Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Gaddafi's Italian blunder

Colonel Gaddafi must be feeling like a complete ass. On a recent visit to Italy, he invited 700 call girls to listen to him pontificate on women’s problems and his important role in solving them. In a fit of zealous pride, he urged them to migrate to Libya, boasting that the status of women in his country was an example to the world. The call girls naturally took this to mean that prostitutes earned fabulous rates of pay there, and a dozen or so eager beavers flew to Tripoli to make their fortunes.

On arriving, they were shocked to discover that hookers in Libya were paid less than the average shoe-shine boy. When they tried plying their trade in hotel bars frequented by foreign nationals they were shooed away like cats. Nor were they allowed to advertise their services in high-quality periodicals like the Camel Breeder’s Gazette. Enraged by this turn of events, they rushed to berate Gaddafi in his tent, telling him that unless he reimbursed their expenses they would tell everyone that Libya was a shit-hole. Gaddafi had no option but to cough up the cash and apologise for having misled them, which he blamed on a mistranslation of his words. The girls then returned to Italy and told everyone that Libya was a shit-hole.

The actual position of women in Libya is not a topic on which I have reliable information. Certainly, the young ladies in Gaddafi’s bodyguard detail must have a pretty cushy life – a woman who walks around with a semi-automatic weapon slung over her shoulder doesn’t have to take crap from anyone. As for the rest of the female population, who really knows? The Colonel likes to present himself as a progressive revolutionary type, but men in that part of the world are used to wearing the trousers and hogging the poufs. If a wife gets too lippy with her husband she might find herself being bartered for a goat at the souk.

To find out where women are truly respected, one must ignore the rhetoric and look at actual behaviour. Take the recent example of Senor Gustavo Rojas, a candidate for Venezuela’s National Assembly. He is raising funds for his campaign by means of a raffle in which the first-prize is breast enlargement surgery. The fact that he chose such a prize shows his interest in women’s issues and his desire to attract their support – or more particularly, the support of women who want bigger boobs. On getting elected, he will no doubt offer the winner of the raffle a secretarial position in his office.

Now recognising a woman’s right to have big jugs (should she wish to) doesn’t mean a society has dealt with all its gender issues. The political classes in Venezuela should view this as a stepping stone for other equally important rights, such as a firm and peachy butt. But it does make one wonder what Colonel Gaddafi would have to say if he toured Venezuela on a fact-finding mission, meeting the flower of its voluptuous womanhood. I wouldn’t be surprised if his famous eloquence deserted him, and he found himself tripping over his tongue.

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Women with larger breasts certainly understand the importance of support.
GB, you are one of my new favorite bloggers. I think I'm in love. May I add you to my list of blogs I love?
i like it here. the water is warm and there's plenty to eat.

gaddafi must have one happy banana.
Gustavo Rojas has the right idea. Boobie balloons are the sophisticated choice as prize for a raffle. Bravo.

Gaddafi invited only 700 ladies? That sounds awfully low. I just wanna know if he boinked them. Did he receive the STD of his choice?

This is a grand place to get one's news. Take care.
"hogging the poufs"... that's hysterical GB
This is all just so unbelievable, GB, though I see you made none of it up. The only part of that seems factual to me, though, is Camel Breeder's Gazette. That's gotta be a very high quality publication.
Dude, this is awesome.

The Col. Really ought to get a promotion as some point.

Maybe he was interviewing for his Bodyguards? A girl for each ball.

Here is something else that you might like. The Pakistani Pres. visited turkey, booked 3 call girls (billed as translators) and then didn't pay them. The girls sued and got paid.

Fucking awesome blog, keep it up!
Camel Breeders Gazette might be a bit more upmarket for obvious prostituion adverts.

Apprently, though, as a compromise they will print a simple number and a picture of their toes.
Kyknoord: Do you think big boobs would win elections if they had enough support?

Katzbox: You sure can, Ms Katzbox, but you'll need a blog reader to tell you when there's a new post. Do you have one?

Billy Pilgrim: You're welcome to make it your second home, Sir. I'd have to see a picture of Gaddafi's banana before commenting on its mental state.

Kelly: I doubt Gaddafi boinked any of them, I suspect he's more the voyeur type. You take care too, man.

Nursemyra: Do you prefer a man who shares the pouf, Nursie?

Robyn: Did you check out the links, Robyn? I'll vouch for the factual accuracy of everything. Camels have to be bred, they won't just hump anything with a hump.

Alpha Za: Hah, what a cheapskate! I'm glad he paid up, the honour of your nation was at stake.

The Jules: Ah yes! A camel's toe looks like a woman's cha-cha, doesn't it? That might create a lot of confusion if they started taking adverts from call girls.
I just noticed you commented on my blog. Thanks for that!

Your blog is so brilliant! I think I found a new bookmark for Firefox :P
Gaddafi is the Hugh Hefner of the African continent. Both have harems, both are old fuckers, and both live in a country that is either all sand... or will soon be so.
I don't know how I managed to miss this important news item, GB, so thank you for bringing it to my attention.

Some little research on my part suggests that the confusion over Gaddafi's use of the expression "easy payment for dates." The girls took this to mean the terms of renummeration accorded to those who shag for cash; Gaddafi was actually referring to the credit extended to purchasers of some kind of fruit.

He should have paid for a proper translator rather than relying on the offices of Ms Fi-Fi LeTiz, Companion to the Rich, Powerful & Slightly Dotty, in my view.
I always wonder how many goats I'd be traded for. I'm thinking at least 2, but they'd be hot goats.
I wonder if for the business with the Venezuelan raffle the more you donate the bigger the bazongas you can request?
What the hell is he wearing???!!! Is he hiding a few call girls under that suit?????
Thank goodness you reported this to me...I would like to think that I could charge NY hooker prices in a foreign country...or maybe that is just my ego?
Justin: Thanks Justin, I love your blog and I hope you get a lot more readers.

Robert: You've made a number of serious allegations there, Sir. Hef is an idiot, but I think his dress sense is better than Gadaffi's.

Jon: I find your conjectures entirely plausible! Such misunderstandings are inevitable if you employ a batty Frenchwoman to translate Arabic into Italian.

Ms Vodka: I would only trade you for a herd of very slutty nanny-goats.

Emma: But don't they become ridiculous above a certain size? I think he should offer a butt job for the big donors.

Saby: It's his Caliph of Tripoli costume, Saby. It gives him enough space for his nipple clamps.

JTILIS: I'm sure you could, Miss. They would probably pay good money for a glimpse of your hooters.
In Venezuela beauty is so highly regarded that it's hard as a feminist to even get angry over this. They really think they're raising funds for a noble cause.

Anyway, the absolutely non-feminist side of me says, who can complain, look at the result. Those women are spectacular
Clearly the prize for my latest competition is going to require some careful thought...
can i purchase online counseling here? do you have a shopping cart?

i really think you're the one who can help me.
But what if a man won? It may create a constitutional crisis.
Senor Rojas knows where it's at.

"Give a man a prostitute and he will eat for a day. Buy his wife some hooters, and he will eat for a lifetime."

(At least that's what it says on my bumper sticker...)
"...eager beavers..."

Truly inspirational, and not the least bit Canadian.
Ms CSR: You are a very broad-minded feminist, Ms CSR.

Joanna: If I were you I'd make it the prostate dildo.

Ms Bluntdelivery: I wouldn't charge you for counselling, Ms B. Drop by anytime for a free session.

Madame Defarge: If he didn't want larger breasts himself, one assumes he could donate the prize to a female of his choice. That would be the altruistic solution, Madame D.

Bschooled: Well said! I love to see the late Oliver Reed quoted in my comments threads.

Phil: Isn't Canada a good home for beavers? Maybe the climate is too cold and windy for them.
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