Friday, March 09, 2012

French nickers

A pat on the back for Yann M’Vila, the French football player who paid two prostitutes to spend the night with him. He doesn’t deserve a pat on the back for that, of course. Although spending money on call girls does stimulate the economy in times of austerity, it’s not the most effective method of pump priming. A Frenchman with a sound grasp of Keynesian economics would have hired a team of chorus girls to collect snails and frogs from his garden and prepare them for his supper with garlic and onions.

The praiseworthy aspect of Yann’s conduct was the resolute action he took on discovering that the whores had stolen goods worth 13,000 euros from his apartment. A lesser man would not have reported the crime to avoid revealing that he had consorted with harlots; but Monsieur M’Vila put the rule of law above his own feelings of shame. He promptly called the police, who arrested the thieving hussies and returned their loot to its rightful owner. Such public-spirited behaviour certainly merits an official commendation of some sort. If not the Légion d'honneur, then certainly the Coq des justes

There are important lessons for Yann to learn from this experience, nonetheless. If you are paying strange women to have sex with you, it is prudent to call a taxi after they have rendered their service, rather than falling asleep and trusting them to make an honourable exit. Hopefully, he’ll take such precautions habitually when he’s an experienced whoremonger. It is possible, of course, that he wanted the girls to lie beside him for company’s sake. Sleeping alone in a kingsize bed might be a lonely experience for a footballer who’s just been fellated. If so, he should have handcuffed the girls to the bed until daybreak. Enjoying a life of wanton debauchery means taking appropriate safeguards. 

As for the guilty women, I hope l’association des putains issues a strong statement condemning their behaviour. As for any other profession, prostitutes should uphold basic standards of honesty and integrity. Those French tarts would do well to heed the example of Miss Belinda Swallows, the Mayfair courtesan. Far from stealing her clients’ valuables, she occasionally gave them rebates if she considered the circumstances merited it. In her memoirs, she writes of a punter called ‘Edgar’ who burst into tears when she removed her bra. 

“I’m so sorry!” sobbed Edgar. “It’s just that you remind me of my mother. She had the most beautiful breasts!” 

“There, there,” said Belinda, giving him a tissue to dry his eyes. “There’s no need to apologise. Many men before you have wept on seeing my naked bosom for the first time. It affects people like a divine revelation if they are not accustomed to seeing human flesh moulded into adornments of perfect globular symmetry.” 

She then refunded 50% of Edgar’s fee and allowed him to suck on her left nipple for 5 minutes, which he did without making slurping noises. Class, I tell you. Pure class.

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Such a trusting, innocent young man – he learned his lesson the hard way... ;)
a fool and his money are soon parted. lend me a ten pounds and i'll buy you a drink and mother wake me early in the morning.
Nice picture.
I'd "motorboat" the hell out of those babies.
Then, I'd call her a cab.
Or anything else she wanted me to call her.
Interested that these ladies are 'part-time' prostitutes - just caught myself wondering what they do the rest of the time.
What thoroughly unprofessional ladies. I assume that they are being drummed out of their guild?
Yann's harlots are plainly made to be politicians.
Edgar worries me :)
Beth: Yes, let's hope it doesn't give him a grudge against all hookers. They shouldn't be unfairly stigmatised because of a couple of bad apples.

Billy: He was happy to part with his money, he just didn't expect to lose a lot of valuables as well!

Al: I don't understand this motor-boating craze. Doesn't it make you dizzy?

Renka: Well spotted, Renka, I was wondering about that myself. Do you think they might be using their immoral earnings to pay for a college education?

The Owl Wood: I would hope it's only a matter of time before they're defrocked.

Steve: Maybe that Strauss-Kahn fellow could team up with them. I should imagine they have common positions on many issues.

Jaya: Haha, Jaya! Haven't you heard of the Oedipus complex?
Hopefully, they do not have these types of problems of moral debauchery in the ape world, and it is just exclusive to pitiful homo sapiens. I remember having a conversation about related issues in the break room during lunch at the evil corporation I work for. One of my evil co-workers was expressing his views that getting a hooker was cheaper and more efficient than getting a girlfriend. I then attempted to inform him of the various pit falls of taking that road...including getting robbed like Yann the footballing Frenchman did (who should change his name to Flan the footballing Frenchman, because it rolls off the tongue). The 2 evil co-workers I was sitting with then told me I was "depressing" for smashing their glamorous illusions about the world of prostitution. I guess I had that coming. Anway, who did I think I was to try to teach them something they should have learned in the homo sapien school system,...or at very least in Bill Cosby's closing monologue on an episode of "Fat Albert."

Having said that, this issue of celebrities no longer needing to feel that useless emotion that used to be called "shame" can be seen as progress, I suppose. If Kim Kardashian had been born in a simpler time, she would have had to cover up her debaucherous past, with a little help from President Kennedy (who she would be having a secret affair with). Or David Letterman, would have had to just pay off the guy blackmailing him about his adultery, instead of spending an entire episode of his Late Night program announcing his problems to the whole world. I propose that David Letterman and Flan the footballing Frenchman and Kim Kardashian and all debaucherous celebrities, in the future, hold telethons to raise money to pay blackmail, compensate them for possesion prostitutes steal from them, and pay legal fees to win back the rights to their sex tapes, etc and so forth. Because if we are going to do away with "shame" for celebrities in Western society, we might as well go for the full monty, and provide safeguards against any financial risks lecherous behavior may entail.
Ah, how reminiscent of the drug users who call to report their stolen 8-balls of cocaine. :)

Edgar certainly wouldn't be the first man to tie his love of breasts to the maternal ideal, though I am disturbed by the fact that he openly admitted it!
That Edgar fellow has issues. As for Yann M’Vila, shameless.

What is this world coming to...
No, but those things can make your ears ring.
Think you might be right - they're probably studying for a BA in Football at Southampton Solent University 'one of the country's leading centres for the academic study of football'...
13,000 Euros worth of stuff. Man he should've just booked a room
Jimmy: Wow Jimmy, that's a hell of an essay! The absence of shame was helpful in this case, as it brought the thieves to justice. But can a righteous man be entirely shameless? Even you must have done something you're ashamed of.

Angie: There's no need to hide a maternal fixation from a prostitute - she's being paid to fulfil the fantasy. Have you ever been called 'momma' by a lover, Angie?

Azra: The world is coming to a place where paying for sex is like paying for a haircut, Miss Azra. For footballers, at least.

Al: Really? I would have guessed it's like listening to a sea-shell.

Renka: Which would make their crime all the more disgraceful. You ought to have some respect for someone who's excelled in your chosen field.

Adam: Quite. The price of a hotel room would have given him peace of mind.
huh. i have a better rack then all those girls. where are MY stolen goods?
i knew there was a condition like that but never knew the name, GB
I have never been called Mommy, but sadly I have had someone actually say, "who's your daddy!?" during sex. I laughed and ruined the moment. ~sigh~
You mean like dancing naked in the shower singing "Love You Like a Love Song" by Selena Gomez?
I never get guys that have to pay for it.
I shudder to think how old Edgar was when he stopped breastfeeding, if he stopped.

Geojour: What's wrong with them? Worse ones have been kissed.

Kage: You should get all the goods you need legally with a rack like yours, Ms Kage.

Jaya: Glad to have refreshed your memory, Jaya. It was old Father Freud who coined the term.

Angie: I suspect a lot of American men say that, because I heard it on TV once. I think you were supposed to say "You are, Daddy, you are!"

Jimmy: No man should be ashamed of what he does in the shower. You must have done more shameful deeds than that.

Dr Zibbs: OK. Is that a good thing?

Robyn: Funny you should say that Robyn, because I heard a story about men in Singapore who hire wet nurses for their own use. I think they believe it keeps them young.
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