh GB, you big naïve gorilla!” exclaimed the manager’s wife after I told them about the study. “Of course it’s true! If a man offered me a hundred dollars for sex I would slap his face. But if he offered me a million dollars, I would giggle and poke his ribs.”

Far from being disgruntled by his wife’s confession, the manager nodded sagely. “I’d feel exactly the same way if a woman offered to pay me for sex,” he said.

“You wish and as if,” scoffed his wife.

On my way back to the jungle, I considered the matter logically. If a hundred dollars is an insult and a million dollars is a compliment, there must be an intermediate sum at which the issue is finely balanced. What would it be? Ten thousand dollars? Fifty thousand dollars? I suppose every woman has her own crossover price. How fascinating it would be to watch a woman waver between slapping the face and poking the ribs of a man who had offered her that price. The tension would be electric.

Some insults leave no room for ambiguity, of course. A man in Detroit was so angry with his ex-wife that he moved into the next door house and placed a sculpture of an erect middle finger on his patio. Heaven knows what the woman did to provoke such rancour. Maybe she let her lover wear his masonic apron when he was away on business. No end of bad blood can arise from symbolic acts of desecration.

I can’t say I approve of the sculpture, though. What are his other neighbours supposed to say when guests arrive for a dinner party? If you’re going to insult someone, make sure the target is clear to avoid aggravating third parties. If I saw something like that in the jungle, I would hire the chimpanzees to piss all over it.

Let me end with heart-warming news from China, where a lad called Qin Yu was hired to stand in a public square and pay 16 dollars to any woman who would kiss him. Far from taking umbrage at the small sum on offer, passing young ladies were quick to accept his proposition, and a few even gave him their phone number. It just goes to show that some women will be nice without it costing an arm and a leg.

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What was that movie where Robert Redford wanted to pay Woody Harrelson $1 Million to sleep with his wife (Demi Moore). It was the '80s ~ 1980s ~ and still it caused a furore.

Good on Qin Yu I say ~ but is that kinda Capitalism allowed in China?
This just confirms something that I've thought for quite awhile now. Kissing is cheap. Sex is expensive.
It's funny, but I've been paid before to get lost, but have never been solicited for bumping boots. Life is so unfair sometimes...

...that's it. I'm getting myself a sign!
the guy moving out reminds me a story.

a man comes home to find his wife in bed with a strange man. the man is so distraught he gets his gun and puts it to his own head at which point his wife laughs. he says, don't laugh bitch, you're next.
I hope the sculpture has been properly risk assessed. It would be unfortunate if a passing postman tripped, fell and impaled himself. I believe Americans take it badly if the mail doesn't get through.
I might kiss a guy on the cheek (the one on his face) for some money for a good lunch, though I doubt he would be thrilled over being kissed by a 61 yr old woman.
I do not like the overtly sexual ads. What really shocks me are the commercials for sexual lubrication!!! OMG!!
If women start demanding a million dollars every time they get boinked it may solve the over-population problem over night. As for Qin Yu,... I think 16 American dollars is probably a year's wages in China... So, it's not surprising many women would take him up on the offer, and even give him their number.
Carol: Ah yes, I think it was called 'Indecent Proposal'. I never saw it - Hollywood sex scenes bore me. The Chinese lad was buying kisses to get publicity for a cosmetic surgery business. Entirely legal in the China of today.

David: So it would appear, although I do remember a middle-aged woman selling French kisses for charity at £1000 each. She didn't have any takers, which was probably her intention. Are you of the opinion that men always pay for sex, even when they get if free?

HermannTurnip: I think you'd have more luck registering with an agency. Women who hire man-whores don't pay any attention to dudes with signs.

Billy: Is he suggesting that her lover will also blow his brains out? Or will she blow her own brains out? The meaning of this joke eludes me.

Steve: It's not sharp enough to impale anyone, but it wouldn't be comfortable to sit on. If a postman were foolish enough to sit on it, would it prevent him from delivering the mail? I am unsure on this point.

Rose: Age has nothing to do with being a good kisser, Rose. Are you lips in good shape? I never knew there were ads for sexual lubricants. Do they mention different flavours?

Jimmy: 16 dollars is 100 yuan in china, which is about a day's wage. Would American girls give you a kiss if you offered them their daily wage? You could ask for their email address if they didn't give you their number.
Here in New York, the prettiest girls go with the biggest earners. It's a mathematical certainty. The dichotomy is that the biggest earners only want the prettiest girls, and the prettiest girls all have a shelf life. They end up being traded in for a younger model. It's another one of those mathematical certainties.

The time stamp on your post is 00:00. It's like the dawn of time itself.
Yes. Unless they can steal the candy.
I have a price. I'm embarrassed to admit what it is.
Hell, I'd even pay THEM.
Don't say I've ever done that.
Don't say I've ever NOT done that, either.
I'm a riddle wrapped in a mystery cloaked in an enigma dressed in blue jeans.

1. Moving next door an ex to piss her off would seem like a wickedly fun idea at first, but then you would have to look at her every day, and it would backfire horribly.

2. 16 bucks is a lot of money per kiss. I wonder how many he gave out. Most of us would be broke in a hurry, unless he smells. It might be funny to see how many would kiss him if he smelled like poo.
It looks like they only had to kiss him on the cheek. Easy money. I considered a plane ticket to China, but his kissers' max age is 38. Damn age-ist.

I've just spent the last five minutes trying to decide if I'd kiss a stranger in the street for $16. I probably would. Is that bad? x
Reminds me of the (probably apocryphal) story which ends with the fellow replying to the lady: "We have already established WHAT you are - we are now just haggling over the price."
Exile: You make New York City sound like a dating club for rich bastards and gold-diggers. I'm glad you noticed the time stamp - zeroes are closest thing to eternal.

David: Stealing the candy? Is that what a wily seducer does?

Al: I won't speculate on what you've got inside your jeans, but you're welcome to tell us whether a woman has ever slapped you.

Dr Ken: It was a publicity stunt for cosmetic surgery company, Dr Ken. They funded his kissing spree. You've got to admire a fellow who could land a job like that.

Robyn: Haha, Robyn, I deliberately left out the 16-38 requirement to avoid annoying ladies of a certain age! I would pay you 16 dollars for a kiss, if that's any consolation!

Scarlett: No, you're not bad, Miss Scarlett. I assume you'd check out his appearance before puckering your lips.

Mnk: Ah yes, I've heard that one too. More information in this link.
But if he offered me a million dollars, I would giggle and poke his ribs.”

Saw a talk show on sexual harrasment once. It was a straight foward show explaining to dumb men what NOT to do in front of a woman. The entire premise was blown out of the water though when a man and female actor did a skit showing how not to ask for a date. In short the dude actor was a prick.

After the skit there was a question and answer part with the audience. One lady got up and said she was cool with the bad behavior from the male actor because he was a hunk.

I hope so, Gorilla. That's a lot of money for a peck on the cheek.
On the buttocks...?
I would never kiss anyone for money nor would I sleep with someone for money, but than I do not think anyone would pay to have sex with me but that said there are some ugly looking prostitutes around
Clever Ape. Sixteen dollars, you say? I'm applying chapstick right now. Wink.

Merry Christmas!
Beach Bum: Yes, you can't generalise about women. The world would be a duller place if none of them were hoochies!

Jimmy: You're right, a day's wage is a lot for a kiss. I don't think you should offer more than their hourly rate of pay.

Al: On any part of your body. What made you think of buttocks?

Jo-Anne: Women in Europe sometimes sell kisses for charity. Doesn't that ever happen in America?

Robyn: Merry Christmas to you, Robyn! Sixteen dollars is well within my budget, but don't try raising your price now!
I like the connection between vulgar, erotic, and money. Never looked at it that way, but its true!
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