Wednesday, December 05, 2012

Nanny goose

I have tremendous sympathy for Gavin Rossdale, the rock musician who was photographed patting a woman’s behind. He was following the young lady as she carried his son through the brush, a task which she performed in her capacity as the nanny. Perhaps he should have carried the child himself, in his capacity as the father, but the nanny seemed quite happy to do the job. If you hire a tall, blond Nordic woman to look after your children, you may as well get your money’s worth.

Nasty internet gossips have been sniggering at him for getting caught in the act, and gleefully speculating about his wife’s reaction to the incident. I sincerely hope she takes it in her stride. Having studied the picture carefully, it’s obvious to me that he was nudging the nanny along rather than caressing her shapely posterior. No husband should be sent to the doghouse for doing something equivalent to saying “giddy up, horsey!” – not even if the horse is an attractive filly with a first-class rump.

I’m not ashamed to admit having a soft spot for nannies. (This soft spot, I should stress, is not located in an erogenous zone. We silverbacks do not hanker for human females.) What I like about nannies is the job they do. I have nothing but admiration for a woman who nurtures someone else’s children – it projects an image that is warm, maternal and potentially bosomy. I don’t know whether this is true of the Nordic nanny, but her relaxed attitude to butt-patting suggests she’s a tactile woman who’s comfortable with physical contact. I am optimistic about her career prospects.

On the subject of tactile women, I was fascinated to hear about a 29-year-old single mother who cuddles men for a living. It makes her $260 a day, which she is using to put herself through college. Her clients are permitted to snuggle up in bed with her, provided that they put aside any thoughts of hanky panky. A lot of men are capable of doing this, particularly when they reach the age of 100.

What this shows is that the human male still yearns for a nanny when he is supposedly an adult. One might conjecture, with great plausibility, that a lot of wives are effectively their husbands’ nannies. My old circus buddy, Smacker Ramrod, is married to a woman who cooks for him, cleans for him, and gives him a bath when he’s good. It’s a wonderful arrangement, providing all the comforts of childhood with the conjugal perks thrown in. 

Happy is the man whose wife is his nanny.

I hope you like this proverb, which belongs in a book of wise sayings. Does it imply that men who don’t have nanny-wives must be miserable? Not at all. I would never make such a categorical assertion. A man can surely attain the heights of bliss by marrying his housekeeper, chiropodist or masseuse. There are many worthy occupations a woman can follow to bring succour to her husband.

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He's just picking up the rear, GB. Perfectly innocent human behavior. This picture, though, is rather disturbing.

Really looks like he's just helping the woman up the hill. Sure, he probably should have reached a bit higher but come on, if that's inappropriate, I'm in trouble.

looks perfectly fine in the pic, GB. perhaps the media just wanted a story out of it anyway.
in qatar, the government is planning on bringing east european domestic help....let's see what happens :)
currently domestic help is mainly from the Philippines, Indonesia and Sri Lanka.
It's true, there have been many, many times in battles from the suburbs of Reykjavic to the wilds of Kensington and beyond when I have yearned for my Nanny. My goodness me but that woman could re-load a gun faster than you could say "anti-Hooray Henry enriched-uranium tipped dum-dums please".

p.s. are not Her Majesty's press conflating the arse with the lower back? I'll be seeing Leveson's Nanny later on this morning, I'll ask her to get him to add it to his list.
How is it that some people are saying the cuddle-lady is "worse than a prostitute" for her actions? Oh no, offering risk-free, emotional-investment-free, disease-free comfort!
In the chapter dealing with ‘Handling one’s Au Pair’, DeBrett’s Guide to Etiquette clearly states, ‘When providing ambulatory assistance to one’s Au Pair the fingers of the hand shall be horizontal and placed gently above the curve of the buttocks thus applying effective pressure to the centre of gravity of the employee and is regarded as the considerate behavior of a Gentleman. Placing the hand with the fingers positioned vertically upwards and higher up implies impatience, an attribute to be avoided. Placing them vertically downwards and lower suggests an intimacy not always welcome’.

Clearly Mr. Rossdale, despite his chosen profession, is a Gentleman at heart.

The general censure of men marrying a staff member, therefore beneath him, was clearly propagated by wives insecure in the knowledge that although they may have married well, are now in competition with someone who, without a trace of venality, devotes themselves to the service of their employer and his children raising that awful spectre of what a man really wants in a wife.

God. The nanny. What a tired old cliche. Why do wives hire hot nannies? Have they learned nothing? Do they think their special significant other is different than all that came before him? Were a wife, I would only allow massive Eastern European hags for nannies.
Gavin obviously has a "type". The nanny looks quite similar to rockin' hot Gwen!!!!
Robyn: I'm glad you understand the need for a bit of rear support, Robyn. I think you'd be popular in my neck of the jungle. Is it the man-baby you find disturbing? He certainly needs a wife with strong arms!

Ranting monkey: I agree, Mr Monkey, but you should weigh the odds very carefully before doing it yourself. The most innocent deeds are often misunderstood.

Jaya: Eastern European women are much less meek and docile, Jaya. I wouldn't be surprised if a few arrogant sheiks get kicked in the nuts.

The Owl Wood: I'm sure your nanny is a very fine woman who has comforted you in your neediest hours of need. Be careful with Leveson's nanny, though, she might wash your mouth out if you give her any arse talk.

Ms Ninja: I suspect it's because she's free with her emotions, Ms Ninja. Respectability these days means copulating like a rabbit while keep your feelings to yourself.

Hippo: A nanny outranks an au pair in professional credentials, but the etiquette of arse-patting might not differ. You sound like a man who has learned from bitter experience what qualities are most important in a wife. I hope you now have what you want.

Mr UB: I suspect most wives are happy with nannies slightly less attractive than themselves in the belief that (a) their husbands will evaluate their attractions similarly and (b) their husbands are as choosy as they are. I'm sure they would hire hags if they understood men a little better.

Keeping it real: Thanks for pointing that out, because I've no idea what Gwen looks like. Rod Stewart is another one who goes for tall, blond women. Must be some kind of ravish-the-Viking-princess fantasy.
Gorilla, being a human male really sucks. Imagine having to pay $260 just to get a woman to "cuddle" with you? I guess I will focus what energies I have left on becoming a "rock musician" as they seem to be able to cuddle for free most of the time.
her arse hypnotized him.

happens to me all the time.
I only charge $200.
more like get kicked in the nuts by their wives ? chances are these maids could be another one of their wives too in the future.
See. This is why I raised my own kids. No nanny for me! ;)

Gavin is a major hottie though. I couldn't promise you that I wouldn't grab his bum. ;)

You can tell from the angle of his hand that this was a push rather than a pat... Alternatively, of course, he may have just been winding her.
Jimmy: You only need to pay $260 if you're impatient, Jimmy. Most women can be persuaded to give away free cuddles if you put in the hours.

Billy: Women with hypnotic arses should wear Mickey Mouse shorts to break the spell.

Lady Daphne: A bargain, milady! Any chance of half-price for an old friend?

Jaya: Arab men who marry Eastern European women may be biting off more than they can chew.

Laura: I'm sure he'd enjoy having his bum groped by you, Laura!

Steve: If only nannies were clockwork. You could wind them up whenever you needed fast service.
I actually meant winding her as in winding a baby... however an automaton nanny works just as well for me.
There are many time when I've been thinking about patting an attractive rear, but my high levels of morality, fear of my Beloved's left hook and thoughts of job loss restrained me.

Good for him.
When I first heard about the story of that dude gently pushing the nanny up the hill, I admit to getting a boner.

But then I thought, logically, he's just helping the woman up the obviously rough hillside. To construe wrongly and gossip about it is stupid. It's another crap example of the media making something out of nothing to sell a story that isn't worth telling for profit.

A real story would have been him, shoving his entire fist up the nanny's rectum and pulling his hand out, only to find a substantially sized gold nugget. The baby then leaps from the nanny's arms and does a merry jig, thinking it hit the jackpot. Now that's a story!
I shall never have the problem accidentally rubbing my nanny's bottom. For one, my kids are grown, and, two, my wife is not signing off on anyone that "buxom" getting that close to us as a family.
Cuddle, no hanky panky? Good grief, if some woman cuddled me, Little Al would definitely want to pop up and say hello.
Unless the "cuddlerer" looked like Hillary Clinton.
A complete non-story: his hand is completely wrong. A proper indecent assault would have the palm up and a sneaky digit slipped between the legs. Are you sure that this man is a rock star?
Steve: You mean clockwork babies exist too? I need to take a refresher course on human anatomy.

TS Bastard: How terrible that a man of your integrity should face such temptations. Maybe a vacation in Bangkok would get it out of your system.

Kelly: I think the nanny would be happiest of all to get that golden turd out of her dung tunnel. They should split it 50/50 and tell the baby to crap out its own nugget.

Tim: Maybe you should have cut a deal with your wife. There must be something she would have accepted for letting you goose a buxom woman.

Al: Any fool can scorn Hilldog now. How would little Al have reacted to her during winking at him during the '92 presidential campaign?

Jon: Don't be so quick to write him off. He might have been testing the water before jumping in.
Little Al would have stood and said hello.
Ah well, that's a men thing - they may not admit to it, but they love nannying very much! :)x
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