Friday, February 24, 2012
Indian porn scandal
Two Indian ministers have been caught watching pornography on their iPhones during a sitting of the state legislature. Their behaviour has provoked much outrage in the country. The richer classes are annoyed that people on public salaries were horsing about in their place of work; the poorer classes are enraged about not having access to internet porn.
I hope someone tells those Indian ministers that watching pornography will make them impotent. Back in the days of Lilly Langtry, the mere sight of a woman’s ankles could make men explode with lust. Thanks to pornography, there is now nothing left on a woman’s body that incites such a reaction. I foresee a day when a foxy lady will no longer be able to seduce a man by smiling at him and taking off her clothes. Like a female gorilla, she will have to jump on his face and make him smell her glands.
When I mentioned this story to the manager of the safari camp, he affected an air of puzzlement.
“Why is looking at porn an issue in India?” he asked. “Didn't it all start with the Kama Sutra?”.
I shook my head and tut-tutted.
“The Kama Sutra wasn’t pornography,” I replied, “it was a guidebook for the cultivated man. Information and titillation are different things."
“What about tits and titillation?” inquired the manager with vulgar smirk on his face.
I wasted no more of my breath on this fatuous conversation.
The Kama Sutra does contain pictures of sex acts, of course, but men of refinement in ancient India were expected to be trained in multiple techniques. This doctrine of boudoir proficiency fell out of favour during the British Raj, when unusual sexual positions were banned, and Indian men of noble birth were taught that cold showers and flogging were the answer to everything.
Modern India continues to fret frustratedly under this baleful legacy of colonialism. The men of that country stare at women lecherously without knowing how to approach them, while bum-pinchers and gropers lurk in alleyways. The lack of opportunity for authentic erotic activity has fuelled the demand for cheap and nasty porn.
Perhaps the impending visit of three philanthropic Englishmen will console the Indians in their hour of shame and introspection. These fellows are going on a sponsored rickshaw journey across the country dressed in Spandex Morphsuits. The oppressive heat and lack of good toilet facilities will make this a feat of endurance, even though they’re being driven to their destination.
“I’m quite a hygienic person,” explained one of the motley gimps, “so living in a Morphsuit for three weeks and not being able to shower three times a day like I do at the moment – that’s quite a worry for me.”
Let's hope the Indians turn out in large numbers to cheer them on and assist them in any way possible. The men will surely appreciate being sprayed with deodorant as they bump along the hot and dusty roads. And if that doesn’t help, dousing them with cow piss should sterilize their toxic bodily effusions.
Labels: cow piss, deodorant, Indian politicians, Kama Sutra, Morphsuits, pornography
Comments:
<< Home
I doubt there was much difference between what the ministers were watching on their Iphone & what the state legislature - they were supposed to be watching - was doing to the people.
What else were they supposed to do? That Indian language is a frikkin' nightmare. No one can understand a word they're saying. And, besides, is there anything really, really important going on there?
"Yes, I would like to move that the Verizon Call Center be moved from Mumbasa to Visshnapedookmankerferder because my grandmother's spirit lives in a cow there. All in favor? Opposed? Okay, let's go out for some Chinese. Indian food sucks."
If you'll excuse me, I need to catch up on my internet pornography. I'm gonna watch it until I get a LITTLE impotent.
"Yes, I would like to move that the Verizon Call Center be moved from Mumbasa to Visshnapedookmankerferder because my grandmother's spirit lives in a cow there. All in favor? Opposed? Okay, let's go out for some Chinese. Indian food sucks."
If you'll excuse me, I need to catch up on my internet pornography. I'm gonna watch it until I get a LITTLE impotent.
I read the translated original text and I think Kama Sutra is full of shit even for that time and age. It's basically a manual on domestic slavery although the many versions that we see today only contain sexual positions. The text explains how the wife should slave for the husband in every way. It''s more than just linggam worshipping.
See they need to watch some of my poor the UFC cage fighting then that will get them excited ...not looking at an ankle..what can I say I like it rough
i understand a man with a pocket full of gold would be able to try out many of the kama sutra positions with some lovely indian maidens.
I guess I can cover my ankles back up now. It's not working for anyone and the snow is getting deep.
I don't think those Kama Sutra positions are even real. I told you already... there are only three actual positions and everything else is just a variation on flexibility.
PS... I am going to go bleach my brain to clean the image of jumping on a man's face to make him smell my glands. Er... uh...
I don't think those Kama Sutra positions are even real. I told you already... there are only three actual positions and everything else is just a variation on flexibility.
PS... I am going to go bleach my brain to clean the image of jumping on a man's face to make him smell my glands. Er... uh...
You have me lost with all of this talk of sexual "positions". Surely, since in England everything is done via hand-written letters sent by 2nd class post, or on open moorland while wearing damp cheesecloth and a large horse, the only two positions are at one's writing desk or at the gallop? The adventurous may possibly extend to biting a knuckle or writing on lavender paper, but it's all a bit vulgar isn't it?
post script. When will the legislation making spandex and lycra a capital crime come into force? Is there anything one may do in order to hurry it along?
If only cold showers and flogging really were the answer to everything... how much more simple life would be.
John Gray: Of course Prescott did it! He didn't have the energy for the real thing!
Bagholder: Maybe becoming porn addicts would distract politicians from other forms of corruption.
Al: A man with your shrewd grasp of Indian politics ought to be the American ambassador. Being impotent is another good qualification for the job, so watch as much porn as you like.
Jaya: You mean it's a manual for wives as well? I never knew that. I wonder why a man who could afford actual slaves would want his wife to be one.
JTILIS: Cage fighting? Does that involve cocks?
Billy: Yep, there's no harm trying different things if you've got wherewithal.
Angie: Could you post some pictures of your ankles, Angie? I'd really love to see them.
Runawaybride: Yes, I read that! I believe they've resigned now.
The Owl Wood: You've forgotten the very important position where one bends over before being caned on the buttocks. An authentic English tradition, you will agree. Spandex is very vulgar and modern, but you can't stop the march of time.
Steve: Yes indeed. Just think of all time spent with counsellors and shrinks that would be saved.
Bagholder: Maybe becoming porn addicts would distract politicians from other forms of corruption.
Al: A man with your shrewd grasp of Indian politics ought to be the American ambassador. Being impotent is another good qualification for the job, so watch as much porn as you like.
Jaya: You mean it's a manual for wives as well? I never knew that. I wonder why a man who could afford actual slaves would want his wife to be one.
JTILIS: Cage fighting? Does that involve cocks?
Billy: Yep, there's no harm trying different things if you've got wherewithal.
Angie: Could you post some pictures of your ankles, Angie? I'd really love to see them.
Runawaybride: Yes, I read that! I believe they've resigned now.
The Owl Wood: You've forgotten the very important position where one bends over before being caned on the buttocks. An authentic English tradition, you will agree. Spandex is very vulgar and modern, but you can't stop the march of time.
Steve: Yes indeed. Just think of all time spent with counsellors and shrinks that would be saved.
Oh wouldn't it be nice for a man to lose his self control by looking at just my bare ankle. A bit like me whilst looking at the dysentery dodgers. Now that would have been a job for Karl Pilkington!
What? Pornography?
We don't allow that in the U.S. Interferes with the work day.
Unless, of course, it's used to sell toothpaste or a car or something.
That's hot.
Pearl
We don't allow that in the U.S. Interferes with the work day.
Unless, of course, it's used to sell toothpaste or a car or something.
That's hot.
Pearl
Those bozos HAVE to be porn addicts. Have to. They could've been looking at anything they wanted on the internet on those phones but they chose porn. I'd bet my 401K that their office computer cookie trail goes to those same sites more often than Rosie O'Donnell hits the craft table.
Have you seen the video of the newsreader in America where there is a guy in the background watching porn on a computer ?
It went out on live TV.
Judging from the number of hits from India my blog has been getting since I got back from Goa with pornish keywords ("fucking in goa" "beach fuck goa") they are indeed obsessed.
It went out on live TV.
Judging from the number of hits from India my blog has been getting since I got back from Goa with pornish keywords ("fucking in goa" "beach fuck goa") they are indeed obsessed.
The only concerning aspect of this, as I see it, is that one of these men is the Minister of Women and Child Development. I hate to imagine his strategies for developing women and children.
xoRobyn
xoRobyn
I like to have a female jump on my face while I'm in a cold shower. It's like a warm pineapple sundae. You've been there. You know what I mean.
JTILIS: You don't say. They must get pretty battle-hardened after a while.
Deborah: Three showers a day in England suggests he's either very sweaty or got some kind of phobia.
Juliette: I'm sure many men would go nuts at the sight of your ankles, Jules. Karl Pilkington wouldn't be one of them, though.
Pearl: You have toothpaste porn in the USA? I wouldn't mind a squirt of that!
Notactuallygod: You could be right, but it's possible they got a kick out of watching it in the legislature. Maybe it was like farting in church.
Dirty Cowgirl: Yes, I remember that newsroom incident, Ms Cowgirl. Is beach-fucking actually allowed in Goa?
Robyn: Let's hope he can keep business and pleasure separate, Robyn.
Al: To get Viagra? There must be another way...
Fred: Well, I can imagine what you mean, which isn't quite the same thing is knowing, even though I have a great imagination.
Deborah: Three showers a day in England suggests he's either very sweaty or got some kind of phobia.
Juliette: I'm sure many men would go nuts at the sight of your ankles, Jules. Karl Pilkington wouldn't be one of them, though.
Pearl: You have toothpaste porn in the USA? I wouldn't mind a squirt of that!
Notactuallygod: You could be right, but it's possible they got a kick out of watching it in the legislature. Maybe it was like farting in church.
Dirty Cowgirl: Yes, I remember that newsroom incident, Ms Cowgirl. Is beach-fucking actually allowed in Goa?
Robyn: Let's hope he can keep business and pleasure separate, Robyn.
Al: To get Viagra? There must be another way...
Fred: Well, I can imagine what you mean, which isn't quite the same thing is knowing, even though I have a great imagination.
Canadian Members of Parliament have been caught on camera – sleeping! Which makes them equally impotent - in terms of serving their constituents.
As a British colony, I’m wondering if we too can link the increase in porn to colonialism…
As a British colony, I’m wondering if we too can link the increase in porn to colonialism…
Maybe they ought to do what good politicians here in America do, share pics of their wieners with random women on the internet. They are so behind the times.
hehheh ..... a sultry woman will have to jump like a gorilla ??? :D ....
nbtw dn one ofthem have the child and woma welfare porfolio ??? : ... the irony of lie i should add ...
nbtw dn one ofthem have the child and woma welfare porfolio ??? : ... the irony of lie i should add ...
Beth: Canada has a much colder climate than India, though. I doubt the British were to blame for suppressing your sexual urges.
Static: Yes, that's much more advanced than looking at porn. Sharing and participating is better than being a voyeur.
Menachery: Yes, you are correct, but I believe he has resigned now.
Post a Comment
Static: Yes, that's much more advanced than looking at porn. Sharing and participating is better than being a voyeur.
Menachery: Yes, you are correct, but I believe he has resigned now.
<< Home
