Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Pretty girls make boys flip

An Australian tourist mentions a news item from his native land.

“Psychologists from the University of Queensland have noticed that guys on skateboards do more risky stunts when pretty girls are watching them,” he says.

“How very intriguing,” I remark politely. “Why would they do that?”

“The academics think it’s instinctive behaviour to scare off rivals. Isn’t that how you gorillas behave?”

“Only when we're pissed on fermented coconut milk,” I reply. “And speaking personally, I wouldn’t be intimidated by the sight of a rival risking injury to himself.”

“You wouldn’t? So what would you do if you saw another silverback swinging from a branch by his feet?”

“I would find a comfortable log to sit on and watch him making an ass of himself – preferably while eating a tub of popcorn.”

“Yeah? And what about your females?”

“They might join me if they were bored. Female gorillas aren’t easily impressed. I once rode a zebra rodeo-style and they called me Wild Bill Hiccup. Or was it Buffalo Bull?”

“Cheeky Sheilas! The Queensland study didn’t say whether the pretty girls were impressed by any of the skateboarders.”

“It’s doubtful, isn’t it? Those Australian lads were probably imitating male baboons. That’s what happens when you show too many wildlife programs on TV.”

I later ponder the issues raised in our discussion. The first point to make is that women who require men to perform daring deeds for them are ball-breakers. Their vanity befits an era in which knights on horseback went around poking their lances into everyone’s business. A damsel who expects that kind of service will never be content. After her champion has satisfied her carnal needs she will nag him to go out and buy her ice cream. High-maintenance women create a lot of exhausted men.

As for those Aussie skateboarders, what they really need is some quality time with Brigitta Bulgari, the Hungarian porn star who was
unjustly imprisoned for allowing teenage boys to feel her up. Her lawyer was obviously an incompetent courtroom advocate. The closing speech for the defence should have been something like this:

“Members of the jury, you must put aside all feelings of envy in reaching your verdict. However undeserving you consider those boys to be, Miss Bulgari committed no crime in allowing them to grope her succulent flesh. The ladies among you must not allow your disapproval of Miss Bulgari’s licentious conduct to cloud your judgement. Yes, she is a hoochie, but she works in the hoochie industry. However wanton her behaviour might appear to respectable matrons and spinsters, it is how she makes an honest living – or a living at any rate. And please ignore any instructions from the learned judge, who would have done what those boys did if he weren’t so scared of his wrinkly-titted wife.”

You don’t need to have a brilliant legal mind to convince a fair-minded jury to acquit a woman guilty of nothing more than allowing boys to give her an exotic massage. I reckon I could have got her off myself.

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Isn't it funny that young boys don't care how old the girl is, they just want to fondle and such.....but girls kinda care...AND it's looked at differently....young boy fools around with older woman and it's all cool! That kid is awesome!

Young girl fools around with older man, and it's ...that BAD MAN!
I guess the skateboard thing is a double edged sword. Pull off a really amazing stunt and the ladies are yours. Crash and burn and you look like an ass.
Some judges would need more exotic massages. They would be a lot more efficient.
I have to plead to once having been one of those horny risk-seeking adolescents ... I joined Cub Scouts only because my friend's hot mom was the Den Mother. It was partly worth it; I learned to craft some really cool stuff out of leather.
Show us your leather Robert!

Seriously, why wasn't the owner of the nightclub the one who was jailed. If she was on stage doing her act, how is she to know that audience members are underage? don't they have to show ID to get in?
"Porn star Brigitta Bulgari was held by paramilitary police"

I have no doubt about it.

As I've written elsewhere, young men need training in the ars amatoria by experienced women, preferably 40-something divorcees, so that they are able to pleasure their female peers in a fitting manner rather than bouncing around on top of them like beached whales.
Rebecca: Are you saying both boys and girls should have the freedom to grope, Rebecca? It sounds like a fair-minded policy.

Shawn: Well, maybe crashing and burning might attract a few maternal types.

Leni: Very true, Leni. A judge needs to get his rocks off before he can look at the evidence dispassionately.

Robert: I'm glad she found useful work for your hands. I don't suppose you got to sit in her lap?

Nursemyra: Good point, Nursie. They made her a scapegoat instead of catching the big fish.

Mr Boyo: Yes indeed, although I don't think one woman should train a bunch of boys at the same time. The pupil/teacher ratio is a critical parameter, as always.
You do know that in sports the helmet was taken to use 100 years after the use of the protecting cup. It took that much time to figure out brains matter too. Why do you think anything has changed now? Duh?
I dare say you could, GB.
I agree that Ms. Bulgari was "unjustly punished." What was the crime? Who was hurt by her generous act? She had a good time. The boys had a GREAT time! I would think that everyone who witnessed the event had a great time. We humans could learn a lot from you apes's "live and let live" philosophy.
statistically, what's more dangerous, risky sakteboard stunts or copping a feel of fulsome ladyflesh?

The most worrisome part of this whole thing is that the incident occurred in Italy.


Germany will be fining trains for being on time next.
It's the same with guys that drive fast to attract women, what is it with wheels? Oh yeah, you nearly dying really makes me want to have sex with you.
"I reckon I could have got her off", You wish!
I knew skating would pay off someday!
High maintenance women are like high maintenance sports cars. They're lots of fun when you're out on the town together, but for every hour of showing off, there are another 10 spent on upkeep and repair behind the scenes.
Or so I've been told.

"I reckon I could have got her off myself"
Bada bing, bada boom!
RA: I suppose a lot of men think with their balls anyway.

Kyknoord: I'm glad you have confidence in my forensic abilities.

Madam Z: We're singing from the same hymn sheet, Madam Z. Perhaps we should send Miss Bulgari a card?

The Jules: Copping a feel of a lady wrestler might be dangerous if you did it without her permission. And yes, it's shocking that the Italian courts should betray the core values of their nation.

Rachel: It must be their hormones, Rach. Smart chicks like you are impervious to their antics.

Rubbish: I bet she wishes now she's in jail.

Static: Falling on your butt is an interesting kind of pay-off.

Donut girl: Yes, and they're gas-hungry as well. I see you have an impressive grasp of Italian, Ms Donut.
Hmmmmm this is strange....i posted a comment but it didn't thinks your comment box no likey me.....woe.....
Greetings from USA! I love your blog.
Please visit me at:
A whiff of danger has always attracted women. Steve McQueen. Need I say more.
Now Miss Bulgari is bang to rights, is there a vacancy at the club? I'm only asking....
Good point, GB. I always overlook the maths.

The Jules needs some sort of blog award for:


Germany will be fining trains for being on time next.

Perhaps there's a blog section of the Charlemagne Prize.
The problem is, a jury is never of "your peers." This jury was probably full of hot dogs who spent their youth doing crazy stunts to try and attract women, and all these boys had to do was say "please" and they got a free grope.

Now, imagine if the jury was full of teenage boys who had slept with their teachers, got a handful from an exotic dancer, or had an intimate encounter with their friend's mom? Case dismissed. No question.
I have just spilled the rest of my coffee, this post and the comments... should carry a govt health warning. btw, I spilled the first half over at The Jules place. Seems like I wasn't meant to have coffee this morning.

I'll be back, in the words of the famous, "Hasta la vista, baby"

I said I'd be back, I'm true to my word.

I have added your blog to my Blogger's Cafe:
and reviewed it. Pop across and check it out, hope you get a few more readers, blogs from the Congo are a rarity.

Sabrina: I'm sorry about that, Saby. I'll speak to the chimp who deals with my IT problems.

Lady Daphne: You should visit the jungle, milady. We get plenty of dangerous whiffs over here.

Mrs Table: There's no need to wait for a vacancy, Mrs Table. Just put your assets on the table and wait for the grasping hands. I'm sure there'll be plenty for everyone.

Mr Boyo: It was indeed an apt analogy. I'll ask my friend Mario the Bum-Pincher what he thinks about awarding a prize.

Chris V: Quite possibly, although the judge was certainly at fault for sending her to the chokey. He should be stripped of his Italian citizenship.

AV: Good day and welcome, Mr Vulgaris! Sorry to hear about the coffee, I'll give you a complimentary bag of beans if you visit the Congo. I've read your review and am honoured. Thank you so much for mentioning Dr Whipsnade - I owe him more than I can say. Are you Brazilian or do you just live there?
I'm quite sure that you could get any woman off Mr Bananas. I shall make sure you're on my team when I need a good defence.
I am not Brazilian, just live, ah survive here. Have done for the last 18 years, here and in Peru & Bolivia as well. I used to work in tourism, now I am at the nadir of any traveler, teaching English...

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