Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Police harassment

What’s wrong with the police? The more resources they get, the more determined they are to pester harmless eccentrics. I bit my toe in amazement when I heard about a Swedish woman who was arrested for allegedly having sex with a skeleton. The police say she stole it, but how can a skeleton be private property? I would argue its legal status is similar to that of a stray cat – anyone who provides it with a good home is entitled to claim it as their own.

Now the police say they have evidence that she licked its skull. This in itself is a gross violation of her privacy. No woman should have to worry about being prosecuted whenever she gets her tongue out. As for the act in question, one shouldn’t automatically assume that her motive was sexual. I’ve seen animals licking all sorts of stuff to acquire essential nutrients. Maybe the woman was suffering from a mineral deficiency. We gorillas often lick things out of sheer curiosity. Taste can be an important clue in sizing up a mysterious object.

Even if the woman was trying to seduce the skeleton, I don’t see that as a crime. Who was the victim? Certainly not the skeleton, which should have been flattered that a flesh-and-blood woman wanted to jump its bones. It was once part of a living human itself, so it must have been familiar with all the standard positions and techniques. A skeleton is mature enough to handle a physical relationship without the law intervening to give it protection.

Another recent example of overzealous policing occurred in Seattle, where a man was arrested for indecent exposure. The only people he indecently exposed himself to were the police themselves, who rudely interrupted him while he was masturbating in an alley. When the officers ordered him to stop, he said “Wait until I’m finished”. This indicates he was focusing on the job in hand rather than indulging in exhibitionism. I can’t understand why the police refused his reasonable request. A prisoner with unfinished business is bound to be more jumpy.

Let me state, for the record, that I’m no fan of public masturbation. On too many occasions have insolent baboons looked me in the eye while stroking their plonkers. Yet I always allowed them to consummate the deed before giving their arses a good kicking. Insults from baboons must always be avenged, but there’s no point punishing them when they’re in a state of heightened sexual tension.

If I were a police commissioner, I’d make all my officers watch episodes of Colombo as part of their basic training. The dishevelled detective never made a big hoo-hah about people bonking skeletons or masturbating in public. He ignored the small fry and went for the big fish. He was also a fine conversationalist and unfailingly polite, which are qualities to be encouraged in a law enforcer. I suspect today’s policemen are more like the foul-mouthed character played by Harvey Keitel in Bad Lieutenant, who practised many ugly vices. He was also a colossal wanker.

Labels: , , ,

That lady is doing it all wrong. If she wanted the skeleton's "boner" she should turn him (providing it IS a 'him') the other way around.
Unless the skeleton is under-age, I don't see a problem.

I agree with Robyn
Oh dear. I think I'm going to have to side with the police on this one. I'm not a fan of anyone handling their man-junk in an aggressive way in public, or of skeleton humping.
I say, let the officers be zealous in these instances, it keeps them off their butts and ready for action
makes me curious. where could she have gotten the skeleton from ?
What about the rights of inflatable marital aids? They are sold like slaves, blown and shagged at will by their owners. They don't even have a union to represent them for goodness' sake!
When I first read this, I got excited. Not about the baboons choking their chickens in broad daylight or the skeleton sex, but when I saw the picture of Harvey Keitel, I thought they made a remake of Columbo, that he would be starring in. Gorilla, why must you get my hopes up like this, just to dash them?
Is this a new stage of necrophilia? Liking them very, extremely dead?
Maybe the lady had a thing for marrowbone. It's supposedly very nutritious. I can't see there's a crime... unless she acquired the skeleton by boiling off an unwilling person's flesh from the outside of it.
Al: That's obviously a post-coital embrace. I don't display money shots, this isn't a porno site.

Robyn: What would be an appropriate age of consent for skeletons, Robyn? 100 sounds good to me!

Adam: Everyone should agree with Robyn, she's wiser than Guru Baba Ramdev.

Winopants: Aren't you worried the police might copy the vices they witness? Have a look at the link from Bad Lieutenant.

Jaya: Maybe she got it from a medical school. They probably think requests for skeletons are perfectly normal.

Hippo: We discussed sex dolls in an earlier post. Obviously there's nothing wrong with shagging them, that's what they're made for. It's how you treat them afterwards...

Jimmy: Harvey Keitel playing Columbo is an amazingly shrewd piece of casting! I'm sure he'd jump at the chance to broaden his range. You should definitely pitch this idea to whoever will listen.

Ms Ninja: No worse than liking The Grateful Dead. I take that back, they were good!

Mr Petrol: Unfortunately she'd need to break the bones to get at the marrow, but I'm sure even a lick would give her valuable nutrients.
sorry the spam guard was being an asshole.. something to do with the email address I think.
Well, alrighty then.
She's using his coccyx then?
30 years ago this was very common when women did an immense amount of drugs and listened to the grateful dead.
Thank you Sir for opening my eyes to a whole new sense of the predilections of human kind. What odd creatures they are. I am beginning to think that the decision of Zog the Froopyloop to send me to this planet in disguise as one may not have been wise.

Is it considered a grave crime to have sex with a skellington?

I only ask because a branch of the Dorset Skellingtons live only a couple of miles down the road and they have several generations who look like they could do with a damned good yes indeed Corporal.
This woman is licking skulls and I can't get a lousy tug? It's a miscarriage of justice.

I think I've mentioned this once before but I was in the Cleveland Zoo once and a monkey came to the front of the cage and started masturbating in front of a crowd of horrified children. Fact!

That film up top is of Serbian "artist" Marina Abramović. I saw that very exhibit at a retrospective of her work at the Museum of Modern Art. There was lots of nudity! Two naked figures in a narrow doorway so that when you passed through you had to brush up against them. Naked person sitting in a chair attached midway up the wall. Lots of fun.
I was in a movie with Harvey Keitel (The Duellists). He was a bit of a wanker even then.
I suppose so long as no one is getting hurt, what's the harm. People are weird. ;)
Has anyone made a boner joke yet? Hmmm probably-right?

I'm not sure why, but I find that video entirely disturbing. It just has a creepy surrealism feel to it that makes my brain feel itchy.
Winopants: Thanks for sorting that out, Ms W.

Al: "Using" is a loaded word. I would say that she's embracing it.

Billy: Those were the days, my friend, we thought they'd never end. (But unfortunately they did.)

The Owl Wood: It's certainly a crime in Sweden, but you might get away with it Lincolnshire. Proceed with caution and monitor the reaction.

Mr UB: Ah, so she's an artist! I pay my hairy respects to the MOMA for exhibiting her work. She clearly got a gift for stripping reality down to its bare essentials.

Cro Magnon: I'm sorry to hear that, because I was referring to the character he played being a wanker. I suppose it's easier to portray one if you are one yourself.

Laura: Everyone was leaving the boner joke for someone else, Laura. No one wants to eat the last cookie on the plate.

Psychcofab: I hope you can find a way of scratching it. I also found it creepy at first, but then I realised the movement of her body was far more interesting than the movement of the skeleton.
All seems harmless GB... until who knows what lengths she'll go to get what she really wants...? : )x
Aw, thanks, GB. I'll take that as the most praiseworthy compliment I've ever received from an ape.

I like the gif image up above. I just wish I could see her juices flowing down the skeleton's bones. That's the kind of thing that works me up really good until I go out and publicly masturbate.

Sometimes, I put on such a good performance, the crowd will cheer and throw flowers at me.

In conclusion, I must agree with your assessment. And will say that it was revealed that a lost script of the TV show Columbo was found, recently. Although the episode was not produced, the disheveled detective had a scene where he plucked a human skull from a dead human female's vagina and he immediately licked the saucy skull for clues to the murder. She had literally been skull-fucked before "giving a blow to the head." This much was apparent. The murderer left his semen on her face. Too bad it didn't air.
Woah! Talk about jumping someone's bones.

Is it still considered necrophilia when you're doing skeletons? Where do necrophiliacs draw the line?

If a skeleton were caught masturbating in alleyway, would the cops stop to assist or arrest it? What if the cops were necrophiliacs?

So many unanswered questions.
Hannah: Do you think she might pull off a bone, Hannah? That would be horrific.

Robyn: You're welcome, Robyn. I hope other apes will build on my achievement.

Kelly: I'm not surprised that script got shelved - Colombo had no experience in dealing with sex offenders. He would have had to acquire a new vocabulary to interrogate the suspect.

Static: The absence of meat would make it necrophilia for vegetarians. If the cops found a skeleton masturbating they should confiscate the dildo.
Necro-vegephiliacs are the most disgusting vile people to walk the face of the earth, Mr. Bananas. Their heinous acts upon skeletons should be punishable by fire and brimstone. I do not even want to entertain their antics, amusing as it may be.

But now that I think about it, there must be a market for slightly used dildos by masturbating skeletons out there...?
There might be if you could verify their pedigree.
I don't know about that. Sounds terribly involved. But my grandmother loves Pedigree dog food -- particularly Beef Tumors and Spinal Ganglia in Gravy.
I should be so lucky when I am a skeleton.

Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

Follow my blog with Bloglovin Follow my blog with Bloglovin