Monday, September 26, 2011

Sky high mischief

Tending bar at the safari guesthouse, I overhear the humans debating the safety of air travel. They agree that flying is the safest form of transportation, unless there is an accident or some crackpot terrorist sneaks on board. In either of those lamentable scenarios, they liken boarding an aeroplane to a death sentence with no possibility of reprieve. Hence the best thing for passengers to do, they conclude, is intoxicate themselves with alcohol to ensure they are suitably zonked out if the worst happens. 

This coping strategy seems to be a popular one, judging by a spate of alcohol-induced incidents on commercial jets. A recent one involved a comely young woman by the name of Katherine Goldberg, who drank a pint of whisky on a return flight from South Africa to London. Unfortunately, the quantity of liquor she consumed had the effect of liberating her inner hussy rather than rendering her senseless. One assumes she’ll learn from her mistake and drink two pints next time. 

What happened on the flight was this: Miss Goldberg clutched the private parts of an air steward and demanded his sexual favours. Caught by surprise, the man appealed to his co-workers for assistance without responding to her request. The cabin crew then harried the disappointed woman back to her seat and informed the captain of her misconduct. She was later reported to the authorities, who promptly charged her with sexual assault. 

After reading about this sorry affair, I got in touch with my old friend Smacker Ramrod, the circus vet, to acquaint him with the facts of the case. Although critical of Miss Goldberg’s behaviour, which he described as “futile” and “inopportune”, he was adamant that he wouldn’t have pressed charges if he’d been the air steward. 

“A man who prosecutes a woman for groping him is a pussy,” he declared stoutly. 

Smacker said that he would have grabbed Miss Goldberg by the wrists and escorted her to the galley for a private chat. After giving her a stern lecture on the etiquette of making propositions, he would have sent her back to her seat with her cheeks flushed red with shame. He added that he would have given her his business card so she could contact him if she needed further advice. 

I must say I prefer Smacker’s “tough love” approach to putting the woman on trial. She seems like a good-natured girl who made a mistake because her brain was befuddled by the demon brew. How will the public interest be served by raking over the coals in front of a haughty judge and a smirking jury? Far better to deal with her issues informally with a friendly pat on the backside. 

In the general scheme of things, of course, there is nothing wrong with a woman grasping a man’s todger. I am certain that the world would be a happier place if it happened more frequently. Once Katherine learns there is a time and a place for everything, those who cultivate her acquaintance will surely be touched with many blessings.

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A "pussy"? Methinks he's gay.
I guess it depends on the situation. As a woman, Im saying it takes some ovarys to grab a strangers balls....or booze.
She prob. doesnt even remember it....poor thing
I'm inclined to agree with Al.
But in all seriousness I think they should ban drinking - or getting on a flight if you are drunk.
If someones's drunk and out of control on a plane what can you do ? It's not like being in a pub where you can throw them out or move away from them.
A pint of whiskey? She should get some sort of medal just for that. A pint. That's quite remarkable. Even in my younger days I'd struggle to drink a pint of whiskey and stay awake enough to make a sexual advance. Even to a rock.
I'm with dirtycowgirl. Ban drunks on flights. They are somewhat terrorizing. I've encountered drunk men a couple of times when travelling alone. Unpleasant.

Still, in Miss Goldberg's case, why did they feed her that much of whiskey in the first place ?
There are no hetero air stewards. Anywhere or ever. Clearly the woman really had achieved a state of true senselessness.
Seems to me she was looking for a stiff one, whether in the bottom of a pint glass or grappling pink in the front of a pair of men's strides! Talk about mile high!!
Al: Isn't it possible to be a gay pussy? I think Satan's boyfriend in South Park was one such.

Jayne: How long does a girl need to talk to a fellow before it's OK to grab his crotch?

Dirty Cowgirl: The best solution would be to give them a sedative. That's what they did to the shoe-bomber and he wasn't even drunk.

Tennyson: And she looks like a slip of girl, too. She must have Celtic genes.

Jaya: Maybe it was her own whisky. Is there still a liquid ban?

Steve: That's what they used to say about hairdressers. I've heard some crafty dogs just pretend to be gay to get friendly with the girls.

Time Warden: I'd be very surprised if she found another stiff one where she was looking.
Perhaps it was. You can buy it at the duty free although technically you are not allowed to drink it on board for some reason but many still do. Like how some Russian travellers get drunk on their own vodka.
This is so funny. It's no wonder the government are in serious talks to ban advertising alcohol.

At the same time, I feel kinda sorry for her. At least she's taking out her frustrations on the air steward and not one of her students.
Firstly - we all have a choice when we start drinking: that choice is to do so responsibly and to quit whilst still ahead

And i would say that male or female any employee should be free to work without fear of assault

Still - it rather spoils the punchline of someone on the plane having had a stroke, doesnt it?
Thats some seriously impressive woman. A whole pint? I could never do tat. I'm such a pussy
GB - dead right: it is entirely possible to be gay and also be a complete pussy.

I used to work with a couple of Iron Marys who frequently berated their less, well, macho gay friends for being both "pansies" and "pussies" so I know whence I speak.

That said said I too have been grabbed by the crotch by an amourous yet steaming drunk young lady and it must be admitted that it can be a little off-putting if you're not expecting it.
If had thought there was a snowball's chance in hell that there would be a straight male steward on any flight I took, I would be so thrilled with the idea of getting frisked at the security check.

She was obviously barking up the wrong tree... or grasping the wrong branch.
I'm all for the private chat myself. Methinks that would have cured all ills. As for the haughty judge, I think he'll be slipping her his business card as he nips out back and dons his 'gimp' attire.
Jaya: I'm sure the case would have already been dismissed in Russia.

Azra: I can't believe she has any problem in finding men to oblige her at ground level. Maybe she was just trying to conquer her fear of flying.

DFTP: Assaults vary greatly in their severity, though. There is no suggestion that anything was bruised or damaged.

Nota Bene: Well, I'm sure there are other manly skills you could develop.

Jon: With your experience you should be called to the trial as an expert witness. Did you quickly recover your composure after the incident?

Angie: Well, there's nothing to stop you from enacting your fantasy with a willing volunteer. I believe that role play is recommended by the therapists.

Juliette: Hello and welcome, Juliette! I'm impressed with you inside knowledge of the habits of the English judiciary.
i could understand the steward objecting if ms goldberg was elderly and portly but she looks quite nice to me and if i'm any judge of character i'd say her personal hygiene would be excellent.
In his defense, GB, he's a Virgin steward. That must have really shocked him. He had no clue what to do.
PS She looks about 15, not 25.
I hope he wins the case, seriously.
One man's sexual assault, another man's dream...
She should have travelled with a rock band. I am reading about the Rolling Stones 1972 tour of America. Groupies were always welcome to hitch a lift aboard the Big Lapping Tongue.
My sources tell me.... the real problem was they were showing an
in-flight porn as the movie.... and serving chocolate covered strawberries and champagne as the snack.... so can you blame her?
Billy: Very true. Maybe her grip was too powerful for him...

Robyn: I don't think it's a civil case, so he doesn't stand to win damages. I hope he forgives her.

Beth: Yes, indeed, she was unlucky in her choice of gropee.

Lady Daphne: She may not have liked waiting in the blow-Mick queue. I get the impression that she's quite an impatient type.

Steve: I don't blame her (much), but unfortunately the law accepts no excuses.
If one doesn't wish to be sexually assaulted, all one has to do is insert a finger into his or her nostril. First knuckle will do it. Rarely does anyone have to escalate to Level 2: Farting.
Most of my male friends would never have objected to her actions. lol They might think it's crude, but they'd just laugh it off, then talk about it for a long, long time. lol
What is this world coming to when you can't even grab a man's package and not get in trouble for it...I tell you what I am appalled...I mean I drink to the point of passing out when on flights so that is prolly why I haven't ever been accuse of the same thing...hummf
Fred: Nasal rape is itself a sexual assault, whereas farting is gas warfare. I see you favour the pre-emptive strike doctrine.

Frisky Virgin: Perhaps they ought to become air stewards, Miss Virgin.

JTILIS: Hah, it's a good thing you know what your correct dosage is!
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