Monday, April 19, 2010

Calendar girls

The manager of the safari camp is proudly displaying a calendar on his office wall, illustrated with pictures of naked young women.

“Would you like to buy one?” he asks on noticing my eyes wander.

“No, thank you,” I reply. “The jungle is full of natural calendars - blooming flowers, ripening fruit, oestrus cycles going on right under our noses. I can tell what the date is by lying on my back and inhaling deeply.”

“But it’s in a good cause!” insists the manager. “The girls in the calendar were flight attendants of a Spanish Airline that went bust. They’re owed nine months of unpaid wages! I thought you were keen on workers’ rights when you were in the circus.”

“If their grievance is just I will contribute gratis,” I declare. “You don’t have to bribe a gorilla to do good deeds. I suppose you won’t reach into your pockets for the new hospital in Brazzaville unless the nurses strip off.”

“That’s not a bad idea, now that you mention it,” says the manager with a villainous grin. “It ought to be put in the public domain. I’ll write a letter to The Gazette under the pen-name ‘Gorilla Bananas’.”

“Pfffft!” I exclaim scornfully. “As if anyone would believe it was me.”

I’m not the sort of ape who hears of an injustice done to vulnerable young women without investigating the matter thoroughly. It didn’t take me long to find a
news bulletin confirming the manager’s story. I sympathize with the girls’ plight, but question their tactics. Will the shareholders of a bankrupt company be shamed into paying their back wages on being confronted with naked pictures of them? My guess is that most will offer goodwill and encouragement but very little else. The world of corporate finance is a pitiless domain in which naked woman are expected to take their losses on the chin, like everyone else.

Maybe the girls hope that those who buy the calendar will become vociferous champions of their cause. Realistically, most of these people will be men whose motives are decidedly mixed. The manager of the safari camp may be counted as one such example. The words he spoke on their behalf were betrayed by the expression on his face, which indicated sensual appreciation rather than burning indignation. A man with titties on the brain will never make a convincing advocate. Legal historians have cited cases at the Old Bailey that were lost because the prosecuting barrister was distracted by the defendant’s bosom.

I will certainly make a donation, but I feel I ought to do more. Supporting a charity with cash is all very well, but sometimes what’s really needed is fresh ideas and enthusiasm. I learned a few tricks in my circus days which I’m sure would impress the girls. The calendar was a valiant attempt, but there’s no substitute for live action if you want to win friends and influence people. Perhaps I should invite the girls to a beach conference and pitch a few proposals at them. I’ll get the ball rolling by sending an email to Miss August, who looks as if she has leadership potential.

Labels: , , ,

We can only hope that Arriva Buses keeps afloat, as I don't want their drivers' genitals whisking us through the seasons. Unless they're caught in those mesh gear things buses have these days. Eli Roth could make a film out of that.
I agree that donating one's time is often far more effective than cash. I would be more than happy to assist in any capacity at your beach conference.
"Titties on the brain", story of my life.
While an argument can be made about the human body being artful and full of beauty, I'm pretty sure that most of today's nuddie calendars and such are just for profit and to gain adoration.

It kind of makes me sad for the girls because, I'm assuming, they think the only thing they have to contribute to society is a naked body.

I'm sure they have more to contribute to those around them and to this world.

They are beautiful.......but what they are doing is not art.
I am so impressed by your kind-hearted soul and willingness to help those in need. I’m sure those girls will love to hear all about (and see) your tricks!
I'm outraged that the airline kept it's airhostesses on the credit line while apparently paying it's male staff (feeble pun intended). They should take the last nine month's pay from all the men in the crew and give it to the women, and let the hunks in uniform roll out their own campaign!

... and I shall wait for it with the pleasantest anticipation.

P.S: your knowledge of Hindi is most impressive! Where did you acquire such fluency?
Where's the men's calendar?
I just knew you were the altruistic, humanitarian type of ape. And your efforts will allow these women to return naked to the cockpit. Impressive!
An even better idea would be to start up their own airline, where all the cabin crew are naked.
In the pitiless world of corporate finance, naked ladies are expected to take something on the chin. I just doubt it's 'losses'....
Mr Boyo: I would guess that bus drivers are mooners rather than flashers. The sedentary lifestyle creates an interesting landscape.

Kyknoord: Well maybe you could fan the girls and bring them drinks.

Rubbish: It's a common ailment. They say that meditation helps...

Rebecca: I'm sure the girls have no illusions about what they're doing, Rebecca. What they gave the world was in-flight service and what they want in return is fair payment.

Beth: Thank you, Beth, I like to my share my skills with the deserving. And these young ladies certainly deserve it.

Rimi: I never realised there was gender discrimination, it makes me all the more eager to strive in their cause. The Hindi words in the last post were purely to curry favour with you, Rimi (no pun intended).

Nursemyra: If I find one I'll send it to you, Nursie.

Robyn: Thank you, Robyn. Naked in the cockpit might distract the pilot, but it's safer than naked in the engine.

Lady Daphne: A clever idea, milady, but if I were a passenger I'd worry about spilling my tea on them.

Red Squirrel: Not false whiskers, I hope. I wouldn't approve of that, it would make them look silly.
Excellent post, Mr Bananas.

The Air Comet (low-cost Spanish airliner) flight attendants would love to know about this post and they would be more than happy to hea about your fresh ideas.

I've seen Miss January in the news telling their sad story. But there's s lot more to this story.

The thing is the company owner -current chairman of the Spanish Confederation of Employer's Organizations (CEOE) and a bad example for any businessman, closed the company last december with a debt of more than 25million dollars to HSH Nordbank, not paying his employees for the last 9 months and leaving stuck in the Spanish airports more than 7.000 passengers last Xmas (most of them in transit to Latin America who had to finish their trips later on after the intervention of the Spanish government who hired planes from 2 other Spanish airliners (Iberia and Air Europa)). Of course, it was a great scandal.

Unfortunately, today Air Comet is history. The owner let it fall and presented a redundancy plan for all the 650 employees who will certainly lose their 9-month salaries after the bankruptcy declaration of the ocmpany.

But hey, the guy is on good terms with the politics and bankers and his peculiar moves, bordering illegality, have just started. But of course, he still chairs the Spanish Confederation of Employer's Organizations. How funny is this?

So now you can imagine what the ladies in the calendar were asking for, not just unpaid wages, but also justice, even tho they wouldn't be flying much these days...

*waves hello from the other side of the volcano's ash cloud*
I'm trying to figure out how the employees were willing and able to work for all of those nine months with no pay! Surely they must have suspected that something was amiss. But of course, most humans are not as astute as you, my glorious, generous gorilla friend.
In that case, your mission is well accomplished, Mr. B :-)
Oh my!

I would pay tons and tons for this calender! Yummy!
Like Madame Z says, I'm not sure I'd have worked for nine months on no pay but they certainly are very pretty ladies so I suspect their calendar will sell well.
good idea! maybe you could thrash out the issues during a lively game of nude volleyball.
I can see great potential for an entirely new revenue stream, calendars for other failed businesses. I can see it now: "The Angels of AIG" or "The Golden Girls of Goldman Sachs". I'll be Bank of America has some hot babe working somewhere behind those dusty vaults.
Leni: He sounds like a complete cad and I hope they sue him for every penny. Are the bullfighters supporting their cause, Leni?

Madame Z: Hello, my dear Madame Z! I suppose they must have been given assurances which they accepted at face value. I would have advised them to take one of the planes as collateral.

Rimi: That's great to hear, Rimi, I've been hoping to become your favourite ape!

Sabrina: You certainly have an eye for ladies, Saby! I think I'll invite you to beach conference as well.

Joanna: Yes, they were too trusting of their employer. Every man of honour in Spain should buy the calendar.

Emma: I would be the referee. I try to avoid sweaty exertions in the sun.

Robert: And there are many who would say it's a more honest occupation than banking.
I'm sure a lot of men will be impressed by her leadership qualities.

You know what? We (the bloggers) should all get naked and make a nude calendar together. It would make the blogworld a happier place.

You go first.
"Are the bullfighters supporting their cause, Leni?"

Mr Bananas, I don't know about bullfighters (I really really don't want to know...) but FYI, everybody supports the lovely ladies of the calendar over here. ;))
Donut girl: I'm always naked, Ms Donut. I hope you don't expect me to shave my hair off.

Leni: That's good to hear, Leni. May they be recompensed for their unjust losses.
Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

Follow my blog with Bloglovin Follow my blog with Bloglovin