Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Revenge of the lipstick lesbians

Some good-looking lesbians have made a video threatening to marry the boyfriends of women who oppose gay marriage. They are supremely confident of their ability to carry out this insidious threat, believing they have qualities that men dream of in a wife. I don’t know whether their bravado is justified, but they certainly made some very persuasive arguments in the video. Women with eligible boyfriends would be well advised to keep their opposition to gay marriage between them and their shrinks.

When the manager of the safari camp saw the video his eyes lit up.

“Do you think they’d have an affair with a man whose wife was against gay marriage?” he asked eagerly. “I don’t know my wife’s position on the issue, but I might be able to convince her it’s not a good idea.”

“Cuckolding married women who would deny them their rights is entirely consistent with their strategic outlook,” I replied. “But it might not be advisable for you to encourage them, given your wife’s propensity for sadistic revenge.”

“Good point,” said the manager glumly.

Whether or not one approves of punishing a woman for her reactionary views on gay marriage, I don’t think the lesbians have thought this one through. Their proposed plan of action is a classic example of cutting one’s nose to spite one’s face. A woman whose boyfriend jilts her for a lesbian would certainly be humiliated and quite possibly heartbroken. But in time she would get over it and find another suitor. There aren’t enough lesbians in the world to steal the boyfriend of every heterosexual woman who lacks sympathy for their cause.

The fate of the avenger, by comparison, is far more intractable. She would be lumbered with an unwanted husband who would insist on sleeping with her. Switching off the lights, as the girls in the video suggest, would not be an effective remedy if the fellow made obscene and triumphalist remarks while exercising his conjugal rights. I fear that such conduct is far from unlikely in a man who would impose himself on a lesbian.

For all their feisty eloquence, these lesbian ladies have yet to master the art of delivering a credible ultimatum. There’s no point threatening to do something contrary to your own nature and ambitions. You don’t make your enemies back down by promising to blow your brains out on their carpet. What they should have said was “If you continue to vote against our right to marry, we will put on our strap-ons and chase you into the nearest cathouse.” The prospect of being pursued by a swarm of agitated lesbians intent on ravishment should persuade most women to reconsider their views.

As a gorilla, I am all in favour of giving lesbians everything they want. The appropriate response to a lesbian insurrection is unconditional surrender. Let them marry, wear trousers and wrestle with crocodiles if they want to. The lesbians of the Earth should roam free and wild as Nature intended. Preserving such wonders enriches the ecosystem.

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Are gay men going to follow suit and marry the girlfriends of homophobes? I hope so: all those extra clothes shopping trips will do wonders for the UK economy.
It does seem like marrying the boyfriends is a recipe for misery all around. Maybe better to just arrange to make out with the boyfriends where the girlfriends will see. Really having a girl willing to make out without having strings attached is probably more attractive to the guy and more of a danger to the girlfriend.
Lesbians eh? Had my horse frightened by one once. Not deliberately you understand. Had some neighbours once who were lesbians. Only found out when our hens stopped laying. Now that I come to think of it they might have been Lebanese. The neighbours that is, not the hens. Don't think the hens were Lebanese or lesbian. They don't like cats for one thing. Still, got to keep up with these new developments what? I hear that the first explorers to meet the Lebanese gave them presents of dungarees and sensible footwear. Don't know where the cat thing came from though.

[Extracts tongue from cheek and sashays into the dining room for a breakfast of Alpen and sleepy-eyed Bitchiness ...]
To any lesbians reading this I would like to point out that my long time girlfriend is desperately anti gay marriage. I applaud your initiative and agree, my girlfriend needs to be taught a lesson.
Those girls have a superpower to use against us men. The Power of the Puss! We are HELPLESS. My wife supports gay marriage 100% but could you circulate her fake-opposition in hopes of these girls catching wind?

Personally, I'm sick of protecting the gay community. Let 'em marry and see how much fun it can be.
lesbians, can't live with them, can't live without them.
Steve: The gay men's video is in the same link and they made exactly the same point about shopping trips. You evidently know them like the back of your hand.

Ms Ninja: Yes, kissing their boyfriends would work just as well. Are lesbians good kissers, do you think?

The Owl Wood: I wonder if lesbians like horses. Teenage girls generally do, but I'm not sure about lesbians. The Lebanese prefer hummus to horses.

Hippo: Is your girlfriend the forgiving type then? You could always say the lesbians forced you, of course.

Mr UB: Maybe the law should allow three-person marriages between two lesbians and a man. It's just the thing to build bridges between the straight and gay communities.

Billy: Hah! I googled your proverb and it's original. How about getting some bumper stickers printed?
I don't think the lesbians could do it- they would spend one day in a male's house, the toilet seat left up, the socks and underwear left lying about, etc. and run far, far away. It takes true dedication to being straight to endure such living conditions.
This is pretty absurd. Sounds like the lesbians would be punishing themselves just as much as anyone by entering into a marriage they could not find any happiness in. If they really want to be vindictive, they should just hire hookers to have sex with the men (who are probably anti-gay marriage as well) to give them herpes, which they will then spread to their wives. Then both partners will be too busy scratching themselves and applying ointment to their genitals to worry about going to the ballot box to vote against gay marriage.
I admit, GB, it sounded bizarre. But then I watched the video, and they raise some good points. Their arguments are fluid. I hope they get lucky with their position.

I asked a friend what he thought of this plan and if he would be tempted to try to "flip" a lesbian or take part in this revenge plot. He said he would be too lazy to compete with the lesbian community in pleasing his new lesbian wife. He also claims arranging to have one join his existing relationship would just be too much work and that no man should set himself up to fail two women in one night when failing just one will do.
That's a croc!
In addition, I admit to being unfamiliar with crocodile physiology. But, I was unaware that their penises are on the backs of their tails.
Maybe it's a female croc and doesn't have one anyway.
Or maybe the young lady is using the little bumps for her pleasure...?
Or, maybe, just maybe, I'm really over thinking this whole thing on a Saturday morning.
Yeah. That's probably it.
As someone else mentioned, I heard that gay men were threatening to do the same thing except with the wives of men who were against them.

Curious to see if it would work.
Winopants: Yes, no matter how well house-trained a man is, he's not going to pee sitting down.

Jimmy: That's a good plan if they can be sure the hooker has the herp. Most hookers view that as confidential information.

Robyn: They sound as if they know what they're doing, Robyn. I'm sure they'll come out on top.

Angie: Your friend is sadly lacking in the can-do spirit. A lot of men would jump at the opportunity.

Al: The croc is a lesbian and the woman is giving her the standard scissor-my-tail manoeuvre. That's what lesbian crocs like.

DWei: Yes, the gay men's video in the same link if you scroll down.
Gotta love the Yoga Lesbian.
Literally the biggest dick we've ever seen -Genius.

'we will put on our strap-ons and chase you into the nearest cathouse..'.' That's more like it. If your post were an essay and I were a teacher, I'd give you an A plus. (It is and I am? Well, there you go.) I once threatened my cat to eat his food if he ever stole mine again. He just looked at me and smiled. So, you could say I've tested your theory.
Doggiestyle: Yes, she was a great advert for lesbianism. Yoga is the perfect exercise for crazy dyke action.

Grumpy: Thank you, Mr Grumpy, it's always a pleasure to receive good grades. Have you ever tried chasing your cat into a cathouse? It might be the best way of teaching it a lesson.
Saw some Dutch lesbians performing in a car park once, although that sounds suspiciously like a bout of Euro Dogging I can assure you it was purely a tourists diversion or so it said in the brochure...
Sounds like the perfect highlight for an an agreeable day of sightseeing. Did you manage to tip them?
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