Friday, July 31, 2009

California mooning

I hear the police in California are cracking down on the pastime of train-mooning. Apparently some of the mooners were getting carried away, stripping naked and performing lewd acts, allegedly of a sexual nature. Patrolmen were out in force to make sure they exposed themselves in a proper and fitting manner.

“It’s a tedious job but someone’s got to do it,” said Captain Buttweiler of the Orange County Sheriff’s Department.

It seems he was referring to the supervision of the event rather than the mooning. I’m glad his men had orders not to intervene unless it degenerated into an orgy. Prosecuting people for dropping their pants isn’t worth the bother unless they’re blowing poison darts out of their rectums (a skill which only certain pygmy tribes have mastered). These foolish humans should be dealt with in a measured way. Forcibly tattooing a portrait of Steven Seagal on each buttock might dissuade them from pursuing their hobby – assuming, of course, that mooners are capable of feeling shame.

Speaking as one who has been mooned on countless occasions by baboons, I would say that the shock effect diminishes each time you are subjected to it. Eventually, the only reaction it produces is a roll of the eyes and an involuntary snort, which has no ill effect unless you’re drinking a beverage. Just close your eyes when gulping down refreshments if mooners are nearby. Making a fuss about the whole thing simply gives them what they want, in my experience.

It’s far from clear, in any case, that train passengers actually object to such a display. It could easily pass for family entertainment in this age of hardcore pornography, as well as being a potential sightseeing attraction for visitors to California. There are only so many times you can walk down the Boulevard of Fame or take pictures of Dick van Dyke’s mansion. I foresee a day when Amtrak trains will be packed with tourists clicking their cameras at parades of pert bottoms, glistening in the California sunshine. All that’s required is a vetting procedure to prevent the saggy-arsed from participating.

America leads the world in using the human body for entertainment, something which is still too embarrassing in most of Asia. In China, for example, a man with two penises had one them
surgically removed after his girlfriend gave him an ultimatum. I don’t blame her for putting her foot down – having a boyfriend with two appendages must have been very stressful, to say nothing of the indecision she would have felt in their intimate moments. But why didn’t some impresario offer the fellow money to display Huey and Dewey to a paying audience? Every man has his price, as J R Ewing once said.

If the Chinaman has any sense he’ll have the extra penis put into cold storage. A man never knows when he’ll need a replacement, given the growing number of women who consider the todger to be fair game in times of marital stress. Even when they are brought to justice, these dick-destroying harpies are dealt with very leniently. I believe the Russian woman who
set fire to her ex-husband’s organ has already been paroled. Her future suitors would be well advised to put on a pair of asbestos underpants before taking her to their dacha.

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I think I know this Captain Buttweiler. That's what he SAID his name was anyway....
In India, poor people in villages take shit near the rail tracks.

It led to some disturbing train journeys as kids.

I think the chinaman should give the russian dude his extra penis. LOL

They're even having festivals next to the train tracks to do the whole mooning ritual?! I wonder if they even invented different stages of mooning like half moon only showing one bum cheek, full moon being crack and all? Crazy times :)
I don't know if I agree. I feel like I can take 1238129837129837 pictures of Dick van Dyke's mansion and be happy. Forever.
i don't believe steven segal really has a ponytail. i think he has a little bit of velcro sewn onto his neck and they just nestle that bad boy right on in there.

it works fine as long as there are no love scenes.
I just can't get over the fact that one of the labels for this post is 'cock-arson'... Mr. Bananas... you never fail to evoke giggles.

I wonder if the man with the two members could cause both to become erect simultaneously? Without becoming lightheaded of course... that could come in handy for some female's sexual preferences.

And unless you wear pants Mr. B... are you not constantly mooning others?
Amtrak trains packed with tourists clicking their cameras at pert bottoms sounds great, but some people have special tastes and you might need a branch line for saggy-arse enthusiasts.

Kara: a love scene in a Steven Seagal movie? I've just been sick.
Vegetable Assassin: Are you suggesting a policeman would give a false name? What is the world coming to.

Nothingman: Strange place to have a dump. You'd have thought they'd do it in a field to fertilise their crops. I'm not sure that penises are transplantable.

Ladytruth: How about starting a train-mooning club in South Africa? I bet they'll love it. Winnie Mandela has a pretty fat arse, doesn't she?

Lola: If you took that many pictures you'd catch him having a wank in the garden. Which many people would find shocking.

Kara: I never realised he did love scenes. Is that look on his face attractive to women? Lady rhinos might like it.

Auri: Indeed not, Auri, I have a thick covering of hair on my posterior. A double erection would be interesting if they could compete for the privilege of penetration, like fighting cocks.

Gadjo: You can't cater for every perverted desire in a public festival.
Does that mean that if a human male is hairy enough on his backside it's not considered mooning when he drops his drawers? This is interesting news Mr. B...

I've never been one for cock-fighting... I cry over animal cruelty.
"cock arson"? that's hilarious
I'm going to get my ticket for THAT Amtrak train right NOW. Do you think anyone would be offended if I masturbate on the train (there are female mooners out there, right?)?

ps- the 'common ancestor' thingy is a cop-out. But hey, you're much bigger than I so I won't be arguing with ya...

OH, was it a riddle type question?? I don't know, why did Kim need...
'Speaking as one who has been mooned on countless occasions by baboons'

You crack me up.

I was told that the trains are packed with passengers on mooning day. They have to sell the tickets based on a lottery system because so many people want to ride up and down the tracks all day, drinking cocktails and cheering on the mooners.
The trains actually slow down as they approach the mooners so the passengers can get a good look. The conductors also get on their loudspeakers and "talk" to the mooners.

As for the man with the extra penis, I hope he got rid of the smaller one but he should have just found a woman with an open mind (not me though)

But now I'm wondering, would it be a good thing if a woman had three breasts?
I'd go on the train to see the mooners. They could also do a show your boobs one also. For the guys you know.
Takes the meaning of "sitting on the fence" to a new level. :)
People in the US are always fighting for the right to carry arms but they would do better to put their energies into starting a Right To Moon movement. This harmless pursuit probably enlivens many a dull commute and should be encouraged not patrolled.
Auri: If you can't see the surface, it's not mooning. Do you know any men who are that hairy, Auri?

Nursemyra: The cock-arson really happened. I don't think you were here when the story broke.

Blase: Go for it, buddy, you wouldn't be the first wanker on a train.

Donut Girl: Why don't you want a boyfriend with two penises? It's like having insurance, isn't it? Three breasts are useless unless you know a man with three hands. Or if you're having triplets.

Peach Tart: A "boob moon" is called a flash, isn't it? Are you sure all men prefer boobs to booty?

Old Tarf: That would be quite painful in their state of undress.

Emma: Mooning rights are gradually being acknowledged, but only to trains it seems. I suppose it might be dangerous on the roads.
I like the one where he’s a cook on that battleship, what’s it called, and he gets locked up and that fit actress from Baywatch jumps out the cake. Classic. He played a gig at the Renfrew Ferry in Glasgow and came round after for a few drinks and a jam. Which was nice.
I think the story of the Russian woman who bit her boyfriend's penis off during oral sex as punishment for an indiscretion was worse. The very definition of ecstasy to agony....
(clickety-clickety-clicky)...(Topiary quickly making train trip reservations....

Finally a vacation that sounds fun!


(Steven Seagal had a few good lines "I'm the cook" comes to mind)
apparently i've a friend down in the O.C. that's partaken in such an event as this.. not sure if he was one of the perps who carried on in a lewd mannor, but it wouldn't surprise me! :o)
Mooning isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Sexual acts of a lewd nature? I'm in. Things with mooning is that there's always the risk of exposing ball bag.

Interesting photo. I've never seen a woman moon. I would like to.
I'm curious why Captain Buttweiler finds his job "tedious". What an odd choice of words for an odd display of rebellion.

As for the Chinese man with two penises, I'd have to agree with you when you pointed out he should have made a show of it for a paying audience. Surely, Ripley's Believe It or Not has a place for people with multiple sex organs. Doesn't Guiness go for that sort of thing as well?
Dr Maroon: I never knew you were a fan of his, Dr. Doesn't the expression on his face make you want to give him a laxative?

Red Squirrel: You just can't trust a Russian woman with a penis. It's like giving a worm to a vixen.

Topiary Cow: I'll have to watch this movie, Ms Cow, Dr Maroon liked it as well.

Sarah: You'd better check out all the pictures. Do you know what his butt looks like?

Mrs Table: No, it's a of load arse.

Emerson Marks: I suggest you wear a jockstrap if your nutsack embarrasses you.

Zeus: Well I suppose watching butt gets boring after a while. I'm not sure Guinness would be interested. I doubt two dicks is a world record, even for humans.
The man with two navels did a very disturbing impersonation of Jimmy Durante.
It would never work on the 7:23 to Victoria. Bits would freeze off. And why are they all wearing sandals? I'm more offended by seeing their hairy toes than their pale bahookies.
There is a train that goes from Barcelona to Sitges past a gay nudist beach. You can get a good view if you lean out with a pair of binoculars.
I've given you an award:
Do the trains slow down to let the passengers see and take pics ofthe best butts?

I can't believe that the Chinaman has got his extra weewee removed!

He could have either given it to the Russian dude or use it to fulfill his most naughty threesomian fantasies, or other even more unconfessable. Really, in my view, what a mistake!
I am going to start a mooning fashion over here, watch out for the arrests and over hyped news bulletins. I'll be the one with blue arse cheeks.
Mooning on the London underground is compulsary, or at least that's what the ticket vendor told me..


Okay, I've been had, haven't I?
Kevin: Does that make him a knave?

Madame Defarge: Quite right, Madame Defarge, these Californian pastimes would not travel well. Perish the thought that you would be exposed to such vileness after a full English breakfast. The hairy toes may be a sign of hobbit blood.

Lady Daphne: I shouldn't bother, milady, nudists are usually well past their prime.

Mysterg: Thank you, Mysterg, I accept it graciously.

Leni: I suspect they were too close together for most threesome fantasies. I won't ask you what you had in mind.

Millenium Housewife: Does your bottom suffer from frostbite then? I hope you are not using it to defrost frozen meat you forget to remove from the freezer.

Bunny Boiler: Look on the bright side: you must have a first-rate bottom to be the victim of such a hoax.
I once took the Amtrak from Seattle to Los Angeles and would have welcomed some twin-cheek vistas to interrupt the lunar tedium of Oregon and northern California.
Yes, I'd say threatening to put Steven's face on my ass would cure me of any mooning habits.

If I had any.

Which, of course, I don't.
Maroon, Erika Eleniak is her name and she did at one point in that movie remove her shirt, to spectacular effect. I must admit that Seagal has always bored me, but your gig story improves him.
Sounds appropriate. We will need a law preventing men and anyone saggy-arsed from participating in these events if it continues.

I would also include baboons, however, you seem to have a problem with baboons, so I will say that it's okay to let them continue with their mooning practice(s) since you are a baboon racist. =)
he's darker haired like the bloke there in the black shirt, i've seen a lot of "cowerkers" arses*, but he wasn't one of them.

*strictly plutonic, i assure you.
Ooooh i think it's a grand tradition!!!! Really must start this in malaysia....there's a train track not 5 minutes from my house

I promise to stop only at mooning, and not performing lewd acts :p
Paradoxically Steven Seagal's face looks a bit like an arse
Mr Boyo: How about on the Cardiff to Bangor? I'm sure there are many buxom girls who'd give it a go for the red dragon.

Ms OWO: Yes, it's not the sort of thing you want to make a habit of. But would you consider it if someone asked you to?

Inskpot: I never knew he played gigs. Does he have a good singing voice then?

Static: Baboons will moon you whether or not you have sympathy for them. They won't treat you like a brother just because of your zany hairstyle. I don't let them bother me.

Sarah: You sound like a connoisseur of behinds, Sarah. I'd like you to feel mine and marvel at its tautness.

Sabrina: Go for it, Saby, I'll be your chaperone while you're mooning! You don't want fools molesting you just because you've pulled down your panties!

Beast: An old and leathery one perhaps.
Only if they asked nicely. ;)
Phew, looks like I had a lucky escape when my flat with the seaview fell through. Between me and the water was a railway line. Methinks if this habit caught on over here, I could have been sold a pup :)
And where might one buy a pair of asbestos underpants?
Ms OWO: Heh! I'm glad you're a woman that appreciates good manners!

Joanna: Wouldn't that depend on the booty on display?

Ms Salti: Don't the Army and Navy stores have them?
i bet you could bounce a quarter off that thing! oh. i knew this Army Ranger once that had a "taut" ass. i think the key there was the running he did. i spent the better part of 20 minutes feeling it.
@ Gorilla B

**SHOCK **gasp!

Did you just call me a baboon sympathizer?
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