Friday, August 31, 2012

Fun and ball games

Prince Harry’s escapade in Las Vegas has left me wondering what the rules of “strip billiards” are. You may think it’s an unimportant detail in this celebrated case of royal revelry, but I’m not the sort of ape who leaves loose ends untied. The prince’s own end was completely loose, of course, but tying it up might have incited the royal bodyguards to intervene. One shouldn’t distract servants of the Crown when they’re busy ogling naked girls.

My guess is that the game was a fairly simple one. Harry grabbed the billiard cue and tried to clear the table; every time he potted a ball, the girls removed one of their garments; every time he missed, he took off one of his own. A minute after the game began, everyone was naked apart from the royal bodyguards, who couldn’t play themselves because they had to keep their weapons concealed.

When I explained my highly plausible conjecture to the manager of the safari camp, he shook his head and grinned like a chipmunk:

“You poor innocent gorilla!” he scoffed. “Do you really think the balls in this game were the kind that roll on a table? 'Billiards' is a well-known term for toying with a man’s testicles.”

“You don’t say,” I replied. “And what rulebook were the prince and his lady-friends observing in pursuing this uplifting pastime?”

“They must have improvised their own rules on the spur of the moment,” said the manager. “Maybe the prince faced the wall while the girls took turns to rummage inside his pants and manually examine his nutsack. If he correctly identified the girl doing the groping, she had to take something off.”

“Fascinating!” I exclaimed. “And how did the prince end up naked when the sport was concluded?”

“How should I know?” snapped the manager. “Maybe the girls made him strip at the end. You don’t expect them to play with his balls for nothing, do you?”

I rolled my eyes before replying to this question.

“Frankly, manager, I have no idea what to expect in the enactment of your whimsical scenarios. He could have stripped out of noblesse oblige for all I know.”

All of you, by now, must have seen the infamous picture of Prince Harry cavorting with one of the party girls. Not very impressive, was it? He reminds me of an English actor called Robin Askwith, who starred in a series of lame sex comedies in the 1970s. Most of them had a scene where Askwith was forced to flee, stark naked, from the bedroom of a sexually voracious woman, hands cupped around his groin like the prince. Such incidents provided a passing distraction from the ponderous plot and limp acting.

Hopefully, as he matures, the prince will become more inventive in his activities with naked girls. I would advise him to consider games based on the naked housekeeping theme, where there is plenty of scope for innovation, particularly while the hoovering is being done. If nothing else, it would teach him how to cope during his manservant’s day off.

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My question is: did he need a rest for the long shots?
I learn so much from every post over here, GB. Never thought to position a Hoover that way. (Ew!)

What-ho, GB! I understand that HRH was gadding about Vegas in order to recuperate after the Olympics, which is odd, because I don't recall seeing him hurling a javelin or leaping over anything. In fact, all he seemed to do was sit there grinning, clapping and passing comment about the size of jugs possessed by female competitors.

My own theory behind this extraordinary behaviour is that, horrified by the notion that following such a successful games the world might run away with the idea that the British where not, in fact, a race of drunken oafs with the social sophistication of rutting baboons, the Prince took upon himself the onerous duty of demonstrating the contrary.

In this respect, at least, he has turned in a gold medal performance.

Vive la république!
With respect,
Well I hope that H.R.H. remembered to chalk the cue before each shot.
I always preferred a good game of snooker myself. Quite partial to a cushion shot and getting one in behind the black.

Great picture of the girl and the vacuum (good title for a book methinks)maybe I should be asking you to do some research for my own humble posts. Do you take bananas?
Sounds like a term we use here: pocket pool.
But, it never involves girls getting naked.
I KNEW I was doing it wrong.
I love the eccentricity of our British Prince! Why should he not have his nutsack fiddled with? Maybe he should clean the windows of Buckingham naked! Do you think you'd make a good monarch GB?
Steve: At his age you never need a rest. Can't you remember?

Robyn: My pleasure, Robyn. To be fair to the woman, it may not have been a premeditated act of hoover-love. Such things often happen on the spur of the moment.

Jon: That's why it's unlikely to damage his popularity. The yahoos and louts are an influential constituency in England.

The Owl Wood: It's especially important before attempting a screw shot.

TS Bastard: I've taken more bananas than I can remember, but I don't think your posts could be improved by my research. Just natter away in your usual style.

Al: You should have been playing strip pool. Naked girls aren't interest in the contents of your pockets.

Juliette: Harry lacks the dignity of a king, Jules. William is the king, Harry is the knave.
It all smacks of a bad episode of Benny Hill to me. I actually have much more respect for Prince Harry than other infamous celebs caught in sexcapades. Prince Harry did risk his life serving his country in Afghanistan. You never heard of Kim Kardashian, or Charlie Sheen putting themselves in harm's way like that. I am surprised being born with the silver spoon of privilege in his mouth, he behaves as modestly as he does.
I guess when you are in the public eye you are always supposed to be good. As long as he is not hurting someone or taking drugs, then why shouldn't he have a bit of fun! Tally ho!
whatever happened to randy andy?
i see nothing wrong with a bit of fun even for the prince, GB. i think he's not hurting anyone...and at this point even his grandma is probably used to him. afterall what is this compared to all the drama in the family.

look back into history, most of these rulers and kings were huge arseholes in one way or another. if only there were camera-wielding paparazzi then...
Here in America it seems that Harry is all anyone can talk about..he is naked on the cover of every rag I see. I say leave the poor fellow alone, he was just having fun...after all, haven't we all played a game or two of strip pool? Its a fav around my tree house ;)
If I were Prince Harry, I would further piss off the Queen and the rest of the royal family by making sure someone gets a pic of him pleasuring a gal with a pool stick with one hand while cheerfully jerking off with the other as she lays on the pool table, spread eagle.

Jimmy: He's certainly doesn't boast about his exploits like Charlie Sheen, so that's a big plus point for him. But he has been guilty of using racist language.

Rose: Hello and welcome, Rose. Tally-ho is the perfect expression, although it should have been said by the picture-taker rather than Harry.

Billy: I think he stopped being randy after the Koo Stark episode, but he's still more than capable of behaving like an arse.

Jaya: Yes, King Charles I spent most of his reign playing games with his mistresses. The Queen won't say anything to him, but Prince William probably will.

Monkey Man: I think there needs to be a strip pool/billiards conference so the rules can be discussed. You and Harry would be keynote speakers.

Kelly: I doubt he could give a girl any pleasure with a pool stick. Feats like that require a lot of dexterity and a very delicate touch.
The girl in the photo at the bottom is always a winner when she plays strip housework by herself.
omigod! where did you get that picture? WHERE???

oh, and i just found my name listed on the GB page "girls i'd like to spank".

i'm waiting...
Dr Ken: I think it's a tie between her and the vacuum cleaner.

Kage: You bore the child of a household appliance? Now I want to give you a double-spanking. (P.S. Did you see the comment by Brooke? Even the hookers want me to spank them!)
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