Monday, February 20, 2012

Northern exposure

I had thought that nude hiking was an exclusively German pastime, but apparently it goes on in England too. A man called Nigel Keer has been arrested by an off-duty policeman during a naked ramble through the Yorkshire countryside. The policeman, who was fully clothed, made the cop after noticing the “disgusted face” of a woman walking her dog. 

The policeman’s behaviour looks fishy to me. Why would an officer of the law apprehend a naked man because he saw a woman’s disgusted face? Wouldn’t the sight of his wobbly buttocks be sufficient grounds to take him in for questioning? I suspect this so-called policeman is either a nudist sympathiser or a closet nudist himself. He obviously has no objection to people running around naked unless they happen to upset women walking their dogs. The suspicion of police collusion dangles from this case like a limp piece of flesh. I hope the judge gets to the bottom of it. 

The hiker has attempted to justify his unclothed caper by saying that he was unemployed and had nothing better to do: 

“It was just something I did to pass the time,” he explained. 

I have a certain amount of sympathy for his line of argument. If you’re out of work, going for a naked stroll is far better for body and spirit than watching daytime TV or playing marbles. And as Mr Keer pointed out, there’s a huge difference between honest, bare-arsed nudity and flashing. There was no reason at all for the dog-walking woman to frown disgustedly at him. If that’s how she reacts to a naked man minding his own business, what would she do if some foul wretch pulled down his pants and leered at her? Have a nervous breakdown? 

Of course, it’s possible she was disgusted by the man’s body because she found it unsightly. I suspect there are many women who never look at naked men unless they are gazing at statues of Graeco-Roman gods, which exhibit a perfection of form that few real men can attain. It is also evident that these statues are quite modest in the todger department, which in the classical world was viewed as a sign of refinement. Artefacts retrieved from Pompeii indicate that the Romans thought big willies were ludicrous, befitting donkeys rather than men. I dare say there are still many English spinsters who have no idea how grotesque and droopy a man’s genitalia can be. 

In view of these mitigating factors, I think Mr Keer is fully justified in appealing against the fine of 315 pounds sterling imposed on him. It’s all very well to sympathise with the woman he offended, but what about his feelings? It can’t be very nice to have someone frown at your private parts as if they were horrible deformed things. Perhaps the best solution would be for Mr Keer to meet the woman fully-clothed and assure her that he meant no affront. The court could then provide her with some photos to convince her that what she saw was nothing out of the ordinary.

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i should try it sometime,, i`m starting to get bored with marbles.
I thought running around nakey was ok in Germany...Or maybe thats just some areas
second...I dont know why any guy would think that his beans and frank.... was that great looking to walk around showing it ....
I say "ICK!"
I dont mind the mechanical part of it all , but i certainly would prefer it being dark.
Based on what i have seen of the nude sculptures of women, that actually are pretty spot on,when it comes to what a real
un-photoshopped naked girl looks like.....I would say that a lot of sculptures had little weenies
Perhaps what she saw was out of the ordinary! So much so that the fine was quite justified – even lenient.
Interesting historical tidbit about size… ;)
Isn't it always cold up North ?

Never mind court I think he probably needs to see a doctor - frostbite can make things fall off.
I fail to understand exactly how the woman was victimized. Until that is made clear, with no victim - there is no crime. I would appeal too.
I'm thinking the same thing as dirtycowgirl. Isn't ALL of England cold right now? It's February. I'm thinking "up north" includes everything north of Africa. I gotta think that it would be chilly enough to make his "inny" an "outey."
I'd rather play marbles. "Grotesque and droopy"? Come to think of it, I've never seen a pretty willy. Always looks like something died there.
He was fined £315? That's a curiously exact figure. How did they arrive at that. Were they not tempted to round it down or is the pettiness of the amount meant to be another barb directed at the poor fellow?
i was wondering about the cold too :) he needs find a job, and then turn up naked on the first day.
see how it goes :)
or maybe that's how he lost his last job.
There is a lot of misunderstanding here, specifically that Policeplodpersons and Judges and Courts are anything much to do with crime, criminals and criminality. In England these personages and institutions all just tax collectors working for the more creative and inventive branch of the Inland Revenue.

I rather suspect that the tax collected was roughly £100 per inch plus a £15 "Victim Surcharge".
Crowbloke: Better take a fig leaf with you so you can cover up your meat-and-two-veg when a woman walking her dog approaches.

Reality Jane: Not many women admit to liking their appearance. Do you think the weenies on sculptures look better than real ones?

Beth: That's a possibility that can't be ignored, Beth. It ought to have come out in court.

Dirty Cowgirl: It's a pity you weren't the woman walking her dog, Ms Cowgirl. I'm sure you'd have come up with a better response than a frown.

Bagholder: It seems she was a victim of a crime because she was upset - the law is a continually evolving beast.

Al: Are you talking about belly buttons? I didn't know they were affected by the temperature.

Azra: Haha, Miss Azra, I wasn't aware you'd seen a large enough sample to make generalisations! Good thing you only saw dead ones so you didn't need to call the police.

Steve: It seems to be £300 plus a 5% tip for the judge. Maybe the woman will get a cut as well.

Jaya: They're hardy folk up in Yorkshire, Jaya. Maybe he could work as a strippergram?

The Owl Wood: You obviously have an axe to grind here with all the trespassing you've done with your camera. I assume you set aside a portion of your income for fines.
You know what they say GB: never underestimate a woman. I reckon dead or alive, its still hideous. Good thing Lust is blind.
I'm a sucker for a good joke, so if I had been the lady in the park I would have first looked at his genitals (because it's just how I am) and then I would have looked him dead in the eye(s) (on his face) and ask him to tell me a joke. If the genitals aren't funny enough, of course.

Just to be clear... I don't think either sex has cornered the market on ugly genitalia. They wouldn't call it bumping uglies if they were pretty!
poor man , i feel sympathy for him , minding his own business... i think we should make her go through the same humiliation... plus she should be used to it her pet is such a dog! the amount of time it spends naked... i mean honestly ;)
I'm talking about his shillelagh.
people be crazy
the cop obviously knew the dangers of skin cancer. white people and the noon day sun don't mix.
Azra: Good thing cocks aren't vain, Miss Azra!

Angie: Suppose he wanted to talk about his genitals. Would you have discussed them with him?

AmbivalentGirl: It's worse than that, Miss Ambivalent - dogs actually lick their own private parts in full view of their owners! That woman really had no excuse, she ought to apologise for her behaviour.

Al: I didn't realise he was that well armed.

Adam: Especially the human peoples.

Billy: True enough, but the sun rarely shines in the North of England. It's the greyest place on Earth.

Reality Jayne: Does that mean you're not an art lover, Jayne?
gorilla; So, that's what I should have been doing on my off time looking for naked men and women with crachity looks on their faces..I would have tok him to the ground...but this guy is not good looking enough for me to do it steril gloves on down he goes...
A naked hike...because he's bored and out of work. With the unemployment rates the way they are, this may become a new trend. Morning jogs may never be the same, and I don't even jog.
Considering how obsessed canines can be with the draped loin section of their bipedal friends, I wonder whether the dog played a role in causing his owner's disgusted face.
Yet another argument for the sport kilt.

:-) Anna
I can understand the woman's reaction, GB. I've only seen naked men in the dark or semi-dark. In the daylight, I'd likely have the same response. It's usually not a pretty sight. A naked ape's much more attractive.
Hmmm I doubt it. Once you enter into a conversation about the genitals themselves, you're almost certain to get to this part of the conversation, "No, really. Come here and take a close look. I don't know if it's something I should be worried about or not. What do you think?"

Then you get poked in the eye and the joke's on you! Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
I don't mind naked men walking about as long as they are greek god lookalikes. But foul wretches pulling down their
pants and leering at women while playing with his teeny-weeny is a common sight in India and its outright disgusting! And I wish somebody would invent an spray which can cause priapism in them.
JTILIS: They play a sport called Rugby League in northern England. I think you might be a natural, Miss.

Frisky Virgin: Perhaps it's a way for the unemployed to network and acquire transferable skills, Miss Virgin.

Deborah: The dog should have been prosecuted if that happened, Deb. Its owner too for not training it to keep its snout away from a man's crown jewels.

Ann: I'm not sure it would have made him more respectable in Yorkshire.

Robyn: It is true that nice girls don't look, Robyn?

Angie: In the eye? I assume his aim wasn't too good! Anyway, I'm glad you learned something from the experience.

Runaway: A common sight? What the devil is going on in India? Maybe some kind of stinging spray would teach them a better lesson. Have you heard of the Baba who can stretch his twinky around a rod and pull it behind his butt? He appeared on TV.
Yikes! I say it again, yikes!
What a whack job! I mean this is the thing, why expose yourself in Yorkshire where your cumberland sausage is likely to freeze. That's just plain daft. At least it is sometimes warm in Germany. By all means expose yourself in Spain but this is being foolhardy. If he gets frostbite in his dingaling he only has himself to blame.
that's funny, i usually get given 315 pounds to walk around naked.

but i would give it all to that man if he would just put his pants back on.
Cranky: That's one way of putting it.

Emma: They're hardy folk up in Yorkshire, Emma. It takes more than cold weather to make their todgers stiff.

Kage: There's no need to waste your money, Ms Kage. Just avert your eyes in a ladylike manner.
GB. not necessarily. It's about smarts. That is, smart girls don't look.
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