Friday, September 30, 2011

Hungry for power

The manager of the safari camp refuses to believe that Sarah Palin had a fetish for black men in her carefree days as a nubile college nymph. 

“There’s no way a white woman would marry a Caucasian after sleeping with black men,” he declared. “When they’ve had black, there’s no going back.” 

“Perhaps it was a case of ‘too much of a good thing’,” I suggested. “I’ve heard of humans going off chocolate after binging on those dark chunky slabs they sell in the supermarket.” 

“Fish-paste!” scoffed the manager. “A woman doesn’t go off men for being too chunky. Not unless they make her do kinky stuff, like biting their buttocks while the dog is watching. Black men aren’t into such vices.” 

“I humbly bow to your superior knowledge,” I replied. “Your scholarship in this field is clearly second to none.” 

Unfortunately for Sarah, the rumour will damage her politically whether or not it’s true. Many white men will deeply resent the idea that black college athletes enjoyed the flower of her womanhood at its freshest, while her hapless husband had to make do with the stale leftovers. I don’t see how the Republican Party could nominate her now, given that she’d have to take part in live TV debates with President Obama. All that Barry would have to do is flex his forearms and throw her a wink to make her go weak at the knees. 

The unwritten rule for a woman with political ambitions is to get elected before embarking upon a sex scandal. Consider the case of Julia Gillard, the raunchy redhead who governs Australia in the name of the Queen. Before becoming prime minister, she fooled people into thinking she was a frigid schoolmistress who changed her knickers every time the wind blew up her skirt. When I say “people” I mean “humans”, of course. We gorillas knew she was an insatiable vixen from the minute she entered politics. You don’t deny yourself the carnal delights if you’ve got the orang-utan gene. 

Now that her hands are on the levers of power, a show has appeared on Australian TV depicting an alleged kerfuffle on the floor of her office, in which she and her fancy man canoodle nakedly beneath the national flag. I’d be very surprised if this patriotic frolic will offend the voters. The last thing the Australian electorate want is a frustrated woman who obviously isn’t getting any to boss them around.

“What about Hilldog?” I hear you ask. I personally think it’s too late for Mrs Clinton to revive her flagging political career by having sex with someone. People would think she was doing it to win votes rather than because she genuinely enjoyed it. It’s time for the Democrats to pass the torch to a new generation of highly-energised hotties with the drive and ambition to get on top and stay there. If Chelsea isn’t interested, the heir apparent has got to be Monica Lewinsky. There aren’t many women in America with her record of selfless service.

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Hilary and Monica vying for power? Now that's a mass debate I'd like to see live on TV...
Monica v. Hilary would be better than a Pay per view boxing match.

See, I want to be a vixen and sexy and all those things, but with one man. I mean, I have fantasies, dang it! lol
Well, thank God that eliminates Michelle Bachman! US female politicians probably screw around as much as the men, but they also tend to neuter them emotionally and physically during the process. Perhaps it's a Praying Mantis thing? The bodies have yet to surface. Give it a few years... we'll see more female scandal!
most of the white men in our fair city seem to have asian girlfriends these days so the white women are forced to hook up with black men.

all this leaves the asian males with slim pickens.
Maybe Monica should become Sarah's intern? She could bring her own cigars.
I take offense to your suggestion that any human would go off chocolate. Shame on them.
I see now why they call the American seat of power the Oval Office! It's not just about the shape of the building!!
Steve: They're not that massive, don't be so cheeky. Well, Monica might be, but we could easily get her into shape.

Frisky Virgin: Are you a redhead, Miss Virgin? I hope you pick a fellow who deserves you.

Angie: I really need to pay more attention to these female American politicians. They ought give the men they neuter jobs as palace eunuchs.

Billy: It sounds like the Asian men and black women should hook up. Not a popular porn pairing, for some reason.

Tennyson: I'm wondering who'd be the giver and who'd be the receiver.

Robyn: I'm sure you never would, Robyn. You're a good girl who knows when to stop.

Time Warden: Are you implying that eggs are getting laid there as well?
I think it would be highly entertaining to watch Sarah desperately resist the urge to sink her teeth into the buttocks of President Obama on a live TV debate.
Maybe these disreputable political hotties should try to model themselves on the 'Iron lady' who would never have been caught in a sexual liason under the Union Jack, despite having been quoted as saying "I'm always on the job".
Seems to me that Gorillas like women in power Mr. GB. Is it because they are domineering, or is it because you secretly want to tame them? :)
Ah, the infamous Monica Lewinsky. Imagine going through life known for that one particular thing... Did she ever change her name? I would’ve. Of course, I never would have been in that position in the first to speak... ;)
Ah the Monica Lewinski incident, captured for posterity in the 2012 Olympic Games logo if you look carefully, although some have claimed it bares a closer resemblance to Lisa Simpson
Okay, Gillard clearly knows what she's doing, I'm ready to re-elect and I don't even live in Australia.
yeah Clinton put the freeze in freezer...I'm sure Bill only got one Chance with her to have Hillary and that was it...I couldn't even imagin
In the meantime..the world is crumbling....
Juliette: You don't look old enough to know about the Iron Lady! She certainly knew how to bite behinds in the metaphorical sense. I doubt Dennis was up for anything more literal.

Azra: It's because they remind me of female gorillas, Miss Azra. Always trying to break someone's balls.

Beth: I've always had a soft spot for Monica, Beth. She was cruelly treated by both fate and the FBI.

Nota Bene: That's the danger of viewing oriental symbols with an occidental eye. There is no such thing as Monica Lewinsky in China.

Megan: Did you watch the video clip, Megan? She seemed a bit too giggly for high office.

JTILIS: Well, Bill apparently told Monica that he was still giving it to Hilldog. He's not the most reliable source, of course.

Jayne: Maybe, Jayne, but that shouldn't stop us thinking about Sarah Palin. What advice would you give her?
A fun fight it would be to see. Sure positions would be taken on both sides, so to speak.
My sources tell me "Once you go black..... you come running back!"
The curious thing about Palin is how she remains a pinnacle of the Republican party, the same party that poo-poos pre-marital sex, out of wedlock children, interracial sex, etc. It just goes to show that if you add sex appeal to someone, you can overlook everything else.

Thankfully most Republicans are puffed up boars with the salaciousness of stale crackers.
Hillary getting busy??? Oh...Holy Chaz Bono. Even if I was forced to insert a Viagra IV drip, I couldn't do it.
Now, that Helen Thomas.......
"Monica Lewinsky is the change that approximately 50%(+/-) of the population wants to see in the world."
all i can say is that Palin is a very determined woman.
on the other hand, i can totally understand the challenges of a sports reporter - not that i was ever one.
Bananas I'm afraid that you are less accurate then usual, the scene showing Julia Gillard and her partner engaged in coitus under the Australian flag has caused outrage,
Although I do wonder what the reaction would have been if they'd left the flag off.
Did you see Berlusconi's comments on Angela Merkel? The man is not only an buffoon but an oaf.
Pat Hatt: A fight between the female contenders? Who would you be supporting?

Steve Bailey: Your sources being white ex-convicts?

ChrisV82: Are the Republicans officially against interracial sex? I haven't read anything about it in their pamphlets.

Al: You've forgotten what Hillary was like when Bill was running for president in 92. Half the men in America would have boinked her then.

Bschooled: Is that a quote from a Gallup poll?

Jaya: The lesson for sportsmen is that sleeping with a famous woman will reward you generously when you come to write your memoirs.

Jobrag: The only Australians who've complained about this are pompous types in politics and the media. I doubt the average Bruce is bothered in the slightest.
is there any truth that scientists have given up trying to understand the purpose of the universe and are instead trying to fathom the purpose of people like Sarah Palin?

It's less far to travel for a start
There's nothing like a competent sexologist to define what actually is "kinky."
GB, I don't think it's necessarily the official platform anymore (only 46% want to ban interracial marriage in Mississippi*, for example), but historically the party is not terribly in favor of integration, especially between the sheets.

DFTP: She's certainly more mysterious than a black hole, but it's easier to predict what happens to stuff that gets sucked into her.

Fred: Not much is kinky to a sexologist. They think that anything they've tried is normal.

Chris: The southern whites once accused Abraham Lincoln of supporting miscegenation, so the hymn sheets must have change a lot since 1860.
Sorry old bean, I should have specified Republicans "of the past 100 years."
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