Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Pussy protest
I fear that Madonna’s show of support for the Pussy Riot girls has contributed to the severity of their sentence. The audacious punk trio were deservedly arrested for breaking into Moscow’s main cathedral and performing on the altar without observing the required dress code. I would have certainly thrashed any baboon who played a prank like that, so I don’t see why their stunt should have gone unpunished. However sending them to prison is absurdly harsh. Locking up humans for irreverent behaviour is like sitting on a parrot for calling you a silly ape, which is something I’ve never done.
I knew Madonna had made a mistake in championing their cause when the Russian deputy prime minister called her a moralising slut. Something in the tone of his voice told me he resented being lobbied by a woman who has engaged in lewd acts with a crucifix. The Russians, of course, expect appeals for clemency to be made on bended knees, which is not a posture Madonna has adopted since she broke up with “Jellybean” Benitez.
A sensible compromise for resolving this acrimonious affair was proposed by Anastasia Volochkova, the nude ballerina. It seems that performing a traditional Russian art-form while stark naked has enabled her to see both sides of the issue. She suggested the girls should atone for their act of sacrilege by polishing public toilets until the enamel surfaces gleam. An appropriate act of penance, to be sure. I would also give them a mild spanking for calling themselves ‘Pussy Riot’, which is a needlessly provocative name. There’s no need to draw attention to your kitty when you’re entertaining the masses.
Now, some of you are probably thinking that I’m a politically naïve ape who isn’t aware that the girls were protesting against President Putin and his lackeys in the Orthodox Church. Yes, yes, I know. I am quite aware that an increasing number of Russians view Pootikins as snake-eyed assassin, even while the majority still revere him as an invincible sex symbol who cradles the Motherland in the pit of his groin. I don’t know which side is correct, but I’m sure that performing cheeky acts in a cathedral won’t settle the matter. The anti-Putin faction should focus their energy on more constructive deeds, like dropping coconuts on the heads of carefully selected Kremlin henchmen. Great causes have been advanced in the jungle by such methods.
Whatever you say about the Pussy Riot girls, far worse offenders are getting off scott-free. I’m thinking particularly of Ryan Lochte, the American Olympic swimmer, who cheerfully confessed to peeing in the pool while warming up before a race. This foul young man has caused his fellow swimmers to participate in water sports for which no medals are awarded. I hope someone pisses on his head the next time he visits a shopping mall. As for the future of US swimming, I should imagine the youngsters who were inspired to take up the sport are already beginning to have second thoughts.
Labels: Madonna, pissing in swimming pools, Pussy Riot, Putin, Russia
Comments:
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I believe there was so much piss in the water people were half expecting David Walliams to undertake a few lengths...
Well, of course I have heard a lot about these "Pussy Riot" girls, but never bothered to find out what the commotion was until I read your blog today, Gorilla Bananas. Now that I have read up on them, they seem like heroes to me. Hopefully, the Virgin Mary will heed the lyrics of their song by coming to their aid and rescuing them from jail, and rescuing Russian from Putin as well.
hmmmmm it all seems much ado about nothing if you ask me...but then again i am always for free expression, no matter if I agree with the view or not...
obama could probably fix this one hand tied behind his back if that nogoodnik romney would quit distracting him.
Steve: Are you calling David Walliams a piss-taker? What about his serious acting credits?
Keeping it real: Does that mean you're fond of water sports, ma'am?
Jimmy: I'm glad to have enlightened you, Jimmy. Maybe you should attend one of the protests on their behalf. I hope they get out of jail too, but I still think they deserve a little spanking.
Monkey Man: The issue seems to be where they did it rather than what they did. I would have happily let them perform in my own back yard.
Adam: Russia is the Wild East.
Billy: I don't think the Russian government gives a damn about what the US president says. Maybe they'd listen to Dostoevsky if he came back from the dead.
Jaya: Do you think she would twist his ear, Jaya? How would Malaysian mothers punish a child who peed in a swimming pool?
Keeping it real: Does that mean you're fond of water sports, ma'am?
Jimmy: I'm glad to have enlightened you, Jimmy. Maybe you should attend one of the protests on their behalf. I hope they get out of jail too, but I still think they deserve a little spanking.
Monkey Man: The issue seems to be where they did it rather than what they did. I would have happily let them perform in my own back yard.
Adam: Russia is the Wild East.
Billy: I don't think the Russian government gives a damn about what the US president says. Maybe they'd listen to Dostoevsky if he came back from the dead.
Jaya: Do you think she would twist his ear, Jaya? How would Malaysian mothers punish a child who peed in a swimming pool?
Pussy riot? Pussy riot? Idiotic notion, what have cats got to do with Russian politics?
Still, peein' in the pool eh? Sooner they make seein' who can pee highest an O'Limpick sport the better. Knew a Vicar once who could empty a hot tub with just one fart, produced an effect like am Icelandic geyser goin' orf. Never did get the water back in after that. Ruddy spectacular though.
Still, peein' in the pool eh? Sooner they make seein' who can pee highest an O'Limpick sport the better. Knew a Vicar once who could empty a hot tub with just one fart, produced an effect like am Icelandic geyser goin' orf. Never did get the water back in after that. Ruddy spectacular though.
I like "moralising slut." That's going to be the name of my new album. After I learn an instrument and form a band.
I agree with your apeness. Calling your band Pussy Riot is taking the focus off your music and putting it on your -- ummm -- music.
For Herr Lochte, I wish the blue-dye-to-detct-urin in a swimming pool wasn't a myth. We'd catch him in the act on international television. The Olympic pool is not a toilet.
I agree with your apeness. Calling your band Pussy Riot is taking the focus off your music and putting it on your -- ummm -- music.
For Herr Lochte, I wish the blue-dye-to-detct-urin in a swimming pool wasn't a myth. We'd catch him in the act on international television. The Olympic pool is not a toilet.
hahaha. Afterall he peed in the olympics pool! hehe. Cant believe he actually explained the whole thing. "Not during the races, but I sure did before in warm-up." haha
# posted by 
: Thursday, August 23, 2012
: Thursday, August 23, 2012
The Owl Wood: Have you never heard of Svetlana Catkins, the Moscow moggie who infiltrated the Tsarist secret police? I am shocked that any vicar would get into a hot tub. Perhaps the man you saw was an impostor.
Mr UB: I hear Prince Harry had a swimming race with Lochte in Las Vegas. I hope he showered before the orgy.
TS Bastard: On behalf of the gorilla nation I thank you, Mr Bastard. The world would also be a much hairier place.
Lola: Where were the rioting pussies? It's only apt if you can produce the goods: otherwise it's just teasing.
V: He also said all the other swimmers do it as well. They ought to sue him for defamation.
Mr UB: I hear Prince Harry had a swimming race with Lochte in Las Vegas. I hope he showered before the orgy.
TS Bastard: On behalf of the gorilla nation I thank you, Mr Bastard. The world would also be a much hairier place.
Lola: Where were the rioting pussies? It's only apt if you can produce the goods: otherwise it's just teasing.
V: He also said all the other swimmers do it as well. They ought to sue him for defamation.
I had been keeping up with all this somewhat accidentally (Note to Self: Pussy Riot was NOT the name of a series of "adult" films I was looking for online. It may have been "Pussy Patrol". Or "C-nt Riot". I digress). Even Gary Kasparov was threatened with prison. Kasparov! The man is a national icon. Russia is only known for chess and weightlifting. And the fine "C-nt Riot" movie series.
it's just that his mom comes across a little off when she goes about telling people that her son is more of a one-night stand kinda guy.
who cares if he is. it just doesnt sound right when it comes from the mom. maybe she has her reasons , i dont know.
who cares if he is. it just doesnt sound right when it comes from the mom. maybe she has her reasons , i dont know.
I agree, GB. Ryan L deserves a much harsher sentence than the rioters. What a sorry excuse for an Olympic athlete.
xoRobyn
xoRobyn
I understand how they feel often I have had people try and tell me what to do with my kooter and well I tell them it is my kooter drunk with a hooter and they still don't get that it is mine and not theirs.
A very below average band, with a very above average publicity dep't. They have now become international 'stars'. Silly Putin; he's inadvertently made them into oligarchs (or should that be oligarch-ettes?).
Fatman: It's a strange word to put before 'riot'. 'Prison riot' makes sense, as does 'Pussy prison riot'. If I were the governor of New South Wales, I would pardon any lesbian who started a pussy prison riot.
Jaya: Yes, I also thought it was strange that his mother said that. It's not the sort of thing most mothers would be proud of.
Robyn: Apparently he only has one-night stands because he doesn't have time for a girlfriend. Exactly what you'd expect from a fellow who pees in the swimming pool.
JTILIS: God bless your kooter and all who sail in her, Miss.
Kage: Kage, baby, wherever your mind's at is where I'd like to be.
Cro Magnon: Fortunately I never listened their music, so I don't have to offer an opinion on it. One hopes the politics of the case won't cloud artistic judgements.
Jaya: Yes, I also thought it was strange that his mother said that. It's not the sort of thing most mothers would be proud of.
Robyn: Apparently he only has one-night stands because he doesn't have time for a girlfriend. Exactly what you'd expect from a fellow who pees in the swimming pool.
JTILIS: God bless your kooter and all who sail in her, Miss.
Kage: Kage, baby, wherever your mind's at is where I'd like to be.
Cro Magnon: Fortunately I never listened their music, so I don't have to offer an opinion on it. One hopes the politics of the case won't cloud artistic judgements.
Damn black bars!!!!
Thankfully, I feel my manhood is safe.
Sandwiched in between a post with leather-clad midgets and rowers with boners, I'd still do ANY of those girls.
Black bars and all.
Wouldn't pee in the pool, though.
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Thankfully, I feel my manhood is safe.
Sandwiched in between a post with leather-clad midgets and rowers with boners, I'd still do ANY of those girls.
Black bars and all.
Wouldn't pee in the pool, though.
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