Wednesday, April 24, 2013

End of the bra?


A French scientist is claiming that bras are useless:

"Medically, physiologically, anatomically, the breast does not benefit from being deprived of gravity,” declared Professor Jean-Denis Rouillon. “Instead, it languishes with a bra.”

So he says, but can a Frenchman be trusted on this delicate question? Devising compelling arguments for a woman to take off her bra is a celebrated diversion of French intellectual life. I believe Jean-Paul Satre devoted a chapter to it in his PhD thesis.

The Americans, by contrast, remain as resolutely pro-bra as ever:

“The first lady will not be changing her pectoral apparel in light of this development,” said a White House spokesman.

As a gorilla whose own experience on this subject is lacking, I have little data with which to assess these competing claims. On the one hand, the tribal women of Africa have never worn bras. On the other hand, many of these women have exceptionally droopy titties. Yet wearing bras may have made them even droopier.

If I were to study humans in the same way that Dian Fossey studied gorillas, I would go around the world with an inch tape asking women to let me take their measurements. I have no plans to do so, because subjecting women’s breasts to meticulous scrutiny would be undignified for a gorilla. Such tasks should be left to men, whose reputation on this issue is already in tatters.

One band of intrepid women who should welcome Professor Rouillon’s findings is FEMEN, the Ukrainian feminist group that specialises in bare-bosomed protests. Their latest exploit was to ambush President Putin at the Hanover Trade Fair while Frau Merkel was showing him the latest German equipment. Alexandra Shevchenko is the name of the FEMEN activist who managed to invade Mr Putin’s personal space and scream the slogan “Fuck dictator!” at him (which was inscribed on her breasts for good measure). Putin responded to this affront by puffing out his own chest and raising his eyebrows in an ironic grimace.



“It was a very intimate moment,” said Miss Shevchenko afterwards.

Undoubtedly this protest would have been less effective had Alexandra been wearing a bra, but that doesn’t mean it was particularly effective without one. President Putin seemed too intrigued by the messenger to notice the message, and no doubt laughed the whole thing off as a futile attempt to arouse him sexually. You can’t humiliate an ex-KGB man by showing him your jahoobies. Such displays are dismissed as decadent frippery in the official spy manual.

Sadly, the one dictator who might be cowed by naked breast-power is unlikely ever to face that ordeal. I refer to Kim Jong Un, whose baby cheeks would surely burn with shame if they were smothered between a pair of voluptuous boobies. This explains why the only females allowed in his presence are pubescent pom-pom girls and flat-chested army secretaries. I wonder if anyone could persuade Pamela Anderson to parachute behind enemy lines, so she could tit-slap some sense into the abominable little upstart?

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Comments:
Would being tit slapped by Pamela Anderson really be a punishment? Wouldn't it be more effective as a corrective endeavour if we got John Goodman to do the tit slapping?
 
Thank you for singlehandedly keeping up the bare-braest quotient of my Following sidebar so diligently.

As an Anthropology major (i.e., someone who has read a lot of real anthropologists' work)I can tell you that American female anthopologists have already caused nervous giggles and intrigued scrutiny from the women of several cultures by the marked difference in breast roundness and perkiness. In the raport-building participant observation of the modern ethnographer, an anthropologist in a culture where women bathe communally will do so, too...and can therefore confirm across several biological backgrounds, that it does do the ladies good to lift and separate. Maybe thin and flappy will be the next big thing, though, thanks to Rouillon.

Also, Kim Jong looks like the Not Sure meme: http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/131/399/fry.PNG?1307468855
Who knows what Pam's eyes look like, amirite??
 
Personally I would pay to keep bras on the likes of chicks(and I use that term very liberally)such as Roseanne Barr and Rosie O'Donnell rather than see what gravity may have done to their mammary glands.
 
My maths master was always quite keen for me to wear a bra during extra tuition. Couldn't see the point myself as my exam results never improved.
 
I was attracted by that first picture and even hung around with that Putin flash.
Then, you ruined it by having Kim Jong Un in there.
Although I wouldn't be surprised if he needed a bra to give some support to a pair of moobies.
 
Well , they add fun and are pretty, so that can't be all bad.
 
My maths master was always quite keen for me to wear a bra during extra tuition. Couldn't see the point myself as my exam results never improved.

Your maths master was hoping you'd slip cheat sheets into your bra so could pass those exams!
 
As the word 'Bras' in French means 'Arm'; I think maybe you have mis-interpreted the point (Oooh Matron).
 
I doubt that Ms Anderson could technically be parachuted anywhere - those pneumatic dodgem-car bumpers of hers are only rated to 2,000 metres (any higher and they explode).
 
Steve: You're thinking like a typical Westerner for whom getting your face tit-slapped by a woman is just a bit of fun. Humiliation and shame play a bigger part in that part of the world.

Kana: My pleasure, Kana, I hope your readers will find it ornamental. I think you've established that Rouillon is an outrageous fraud who should be pelted with onions and garlic. You are too kind to Kim - he has the eyes of a haughty little despot.

Keeping it real: Roseanne's jugs may still have some buoyancy. Yes, I've been using google images.

Hippo: No wig and lipstick? You got off lightly compared to some.

Al: Kim's moobies are still budding at his age - give him another 10 years. And what about the picture of Pammy? I put that in there especially for you.

Crazy Mama: They add fun, Crazy Mama? Is jiggling them more fun with a bra on?

BBBB: Maths masters never help pupils cheats. Geography masters are a different story...

Cro Magnon: How strange and affected the French tongue is (ooh Missus!).

Sir Hutson: I hate to admit it but you have a point. We'd have to find a way of depressurizing them first. I hope you'd be the first to write a paean to her bravery if she attempted such a feat.
 
whatever the claims are, a bra certainly keeps them in place and lends a nice shape over clothes.
the world would be a chaotic place if there were bouncy tities everywhere, GB.
 
The answer, obviously, is for men to develop an undying lust for droopy titties. It's on us, guys.
 
I saw a recent photo of Kim with an elegant woman by his side. I don't think she had as much to work with in terms of slapping him, so Pamela might do the trick...I'm off to burn my bras, given all this new "research." Oh, nevermind. I read that it only applies to the young perky gals. The 35+ crowd is advise to keep 'em on.

xoRobyn
 
Well, if the movie "The Dictator" with Sacha Baren Cohen has any truth to it, dictators have an army of sluts assembled to pleasure them. So, I don't think flashing boobies will be much of a shock. Maybe protesters should try that with the Pope or the Dalai Lama instead.
 
I'm all for whatever will make women more comfortable. I think it will always be akin to the difference between tighty whities and boxers, for men. Some guys want loose comfort, some guys want support. I don't hear anybody going around arguing for or against testicular swing.
 
I don't really understand the topless protesting. I mean, political protesting is all well and good, but it seems far too prone to unintended results. Especially when you are protesting to Putin.
 
Jaya: Yes, Jaya, it would be very distracting. The French professor is not to be trusted - I suspect he actually wants chaos.

Mr UB: That reminds me of the episode of South Park where Chef got a glimpse of Miss Chokesondick's droopy titties. I think he threw up.

Robyn: Yes I noticed her too, Robyn. Unfortunately she'd never dare tit-slap him, however busty she was. The research is a Gallic hoax and I'm glad that neither you nor your majestic boobies fell for it.

Jimmy: Different rules apply to Korean dictators, Jimmy. Being forcibly tit-slapped by a woman isn't something Kim could laugh off or enjoy. He would lose face in the eyes of his people.

Suldog: Wouldn't men be just as keen to avoid a droopy nutsack?

Sarcastic Ninja: I think they want to shock people, but you can't go on shocking people with the same thing. Miss Shevchenko seems to think she got the better of Putin, but he certainly maintained steady eye-contact. I would say it was a honourable draw.
 
packaging baby, it's all about packaging!
 
That Pammy one was great, too. But, Kim just killed the mood.
 
No, they just add visual fun. And if you learn to take them off with your teeth.
 
You are so a tit man x
 
When I'm lounging around the house I never bother to wear a bra but there's nothing quite like that feeling of taking your bra off at the end of the long day... Such a relief to let the puppies out and breathe.
 
The scientist was a man?
 
I am a boob guy myself so I think there is some validity to this study.

At least, I hope there is.
 
Billy: Some us prefer to pluck our fruit from the tree.

Al: Depends what you're in the mood for. I reckon he's got the perfect face to fart on.

John: The scientist was a Frenchman and therefore a tit man. I'm not fussed about such things.

Cocaine Princess: That's good to know, Miss Princess, you've got to be able to unwind at home. I'm asking the men who read your comment to wash their minds out with soap and water.

DWei: You seem well qualified to do science in France.
 
Hey, with or without bras, I'm the last man on the planet who's going to complain about the visual appeal of what I hold most sacred. Heh...
 
Women who think they can humiliate me by showing me their goods are the wisest ones to date. And I mean 'until now' but also 'to go on a date.' O you got that already. I wasn't sure since I'm not specialized in apes.
 
Well I'm with the French, Hats off... I mean bra's off. Freedom rules.
 
Hermann Turnip: Sacred is a good word for them, Mr Turnip. Men have worshipped far less worthy idols.

Blue Grumpster: I hope you obliged them by acting humiliated. It's a small price to pay in the circumstances.

Juliette: You're the kind of Englishwoman that Frenchmen dream of, Jules. You and Jane Birkin.
 
Did Jules say she's with the French? I guess it must be alright then.
 
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