Friday, June 15, 2012

Brazen blondes

The manageress of a dating site for adulterers is claiming that blond women are the most successful cheats:

“They know what they want and are seizing life by the horns,” declared Rosie Freeman-Jones of ‘Intimate Encounters’.

Does that mean life is a bull or a pair of cocks? The metaphors of a dating-site madam are unfathomable to a simple gorilla like me. In any case, I’m not convinced by her suggestion that blondes are a breed apart. She seems to have forgotten that women can dye their hair. For all she knows, the biggest trollops on her client list may be bottle blondes.

There is no solid evidence that men on the prowl for floozies prefer natural blondes. Consider the case of La Cicciolina, the Hungarian-Italian porn star, who famously offered her body to Saddam Hussein as a bribe for withdrawing his forces from Kuwait. Although her flowing locks were bleached, she never bothered to dye her dark eyebrows the same colour. Her admirers knew she was a fake blonde but they never gave two hooters about it.

As for the lady garden, my old friend Smacker Ramrod told me that even natural blondes tend to have pubic hair which is several shades darker.

“Yellow beavers look unnatural, even when they’re genuine,” he explained. “That part of a woman’s body is meant to be dark and mysterious.”

I took his word for it at the time, but now I’m not so sure. Could differences in lighting and shade account for the apparent mismatch? For many blondes, of course, the modern fashion for the depilating the cha-cha has made this question moot. There is very little mystery left in a woman’s undercarriage these days – it must be one of the most photographed areas of the human body.

It actually surprises me how conventional fornicating women are in their choice of cosmetics and dyes. I would have thought men who wanted to cheat on their wives were bored and looking for something different. Whatever you say about blond hair, it isn’t very different.

To my way of thinking, the enterprising hoochie should adopt a new and exciting look to entice men into her web of sin. A good place to look for ideas would be Star Trek (the original series), where Captain Kirk was continually putting his phaser on stun for some weird and wonderful alien chick. Although these damsels in distress were always humanoid, they usually had some exotic feature which made them especially alluring. I recall a particularly raunchy green one, who gave every indication of being a tigress in the sack.

The broader question, of course, is whether a dating site for cheaters is ethical. My own view is that it’s better for adulterers to commit adultery with other adulterers than deceive people genuinely looking for love. Such an arrangement is less likely to result in anguish, turmoil or dire revenge. Sometimes it’s safer to let the guilty wallow in their guilt than endanger the peace of the realm.

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i suspect their figures have also been adultered. hard to believe that 3% of the married population have signed on for this service. probably 600,000 teenaged boys signed on looking to hop in the sack with an older woman.
The biggest subscribers to "dating" sites are men. I doubt the majority of these are blond but are in fact balding...
Am lost for words... Dating site for cheaters!? REALLY??! Well I never! x
Are blond gorillas trustworthy GB?
What if your match-up (“soul/body mate”) from such a site turned out to be your own spouse? Ha! That would be an interesting “first” meet!
When does it stop, GB? And that's about it for the article -"taking life by the horns" - people get paid to write and research this, run the service, etc. I guess I'm just jealous.

Billy: I'm not saying you're wrong, but many true things are hard to believe. I still find it hard to believe the Pope is infallible.

Steve: So what? Haven't you heard of wigs?

Hannah: It's shocking, Hannah, isn't it? If only all blondes were as good as you.

Juliette: Absolutely not, Jules. Any gorilla who dyed his hair blond would be a fraud and a poodlefaker.

Beth: Hah, I wonder if it's ever happened! Neither would be justified in complaining, of course. They may as well go on and have an affair.

Robyn: It's not a bad occupation, Robyn. Maybe you should consider managing a dating site yourself. I'm sure you'd weed out the bozos very quickly.
I agree Mr Gorilla Bananas. If someone's going to cheat then they may as well do it with someone else who wants to. Now why didn't I think of a site like that? An internet brothel Madam! What an easy job. Are there any blonde gorillas? (hmmm...poodlefakers!)
@Beth and GB- Do you not remember the song Escape (the pina colada song). That whole thing about about a guy attempting to cheat on his woman by answering a personal ad. When he finally meets the woman whose ad he's answered it ends up being his "own lovely lady".
The whole bleach blonde thing leads to bottles of confusion. Let me show you what I mean. There was this blonde haired girl at work, who later dyed her hair black, then red. But then I realized I only thought she was a blonde because the first time I saw her she had blonde hair. THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT WAS HER ORIGINAL HAIR COLOR THEN DOES IT! Hmmph. Anyway, I don't know how in the hell people have time to have wives, and families, and ALSO time for mistresses, and lovers on the side. What an abominable waste of human energy. It seems if that energy were focused into something positive and helpful to mankind rather than deceit, and extra-marital humping, the world would be a much better place.
I went onto a dating site once and gave them all my details. The answer was "circa 1850".
What makes one a "successful cheat"? Not getting caught???
This is great!
Juliette: There are no naturally blond gorillas, Jules, and the ones that dye their hair are not to be trusted.

Angie: I never heard that song, Angie. Did they kiss and make up?

Jimmy: When she dyed it black, you should have asked her if it was her natural colour. That's not an improper question to ask of a woman who's frequently dying her hair.

The Owl Wood: What was the question? Your year of birth? The last time you had sex?

Keeping it real: I think it means sleeping around a lot and always getting your first choice.

CAMB: Thank you, Ms Bro. It's even better when you read it.
they always make it seem like blondes are a different breed altogether. my grandma was always puzzled and in fact had pity of blond kids. she used to say 'these kids are born with white hair. what a pity. they'll never know the joy of having nice, dark hair. they'll have white hair all their lives."
Your last point is very apt as much as I disagree with cheating on every lever. At least people going into adulterous relationships know what they're getting into.
Apparently la cicciolina also offered her body to Osama bin Laden. Maybe that was the porn he was watching when he gave up the goose and allowed himself to be shot between the eyes.
I read somewhere that 97 percent of the blondes you see dye their hair. I am guilty of same. Most little blonde girls, like me, turn darker as they get older - product of hormones.
As for hair removal on the undercarriage, well, it does help some men find what they should find. ;)
I used to dye my hair blond-it looked like hell.
A few years ago there was a big flap about a dating website directed at married people looking for outside romance here in Canada.
We all got angry for a few days then forgot about it.

Sometimes a cigar is only a cigar.
But, green chicks......
IDK call me old fashioned I have zero tolerance for cheaters/cheating. I mean anyone with the kahona's to cheat, should have the balls to tell the other person why they have those feelings (just my opinion) I think guys go for blondes because they appear as dumb as a box of rocks.
Jaya: You're grandma wasn't a cheating husband, Jaya. Some men do have a thing for dark-haired women though...

Emma: Hello, Emma. What do you think of couples in "open relationships"? There is a blog written by a woman in one.

Kage: If Osama gave you his goose, would you cook it? I want to see you eat goose.

Dawn: Hello and welcome, Dawn. I never realised hormones had that effect. How dark would your hair be without dye?

Laura: I'm glad you stopped dying your hair, Laura, because I like your natural colour. It is your natural colour, isn't it?

Al: Don't you recognise her? I think her name was Vina.

Gossip girl: I'm not sure men who cheat are doing it for emotional reasons. Have you ever owned a tomcat?
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