Friday, October 23, 2009
The Italian handjob
Silvio Berlusconi has made a big point of denying that he’s ever paid for sex, arguing that it would ruin the thrill of his conquests. I can well believe the call girls he invites to his parties don’t charge him. Pleasuring a sitting prime minister must be a great honour for them, as well as being the safest position at his age. I wonder if he asks them to put on an eye-mask and shout “Heigh-ho Silvio!” as they bounce up and down on his lap. As true professionals, they should do whatever it takes to flush out the toxic goo from his prostate gland.
They are also shrewd businesswomen, of course. Siphoning the prime minister of Italy must look pretty good on your résumé when you’re negotiating a fee with oil sheiks or TV evangelists. It’s a bit like John Travolta getting a free supply of Brylcreem after playing the young dandy in Grease. All the same, I hope that Mr Berlusconi gives them expensive presents as a mark of his appreciation. A gold-plated statuette of Cupid which urinates red wine is the sort of lavish gift one would expect from a man of his pedigree.
Working girls have unfortunately not been immune from the consequences of the economic downturn. Brothels around the world are cutting down on sundry expenses – some have even been reduced to serving their clients in the dark. The Pussy Club in Berlin has cut its fee to 70 euros for a hamburger and straight sex, which is a dubious tactic in my view. Cheap whores are like cheap jewellery – nobody wants to be seen buying them. They should have offered two-for-one deals and loyalty cards instead, with an eat-as-much-as-you-like buffet for the sex maniacs.
How to get the world economy booming again is a frequent topic of debate at the safari guesthouse. Not everyone supports President Obama’s plan of building new roads and bridges. An increase in the number of navvies flaunting their bare chests is a high price to pay for stimulating economic activity. A bald man who claimed to have a PhD in economics said that the correct policy was to distribute “helicopter money”. Essentially, this means emptying boxes of bank notes from a helicopter so that people on the streets below can pick them up and spend them. Monetarist theory says that this will boost business, making everyone rich again.
We all thought it was a brilliant idea at the time, but on deeper reflection the ploy seems to have a fatal flaw. What is to stop the pilot flying off to Venezuela with all the cash, where President Hugo Chavez, the demagogue and failed gorilla-impersonator, would surely offer him asylum? The trouble with economists is that they never think of these practical problems. I wish the bald-headed upstart were still here so I could massage some coconut oil into his scalp.
So what’s my solution to the slump? I’m glad you asked. What the world needs now is another gold rush like the one that prompted thousands of rednecks and desperadoes to migrate to California in 1848. Most of America’s gold is currently gathering dust in places like Fort Knox. Pulverising all this idle bullion and burying it in strategic locations around the country would cause booming mining towns to spring up like pimples on a teenager. The USA would once again be a land flowing with milk and cookies. And if they buried the gold near brothels, the sex workers would be the first to benefit from the increase in commerce. As John Maynard Keynes said, the prosperity of a nation is measured in the affluence of its whores.
Labels: Berlusconi, brothels, call girls, straight sex
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The Italian handjob? Teehee :-)
I don't really care how many call girls Berlusconi has had. That's his business but can somebody please strip his legal immunity away from him? Because he's mega-corrupt.
A gold rush? Where? I will start packing!!!
I don't really care how many call girls Berlusconi has had. That's his business but can somebody please strip his legal immunity away from him? Because he's mega-corrupt.
A gold rush? Where? I will start packing!!!
I think a frequent buyer's card would work great for brothels. Buy ten escapades, and your 11th is free. But you can't just stamp a card. It should be computerized, like they have in casinos. They can call it the "Diamond Club" and make sure the laminate really shines.
The promotions just need to be better. 70 Euros for a hamburger and a muff burger is basically like buying a crackwhore in a McDonald's. Sell me a steak and two Brazilians for 300 Euros and I'm sold.
The promotions just need to be better. 70 Euros for a hamburger and a muff burger is basically like buying a crackwhore in a McDonald's. Sell me a steak and two Brazilians for 300 Euros and I'm sold.
I pity the poor fool that runs the hottest burn when he indulges in the pleasure of both an expensive call-girl wearing cheap jewellery, and a cheap call girl wearing expensive jewellery.
Perhaps Berlusconi is the only man capable of engineering sch a scenario.
Perhaps Berlusconi is the only man capable of engineering sch a scenario.
I've never met a real hooker. I'll bet they're tons of fun, with lots of great stories.
I should go pick one up just for a drink and a chat. What a blog interview THAT would be....
I should go pick one up just for a drink and a chat. What a blog interview THAT would be....
Pleasuring a sitting Prime Minister must be a great honour? Have you seen Gordon Brown?
Great write up again Gorilla, fair play, you crack me up.
Great write up again Gorilla, fair play, you crack me up.
Yeah you kind of need Berlusconi to sort this out for you - he has the money to buy up the gold in Fort Knox and also to bury it near the brothels. It would also be funny to have italian become the national language of the US of A!
Are those pictured above supposed to represent the prosperous whores or the destitute? And what if instead of a goldrush, we tried to inititate a ho-rush? We could round them all up, move them to Vegas, imprison them, and men could essentially pay for conjugal sex. Or do you think men would just start using animals for sex instead -- like at a petting zoo? A handful of feed.
Won't you stop by my new diggs sometime?
Won't you stop by my new diggs sometime?
Burlusconi's proper old school - has it off with young girls, dyes his hair, crooked politics. We'll miss him when he's gone.
Nursemyra: Are you referring to the gold or my Pussy Club voucher, Nursie?
Donut girl: Digging for gold is a dirty business, Miss Donut. Wouldn't you rather tend bar at the saloon?
Chris V: You are a man of expensive tastes. I suggest you look up the exchange rate before offering people wads of Euros.
Mosha: Can one really pleasure two call girls at the same time? You'd need a lot of practice to master a skill like that.
The Jules: I don't think he married his wife for sex. Maybe she knew how to make pizza like his mamma.
Ms OWO: Here's one for you, Miss.
Rubbish: It would certainly be a challenge to get any pleasure out of him. Glad to hear you're enjoying it!
Emma: I think New Yorkers would make natural Italians. Don't they waive their hands a lot when they toik?
Anna: A ho-rush would surely end in a orgy. Possibly a lot of fun, but difficult to keep tabs on who owed what to whom. I never realised you had new digs, what was wrong with the old place?
Emerson: He's the master of a dying art, isn't he? He really needs a few disciples to pass the mantle to. How would you fancy spending some time in Rome?
Donut girl: Digging for gold is a dirty business, Miss Donut. Wouldn't you rather tend bar at the saloon?
Chris V: You are a man of expensive tastes. I suggest you look up the exchange rate before offering people wads of Euros.
Mosha: Can one really pleasure two call girls at the same time? You'd need a lot of practice to master a skill like that.
The Jules: I don't think he married his wife for sex. Maybe she knew how to make pizza like his mamma.
Ms OWO: Here's one for you, Miss.
Rubbish: It would certainly be a challenge to get any pleasure out of him. Glad to hear you're enjoying it!
Emma: I think New Yorkers would make natural Italians. Don't they waive their hands a lot when they toik?
Anna: A ho-rush would surely end in a orgy. Possibly a lot of fun, but difficult to keep tabs on who owed what to whom. I never realised you had new digs, what was wrong with the old place?
Emerson: He's the master of a dying art, isn't he? He really needs a few disciples to pass the mantle to. How would you fancy spending some time in Rome?
And wear those outrageous saloon-girl outfits!!! Ok, I'm in :)
I will sell drinks, sing, dance and talk. I'll leave the 'real work' up to the girls in the brothels.
I will sell drinks, sing, dance and talk. I'll leave the 'real work' up to the girls in the brothels.
What about taking the money and giving it to a few hundred top bankers, it will then trickle down through the Ferrari dealers, the jewellers, the estate agents, the airlines, the five star hotels, the fancy restaurants, the champagne bars, the bespoke yacht manufacturers, the designer shops, the botox clinics, the cocaine dealers and the top of the range call girls and rent boys, to the general public. Eventually.
That was very entertaining, Mr. Gorilla! In Italy they are very bold!
Secretia
Secretia
# posted by 
: Saturday, October 24, 2009
: Saturday, October 24, 2009
You're right, Mr Bananas, teh cash should flow starting from tycoons/politicians, etc through sex workers, to all social classes: I would nominate you for Economy Nobel Prize.
As for the dubious honours of pleasuring a sitting prime minister... it's pretty obvious that the place to look at would be their pockets, so good old Berlusconi must have paid, to be sure.
As for the dubious honours of pleasuring a sitting prime minister... it's pretty obvious that the place to look at would be their pockets, so good old Berlusconi must have paid, to be sure.
Gorilla, another scintillating post showing again your great, Gorilla-sized intellect which....
(Cow breaking off this post to shoulder her shovel and quickly tune the metal detector to "hidden gold bars" frequency, starting digging!)
Moo!
(Cow breaking off this post to shoulder her shovel and quickly tune the metal detector to "hidden gold bars" frequency, starting digging!)
Moo!
Did Maynard Keynes really say that? Good for him. Daphne has pretty much the right idea there: Daphne for Prime Minister!
Donut girl: You'd have to flash your legs in your dance, Ms Donut. The unshaven types might start a riot if you didn't.
Lady Daphne: The bankers are hording their cash, milady. The only people spending it are those who live for today. Perhaps give it to Indian swamis with a taste for the high life.
Secretia: Indeed they are, Miss. I have heard that Italian men walk up to strange women and compliment them. Bold as brass!
Leni: Thank you, Leni, let's hope the US Treasury dept put my plan into practice. The Nobel prize can wait until later.
Topiary Cow: I would make sure you had a treasure map to give you a head start, Ms Cow.
Gadjo: Yes, Keynes had a very wide-ranging intellect and was much more than a mere economist. He had no use for prostitutes but thought deeply about their place in society.
Lady Daphne: The bankers are hording their cash, milady. The only people spending it are those who live for today. Perhaps give it to Indian swamis with a taste for the high life.
Secretia: Indeed they are, Miss. I have heard that Italian men walk up to strange women and compliment them. Bold as brass!
Leni: Thank you, Leni, let's hope the US Treasury dept put my plan into practice. The Nobel prize can wait until later.
Topiary Cow: I would make sure you had a treasure map to give you a head start, Ms Cow.
Gadjo: Yes, Keynes had a very wide-ranging intellect and was much more than a mere economist. He had no use for prostitutes but thought deeply about their place in society.
Cheating prozzies is clearly a Latin thing. I recall the tale of a Romanian Army officer's visit to a Paris maison d'assignation in 1936, as recounted by the then Capt Deakin.
After spending himself, the officer adjusted his jodhpurs and headed for the door.
"Hey, what about the money?" inquired the young lady.
"An officer of the Royal Romanian Cavalry would never accept anything for services rendered," he replied with an adept click of the heels.
After spending himself, the officer adjusted his jodhpurs and headed for the door.
"Hey, what about the money?" inquired the young lady.
"An officer of the Royal Romanian Cavalry would never accept anything for services rendered," he replied with an adept click of the heels.
Good stuff. Sadly, I'd rather have a gorilla making economic policy than the lower form of primate advising our teleprompt-reader-in-chief.
You needn't worry about many bridges being built. 93% of the "stimulus" bill goes to fill the coffers of those state-and-local governments who spent money on graft-and-welfare programs like drunken organgutans during the good years.
You needn't worry about many bridges being built. 93% of the "stimulus" bill goes to fill the coffers of those state-and-local governments who spent money on graft-and-welfare programs like drunken organgutans during the good years.
As a civil servant, I worry that I may one day be called upon to render a great service for my country. But I'd be open for all offers in the right circumstances.
Good to know you still have some gold, our 'Leader' sold most of our off at a bargain price.
As for the rest of your post, all a bit out of my orbit really, but nothing to do with Feminism...I may, in certain lights [very dim] have a distant resemblance to poor Germaine, but no feminist am I.
Thank you most kindly for visiting my blog. I shall return to see if you have something a bit more elderly lady friendly...no, not knitting or cooking or kids, I'm not that old.
As for the rest of your post, all a bit out of my orbit really, but nothing to do with Feminism...I may, in certain lights [very dim] have a distant resemblance to poor Germaine, but no feminist am I.
Thank you most kindly for visiting my blog. I shall return to see if you have something a bit more elderly lady friendly...no, not knitting or cooking or kids, I'm not that old.
# posted by : Monday, October 26, 2009
: Monday, October 26, 2009
Mr Boyo: You mean she didn't ask for the money in advance? In those days whores had class...
Troll Y2K: Well look on the bright side, bridges are just an invitation to go somewhere you're not wanted. Partying like a drunken orangutan keeps it in the family.
Madame Defarge: If you ever have to make that ultimate sacrifice, Madame Defarge, make sure you don't undercharge.
Laszlo Brown: Indeed, Keynes was one of the greatest wits of his generation. Any relation to Sweet Georgia?
Moanie: Good day, Ma'am! It's your profile picture that has a passing likeness to Ms G. You don't look a day over 55!
Troll Y2K: Well look on the bright side, bridges are just an invitation to go somewhere you're not wanted. Partying like a drunken orangutan keeps it in the family.
Madame Defarge: If you ever have to make that ultimate sacrifice, Madame Defarge, make sure you don't undercharge.
Laszlo Brown: Indeed, Keynes was one of the greatest wits of his generation. Any relation to Sweet Georgia?
Moanie: Good day, Ma'am! It's your profile picture that has a passing likeness to Ms G. You don't look a day over 55!
from the sounds of this post, i'm betting you just got back from a visit to the bank museum! i fantastic place...nothing explains inflation like pretending you're in a hot air balloon.
seriously though, if you ever want to run for FED Chairman, i'd totally vote for you. i think i have to text in your contestant number two hours after the show ends.
seriously though, if you ever want to run for FED Chairman, i'd totally vote for you. i think i have to text in your contestant number two hours after the show ends.
I really don't mind the idea of someone being a whore. But, cheap jewelry has got to end. It is wrong on every level.
I missed you so much!
I missed you so much!
# posted by : Tuesday, October 27, 2009
: Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Kara: If I were chairman of the Fed I'd redeem each of your dollar bills for a pinch of gold dust. I'd love to see you laughing manically with gold-shot eyes, like Bob Hope in Son of Paleface.
Beverly: Hello Beverly, lovely to have you back! I hate cheap jewelry too. Only genuine crocodile tooth is good enough for my neck!
Mr Boyo: What kind of a man would swindle a whore? It's just not right.
Snoopy the Goon: Hello, Mr Goon, your political insights will add much-needed gravitas to this thread. Are you sure Mr Berlusconi prefers a lying position when being serviced?
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Beverly: Hello Beverly, lovely to have you back! I hate cheap jewelry too. Only genuine crocodile tooth is good enough for my neck!
Mr Boyo: What kind of a man would swindle a whore? It's just not right.
Snoopy the Goon: Hello, Mr Goon, your political insights will add much-needed gravitas to this thread. Are you sure Mr Berlusconi prefers a lying position when being serviced?
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