Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Indian sex scandal

An Indian holy man been has been filmed cavorting with actresses. This harmless recreation has disgraced him the eyes of his followers and created a big scandal. Even the police have got into the act, investigating the incident as if they themselves were celibate. Maybe they're jealous he has actresses at his beck and call while they can only afford the cheapest and ugliest whores. Hopefully the guru will be able to bribe them, but if he does become a fugitive some obliging person should offer him sanctuary. Perhaps a retired Bollywood actress could employ him as her live-in yoga instructor. You don’t become a holy man without having transferable skills.

As for his congregation, I’m not sure whether their outrage is justified. If he made a big point of being a bramacharya they are entitled to feel aggrieved. No one likes to be deceived by a shark in lobster’s clothing, especially if the shark has been taking your money and telling you not to eat meat. If that’s what he did, they have a reasonable excuse to chop off his fins and sell them to the Chinese. But if he never claimed to practice sexual abstinence, they should apologise for their ungrateful behaviour and tell the police to stuff chillies up their backsides. A man doesn’t become a charlatan just because a few actresses jump on top of him.

I know from experience that celibacy is not essential for a guru. Back in my circus days, we were honoured by a visit from Swami Nanga Anand, the venerable love doctor of Rajasthan. His Hindi name was purely symbolic, as he wore a white dhoti in deference to his modesty. Bald and beardless, yet strikingly handsome, he sat down cross-legged and bade us join him as he expounded on his Tantric philosophy:

“Sex, you see, is in the mind not the body. If the mind is corrupt then the body is also corrupt. If the man is thinking, I want to use this woman, I want to empty my lust into her, the sexual act will bring no contentment to his soul.”

Most of us nodded in reverential assent, but the ringmaster emitted a sceptical grunt.

“So what should the man be thinking?” he asked in a sardonic tone of voice.

The Swami smiled and shook his head before responding, which is how to show appreciation of a good question in India.

“While having sex, the man must be thinking, I will make this woman feel the warmth of a thousand suns, I will take her with me to heaven. Then the sex will be a purification of body and mind for both of them.”

I could tell the female acrobats were hugely impressed by this doctrine as they gazed at the Swami in rapt devotion. I discovered, a little while later, that a couple of them had asked him for a crash course before he left. Although I suspected Mr Nanga of being a devious impostor, I did nothing to dissuade them. Any man who can persuade women that having sex with him is a holy sacrament has fairly earned his oats.

Labels: , , ,

That Swami has the best line EVER. Wonder if he ever feels any pressure to live up to it? Probably not.
you certainly cannot blame the female acrobats from seeking Nirvana through enlightenment. And I am sure the guru being an impostor never entered into it.
I'd prefer my religious leader to get some nice action. It would give me something to aspire to besides grace, humility and civility.

Besides, look at the big religious organization that requires their leaders to be celibate. Catholics? More like pedophiles.
that's totally something a shark would do, too! sneaky bastards! they don't even look good in red! exclamation point!
And here I thought the problem arose when people overthink sex, when all along, it's a case of not thinking enough. Food for thought as always, GB.
What if the woman wants to use the man and empty her lust onto him? (I'm not looking at this dude, while asking. He's kinda repulsive looking to me.)
Beth: Taking a woman to heaven and back? I'm sure he believes he does it every time.

Robert: I don't blame them for seeking Nirvana, but what if they're disappointed afterwards? Women don't like being disappointed afterwards. Who does?

Chris: Religious leaders should get laid if they want to, but it won't make them holier. Look at all the cult leaders who seduced their female devotees: that's just greedy.

Kara: You need to get in a diving suit and swim with sharks to conquer your irrational fear. They won't attack you unless you flap around like a seal.

Kyknoord: It's during meditation that you're supposed to clear the mind of thoughts. That's not possible during sex, there are too many distractions.

Robyn: I don't think women can do that. Their lust is something that gets quenched like a flame rather than emptied into people.
I think having sex with one such as yourself GB would constitute a holy sacrament. And I don't say that to just any gorilla
Flowery words about purification wouldn't tempt me in the slightest. Silly women.

And that dude's head disturbs me.
The poor man was in a trance. They should leave him alone.

Thank you for your nice comment on my last blog post.
Sex is natural... sex is fun... not everybody does it but everybody should (just to quote a little something from George Michael)

Hey, visited local gorilla at zoo yesterday... he sat in front of me and itched his balls then sniffed his fingers and stuck the hair in his mouth. I certainly hope you're not into that type of self pleasure my love. Being a sophisticated Gorilla and all;)
OMG, that man is brilliant! He's put into words exactly how I feel when Ruf makes love to me :) There's nothing worse than the knowledge that a man is just after a hole into which to make a quick deposit and that there will be no mental and mutual exchange.

I have given you two awards MrB. You can accept both, either or neither... and I'm not trying to get my hands on your bananas, honest!
I can just imagine the title of a Channel 4 documentary charting the holy man’s fall from grace: ‘Bollyhood: A Tale of Spiritual Seduction’ :P
Nursemyra: You are too kind, my dear Nursie. I shall close my eyes and think of you the next time I mount one of my females.

Ms OWO: But aren't you curious about what holy sex feels like, Aly? I'm guessing you haven't yet experienced it.

Ms Donut: He does look a bit dumbfounded, Ms Donut, but I still think he's enjoying it.

Auri: I'm sorry he did that, Auri, but then zoo life can get very boring. Didn't George Michael say that playing with himself was what he enjoyed most? He's not so different from the gorilla, is he?

Joanna: Ol' Ruf is surely a great guru and love doctor in his own right, Joanna. And he doesn't need actresses with you jumping all over him. Many thanks for the awards.

Cheyelle: I'd like to watch you interviewing him, Cheyelle. He's actually claiming the film was doctored!
WOW! This Swami is clever as a fox! With that doctrine he must be very successful, I have no doubt. Seduction is not always necessary, but it makes a difference when there is some.

And yes, sex is in the mind and the brain the the major sexual organ.
Used to try something similar when I was a student: "Yeah, actually I'm a feminist too." This impressed far fewer women than it repelled. In terms of psychology, the Swami was a fair few steps ahead of me.
You know at fisrt i felt sorry for the guy...i mean heis human after all ad should be able to stick it anywhere he wants to

But then he decideds to go and take a vow of silence........LOSER!!!!!!
Like my blog - he has alopecia.
You have misjudged the human female idea of male beauty here, GB. You should have put up a picture of Shah Rukh Khan.
My god I look just like Shah Rukh Khan.

Mutatis mutandis.
Leni: I think his secret is that he believes ever word he says.

Indie Pop: They must have thought you were a lesbian in a man's body.

Sabrina: I didn't realise he did that, Saby. He obviously has a guilty conscience and doesn't want to answer questions.

Mutley: I think not, Mutley. It looks like a fashion statement to me.

Lady Daphne: Well some women do like a bald head, milady. Look at all the female admirers Patrick Stewart has.

Inkspot: Congratulations. It's better than being a dead ringer for Dino Shafeek.
I think the Swami's doctrine sounds heavenly! I would be happy to be joined with him in holy sacrament.
Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

Follow my blog with Bloglovin Follow my blog with Bloglovin