Wednesday, October 02, 2013
Tits in her ass
Someone has sent me an incredibly dull video of Madonna prancing about in hot pants and announcing (in a sullen voice) that she intends to start a revolution. An empty threat if ever there was one. The super-rich never start revolutions – they’ve got too much to lose. The last thing Madge wants is mobs of angry proletarians invading her private estate and demanding the use of her Jacuzzi. The real reason for the video is explained in a line she utters approximately 3 minutes and 36 seconds from the start:
I have tits in my ass and an insatiable desire to be noticed.
This is the only convincing statement she makes in the entire 17-minute film; I hope they carve it on her tombstone. It attests to her pride in the 55-year-old butt cheeks she possesses, which were partially exposed during much of the performance. I’m not going to comment on her buns myself, apart from noting how white they looked in monochrome film. If Madonna wants me to compliment her rump, she should book an appointment for a manual examination.
People often suggest that I make my own promotional video. “GB,” they say, “the world needs to hear your mission statement.” I admit there is much I could do to educate humanity about free jungle living and the enjoyment of hirsute pursuits. But I’m worried about becoming a cult figure and starting a new religion. A lot of impressionable humans became followers of the Jedi faith after seeing the Star Wars films. I once saw a wild-eyed woman kissing an effigy of Chewbacca – I averted my eyes from her gaze before she could attempt to mesmerise me.
To my knowledge, there is no religion based on worship of the Muppets, probably because they are utterly limp and lifeless without a human hand inside them. The American Museum of History has nevertheless decided to exhibit the best-loved characters, including Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy. The pair were supposedly lovers, of course, although nobody knows whether their cross-species romance was ever consummated.
Would it have been physically possible for Kermit and Miss Piggy to have had carnal relations? Admittedly, there was a danger of the porcine one getting overexcited and squashing her lover in the melee. And if she took a more passive role, the absence of an amphibious appendage might have left her disappointed. Yet frogs are slippery, smooth-tongued creatures capable of pleasuring a female with multiple techniques. My guess is that Kermit was quite capable of extracting ecstatic squeals from his chubby and amorous sweetheart.
On the principle that any pornography you can think of exists, I decided to google “Kermit Miss Piggy sex”. Most of what I found were amateurish efforts like this one. Has no thin man ever thought of putting on a frog costume and making love to a fat woman wearing a pig snout and a blond wig? It can only be a matter of time, I suppose.
Labels: butt cheeks, Kermit, Madonna, Miss Piggy
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I can't vouch for her appetites now but in the past Madonna has had relationships with Sean Penn and Guy Ritchie so technically she's had tits in her ass.
Well, Kermit and Miss Piggy obviously had sex because they had litters of children. The boys were frogs and the girls were piggies. It is in one of the muppet movies or tv shows... I don't remember which one though. I hate to imagine what Madonna will be doing for attention when she is 80. Maybe she will get plastic surgery to make herself look like a pig and start dating a frog.
old madge is like a black hole sucking in stem cells from african orphans.
but the morning son when it's on her face really shows her age.
but the morning son when it's on her face really shows her age.
Tits in one's ass sounds like a serious medical condition that requires immediate medical attention.
And, I'm ashamed to admit, that I've seen some questionable Muppet porn during my many years of surfing the web. Disturbing, yes...and I question those who actively hunt that sort of thing down. But, each his own, I guess...
And, I'm ashamed to admit, that I've seen some questionable Muppet porn during my many years of surfing the web. Disturbing, yes...and I question those who actively hunt that sort of thing down. But, each his own, I guess...
Manual examination...LOL
I NEVER would have thought to google Miss Piggy Kermit sex...you are so funny
I NEVER would have thought to google Miss Piggy Kermit sex...you are so funny
Steve: It's possible, but you're speculating. I doubt we'll ever have definitive proof that those tits got in her ass.
Jimmy: Well remembered, Jimmy, but I don't think the biology of cross-breeding works like that. When you mate a lion with a tiger, you get a liger, not one or the other depending on their gender. Those "children" must have been adopted. Further question: If they got married, did Miss Piggy change her name to Mrs Kermit or Mrs Frog?
Billy: How could stem cells keep her butt cheeks young and fresh? It's got to be more complex that injecting them into her rump.
HermanTurnip: Biologists like Desmond Morris say that human tits evolved to mimic the human ass, so maybe she was speaking metaphorically. There ought to be a blog which links to all the Muppet porn available on the net. Would you consider performing this public service?
Sir Hutson: I hope that doesn't mean you have to stick your hand inside them, which would be both tedious and emotionally draining.
Rose: Thank you, Rose. I try to think laterally and explore avenues that others overlook.
Jimmy: Well remembered, Jimmy, but I don't think the biology of cross-breeding works like that. When you mate a lion with a tiger, you get a liger, not one or the other depending on their gender. Those "children" must have been adopted. Further question: If they got married, did Miss Piggy change her name to Mrs Kermit or Mrs Frog?
Billy: How could stem cells keep her butt cheeks young and fresh? It's got to be more complex that injecting them into her rump.
HermanTurnip: Biologists like Desmond Morris say that human tits evolved to mimic the human ass, so maybe she was speaking metaphorically. There ought to be a blog which links to all the Muppet porn available on the net. Would you consider performing this public service?
Sir Hutson: I hope that doesn't mean you have to stick your hand inside them, which would be both tedious and emotionally draining.
Rose: Thank you, Rose. I try to think laterally and explore avenues that others overlook.
I think Madonna is a muppet and is utterly limp and lifeless without a human hand inside her. The only revolution she is capable of starting is one that involves modesty and actual talent.
Sounds to me like Madonna's video is an argument for growing old gracefully. Miss Piggy and Kermit and sex - my brain went into overload, my body was unaffected.
And, speaking of Madge, aren't rich people like her usually casualties of a revolution?
She may want to think about keeping her pie hole closed.
She may want to think about keeping her pie hole closed.
Hm, I can't see how sexual relations between Miss Piggy and Kermit would work. She'd squish him. He'd have to be on top, but she's not the submissive type.
Madonna does look good for a woman with 55 year old butt cheeks.
xoRobyn
Madonna does look good for a woman with 55 year old butt cheeks.
xoRobyn
God is the puppet master, guiding our movements with his divine hand up our backside. The reason masturbation is a sin is because it involves complicated movements that most felt muppets are not able to demonstrate.
I took a visit to the Smithsonian in Washington, DC a few years ago, and they were running a Jim Henson exhibit. The man was quite a visionary, but I can't help but wonder about the mental state of someone who was that into puppets. I don't remember how he died, but I'm pretty sure Tales From the Crypt did an episode about it (Don Rickles played the Jim Henson character).
I took a visit to the Smithsonian in Washington, DC a few years ago, and they were running a Jim Henson exhibit. The man was quite a visionary, but I can't help but wonder about the mental state of someone who was that into puppets. I don't remember how he died, but I'm pretty sure Tales From the Crypt did an episode about it (Don Rickles played the Jim Henson character).
My thoughts exactly, Miss Piggy would probably crush poor Kermit during love making. However, I'm sure there kids would have been interesting looking- a hybrid of a pig & frog.
I love Madonna, I admire her courage and her ability to say whatever's on her mind without caring about what anyone thinks. She's still an icon. The Queen. Her Madge-jesty
I love Madonna, I admire her courage and her ability to say whatever's on her mind without caring about what anyone thinks. She's still an icon. The Queen. Her Madge-jesty
Static: Did you watch the video? There's no point being a critic if you didn't watch the video.
Jimmy: Wouldn't she have called herself Ms Piggy if she were a feminist? I suspect she kept her maiden name because she's in show business, like Miss Meryl Streep.
David: She can't even grow middle-aged gracefully. As for Miss Piggy, don't you think she needed to get laid?
Al: I knew you wouldn't be able to resist looking at the Kermit/Piggy sex show. I put it there for you.
Robyn: I agree she looks good, Robyn, but she's talking pretentious bollocks. I'd rather listen to Miss Piggy and Kermit.
Chris: Muppets can't masturbate? How frustrating for them! I think it's quite normal for impresarios to be obsessed about their creations. Didn't Gerry Anderson feel the same way about Supermarionation?
Cocaine Princess: Her Madge-jesty is short of jestyness if you ask me. She seem to be taking herself very seriously.
Jimmy: Wouldn't she have called herself Ms Piggy if she were a feminist? I suspect she kept her maiden name because she's in show business, like Miss Meryl Streep.
David: She can't even grow middle-aged gracefully. As for Miss Piggy, don't you think she needed to get laid?
Al: I knew you wouldn't be able to resist looking at the Kermit/Piggy sex show. I put it there for you.
Robyn: I agree she looks good, Robyn, but she's talking pretentious bollocks. I'd rather listen to Miss Piggy and Kermit.
Chris: Muppets can't masturbate? How frustrating for them! I think it's quite normal for impresarios to be obsessed about their creations. Didn't Gerry Anderson feel the same way about Supermarionation?
Cocaine Princess: Her Madge-jesty is short of jestyness if you ask me. She seem to be taking herself very seriously.
@Gorilla
Hmmm, if you are asking whether she needs to get laid more needfully than other muppets I think not. A good, across the board screwing for all of 'em would probably work wonders.
Hmmm, if you are asking whether she needs to get laid more needfully than other muppets I think not. A good, across the board screwing for all of 'em would probably work wonders.
I'm sure you've all heard this, but it seems so appropriate to the subject matter.
What's long and green and smells like pork?
Give up?
Kermit's finger.
What's long and green and smells like pork?
Give up?
Kermit's finger.
17 minutes of Madonna is a no can do. Watching her in her last Superbowl atrocity was bad enough. She kind of moves around like a muppet these days. All stiff and unnatural like.
I don't know if I can bare to look at Madonna, the last time I saw one of her videos I had the horrifying thought that this is what a granny would look like gyrating in a leotard - I was close to the edge with that mind image I can tell you...rehab where are you!?
While I can't abide her self-indulgent warrbling, I must admit that Madonna's an inspiration for anyone searching for success but utterly lacking in class.
David: That's very even-handed of you, David. I'm trying to remember whether she was the only female Muppet.
Dr Ken: I hadn't heard that one, Dr Ken, so thanks for telling it. I'd hate to think what Miss Piggy's cha-cha smells like, but wouldn't it have to be cooked before it smelt of pork?
Ruth: Yeah, I think it's time she took up ballroom dancing. I never knew she performed at the Superbowl. Was she better than the cheerleaders?
Lost Jimmy: She might well be a granny soon. Lourdes is besotted with her new beau and looking very fecund.
Jon: That's the sort of remark that would cause a gay man to say "Miao!".
Dr Ken: I hadn't heard that one, Dr Ken, so thanks for telling it. I'd hate to think what Miss Piggy's cha-cha smells like, but wouldn't it have to be cooked before it smelt of pork?
Ruth: Yeah, I think it's time she took up ballroom dancing. I never knew she performed at the Superbowl. Was she better than the cheerleaders?
Lost Jimmy: She might well be a granny soon. Lourdes is besotted with her new beau and looking very fecund.
Jon: That's the sort of remark that would cause a gay man to say "Miao!".
While I never gave much thought to the copulation of a frog and a pig..I have to say that I found myself wondering if Miss Piggy would like it better in the water or not...Missed you GB
Jaya: Is there such thing as cancer of the butt? I thought that was one part of the body never got it.
JTILIS: I suppose the water would give her buoyancy, so she could enjoy it hippo style. Good to have you back, Miss.
JTILIS: I suppose the water would give her buoyancy, so she could enjoy it hippo style. Good to have you back, Miss.
Mr. Bananas, I didn't have to watch the video (even though I got through half of it) to know it's bullshit wrapped in a swathe of wishfully artistic pseudo intellectual psychobabble. Great cinematography and set design do not make up for a lack of substance. This has been the status quo for quite some time now, because she panders to an audience that thinks she's original simply because she espouses a few ideals and flashes her fame and sexuality around like it's a trophy. Any reason why her methods should change? It would merely signal the demise of her career. Call me cynical, but let's see more action, less words.
Half of it is more than I got through, so I can't fault the authenticity of your review. I give her credit for the "tits in my ass" line amid all the bullshit.
That video is like something out of an old horror film. I expected Nosferatu to creep onto the screen. BTW You SHOULD make a mission statement, I'd watch that!
Lol! Indeedy. I tried, I really did, Mr. Bananas. Her admission to possessing tits in her ass was probably the only highlight of that avant-'tard piece. Although I think I'd have to see proof of her claims in order to believe it.
"Tits in my ass" — WHAT does that even mean?? Bitch has lost her damn mind and gone completely bananas ( no puns). Lmao.
They must be keeping you dreadfully unoccupied in the camp these days GB if you are searching for videos of Kermit and miss piggy copulating. I am suddenly overwhelmed with a desire to look through your search history and smack your hairy backside every time I see the word populate. Xo
Being smacked by you is a punishment I could certainly endure, Auri - possibly with a grin on my face. :-)
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