Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Holy Land Hooters

I overheard the manager of the safari camp telling his wife that he’d be making a business trip to Israel. 

“It’s the perfect country to market safari holidays,” he said. “All those arid deserts full of locusts and wild honey. The people there must be dying to visit a place teaming with wild animals and lush vegetation.” 

I knew at once that this was dung from the hippo’s rectum – a shower of manure to cover his tracks and delude his spouse. Being an ape who likes to get to the bottom of things, I resolved to determine the real reason for the trip. So I sneaked into the manager’s office and perused the recently viewed websites on his computer. It didn’t take me long to discover what was pulling him towards the holy land like a moth to a lamp. I found a news report about a men-only hairdressing salon in Tel-Aviv, where the cropping is done by women who wear nothing but thongs. 

One might laugh at the idea that a man would travel thousands of miles to see bare-breasted women, but don’t underestimate the novelty appeal of a topless barber-girl, whose gently-swaying globes brush against her customers as she carefully snips their locks. The enticement of such prolonged proximity to a fresh pair of jahoobies might be difficult for a tit-obsessed man to resist. 

It does surprise me, however, that the most vocal opponents of the Red Puma salon seem to be Israeli feminists. They have every right to disapprove, of course, but I would have expected the most vehement strictures to come from the ultra-orthodox rabbis. Shouldn’t they be invoking ancient Hebrew curses against this abomination? Or are they too busy queuing up to have their beards trimmed? Perhaps a scholar of Jewish law might enlighten us. 

Anyway, I agree with the feminists that the concept behind this salon is horribly sexist. Men who want to be groomed by naked women should get the ball rolling by stripping off themselves. Equality means reciprocity, and a man has no right to ogle a woman’s cupcakes unless he gives her a fair opportunity to examine his dangly bits. 

Now some of you might be thinking that I ought to get a haircut myself before pontificating about barber shops. Your premise would be wrong, because I used to have my fur trimmed in the circus. One of the female acrobats would kindly visit my trailer in the summer months to prune my coat with great delicacy. She once made an unusual request: 

“Do you mind if I take my clothes off, GB, it’s boiling in here. I don’t mind you seeing me naked because being a gorilla you’d look at my body with a doctor’s eyes.” 

I responded to her wish with great sympathy: 

“I quite understand your desire to snip me in the buff, and you are absolutely correct about my clinical detachment. But there is no blind on my window, and a pair of straying eyes might injure your modesty, to say nothing of our reputations.” 

After further negotiation, I agreed to let her strip down to her underwear. We gorillas are generous apes who will compromise on most issues for the comfort of our friends.

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Topless hairdressers? Hmm. I'm tempted to go for a back, crack and sack.
my wife cuts my hair, - if she got any ideas about getting 'them' out, i'd be joining the protestors
What a strange concept. I'm amused by dull boy's comment.
I'm no scholarly Jew, GB, but I might suggest that the Orthodox community isn't protesting because: (1) Orthodox women aren't encouraged to have or express opinions and (2) the Orthodox men may be taking advantage of this sacred service.
I'd rather have jahoobies behind me than a frontal lobotomy.
Well I’m appalled.....aside from 'wash, cut & blow dry's', I've just zoomed in on the pretty blonde haired ladies 'right hand', and it would appear she is smoking…. a cigarette.

Well “Tsk-Tsk to you, young lady blow dryer technician” – “Smoking is bad for you, and surely an unpleasant experience for your trusted and regular clients too by the way!”

At least they’ve had the good sense to protect the nice young man with a shiny black plastic Mac, from all those nasty odours.
Topless barbers eh. I wonder how much that would cost to franchise that in North America. I'm sure it would be a hit if they were located nears a Hooters.
I have a haridresser who, apart from insisting on adding a few more grey hairs every time I go, is lovely and talented.

However, seeing as she's about 15 stone and well endowed, I would fear for customers' safety and her back should she work in the above mentioned emporium.
we've got a topless hairdressing salon over here too
Steve: You wish. You'd be lucky to get your beard shampooed.

dull boy: Because you don't want to share them with other customers? I hope that's what you mean.

Robyn: That sounds right, Robyn. I bet they're secretly happy the feminists are pissed off.

Francis: Wouldn't you rather have the jahoobies in front of you?

Phil: I can't see it with my naked eye. How long have you spent scrutinising that picture?

The Wolf: It can only be a matter of time. I'm surprised Hef hasn't thought of it.

The Jules: I give the woman my blessing for being talented with her clothes on.

Nursemyra: I discovered that in my research, Nursie. The Israelis know a good idea when they see it.
they must get good tips!
The feminist group is probably concerned about health and safety issues. Nipple rash is no joke to the sufferer.
The ladies in the picture are not wearing thongs, but knickers and cut offs, I think I'd feel conned, if you promise thongs wear thongs!
Okay, it's been a full 24 hours now and I really don't think I can scrutinise her any more closely, for any longer. My eyeballs are all askew, and I'm totally cream crackered out.

I need to call into work and tell them why I didnt turn up yesterday. I'll just blame your disgusting and imoral post here, get some sleep, then start in on that other brazen little hussy on the left hand side... with a fresh pair of pyjamas on.
i think they should send a 2 for 1 coupon to mahmoud ahmadinejad.
Finally a way for men to get their fill of new boobs without haunting a boob bar and having to buy a split of champagne.
Jaya: They deserve them. I wonder how much they'd charge for a face massage.

Kynoord: A dollop of honey on each nipple might solve the problem.

Jobrag: They don't look like Israelis either, so they must be copycats or impostors. What a world we live in.

Phil: You should have freshened up your peepers with eye drops. The girl on the left looks three months pregnant, which wouldn't bother an alpha male.

Billy: One for his head and another for his pubes? I hope they keep their boobs a safe distance.

Bodaciousb: And get a haircut while they're doing it, saving both time and money. Why didn't anyone think of this before?
What I'd like to know is what do the female Gorillas in your camp think of these trysts? Its only fair that they have some of them ribbed hot naked non-gay guys snipping away at their furry coats as well...
I bet you got a big ol' hairy boner when you saw that chick's glistening milk juggies. Doctor's eyes?! You had interspecies jungle lovin' on the mind and you just won't admit it! You're naughty.
The most important thing you can have from a barber is someone skilled in their craft. All the titties in the world can't fix a bad haircut.

That said, there seems something unsettling about the whole situation. The possibility of obtaining an erection so close to a pair of scissors is very disconcerting.
GB! This post is a true masterpiece, a majestic work of literary art.

Dung from the hippo’s rectum, gently-swaying globes brushing against things,'re like the Robert Frost of the Animal Kingdom.
ROBIN: Holy Land Hooters, Batman!

BATMAN: Ummm ... What's a Land Hooter, Boy Wonder?
The girl who cut my hair at univesity - a fellow student - used to to it topless. It was a fetish of hers involving freshly cut hair and particularly sensitive nipples. I went along with it out of a sense that I could bring a little sunshine into her life.
Azra: They wouldn't have the patience to let a man cut their hair, Azra. They view men as exotic sex toys, you see.

Kelly: A male gorilla can't feel lust for a woman who shaves her armpits and legs. It would betray his values.

Chris V: I don't see the phallus being at risk unless he wants to have his pubic hair cut as well.

Bschooled:: Thank you, Ms Bschooled, I shall try to be worthy of your accolade.

Joe Polanski: Hello and welcome, Mr Polanski. I suspect Batman had very little interest in hooters of any kind. What can one say of a man who'd rather live with Robin that the Catwoman?

Jon: What a generous and obliging girl. I hope she graduated with first class honours.
I wouldn't mind going to a hairdressing salon where the gentlemen were naked, but would worry if the gentleman was tall and certain things passed my eye level.
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