Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Pregnant pause

I’ve been studying a video clip of the pregnant woman who almost fainted during a speech of president Obama. She was standing right behind him, tottering like a skittle, before Obama sensed what was going on. Not wanting her to collapse at his feet like a devotee of Guru Baba Ramdev, he turned round and patted her. As every American knows, a pat from the president is like sniffing a bottle of smelling salts. She steadied on her feet and was led away to the White House gynaecology room.

The president’s detractors are now saying that the incident was a stage-managed hoax, to make Obama look like a messianic figure whose mere presence gives ladies the vapours. I personally doubt he would need to resort to such fakery. Women were always fainting on me in my circus days – something about being spoken to by a gorilla made them weak at the knees. Obama is no gorilla, but his voice is deep and the woman was pregnant. I can’t really blame her for feeling giddy in the circumstances.

The woman has since been interviewed and denied she was a stooge or shop dummy (as many have alleged). I hope this silences the president’s accusers, because the man has enough on his plate, what with Angela Merkel accusing him of listening in on her phonecalls. She’s making a big fuss about it, but you have to wonder whether she’s secretly flattered that Obama is so interested in her private affairs. He denied it when she called him, but maybe it would have been better for German-American relations if he’d confessed.

“Angela, I admit it all,” he might have said. “I just love hearing you chatter away in your sexy Oberschwester voice, especially when you use words like Wirtschaftlichen and Strumpfhosen. How about sending me a tape of you singing in the bath?”

I hope no one will say that Frau Merkel is incapable of such emotions because she’s German. For one thing, it would be an unpleasant example of national stereotyping. For another thing, a 24-year-old student called Niklaus Knecht has proved that Germans can be as romantic as Troy Tempest, the submariner who fell in love with a mute girl with gills.

What happened to young Knecht was this: Someone stole his mobile phone and sold it to a girl living in Morocco. This girl took pictures of herself with the phone, which somehow got sent to Knecht’s mailbox. The besotted boy then announced on his Facebook page that he’d let her keep the phone if she agreed to have a date with him. The girl has yet to respond to the offer and is no doubt weighing up her options as we speak.

If I were Angela Merkel, I would give Knecht an award for proving that Germans can be as goofy and love-struck as men from Moldova and Azerbaijan. I’ve just noticed that Knecht is Swiss rather than German. What of it? With a name like Knecht he must have German ancestry, right? Let’s not get hung up over nuances. 

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Ahhhh, Da Nile ain't just a river in Egypt. I like how Knecht has convinced himself that the woman had nothing to do with the theft of the phone, she simply must have unwittingly purchased it from the thief who stole it (or something like that). The woman hasn't even responded to his offer for a date, yet naive and goofy Niklaus nonetheless holds a press conference to inform the press of his romantic inclinations. I bet if there was a pregnant diabetic woman fainting behind HIM, his head would be too far up in the clouds (or perhaps up his posterior) for him to even notice. Ugg.
We took the piss out of our younger brother when he became clearly besotted with Marina. Nearly fifty years and three divorces later, I think I owe him an apology. He married someone as sweet as Marina while I successively married women with the character and business acumen of Angela Merkel so was cleaned out every time.
I strongly suspect the event was staged. Really nothing this stooge says is believable. With everything he claims he had no knowledge about, he's either incompetent or a liar. Frankly, I'll choose both.
And NOW he's gone and pissed off the Germans.
yes, obama is a busy man with no time to organize such a meaningless event. some men try to keep three balls in the air whilst juggling their hectic schedule. obama is keeping 1000 drones in the air.
Hey, it's like they told us in the military, don't lock your knees when you're standing for any length of time. More than a few people around me didn't listen and quickly collapsed. Of course, we didn't have ten pounds of hair product weighing us down, so that could also have played a negative role with this delicate flower.
As a matter of policy, I do not watch or listen to Obama's rambling so I missed this one.
Staged? I think not. The worst Hollywood director could have set it up better with the lady actually falling and Obama catching her just before she hit the ground.

And that would have been far more convincing. As for the guy wanting a date with the god! Who wouldn't?
Obama messianic? If he'd parted the pregnant lady's waters then the accusation would stand more chance of sticking...
Oh, I forgot to address the spying thing. I'm sure there are perfectly capable German doctors who will be able to treat Ms. Merkel's psychosis.
Jimmy: You think she stole it herself and put her own pictures on it, Jimmy? Could a girl be that cocky? Maybe her boyfriend stole it. Whatever happened, I don't think Knecht is getting the tryst he wants.

Hippo: Your sister-in-law's name is Marina? That's the name of the mute girl with gills whom Troy Tempest wanted to marry. A strange coincidence. As for your ex-wives, I suppose some men have to learn the hard way.

Al: You mean both the woman AND Obama were stooges? Damn, that's a hell of a charade! I'd like to meet the man who's controlling them. My money's on Al Gore - he's been keeping a low profile don't you think?

Billy: I never realised he was flying all the drones himself, Billy. Maybe playing computer games in his youth made him a real ace with the joystick.

Herman Turnip: You were in the military? I hope they gave you a job worthy of your intellect. Locking your knees makes you look like a ninny, but how about touching your toes? Isn't that a good exercise if you need to stand for long periods?

Ruth: I don't blame you for that, but what about the pat? I'd like to have your views on the pat.

David: Yes she's pretty, David, and there are other pictures of her in the link. But I'm not sure about her character, because she was holding a cigarette in one photo. That's not a sign of good breeding in this day and age.

Steve: And delivered the baby himself, you forgot to add. A true messiah doesn't expect other people to clear up his messes.
Banana: don't go getting all soft on me...I'm just having safe (condoms everytime) fun...I'm not trying to marry the guy. I've been dating him for 4 months...just talking about it now...sheesh give the girl a bone wont ya
was led away to the White House gynaecology room. hahaha! How come I've not seen this room GB?

Frau Merkel... God even the sound of that conjures up images of a burly matron.

Knecht appears to be living up to his name of 'Male servant' Swiss or not... aren't they just Germans who don't fight?
Blimey, wheels came off a bit at the end there, the difference between the Swiss and the Germans is one of 'nuance'? Not sure a quick look back over the twentieth century bears that out old boy. I'd have been tempted to ignore the fellow's lack of Germanity (?) altogether, but there you go, courses for horses etc.
Or should that be 'horses for courses'? Can never remember.
I've never heard of someone "giving the ladies the vapours." What a fantastic phrase! I'm going to work it in during a staff meeting I have later this afternoon.

That's a mesmerizing selfie of Ms. Morocco. Did she take it in a Moroccan steam bath? I see his point but disagree with his follow-through. I'd go the arrest route.
Gorilla, the human criminal element is an extraordinarily brash and braggadocious sort. Have you ever listened to any of the human "music" known as gangsta rap? Anyhow, I am sensing you are a bit enamored with this phone swiping vixen yourself. Don't you think her reluctance to send back any reply to the German goofball may point to her guilt in regards to this matter?
sexy Oberschwester voice? Is that possible? Sounds like sausage. Okay, that's possible . . .
I hate to break it to Knecht, but he's never getting his phone back. That's why so many people use remote data swipe. I'm sure President Obama has some kind of system which would allow his phone to detonate, provided he actually has a phone. Men like him have other men follow him around with phones to use, if he desires. Maybe that's a lesson for Chancellor Markel. She's not a school girl, she doesn't need a cell phone. Let her underlings manage the phones in the Bundeskanzleramt.
I seek why Merkel is hard-up. She's not a beauty queen. But to try to seduce Obama that way? She's not the sharpest tack.

JTILIS: I assume you're not talking about Obama here. Presidents never use condoms.

Juliette: You'll have to wait until you're invited to the White House, Jules. Very clever of you to look up what "knecht" means. I'm sure he'd love to be that girl's manservant.

Mnk: He's ethnically German, like 70% of the Swiss, which matters more than history in evaluating erotic endeavours.

Exile: I first heard the phrase in a classic episode of Little House on the Prairie! Mrs Olson was such a hoot!

Jimmy: She's in an awkward position, Jimmy, because Knecht would refuse to take the phone back and insist on having a date with her. Maybe she should give the phone to her dowager aunt so she can put her own pictures on it.

Dr Ken: It sounds like 'sausage' but means 'head nurse'. Have you never met a head nurse with a sexy voice, Dr Ken?

Chris: I'm sure you're right, Chris, but Knecht wants a date, not his phone. Maybe Frau Merkel likes having her own phone because she grew up in East Germany and still has a schoolgirl attachment to her Western toys.

Robyn: Yes, she should have taken lessons in sexy talk before letting Obama listen to her phone conversations. She's blown her chances now by making a political issue of it.
If I was stood within a few feet of Obama I would feel faint. What a girl would give for a presidential pat x
To get a proper presidential pat one needs to lie down under a president, (Lewinski-style) like one does to get a cow pat :)

Sheesh, those skeptics have way too much time on their hands.

I like to know more about your circus days, GB.
Would be funny if she split her head open and couldn't get her surgery covered because the website was messed up. Well it wouldn't be funny, but whatever. Go America.
They should've asked Al Gore for help on that Obamacare website. Since he invented the internet and all....
I can't see the girl going for a date with young Klaus: the Swiss are romantic only when it comes to money and yodel horns: when it comes to sex they are as romantic as a wet November Monday afternoon in Hull.
Hey, I know we just met, and this is crazy...
Scarlet: Don't be too keen, Miss Scarlet. It never hurts to play hard to get, even with a president,.

Joe: But Monica didn't lie down, she just got down on her knees. That was her big mistake!

Cocaine Princess: I've written quite a few snippets about my circus days, Miss Princess. You could trying searching for posts with the word "circus" in them.

Dr Ken: Yes, I've noticed a number of sardonic remarks about this website. It makes me glad I can go to a witch-doctor whenever I have an ailment.

Al: I'm trying to remember that funny word he kept saying on South Park.

Jon: That's exactly what I used to think about the Swiss, but maybe Knecht is evidence to the contrary. Unless he is only pretending to be Swiss for some deep reason...

Static: Why is his little finger pointing at his lower lip?
Without looking it up, "Super serial?"
Haha, yes, it was serial!
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