Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Madonna lets it hang out

Madonna has deliberately displayed her breast at a concert in Istanbul, provoking wild screams of delight from her delirious fans. The antics of a desperate woman. Or do I mean “the antic”, given that only one boob was exposed? Singular or plural, I’m not impressed. I’ve seen baby baboons emit more dignified cries for attention.

The reaction of the audience was entirely predictable. Any diva can drive her fans nuts by exposing her flesh. If Madge really wants to prove something, she should show off her rack at a dairy farmers’ convention. Men who milk cows for a living know a high-class udder when they see one.

A naïve chimpanzee once asked me why Madonna didn’t just retire on all her millions and live on an island paradise, gorging on fresh fruit and sitting on her boyfriend’s face.

“What a naïve chimpanzee you are!” I exclaimed. “No amount of money can replace the thrill of live performance in front of adoring fans. Adulation like that makes you higher than a parrot!”

“How come you know so much about it?” asked the chimp impertinently.

“Because I used to perform in a circus, you impertinent chimp!” I replied. “I assure you my fans were no less devoted than those of Madonna.”

Dumbfounded by my answer, the chimp fingered his navel and wandered off.

Don’t get the wrong idea about my circus act. The hero-worship I got was not achieved by displaying an organ or gland. We gorillas are mellow apes who shun behaviour that might provoke a hysterical reaction.

The manager of the safari camp thinks Madonna’s eccentric behaviour is a response to her rivalry with Lady Gaga.

“She looks at Gaga and sees a younger version of herself,” he declared. “People her age don’t like that. It reminds them of their own mortality.”

“That’s an unusually perceptive remark from you,” I remarked. “Have you been reading something?”

“Yeah, The Complete Idiots’ Guide to Psychology,” he confirmed.

To my way of thinking, any rivalry that provokes a 53-year-old woman to bare one of her breasts is a destructive one. It can’t be helping Gaga either, who is a confused young woman in need of a good role model. The world of popular entertainment doesn’t need a tit-flashing competition between two of its leading lights.

If you ask me, Madonna should end this pointless feud with a bold and generous gesture. Let her offer to adopt Miss Gaga as her daughter. Rather than exposing her bosom on stage, make it a comforting resting place for Lady G’s troubled head.

Becoming family would allow them to perform together, by which I mean singing duets rather than doing anything lewd or incestuous. Would it make them the first mother-daughter band in history? Apparently not. An informed source tells me that a country music duo called ‘The Judds’ has that honour. No matter. They could always break new ground by inviting Bieber to join them in a mother-daughter-puppy combination. The sight of little Justin frolicking with his mistresses would tug the heartstrings of every pet owner.

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I for one would run away screaming if I saw that hardened, muscled mass of tissue that Madonna is masquerading as a breast.
Im surprised turkey didnt freak out
All necessary bra adjustments made – no titillating (accidental) exposure from this “old woman” - although it’s happened while diving into the lake – the fans went wild! ;)
madge should just stick to counting her money and baking cupcakes for the kabbala bake sales.
She is
But in the 80s....She put on one heck of a concert.
I admire your patience with the chimps
I suppose it takes the attention away from her singing, so I would be graateful for the distraction.

I would like to meet Lady Gaga, but mainly because I want to barbeque her clothes.
I'm impressed that her nipple didn't impale itself into the stage floor beneath her feet.
Are you really shocked? This is Madonna we're talking about!? She didn't become famous standing pretty, singing lullabies... She's been shocking nations for decades, hardly going to end her career now, 'graciously'. x
In the words of my old Colonel, I don't know what that naked woman is wearing but whatever it is, it still needs ironing.

p.s. who is this "Lady Gag"? Should I ask the Officer's Mess orderly to put some of her 78s on the jukebox?
Keeping it real: I wonder if those muscles can make them move around. It could be a great party trick.

Adam: Fortunately, the ultra-religious dudes don't have much clout in Turkey.

Beth: You can't be that old if you're still diving into lakes, Beth! I'm glad your fans were there to appreciate your adornments.

Billy: Baking cupcakes would be better than flashing them. Is she still into Kabbala?

Reality Jayne: Did she bare her breast in the 80s? That might have been worth seeing.

The Jules: I think that meat dress was just a fad. She's probably a vegetarian now.

Steve: I'm surprised no one sucked it.

Hannah: It's too unoriginal to be shocking, Hannah. But maybe it was sensational in Turkey.

The Owl Wood: What an ungallant remark for an officer of Her Majesty's armed forces to make! In any case, Madonna's bosom flesh still looks smooth from 20 yards.
You know i feel sorry for old Madge...i don't think it's so much that Lady Gaga is reminding her of what she once was as much as the fact that her daughter is stealing her thunder. I mean seriously...what a stunner!!! Madge should just keep the boobs in check along with those bulging veins of hers!
I was a huge fan of hers back in the 80's. Yes indeed! I even rocked her look for awhile. ;)

Now, I think that she's just trying to stay relevant. Which is sad because she's done it all! She doesn't have to prove anything to anyone-especially Lady Gaga.

i think you're lucky that all that chimp fingered was his own navel.
The whole thing with Madonna doing this is screaming "Desperation" idk it's probably just me. One of my favorite bloggers wrote a blog of nursery rhymes and her "Old Mother MILF" poem suits Madonna. :)
I think Madonna is actually a Fembot. She scares me.
Thank you for the mention Gossip Girl! You made my day! Hey, Gorilla Bananas, ask and you shall receive - this one's for you, and for vaginas everywhere! Even Madonna's dried up Femvag. :)
Sabrina: Do you fancy Lady G, Saby? I think you might be her type!

Laura: I think she's addicted to the limelight, Laura. She ought to take time off and work on being a good mom like you!

Kage: Good luck has nothing to do with how chimps behave in my presence, Ms Kage. I won't ask what you would have fingered.

Gossip girl: Old Mother MILF? I hope Lady G doesn't think of that for a song title or things could get nasty.

Mod Mom: Hah, many thanks! It's rare for me to be included in a dedication to the vaginas of the world. It's a real honour.
Ahhhhh. We keep counting Madonna out, but she keeps coming back doesn't she? If there were only several thousand people that were dumb enough...errr...I mean loyal and dedicated enough to buy over priced tickets to come see me. Well, then. What an accomplishment that would be! Why am I saying this to you? You know the ups and downs of a live performers existence. Anyway, this is one of the best articles you have written, Gorilla Bananas (or do you dictate the articles to Smacker Ramrod and he types them?). In fact this article is actually better than a concert with Madonna. No. No. I will take it one step even further. This blog post is even better than sex with Madonna. There. I have said my peace.
She does have a great body, but we all know she's no virgin. Then, there's Madonna. Oy, what a twisted mother-daughter relationship that would be. PS Is Lady Gaga female? I was never sure.

I would have enjoyed this if she weren't so old.

And so creepy...
Actually i don't GB....i don't think she's very original (an obvious Madge rip-off) and she is just too way over the top!!! I like the fact that she seems to inspire people in terms of being yourself and blah blah blah, and her songs are not too bad but i think she's only ok ;p
i love the Judds!
i like madonna but was never a huge fan of her. lady gaga - hmmm. that woman, she's crazy. too crazy for me.
You know, she doesn't need to do those things. Her music was way ahead of its time back in the day, it's still enjoyable, and she has an amazing figure for her age. I don't understand the feud with Gaga. Madonna came first. 'Nuff said. Though Gaga is a gifted singer--have you heard her on 'The Lady is a Tramp" duet with Tony Bennett? I wish she's sing more standards.

I agree with you, GB--any rivalry Madonna may have with Gaga isn't healthy...and the saddest thing of all is it's not even necessary.
The trio that you've just suggested would certainly be a sign of the coming apocalypse.
Jimmy: Madonna bewitches her fans. Jimmy. If you've got the bewitching quality, people will pay anything to watch you. I'm honoured you think this post is better than sex with Madonna, although that must be guesswork on your part. Smacker Ramrod has never taken dictation, but Dr Whipsnade used to proofread. You don't know about Dr Whipsnade, do you? You'll have to search this blog for his name.

Robyn: I'd love to hear Madonna give Gaga advice on men. I once heard her say "I don't let them out of bed until they've given me an orgasm." You can't argue with that.

Dwei: Her boobs actually look 10 years younger than she is. You've got to give her credit for that.

Sabrina: Were you talking about Lourdes, Saby? You'd better wait a few years because she's only 15!

Jaya: Was Gaga allowed to perform in Malaysia? I heard she had some problems with her Asian tour because her act was considered lewd.

Frisky virgin: Madonna thinks Gaga is copying her, Miss Virgin. Maybe she wouldn't have minded if Gaga had given her due recognition.

Angie: Or it may presage the kingdom of heaven on earth. "The wolf shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the young goat".
Yes Lourdes....what a beauty!!! Only 15 huh?? I'll wait patiently :)
I think she fears age and yes, sees her impending doom! I think if you put her and GaGa together they'll just end up snogging. That's what Madge normally does 'ain't it?
Madonna and this, not very unexpected.
I like Justin B :)
I'm on my way to click your "tit-flashing" label to see if there are more posts like these . . .
Sabrina: Hah, I'm sure you'll be gentle with her, Saby!

Juliette: Yes Madge did snog a woman, didn't she? Was it Britney?

Lubaina: I suppose not. Her shocking acts have become predictable.

Izdiher: Really? I hope you get the chance to feed him by hand.

Kenneth: You'd have more luck with "jahoobies", Dr Ken.
Jeebus, thank god there was a little star over her titty in that image!

No one could pay me any amount of money to do that. At all.
I hope you never suffer the indignity of receiving such a proposition, Catherine.
I think Madonna and Gaga should swap heads. That way they both get what they want.
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