Monday, February 23, 2009

The Pink Chaddi Campaign

I don’t normally speak out in support of worthy causes, but I’m going to make an exception for the brave young ladies of the Pink Chaddi Campaign. India’s finest floozies have joined hands to form a “Consortium of Pub-going, Loose and Forward Women”, in defence of their right to enter bars unaccompanied and chat up the men they fancy. The main target of their ire is Pramod Muthalik, the leader of a fundamentalist cult that believes a woman’s lot in life is to make chapatis and aloo gobi for her fat-bellied male relatives.

The sisterhood is encouraging its members to send a pair of pink knickers to the execrable Mr Muthalik, in the hope that the aura of these heavenly garments will shame the neo-Thuggee demagogue into silence. I hope it works, but I fear that the bounder is beyond shame and will simply sell them on the black market (after trying them on himself). If the chaddies prove ineffective, I suggest they send him pink tampons instead. Deep down these reactionary types are colossal perverts, and I bet Mr Muthalik would insert a few into his rectum just to find out what it felt like. One hopes the experience would relax his inner tension and open him up to other viewpoints.

Indian women, of course, are famed throughout the world for their beguiling good looks and general voluptuousness. Many of them now prefer modern dress to the sari, which tends to fall off during funky disco dancing. I do hope the bigger-bottomed beauties think twice before wearing jeans – a baggy split skirt would surely look better than trying to squeeze mangoes into an egg carton. It’s also worth mentioning that many western men find the exposed tummy of sari-wearing Indian women very sexy. Back in my circus days I remember Ranjit Ram, the Indian knife-thrower, being questioned on this very subject:

“Is kissing a woman's belly-button allowed in India?” asked one of the clowns.

“It is allowed only if you blow rather than suck,” replied Ranjit grinning.

There’s no substitute for local expertise when learning the finer points of etiquette in a foreign land.

My final piece of advice for these gallant ladies is to open up their consortium to all well-wishers, not just forward women with loose underwear. The great moral campaigns of human history have always been inclusive in spirit. I myself would volunteer for a stint of chaperone duty to dissuade men of low character from thinking they have carte blanche to molest members of the sisterhood in pubs. (This shouldn’t involve any violence. I once did similar work for a pub in a downmarket area of London and everyone was as good as gold. All I had to do was sit in a corner reading an issue of the British Medical Journal. Ms Nelly Norkins, proprietor of the ‘Gag and Cosh’, was well pleased with my service.)

In due course, the leading lights of the movement might care to visit the Congo to compare notes with my females and organise symposia on matters of mutual interest. They don’t come any looser and more forward than female gorillas, and the ones in my band could certainly teach women a thing or two about the use of teeth in close encounters of the promiscuous kind. In the meantime, I sincerely hope that the pink-panty tactic wins the sisterhood much succour and acclaim. I wish them well from the bottom of my heart and the top of my bottom.

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Muthalik and his men have promised to gift a Sari, in return, to each of the women who send them pink under-wear.

These ladies sound like they are needed in bars to liven them up a bit!

I joined their Facebook group today after you had alerted me to them as I don't own any pink undies. Within a few hours their site had been hacked, the name changed to "Pro-Abortion, Baby Killing Feminist Whores and Manginas", and their profile picture was changed to one of a decapitated and de-limbed baby with it's umbilical cord still attached.

What does that say about the opposition.
Pink may not be my colour and my underwear may be increaingly tight, but all power to their elbow.
I'm ready, willing and waving my pink knickers above my head...
How did you get that photo of my bum?
But many of those pink knickers will now be a less sexy shade of khaki-russet after their repeated washings in the Ganges, the village pond and other places.
I love the use of teeth in close encounters
a baggy split skirt would surely look better than trying to squeeze mangoes into an egg carton

I always thought the male of the species preferred the 'Spilling Over' effect. That's why the 'muffin top' hipster jeans were invented
Sidhu: Maybe the man has a sense of humour after all. Perhaps we should open negotiations with his cult.

Rachel: That's sad, but I suppose it could have been anyone. I'm delighted that you're standing knicker-to-knicker with your Indian sisters, Rach. I could send you a pair of pink ones.

Madame Defarge: Your moral support is worth a full drawer of pink underwear, Madame D.

Scarlet: Put them in an envelope when you've finished, Miss Scarlet. And make sure you're wearing another pair on your way to the post box.

Mugged: A chimp in a dirty raincoat sold it to me. Congratulations if it's yours.

Gadjo: You've got the wrong demographic, Gadjo. "Indian" mean the pictured young ladies here. They machine wash their chuddies with Persil.

Nursemyra: I'm glad you've still got your jungle instincts, Nursie.

Lulu: There's no harm in revealing a bit, but squishing it tightly is uncomfortable in a hot climate.
How odd. I'm wearing pink knickers today in fact. Not sure I'm willing to part with them though.
Perhaps they could enlist Tom Jones for this excellent cause - he must have millions of pairs of pink knickers lying around the place ripe for recycling.
I wrote a post against that sort of panty exposure. If you're going to reveal your undies, wear some with a nice Y line. Although, at least the ones in the picture look to be made of a better fabric than white elasticated cotton.
I'm all for the campaing and a pair of pink knickers has been put in the post for attention of Mr M.

But I wish Indian girls stuck to wearing saris, they are much more sexy and look good even when disco dancing. Maybe sari wearing should be introduced to the West just as jeans have been introduced to the East.
I'm wearing pink underwear this week as I did not separate the whites from the colors in the wash.
I must object most vehemently against the use of the word Thuggee to describe the Indian-version of neo-conservatives that have sprung up like ugly mushrooms rotten at the core. Thuggees, as adept as they at poking their noses where they didn't belong (namely, into other people's purses and gunny bags) revered women as reps. of the mother goddesses.

Well, at least they were supposed to, and severe punishment was prescribed for those that didn't.

Thuggee is high praise for Muthalik and his ilk, Mr. B. Wouldn't you reconsider?
Congratulations Mr. Bananas for highlighting an important issue in urban India.
1.I have 2 points that might interest you. While you so gallantly named the Campaign most Indian newspapers while noting that a Facebook group was leading the opposition to Muthalik wouldn't name it perhaps because they deemed the word "Chaddi" politically incorrect.

2. The knickers were to be mailed on Valentine's day or were to arrive at Muthalik's address on the date. However since it wasn't organised or meant to be on the scale it was to take on the founders are now left with a lot of extra pink knickers of various sizes. Perhaps some of your readers might be interested ?
Good luck to them but I'd be sad to see the demise of the sari. Almost always the wearer looks serene and full of grace. Not always apparent in out own clubbers.
I never thought I'd ever see the description 'neo-Thuggee demagogue'

I doff my cap in your general direction Mr. Bananas
DolceVita: I hope they're comfortable. Perhaps just wearing them is an act of solidarity.

Kate: Hah! Isn't it interesting that Tom's fans threw knickers at him for almost the opposite reason that Indian women are posting theirs. Context is everything.

Mrs Cake: Yeah, but she's got a great arse.

Polly: Saris look great at formal occasions, but they weren't designed for women who want to boogie. Have you ever worn one, Polly?

XL: Well, as long as your buddies don't see them in the locker room.

Rimi: I bow to your superior knowledge of Thuggeeism, Miss Sauce, but weren't its practitioners the most appalling scoundrels? You seem to be saying they were nothing worse than cheeky chappies.

Mr Kontiki: If the knickers are clean I'll buy them for one dollar per kilo. If they're soiled I'll pay ten dollars.

Pi: I'm sure they'll still be worn at weddings and funerals.

Red Squirrel: Thank you, but according to Rimi (above) I've totally misunderstood the Thuggee movement.
Indeed not, Mr. B. They were scoundrels of the first water. I object to Muthalik's thuggee claims not merely because he has some very non-T. ideas about women, but because I think behind all those verbal bravado, he's a secret wuss. Hasn't the iron constitution that made ground bones and made blood flow like water. He is, quite literally, the bully who only picks fight with the little girls. A thuggee? I don't think so! A pathetic little worm, now that I could agree to.
Will they turn into an Indian version of the Fat Slags, downing bottles of Cobra and going for an English afterwards?
I would think mailing worn panties through the mail would be some kind of biohazard concern that the postal service wouldn't appreciate.

If that's the case, it sounds like it's time to mail your undergarments to the postmaster. Or mail minister. Whatever the lord of mail is called in your country.
I believe Sikhs wear elaborate undergarments designed for swift donning in the event of a Pathan raid. DHL might be required if Sikh ladies decided to join this worthy campaign.
As a form of silent protest, I shall simply refrain from wearing any underwear.

I don't expect it will help the ladies but I kind of enjoy the freedom.
Blimey, I've forgotten what I'm supposed to be doing now... shall I just send all my underwear to you, Mr Bananas?
Rimi: He sounds like the sort of fellow whose mother forced him to wear short trousers until he was 15, causing the girls in the neighbourhood to tease him. I think he should learn some sort of skill to regain his pride. Tightrope walking perhaps.

Lady Daphne: I should hope not, milady! The promiscuity of loose Indian women still has a long way to go before matching the wanton depravity of the English strumpet!

Chris V: I don't think public employees should be tipped in that way. It leads to corruption. Perhaps they should hire a juggernaut to transport the knickers.

Mr Boyo: Are there any Pathans left in India? I thought they were all hived off into neighbouring Pakistan. You wouldn't want any of those fellows flashing their knives about in a pub full of loose women.

Ram: That's a very noble gesture, which I'm sure the consortium would appreciate. Make sure your outergarments are made of natural fibres, though, you wouldn't want to get a rash in an embarrassing place.

Scarlet: You can always send your knickers to me, Miss Scarlet, although you may have missed the deadline for the campaign. I won't let my females try them on.
I'm just curious.... in order to support this worthy cause, mr. Bananas, did you send in your pink undies as well?
Mr. Muthalik is too frightened a man to have the influence he has.
Deborah: I don't have any pink underwear, Deb, but I do have a pair of scarlet pantaloons. Do you think I should send them?

Sam: His influence is probably less than he imagines, Sam.
What about the heart of your bottom?
That would definitely make a difference!
Dear Mr Bananas,

I was one of the propagators of the Pink Chaddi Campaigns in my city, and let me tell you, we have sent plenty of chaddis and in return we are yet to receive a single sari. We are highly miffed because we all thought they would honour their words.... shows that Indian men ultimately want their women free of sari as well as chaddis.
Sledpress: My bottom sometimes has a pulse, but never a heart.

Deborah: I am touched by your faith in my pantaloons.

Panu: I can well believe that Muthalik is all talk and no action, Panu, but surely he doesn't speak for Indian men?
"Muthalik and his men have promised to gift a Sari, in return, to each of the women who send them pink under-wear."

Not a bad idea. Even if they don't want to wear the saris, think of how many kurtis and tank tops can be cut and tailored out of those.
Oh yes.
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