Friday, September 11, 2009

Forbidden love

I’m feeling a bit sorry for the man from South Carolina who was arrested for making love to a horse. He was convicted of molesting the same animal last year, so it must have been true love rather than a wicked horse-shagging fetish. The woman who owns the mare caught them in the act and predictably put all the blame on the man, holding him up at gunpoint until the police arrived. She insists that her animal was raped, but I’ve not yet seen the man who can overpower a horse without getting his teeth kicked down his throat.

“Sugar was acting strange and getting infections,” said Barbara Kenly, the mare’s gun-toting owner.

Maybe she was, but that’s hardly evidence of sexual abuse. Mary Ann Faithful was behaving strangely and getting infections when she was touring with The Vibrators, but that didn’t mean she was being unlawfully interfered with.

I hope the judge gives him a suspended sentence on condition that he makes an honest mare of Miss Sugar. The weather in South Carolina must be pretty good at this time of year, so they ought to have an outdoor wedding. Let him escort the bridled bride through the grassy glades, to be joined in holy wedlock in the paddock. All the filly bridesmaids would be whinnying with tears in their eyes when the 22-carot wedding shoe was hammered into Sugar’s foot. “Memories are made of this,” as the late Dean Martin said.

Now I shouldn’t give you the impression that I approve of interspecies coupling. Of all the primates, we gorillas are the least interested in that sort of thing. The movie King Kong was a gigantic and offensive hoax. Chimpanzees are keener about it than us, but the biggest dabblers of all are our human cousins (as if you needed me to tell you that). Horses are the just the tip of the iceberg for homo sapiens. And don’t think that women aren’t as capable of it as men. There is an infamous scene in a movie by Jean-Luc Godard in which the farmer’s mistress removes her bare bottom from an enclosure full of suckling calves. One assumes it had been there long enough to get a good polish.

Such depravities would not appeal to the female gorillas in London Zoo, who have been pining for some hairy action since their resident silverback died last December. Rather than attempting to molest their keeper, they have persuaded the zoo management to
fly in a new male from France called Yeboah. He’s a good-looking boy, although I must say I’m worried he might not be up to the job. Female gorillas are rowdy at the best of times, but the ones that live in England are absolutely wild. They pick up their bad habits from watching the local women.

I’ve sent a message to Yeboah advising him to stay well clear of the females during hen nights and other occasions involving all-girl revelry. I hope he can handle what he’s got coming.

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oh i hope he can handle it too.....
Oh my goodness.
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In the chaps defence, maybe he thought he was going down with swine flu, and as a result was feeling a little horse.
There is an infamous scene in a movie by Jean-Luc Godard in which the farmer’s mistress removes her bare bottom from an enclosure full of suckling calves...

Oh pray do tell what movie is this??!!!!
Yeboah looks good (or perhaps that photo was taken from his good angle ;-))! I'd like to go to the london zoo to see him :-)
Where to begin?

I hope Rodell starts taking his meds again because having sex with a horse (or any other animal) is just wrong. His brother should buy him a RealDoll. The doll is custom made so they could give her horse-like facial characteristics. End of problem.

I hate the movie King Kong. The one and only King Kong movie I watched was the 1976 version starring Jessica Lange and Jeff Bridges. What a tragic ending. I felt so bad for King Kong.

Suckling calves????!!!! I’m with Sabrina: what movie is this? ;-)
I'm so proud of my home state I could just kill over.

Politicians and strange sexual predators. Nice.

I suppose it's to be expected with a football team called "Cocks".
Nursemyra: I'm glad you're rooting for him as well, Nursie!

Peach Tart: Are you a horse lover, Ms Peach?

Aro: I don't know of any in my neighbourhood. Good luck with your quest nevertheless.

Uncle Norman: Hah! Excellent use of the pun.

Sabrina: I don't know, Saby, I saw it ages ago. It was one of the few things that stuck in the memory.

Eve: I hope you get the chance, Eve. Do let me know if you are planning a visit.

Donut girl: But what if he's in love with her, Miss Donut? A doll is no substitute for the mare of your dreams. I wish I could remember the title of the film. It may have been sheep or goats rather than calves. But it was definitely livestock and they weren't just licking her arse.

Ms OWO: I never realised you were a southern belle, Ms OWO. I'd love to hear you talk.
I am indeed. Without the excess garments, modesty, or mannerly vocabulary.

That's nice of you. Most people would love for me to shut up. ;)
Some would vehemently argue that this should not be considered 'abnormal' but a 'choice' and acceptable...but I consider it to be down-right Mentally Retarded. Of course, what do I know?
That is a pretty awesome photo of horse gb.

As for the primate flown in from France - was it Tony Yeboah? His right boot could charm a female of any species.
Rather think the Japanese should have entered in here--had they only asked the horse for directions there could have been a happy ending.

(Cow combining GBs last post for some reason with this one.)

There are almost no circumstances in which sex with an animal is ok .....
“Sugar was acting strange and getting infections”: for heaven's sake, what she did expect if she's named it "Sugar"? She might as well have called it Fifi Trixiebelle.
At least it was a horse and not a foal. That would have been just nasty. There are some limits that should be respected at all times. One wonders if he rode bareback.
Ms OWO: Why Miss, you're a modern day Scarlet O'Hara!

Blase: That's no way to speak about a horse. I'm sure Miss Sugar had her reasons.

Red Squirrel: Fancy footwork doesn't impress female gorillas. They like males with good chest control who can score with their head.

Topiary Cow: Japan doesn't seem like horse country to me. Too many golf courses and not enough fields.

Mutley: Mike Tyson's wife might disagree with you.

Gadjo: She probably chose that name was because the horse liked eating sugar lumps. Little did she realise it would be an invitation to every satyr and bareback jockey.

Madame Defarge: Heaven knows how he seduced the poor mare. I suspect he bribed her to submit to his unnatural lust.
I'll be sure to let you know if I'll be visiting anytime soon, GB :-) Although since I get 8 days leave every 4 months, which I can only use at the end of 2 years if I don't use it up within the said 4 months, it's going to be a while before I can accumulate enough days to visit ;-) on the bright side, perhaps there'll be a gorilla family by then... ;-)
The film is probably Slow Motion AKA Every Man for Himself (1980).
Ah, when I followed the link here I had no idea what I was getting myself into! I'm happy to be an honorary gorilla any day. An offensive hoax, sure - but perhaps we can play pretend King Kong just for kicks? I've got a white flowy gown and can put curlers in asap.... oh and I can scream real loud. You bring the chest beating and we're good.
Did the horse lead him on though? Sounds like they're trotting out alll the old excuses, but sometimes, a bloke just wants one mare ass to play around with. Shire victimisation, I call it.
You probably have heard of shepherds having sex with sheep and surely know how syphilis was spread all over the world, through sex between humans and llamas. So as you see, some humans seem to enjoy sex with other species.

Best wishes to Yeboah. He'll be having a lot to do soon.
Whoops, my apologies GB, I seem to have missed a whole week of your wit and wisdom. I sense a playful invitation to provide a link to that famous Japanese woodcut of interspecies relations.
I'm surprised more girls go for horses on account of them having quite ridiculously large members.
Eve: Hopefully there'll be a brood of baby gorillas to greet you when you arrive, Eve. I'll translate their grunts for you.

Jobrag: I'm sure you're right. I think there's a disturbingly weird scene at the end with some prostitutes.

Sassy Girl: I'll carry you if you like, but no screaming. We get too much of that from the parrots.

The Jules: You have punned yourself to absurdity, Sir. Meditate in the lotus position with an ice pack on your head.

Leni: Yes, shepherds are supposedly renowned for it, but I'm not convinced they enjoy it that much. A lack of opportunity to meet females of the same species can ignite peculiar urges.

Daphne: Do you think women get more out of inter-species coupling than men? I have a feeling their bodies are better suited for it.

Emerson: A horse's appendage would be a lethal weapon for most woman. Are the girls down your way unusually accommodating?
Just a man and his horse... I'm surprised the horse enjoyed it at all... Unless what's his name was unusually well hung. I've seen an erect horse penis (haven't we all) and I've never seen a human that compares.
They are indeed huge, Auri, although elephants are bigger. We don't know exactly what the man did to Sugar, though. He may well have fisted her.
Oh dear...
Hey, you write some real good stuff!

Secretia Teller
It's not entirely relevant, but apparently Americans do it differently.

I suppose that's the power of a consumer society for you...
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