Monday, July 13, 2009
Animal lovers
Got a call from little Charlotte Uhlenbroek the other day. She’s recently appeared in a series of wildlife documentaries on British TV, visiting the great apes and trying to sort out their problems. The problems, it must be said, remained largely unsolved. On the plus side she did manage to goad a few chimpanzees into tickling her, which made her giggle like an excited schoolgirl. On strength of this performance she asked me to nominate her for Animal Lover of the Year.
“I’ll put your name forward, Charlotte, but I can’t say your chances are good,” I said. “Last year it was won by a fellow who sucked a cow’s udders. This year we’ve had reports of a man who wanked off a dolphin. That’ll be stiff competition, as you can imagine.”
“They’re so fucking sexist, GB!” squeaked Charlotte angrily. “They’ve never given it to a woman, have they? Do I have to suck off a chimp or something?”
“I wouldn’t recommend it, Charlotte, they’d be queuing outside your tent once the word got out. Why don’t you try something with the hoofed animals instead? The judges are always impressed by women who can ride the herbivore bareback.”
“Not bloody likely, GB, my arse is sore enough as it is!"
I said I would do my best to make her case from her work with the apes.
I have to admit that I lied about the man who wanked off a dolphin. That incident occurred a long time ago, so the perpetrator wouldn't be eligible for this year’s award. I wanted to lower Charlotte’s expectations without telling her about the real favourite: an Ohio woman who allows a squirrel to reside between her breasts. One shouldn’t put such ideas into the head of an impressionable TV naturalist.
So what about this woman from Ohio? Apparently, the first person to find out about her furry tenant was a police detective. He was interviewing her about an unrelated felony when the bushy-tailed rodent popped out of its hiding place and tried to escape. Less nervous creatures than a squirrel have cracked under the strain of a dogged interrogation. The woman promptly reassured the animal and put it back into its cosy refuge. They obviously had a relationship based on mutual trust and affection – bosom buddies, so to speak.
Now on the face of it, this woman showed great hospitality in allowing Little Nutkin to nestle between her norks. It has all the appearance of a selfless act carried out by a true lover of furry creatures. However, a breast boffin called Cathinka Chandler claims that parting the chest cleavage is actually good for the boobs, preventing them from wrinkling and sagging. She has invented a device called The Kush which is essentially a glorified titty-separator. She claims that women who sleep with one lodged between their baps will wake up in the morning with a bust to be proud of.
All of which suggests that the woman from Ohio had a selfish motive for her squirrel-friendly behaviour. That’s typically human, isn’t it? You think they’re doing something out of generosity of spirit, when in reality they have an ulterior motive. Let’s hope the judges can see through her wiles.
Labels: Apes, Breasts, Charlotte Uhlenbroek, The Kush
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One wonders about a short walk in the Hindu Kush.
I'd be worried that it would slip down and provide some other form of nocturnal entertainment. It has a strangely appealing shape to it.
I'd be worried that it would slip down and provide some other form of nocturnal entertainment. It has a strangely appealing shape to it.
The Kush "titty-separator" sells for between £29.99 and £39.99 - ahh, good grief, you could get same effect going with a 'D' size flashlight battery or one of those tiny jars of Shippam's crab paste for just a few pence!
I would prefer a more sustainable solution to this vexed problem: how about a courgette? As long as it was rotated every few days it would remain edible.
Damn now I have to sleep with something on my chest to keep my tits from sagging...this keeping beautiful is never ending
Smiling Hello GB:)
Just wanted to say thanks for the tip you gave about dolphins:) What makes me surprised is how did you know that I spent my w-end with my auntie! OMG I'm so surprised when I read your smart note now. Sorry for not giving-away so you'd be winner:)
Well, merci bien again for your visiting at CR. For more of Sunday, do pay a visit when you can.
Sending warm thoughts from gray+rainy istanbul. Where's my Mr Sun gone? Is He there in?
Just wanted to say thanks for the tip you gave about dolphins:) What makes me surprised is how did you know that I spent my w-end with my auntie! OMG I'm so surprised when I read your smart note now. Sorry for not giving-away so you'd be winner:)
Well, merci bien again for your visiting at CR. For more of Sunday, do pay a visit when you can.
Sending warm thoughts from gray+rainy istanbul. Where's my Mr Sun gone? Is He there in?
Sucking a cows udders. And to think, the first person that decided humans should drink cow's milk must have done this. And we followed despite the fact they are clearly insane.
Forty quid for that? I'll be using the Shippam's as suggested above.
Forty quid for that? I'll be using the Shippam's as suggested above.
Madame Defarge: I don't think it's very mobile, Madame D. It wouldn't slip downstairs of it's own accord.
Gadjo: But would the texture and curvature be the same? Perhaps a piece of plasticine could be shaped into the correct form.
Gaw: I suspect it would get too squidgy after a long night between the boobies.
Peach Tart: I'm sure you'd get used to it. The sensation is probably quite agreeable.
Nihal: Hello and welcome, Nihal! I once engaged in repartee with a dolphin - he was a very cheeky fellow!
Organic Meatbag: It won't make them look like a perfect pair of titties, but it might stop them from colliding.
Rachel: Cow's milk or mother's milk, Rach? That was a line in a funny film.
Gadjo: But would the texture and curvature be the same? Perhaps a piece of plasticine could be shaped into the correct form.
Gaw: I suspect it would get too squidgy after a long night between the boobies.
Peach Tart: I'm sure you'd get used to it. The sensation is probably quite agreeable.
Nihal: Hello and welcome, Nihal! I once engaged in repartee with a dolphin - he was a very cheeky fellow!
Organic Meatbag: It won't make them look like a perfect pair of titties, but it might stop them from colliding.
Rachel: Cow's milk or mother's milk, Rach? That was a line in a funny film.
I've heard that chimps are a terribly horny bunch. So what that girl had in mind wasn't clever.
Talking of animal love, I remember when many years ago, Burridge's Bryn Schwodler came about a video of Animal Farm.
The bloody thing got stuck in the recorder. He had to resort to a screwdriver to get the tape out.
The video was never the same after that.
Talking of animal love, I remember when many years ago, Burridge's Bryn Schwodler came about a video of Animal Farm.
The bloody thing got stuck in the recorder. He had to resort to a screwdriver to get the tape out.
The video was never the same after that.
Is that why Jane Goodall always looks so peaceful GB? Was she a giver? My husband often provides the role of the kush. But he lifts AND separates free of charge!
Red Squirrel: You've got to nestle between them to provide the same benefits as the Kush.
Emerson: You should have made him buy a new VCR. Footballers have no respect for property.
Fancy: Yes, I noticed they'd removed it. The still picture was still very informative, though.
Auri: Jane Goodall was the best-looking white woman in Africa in her day, so I would guess she was a receiver. The kush would only be necessary afer your hubby's arms got tired.
Kara: Hmm, it should have made you want a KFC breast piece. You were probably reading it on an empty stomach.
Emerson: You should have made him buy a new VCR. Footballers have no respect for property.
Fancy: Yes, I noticed they'd removed it. The still picture was still very informative, though.
Auri: Jane Goodall was the best-looking white woman in Africa in her day, so I would guess she was a receiver. The kush would only be necessary afer your hubby's arms got tired.
Kara: Hmm, it should have made you want a KFC breast piece. You were probably reading it on an empty stomach.
An unblemished décolletage is a woman's greatest asset.
for women with a partner I recommend sleeping with your man's member between your breasts
for singles, just move your vibrator up a foot or so after it's performed its other duty
for women with a partner I recommend sleeping with your man's member between your breasts
for singles, just move your vibrator up a foot or so after it's performed its other duty
Whatever happened to the Playtex Cross-your-heart bra - "lifts and separates". Went the way of girdles and support hose, I don't doubt.
Useful for boobs that don't get on.
"And . . . separate. Right, back to it, nothing below the belt . . ."
"And . . . separate. Right, back to it, nothing below the belt . . ."
OMG, the Kush! A brilliant idea. Since I don't have a Kush (yet) I will use a cucumber instead.
But I guess it's to late for this woman :(
http://static.fafarazzi.com/images/gallery/200905/large/forums_0525200911015163711_image.png
But I guess it's to late for this woman :(
http://static.fafarazzi.com/images/gallery/200905/large/forums_0525200911015163711_image.png
Mr Bananas,
You’re always so wise and tactful. Being tickled by a few chimpanzees doesn’t seem to be very talented as to be nominated Animal Lover of the Year, don’t you think? But as long as it improves Animal/Human fraternity, anything will do.
I'm considering ro buy a Kush. It will surely be an unforgettable and addictive experience. Do you recommend this or should I better become friends with a squirrel?
Take care!
You’re always so wise and tactful. Being tickled by a few chimpanzees doesn’t seem to be very talented as to be nominated Animal Lover of the Year, don’t you think? But as long as it improves Animal/Human fraternity, anything will do.
I'm considering ro buy a Kush. It will surely be an unforgettable and addictive experience. Do you recommend this or should I better become friends with a squirrel?
Take care!
Nursemyra: Excellent tips, Nursie. But would a man's member really be up to the job?
Lady Daphne: I'm sure that technology is obsolete now, milady. Weren't they rather constrictive?
The Jules: It's terrible when twins don't get on.
Donut girl: A shocking image, Ms Donut. May your own tomatoes stay firm and ripe.
Leni: Some women need neither Kush nor Squirrel, Leni, and I have a feeling you might be one of them.
Lilu: Glad someone noticed!
Lady Daphne: I'm sure that technology is obsolete now, milady. Weren't they rather constrictive?
The Jules: It's terrible when twins don't get on.
Donut girl: A shocking image, Ms Donut. May your own tomatoes stay firm and ripe.
Leni: Some women need neither Kush nor Squirrel, Leni, and I have a feeling you might be one of them.
Lilu: Glad someone noticed!
The squirrel-in-boobs video is still all over you tube however.
Here it is with bonus piano cat at the end:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2aEALg7wpM
Here it is with bonus piano cat at the end:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2aEALg7wpM
Topiary would not want a squirrel residing in her foliage...surely their fur is rather scratchy.
As for lifting and separating, probably a good thing, though that doesn't look very comfortable.
Moo!
As for lifting and separating, probably a good thing, though that doesn't look very comfortable.
Moo!
Judging from the size of the Kush I would think that a hamster (declawed) would be more useful here than a squirrel. I suppose it would need to be drugged to stay asleep all night though. Perplexing.
Charlotte should get an award just for trying to sort out the great apes' (apes's?!) problems: it could be closely related to those problems women have with men :)
Thanks for the comment on my post; I REALLY like your blog and look forward to ready some more of it, so hurry up and write! ;)
Thanks for the comment on my post; I REALLY like your blog and look forward to ready some more of it, so hurry up and write! ;)
"Some women need neither Kush nor Squirrel, Leni, and I have a feeling you might be one of them"
Mr Bananas... neither Kush nor Squirrel, that's not what I need, you're right.
How can you possibly know me so well? (*giggles*)
Mr Bananas... neither Kush nor Squirrel, that's not what I need, you're right.
How can you possibly know me so well? (*giggles*)
Face: Thanks for that, Face baby. I'll have more to say about the cat in due course.
Topiary Cow: And they also require regular feeding, Ms Cow. I suppose the women must have a bag of nuts somewhere on her person.
Emma: It was actually a baby squirrel, Emma. And the woman had a rather large bust.
Sidhu: Maybe, but it's a lot better than cosmetic surgery.
Ladytruth: Hello and welcome, ma'am! Charlotte is a goodhearted girl who deserves much praise for trying to help us. We are not a substitute for men, though.
Dorothy: Hello, Dorothy. Give my regards to the Scarecrow! (Just kidding!)
Leni: I think we have achieved a mutual empathy.
Topiary Cow: And they also require regular feeding, Ms Cow. I suppose the women must have a bag of nuts somewhere on her person.
Emma: It was actually a baby squirrel, Emma. And the woman had a rather large bust.
Sidhu: Maybe, but it's a lot better than cosmetic surgery.
Ladytruth: Hello and welcome, ma'am! Charlotte is a goodhearted girl who deserves much praise for trying to help us. We are not a substitute for men, though.
Dorothy: Hello, Dorothy. Give my regards to the Scarecrow! (Just kidding!)
Leni: I think we have achieved a mutual empathy.
I think I'll get me a Kush so that "the sag" doesn't start too early... also because I'm not lucky enough to have a man to hold them for me!
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あなたのSM度をかんたん診断、SM度チェッカーで隠された性癖をチェック！真面目なあの娘も夜はドS女王様、ツンデレなあの子も実はイジめて欲しい願望があるかも！？コンパや飲み会で盛り上がること間違いなしのおもしろツールでみんなと盛り上がろう
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SM度チェッカーで隠された性癖をチェック！外見では分からない男女のSM指数をチェックして相性のいい相手を見つけ、SMプレイしてみよう！合コンや飲み会で盛り上がること間違いなしのおもしろツールをみんなとやってみよう
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セレブラブでは心とカラダに癒しを求めるセレブ女性と会って頂ける男性を募集しています。セレブ女性が集まる当サイトではリッチな彼女たちからの謝礼を保証、安心して男性はお金、女性は体の欲求を満たしていただけます。興味がある方は当サイトトップページからぜひどうぞ
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最近いい事ない人集合！話聞いて欲しいって時ないですか？やけに寂しいんですよね。私も聞くので私のも聞いてください。メアド乗せておくのでメールから始めましょうfull-of-hope@docomo.ne.jp
野外露出の掟・・・それはいかに通報されないで脱ぐかですが、合法的に露出プレイを楽しめる方法があるのをご存じですか？当サイトで露出パートナーを探したりプレイ出来る場所を提供を探したり出来るのです。興味のある方はどうぞ
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最近雑誌やTVで紹介されている家出掲示板では、全国各地のマンガ喫茶等を泊り歩いている家出少女のメッセージが多数書き込みされています。彼女たちはお金がないので掲示板で知り合った男性の家にでもすぐに遊びに行くようです。あなたも書き込みに返事を返してみませんか
プロフ作ったわいいけど見てくれる人いなくて少し残念な気分に陥ってます。意見でもいいので見た方がいましたら一言コメント送ってくだしゃいメアドのせているのでよろしくでしゅapotheosis@docomo.ne.jp
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ネットで恋人探しなら、greeをおすすめします。ここからあなたの理想の恋愛関係が始まります。純粋な出逢いから、割り切ったHな出逢いまで何でもあります。ミクシーから女の子が大量流入中！ココだけの話、今が狙い目です
出会ぃも今は逆¥交際！オンナがオトコを買う時代になりました。当サイトでは逆援希望の女性が男性を自由に選べるシステムを採用しています。経済的に成功を収めた女性ほど金銭面は豊かですが愛に飢えているのです。いますぐTOPページからどうぞ
友達の前では少し強がって彼氏なんかいらないって言ってしまうけど、やっぱ本音では欲しいです、夜は寒いし寂しいし私の本音に気付いてください。メアド乗せておくので優しい方連絡くださいtoward.the-future@docomo.ne.jp
# posted by 
: Friday, October 23, 2009
: Friday, October 23, 2009
一人で家出したんだけど助けてほしいです。今まで強がってました。もう親には頼れない…super-love.smile@docomo.ne.jp
# posted by : Friday, October 30, 2009
: Friday, October 30, 2009
仕事を辞めてください。一日で今の月収を超えるお誘いがあります。某有名セレブ熟女の強い要望により少しの間、恋人契約という女性からのお申し込みがありました。今までは地位や名誉のために頑張ってこられたようでございますが年齢を重ね、寂しさが強くなってきたようでございます。男性との時間を欲しがっている女性に癒しを与えてくださいませ
ストーカーの追い回されて怖いんです。毎日夜になると非通知電話多いし怖い。。。助けてくださいpeach-.-girl@docomo.ne.jp
# posted by : Friday, November 06, 2009
: Friday, November 06, 2009
復活、スタービーチ！日本最大の友達探しサイトがついに復活、進化を遂げた新生スタービーチをやってみませんか？理想のパートナー探しの手助け、合コンパーティー等も随時開催しています。楽しかった頃のスタビを体験しよう
「友達の中で処女なのは私だけ…でも恥ずかしくて処女だなんて言えない、誰でもイイからバージンを貰ってほしい！」そんな女性が沢山いる事をご存じですか？出合いが無かった、家が厳格だった等の理由でHを経験したことがない女性がたくさんいるのです。当サイトはそんな女性たちと男性を引き合わせるサイトです
今話題の逆¥交際！あなたはもう体験しましたか？当サイトでは逆援希望の女性が男性を自由に選べるシステムを採用しています。成功を収めた女性ほど金銭面は豊かですが愛に飢えているのです。いますぐTOPページからどうぞ
只今、シャープ32型液晶テレビ、PS3等、豪華商品が当たるキャンペーンを実施中！まずは欲しい商品を選び、メールアドレスを登録して無料エントリー！その場で当たりが出たら賞品ゲットできます。抽選に外れた方もWチャンスで商品券等が当たります。ぜひチャレンジして下さい
彼氏にＤＶされて、ちょっと男性不信です。でも、恋愛して彼氏も作りたいと思ってるので、優しく接してくれる人を探してます。連絡待ってまぁす！ pretty-toy-poodle@docomo.ne.jp
# posted by : Friday, November 13, 2009
: Friday, November 13, 2009
セレブラブでは毎月１０万円を最低ラインとする謝礼を得て、セレブ女性に快楽を与える仕事があります。無料登録した後はメールアプローチを待つだけでもOK、あなたも当サイトで欲求を満たしあう関係を作ってみませんか
一人Hを男性に見てもらうことで興奮する女性が多数いることをご存じですか？当サイト、救援部ではそんな女性たちが多数登録されています。男性会員様は彼女たちのオ○ニーを見てあげるだけで謝礼を貰えるシステムとなっております。
冬に1人ボッチで家でご飯とかオヤスミなんて寂しすぎるょ～～っ！こんなところに書き込んだら削除されちゃいそうだけど少しでもきっかけ作らなくっちゃと思って書いてみましたっ！！気軽に会ったり出来たりする方ってこの掲示板見てませんか～！？良かったらメールくださいね★フリメだったら私気付けないんで携帯のアドレス乗せておくねっ！！ love-sexy@docomo.ne.jp
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# posted by : Friday, November 20, 2009
: Friday, November 20, 2009 << Home
