Friday, February 04, 2011

An inside job

The British police are embroiled in yet another scandal. The aggrieved party, on this occasion, consists of women who have been seduced by undercover police officers. Apparently, it is standard operating procedure for detectives who have infiltrated radical protest groups to boink the female activists. It’s seen as the most effective method of proving loyalty to the cause, given that a man who's genuinely feeling righteous passion can never stop it seeping to the loins. 

The scandal erupted when the victims of this undercover hanky-panky realised they’d been duped into sleeping with the enemy. A woman who believes she is treading in the footsteps of Joan of Arc doesn’t appreciate being made to look like a stupid trollop. Being ravished by a reactionary foot soldier of the system is bound to make her feel dirty, no matter how good his deodorant was. 

Having been so fiendishly despoiled, the women are refusing to take it lying down. They’ve formed a new protest group which has picketed Scotland Yard, displaying banners with hard-hitting messages such as “Keep your truncheon in your trousers!” and “You told me the handcuffs were kinky!”. The aim of this agitation is to persuade a high court judge to review the insidious tactics of the police and give them a firm dressing down. 

It would be all too easy to dismiss these women as silly floozies who would drop their knickers for any cross-eyed fellow who mouthed a few appealing political slogans. In reality, the officers selected for this work were hand-picked for their pretty-boy looks and smooth-talking charm. There’s only so much cake and honey a woman can eat before she allows her benefactor to raid her larder. 

Back in my circus days, I comforted several female performers who had been tricked into bed by men who pretended to share their hobbies. 

“Oh, GB!” cried a tearful trainee acrobat. “The troll collection he showed me didn’t even belong to him! He borrowed it from one of the clowns!” 

“There, there,” I replied sympathetically. “I’m sure many girls before you have been deceived by men who masqueraded as collectors of trolls or other cuddly trinkets. Just remember not to be so trusting in future. Any man who claims to own miniature dolls must be interrogated thoroughly until he can prove it beyond a reasonable doubt.” 

As for the undercover officers, they could make amends for their caddish behaviour by leaving the police force and offering to help the groups they spied on. I believe one of these men has already contacted the women he hoodwinked to express contrition and profess a sincere change of heart. 

“I used to be a tool of the establishment,” he wrote to one of his victims, “but after nuzzling your delicious boobies I saw the error of my ways. I am now ready to fight for the cause and bear upon your boobies like a comrade honest and true.” 

If that doesn’t earn him forgiveness, nothing will.

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I don't understand. They had consensual sex with charming pretty boys and they're protesting? Geeze, I thought Americans were twisted.
Police, gorillas, chimps... Men are they same... They manage to keep their masquerade well.. my advise to these nuzzling boobies would be to just enjoy the cake while it lasts..
Let's get this straight. The police had one on sex with a single consenting woman, didn't invite their entire squad to join in, didn't abuse every orifice, didn't film it and post it on YouTube? Are you sure these were real police men?
They moved on from being undercover to being under the covers. I believe that our pigs are an evolving species. My sympathies to the must have been an arresting experience
Crikey! Whereabouts in Britain, Mr B? And can I get a train there? Sounds like a dream come bloody true!
well that makes me feel a lot safer knowing the boys in blue are taking one for the team.
Being a British police officer sounds like a great job. You get to imbibe in your undercover businesses and there's much less risk of getting shot.

Although I guess the risk of getting herpes rises as a result.

This article reminded me a bit of this South Park episode -
Robyn: There's no pleasing some women, Robyn. Maybe the coppers weren't as good in the sack as they were hoping.

Runaway bride: That's very worldly advice for a bride-to-be, Ms Runaway. Does your mother know you have such ideas?

Steve: Isn't it bad enough that they tricked these virtuous ladies into bed? I didn't think you'd be an apologist for the fuzz.

Nota Bene: I'm sure they'd appreciate your sympathy, Mr Bene. Perhaps you should join their protest to give them moral support.

Tiny: You'd have to join a radical protest group first, Ms Temper. That means enduring a lot of boredom before you get any hot fuzz action.

Billy: It's amazing what the police get up to in defence of pubic safety. I hope they gave as good as they got.

Chris: Yes, expecting undercover policemen to practice safe sex might be hoping for too much. That South Park episode was a classic - wasn't it hilarious when the pimp fell in love with him?
perky perks of the job ! or collateral damage.
Perhaps these pretty boys weren't entirely satisfactory in their intimate endeavours - hence the protesters' heightened sense of outrage.
Hot damn! Another picture on your blog featuring nice ta-tas. Sweet! Who needs to visit a porn site when you can come to the japing ape? Of course, the same could probably be said with some of the stuff I write at times so I can't say much. :)

You're quite the gentlemanly jungle beast to have comforted those female performers in their times of need. I think I would have tried to take advantage of the situation, myself and offered them a lick on my lolly, instead.

It's fills my heart and mind with glee to know such scandals exist in the UK, too. In a neighboring big city close to my town, the cops have been caught pulling women over and giving them a sexual ultimatum in order to avoid arrest and/or heavy fines for whatever crime they committed.

In any case, the women in the bottom picture seem to be having a good time, laughing and such, while holding up those protest signs.
Where's the fun in being frisked by a policeman if he's not even wearing his uniform? I am confused.
I am with Scarlet. They need to be in uniform on the Queen's business. Fine upstanding chaps all of them.
"Floozie who would drop her knickers for any cross-eyed fellow who mouthed a few appealing political slogans" was my nickname in high school.

But eventually it was shortened to "floozie who would drop her knickers for any cross-eyed fellow".

(Only because the guys at my school didn't care much for politics.)
Wow. There are no words. You have very interesting reads on here, you know that? ;)
Oldest trick in the book, the honey trap. Ask Julian Assange.
If it was firemen they wouldn't complain.
I used to be married to the Popo and he always tired to trick me into having sex with him...although as you know I'm pretty easy so he didn't have to try hard...but he did handcuff me once...and we weren't having sex...Ahhh the good old days
Jaya: Do you think their collateral got damaged as well? That would have added injury to insult.

Kynoord: If so, they should sue the police for not training their officers properly.

Kelly: Is that so? Well at least those women got something in return having sex with policemen. It's better than being tricked into bed.

Scarlet: Some girls prefer them out of uniform, Miss Scarlet. Only girls who've been naughty want to be frisked.

Madame Defarge: I'm sure you are the kind of lady that men in uniform instinctively obey, Madame D.

Bschooled: That's an impressively long nickname, Ms Bschooled. Any boy who could say that in one breath would have deserved to get into your pants.

Frisky Virgin: I hope you are learning things that will be useful to you later, Miss Virgin.

Lady Daphne: I would like to ask him, Milady, but he seems to be keeping schtum for the time being.

Rachel: Are they more macho than the fuzz, Rach?

JTILIS: I hope you let him think he tricked you, Miss. Men like to enjoy their fantasies.
Too often the policemen that I meet are so arrogant, aggressive and in love with their own sense of power that they cannot manage to pull off any sort of "charm" whatsoever.

My daughter says if a friend tries to fix her up with a cop, she begins to mistrust their friendship entirely.
Your voice of experience leaves me sadder and wiser, Annie.
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