Wednesday, October 03, 2012

Disposable waste

I notice a spate of incidents in which sex dolls have been rescued from rivers and oceans. One presumes they were dumped there by their owners. Is it possible that men who buy sex dolls grow bored or disenchanted with their company? I find the idea quite upsetting.

I discussed this ugly development with the manager of the safari camp.

“Couldn’t they have offered them for sale on eBay rather than callously disposing of them in that fashion?” I asked.

“What makes you think anyone would want to buy a second-hand sex doll?” he replied. “If I ever bought one I’d want her to be a virgin.”

“You might be disappointed,” I said. “I’m fairly certain they’re tested in the factory before being shipped to customers.”

“Ha-ha-ha!” laughed the manager. “I pity the poor fool who has that job! I wonder if his wife gets jealous – if he has a wife.”

“Why would she mind unless he brought his work home with him?” I said. “Would your wife be jealous if you copulated with a sex doll?”

“Yes,” answered the manager.

I didn’t argue the point. He knows his wife better than I do and presumably has reasons for his belief.

I personally think it should be a crime to treat sex dolls like garbage. They may not have feelings, but they possess a stoic dignity that ought to be respected. The fact that they were mistaken for real women before being rescued from drowning shows how beautifully crafted the latest models are. The virginity issue is nonsense, of course. I’m sure they’re as good as new after a thorough douching.

Some of you might be wondering whether I own shares in a company that manufactures sex dolls. I am happy to answer your question. Yes, I do. I once asked the directors, at the annual general meeting, why we didn’t make dolls that looked like famous actresses or pop stars. They said the women would sue us. When I suggested asking them for permission, everyone just laughed.

One female celebrity who might agree to have a sex doll made in her likeness is Lady Gaga. She prides herself on being unconventional and “out there”, so maybe she’d take it as a compliment. Her latest avant garde exploit was to be photographed naked on the toilet. She claims she did it to highlight the eating disorders she endured in her adolescence. I don’t quite see the connection unless she suffered from constipation.

What fascinates me is how small the toilet bowl is compared with Miss Gaga’s bottom. I’m sure this isn’t because her bottom is particularly big. My theory is that she will only sit on small toilets because of a morbid fear of falling into the bowl. Maybe she did actually fall in when she was a little girl, and now has a phobia.

I admit the above is pure speculation on my part; but if I’m right, she ought to have plenty of sympathy for sex dolls that get dumped in the sea.

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If only we could all have a rack like that. Maybe there would be no need for sex dolls.
Oh, lordy – you make me laugh. From virginal (and abandoned) sex dolls to the size of Lady Gaga’s butt... I do love your take on life – how you see and interpret the world! My thanks for the laughter. :)
we have to pay an enviromental recycling fee when purchasing a sex doll.
maybe their partners dumped the dolls ? for whatever reasons.
actually lady gaga looks pretty nice in this pose without the usual craziness.
I quite agree with the notion that a sex doll is likely the same used as new... except the ever present knowledge that you bought someone else's love sock. I'm not sure why, but the idea of a second hand human doesn't seem nearly as disgusting. OMG... is it because I'm also a second hand human? LOL
Look, aged brain and such, but, well - I'm confused here. I thought that Lady Gag was an inflatable "sex doll" but with a big, hissing leak where her talent out to be.

There are regular cases before me at the County Assizes of chaps doin' things to animals - donkeys and estate agents and suchlike. Does your company perhaps have a line of "anti-criminal offence" dolls? Inflatable sex-goats and that sort of thing? You might save wildlife an awful lot of emotional confusion if you did, and I'm sure that court systems the world over could put a lot of business your way (if only for furnishing Judge's Chambers, let alone the rehabilitation programmes)?
Keeping it real: They do look great, but I wonder what they feels like. Who wants cold titties for breakfast?

Beth: Thank you, Beth, I'm glad you're amused. I hope you also felt a tinge of sympathy for the dolls.

Billy: It saddens me that they have to be recycled instead of finding them a new home.

Jaya: Good point, Jaya, I didn't think of that. I assume the reason would be jealously. Miss Gaga does look quite attractive on the loo.

Angie: Aren't humans better second hand? Like new cars, they have to be driven a few hundred miles before they attain peak performance. Their re-sale value falls when the mileage gets too high, though.

The Owl Wood: I'll mention your idea at the next AGM. We'd need do to research on the size of the bestial market first. You could help us by collecting names and taking pictures in your own locality.
I would imagine that the factory tester would be quite pleased with his job. Although I could see his wife being upset, because few people want to engage in what they do for work all day when they get home.
Well, Gorilla... I would have thunk that you of all people would have deduced that Lady Gaga is sitting on one of the toilets in a dwarf village in China. I think that is pretty obvious. Of course the toilet would be reserved for tourist dwarfs, since the Chinese government can not afford to furnish little people with their own personal toilet bowls.
Oops.. I said "you of all people".. I meant "you of all apes." A 1000 pardons, I have been most revolting.
So u do have shares in the sex doll manufacturing company.. ahem ahem...
I will admit I once bought one of these dolls from a car boot sale. When I got it home I discovered it had an 8" penis and sunken breasts, then realised it was inside out!
I'm sure any sex doll's virginity can easily be restored with a lump of wax and a cigarette lighter...
The 2nd one looks like lady gaga.
Ms Ninja: He'd be like a worn-out bull when he got home, wouldn't he? But can dolls compare with real flesh and fluids?

Jimmy: China is a long way to go for a dwarf village. Don't they exist in America? No need to apologise, apes are also people.

Runaway bride: No need to clear your throat, Miss Runaway, it's an ethical investment. Not like investing in casinos and narcotics.

Penseivat: Were you fully satisfied with your purchase after you got it in shape?

Steve: Wax for the ear and cigarette lighter for the handbag? Yes, that might fool some men.

Adam: Is there a queue?
Many men treat women as disposable sex dolls, so it's not surprising to hear about this. Plus Lady Gaga has been packing on the pounds lately, so I think her eating disorders are still a problem for her. Plus I don't really know anybody who would want a Lady Gaga sex doll. But then again, truth is often stranger than fiction... which is why I am having my own sex doll made to look just like me. Would you care to invest in some stock shares, Mr. Bananas? I've already sold a few thousand and they haven't even been made yet.
Maybe the dolls wouldn't shut up when told to. Maybe their owners were tired of their constant nagging.

Lady Gaga took that photo to satisfy her narcissistic need to call attention to herself.

First Lady GaGa must spend a lot of time on the toilet, I noticed the phone on the wall next to her! Wonder what Green Peace has to say about this? :) Hilarious as always!
No. No dwarf villages. Though there used to be a place called Kiddie Land.
Your post raises so may deep and intruiging issues that I had to stop and have a wee nip of Laphroig before I could continue.

I have this picture in my head of all of the rivers of England choked up with discarded and non-biodegradable sex dolls. Terrifying.

And what about the Male sex dolls?

Obviously a far greater problem, as they "protuberances" will get caught much easier and cause an even greater blockage.

I always think that "Lady" bloody "Gaga" is sucking a lemon.

Nice tattoo though.

I hope she wipes her arse properly.
I guess a picture of Lady Gaga on the toilet is better than a picture of me on the toilet.
The picture of that sex doll?
Most intriguing.
And, by 'intriguing,' I mean...oh, never mind.
I can't believe that's a doll! What chance to regular women stand against THAT beauty! Gosh. And as for GaGa, how can she look that good on the loo?
Static: Don't underestimate Lady Gaga, she has millions of fans who would love to get naked with a plastic version of her. I assume you must have sold your doll to hardened convicts. Wait until they pay you before giving me your income statement and balance sheet.

Mr UB: If that was her intention, she certainly succeeded. She's a lot more interesting on the loo, don't you think? Her pose reminds me of Rodin's 'The Thinker'.

Gossip girl: Well spotted, GG. Maybe she is constipated after all. Greenpeace should tell her to eat more greens.

Jimmy: That's too bad. I wonder there the Munchkins from Wizard of Oz lived.

TS Bastard: There's no demand for male sex dolls, because women need their sex toys to move. We're working on a male sex robot.
I'm sure Lady Gaga douches her dung tunnel regularly. It's what high class ladies do.

Al: Never be ashamed about finding a sex doll attractive. That's what they're designed for.

Juliette: I love you, Jules, you're so honest and unbitchy.
I'm just spitballing here, but could the sex dolls have a second life as something else. Their buoyancy might mean they could be useful as lifeboats, say. And if you survived a shipwreck and found yourself on one of these inflatable women boats it may be days before rescue arrives could occupy yourself however you saw fit.
What makes you think it wasn't women who threw those sex dolls into the water? Pure jealousy incites such brutal actions. Or so I imagine. (Ok, I only tossed one.)

Fatman: A shipwreck survivor would be foolish to fool around with a sex doll. Conserving bodily fluids is essential in that situation.

Robyn: You mean men in relationships with flesh-and-blood women might also own sex dolls? I'm shocked, Robyn! Does that mean they prefer their bedmates not to move?
I'd have sex with one of these things just to try it but then I would feel dumb afterwards.
A virgin sex doll???? Couldn't you just use hot water & bleach to clean it good?
Or maybe they could be recycled as swimming floats.
Dr Zibbs: You don't know how you'd feel until you do it. Some men have fallen in love.

Rose L: Not bleach, that might harm it! Just douche it with Pepsi Cola.
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