Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Powerful women

A study has revealed that powerful women are just as likely to cheat on their spouses as their male counterparts. Someone should tell Angela Merkel. She’s been chancellor of Germany for over five years and still hasn’t put out. Could she be a dark horse who’s been quietly playing the field? I doubt it. A woman who’s getting laid frequently doesn’t look as tense and uneasy as Frau Merkel. The only kind of horse she is is a riderless one. 

When I mentioned this disappointing lack of Merkelian action to the manager of the safari camp, he grinned with a knowing look in his eyes. 

“She’s obviously not used to making the first move,” he said. “If I were one of Merkel’s aides, I would pay some young Wolfgang to bang her and let her take it from there. It only takes one polar bear to make a hole in the ice.” 

Beneath the vulgar language, I detected a valid point. It’s quite likely that successful women are too intimidating for men to proposition, so they have to do the chasing themselves. Such forward behaviour may not be in Frau Merkel’s repertoire of political skills. I’m tempted to invite her to the Congo for some tuition from my females, who have never been shy of grabbing what they want with both hands. My only worry is that the aromas and rhythms of the jungle might turn her into a sex maniac before she’d returned to human civilisation. A randy woman in a community of apes might provoke gross and unnatural acts. 

A powerful woman who shouldn’t need any assistance from her hairy cousins is Julia Gillard, the prime minister of Australia. The first thing to note about her is her flame red hair – clear evidence of the orang-utan gene, which implies a high sex drive. I don’t know anything about her private life, but I’d bet you a hundred coconuts that she’s a tiger in the sack. Living in Australia should also help her extramarital ambitions. The country is full of larrikin men who wouldn’t think twice about cornering Ms Gillard in an official function and offering her the use of their didgeridoo. It’s true that her voice isn’t very sexy – she sounds like a frigid schoolmistress, in fact – but that may be part of her political act. There’s no point giving the leader of the opposition an erection when debating changes to the superannuation laws. 

I’ve deliberately left Mrs Clinton until last. She’s obviously entitled to cheat on her husband, given the brazen debauchery that he has got away with in his long and distinguished career. My suspicion is that she’s one of those women who is only interested in very clever men, which narrows the pool considerably. She needs to go somewhere with a high egghead density to improve the odds of finding a suitable paramour. 

Perhaps I'll contact the Oxford Union to suggest they debate the motion “This house believes that Osama had bigger balls than Obama”. Honour would demand that Hilldog accepted an invitation to participate, obviously speaking against motion. Although most of the boffins in Oxford are untouchable with a barge pole, there’s always the chance that she’ll bump into a smooth-talking hustler like my friend Dicky Dawkins, who could teach her a thing or two about genetic recombination. It’s a match made in heaven. 

Labels: , , ,

My question is, which of the three women would you be attracted to - if you were that way inclined Mr. GB?
"she’s one of those women who is only interested in very clever men"

eh ? don't think so, look at her husband
"It only takes one polar bear to make a hole in the ice..." - the only trouble with that analogy is that once such a hole is made, subsequent fishing rods dipped into it rarely touch the sides.
i think she got about 20 well endowed greeks in exchange for all the bailout funds from germany.

she's gonna be in for a surprise one of these nights.
You might be onto something with Julia there GB; she isn't married after all.
So, if powerful women are as equally likely to cheat as their powerful male counterparts, could it be a "power trip" thing? Perhaps a position of power leads them to other positions??

Still, men and women should know right from wrong, powerful or not. I just don't get why people cheat. :/
julia a tiger in the sack!!!
(never moreso have you challenged the boundaries of my imagination)
Julia "Ranga" Gillard...

"a frigid schoolmistress"
Is not a political act... it is part of her sexual allure.
The opposition leader loves the idea of detention with Ms Gillard and goes out of his way to be a very naughty "Oldschool" boy.
Once again you've proved you are indeed wise in the ways of stuff. No wonder you damm dirty apes are going to take over one day
That's an interesting study, but why do we not hear about powerful women cheating? Maybe they're smart about covering their tracks. I wonder if they downgrade to someone much uglier than their spouse, as male philanderers tend to. What do you think, GB?
A simple equation, Mr. Bananas. Power=Increased Libido. It's why it can become overwhelming for some to hold a powerful position--it all goes straight to the hypothalamus.
Azra: If I were interested in human females, I think I'd plump for Julia. Something tells me she'd be putty in the hands of the right ape.

Dirty Cowgirl: Bill Clinton was a Rhodes scholar, Ms Cowgirl! A man isn't stupid just because he gets caught with his pants down!

Steve: A fishing rod may be too thin, but a polar bear's arse wouldn't be. Think about it.

Billy: Hah, she certainly deserves them after what she's done for Greece! I think she'd prefer them one at a time rather than all together.

Tennyson: Julia is single! Her attractions grow by the minute! Doesn't she have a lover though?

Frisky Virgin: Perhaps successful people are more likely to get bored with what they have, Miss Virgin.

Dull boy: She just needs the right man to warm her up, mate. There must be men in Oz who'd like to try their luck.

Princess: Has the leader of the opposition had any success in melting her icicles?

The Wolf: Thank you, Mr Wolf. For now, I'm content to counsel humans rather than taking over their dominion.

Robyn: It's because they're more selective, Robyn. They cheat with men of substance rather than bimbos who'll sell their story to a newspaper.

Emma: You could be onto something, Emma. How's your hypothalamus been feeling lately?
"flame red hair – clear evidence of the orang-utan gene, which implies a high sex drive"

i'll keep that in mind, GB. LOL.

I love the motion “This house believes that Osama had bigger balls than Obama”.

You're bananas but I think there's a ton of truth there.
I think the leader of the opposition might have more luck in grabbing her testicles...
What's that now about the polar bear and the ice?!

I've tucked that in my head and can't wait to use it.


p.s. Have added you to my blogroll. I'd forgotten how amusing this blog is...
your posts always make me laugh :)
Richard Dawkins is probably a selfish lover. It's in his genes.
Over productive, per usual, Mr. Bananas.
Jaya: Are there any redheads in your part of the world, Jaya? If there are, be wary of them!

Prude: It's typical of the sensationalist motions the Oxford Union likes to debate. I have no reason to believe it's true, however.

Princess: I very much hope he'd be grabbing air! Australia isn't ready for a shemale PM!

Pearl: I hope you find a good opportunity to use it...perhaps when you're visiting Greenland.

Vice Vera: That's good to know - laughter cleanses the soul...and the throat.

The Jules: Hah, but not true according to South Park. Have you seen the episode where Dawkins makes loves to Mr Garrison?

Emma: I wouldn't want it any other way, Emma.
There aren't GB. There are more orang utans than red-headed humans in this part of the world !
I would agree that has less to do with the sex of the person and more to do with the power when predicting a cheater.

I also agree that Hilary should have a free pass to sleep with men, and someone should step up for that.

1-2-3 . . .Not it1!!
My German colleagues in the KNOB* tell me that Angie is not as frumpy as she makes out. She prefers horns to woodwind, Eberhard tells me. I think that's brass band code for something but I didn't dare ask what.

*Kurt Nachtnebel Oompah Band
awesome stuff mmmm
Both Hillary and Julia are Welsh and therefore and therefore totally "cocwyllt", as we say. As for Angela, I've always said she could go into business as a Theresa May stripogram if the shifty SPD ever get back into power. Woof!
It could be that being powerful makes women more attractive, Alan Clark mentined in his diaries that Margret Thatcher was a "damned attractive woman".
A little off topic, but Julia Gillard looks like she has great skin. It makes up for her voice.
Jaja: That's just as well, Jaja, the orang-utans have enough problems without being mistaken for red-haired humans.

Dr Ken: Sleeping with Hillary would be like military service. If you survived the experience you'd get a purple heart.

Lady Daphne: I never knew she had musical talent. I suppose blowing a horn helps her cope with the frustrations of high office.

Zertuzzi: I'm not sure what you're referring to, but I thank you nevertheless.

Mr Boyo: Hillary chooses her words too carefully for a Welsh. Either the bloodline's been corrupted or her Welshness was purged in an Ivy League sorority.

Gresham58: Alan Clark was a dirty old Nazi. He probably fancied Mrs T because she reminded him of Magda Goebbels.

Missed Periods: How right you are. With skin like that, who needs a voice!
From one in the know, powerful women treat men like careers. Only the most challenging will do. Easy targets are out. Dominant intellectually, physically or financially is in. Oh, and yes, once unleashed they won't stop until you do.
Does your last sentence mean they lose interest if they don't have a rival?
i don't care what anyone says, hillary clinton is hot, and that pic of her of yours with her open mouth there is beckoning me...
There is much in what you say. I think she was in her prime when Bill was running for president in 1992.
Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

Follow my blog with Bloglovin Follow my blog with Bloglovin