Monday, September 15, 2008

When humans cry

My friend Smacker Ramrod, the circus vet, once walked into my trailer with a sheepish look on his face.

“What would you say if I told you I’ve just seen a movie that made me cry?” he asked.

I would say that you were a snivelling ass,” I replied, “unless, perchance, the title of the movie was Lassie Come Home.”

It wasn’t. The film that had moved him to tears was called Ghost. I expect most of you have seen it. Patrick Swayze plays a dead man who tries to warn his widow that she is about to be seduced and swindled by his murderer. The evil one is thwarted, with the help of Whoopi Golderg, and carted off to the underworld by demons. The film ends with Mr Swayze bidding an emotional farewell to his wife before going to a better place. I freely admit it’s the sort of experience that would make a gorilla cry like a baby if it ever happened to him – or possibly even to his best friend. But watching actors simulate the whole thing produced no more than a rueful sigh in my own hairy bosom. I suspect that what prompted so many humans to weep was a “happy ending” in which a young widow remains well and truly widowed. Such is life.

I do of course sympathise with people crying to unburden their aching hearts. I must have seen at least a dozen adult humans weep in my circus days – on nearly every occasion it was a woman. I was quite happy to comfort these ladies with a hairy embrace if they stumbled in my direction, but in doing so I always observed the following rules:

(a) never ask the woman why she is crying;

(b) if she volunteers the information, reply only with monosyllabic murmurs of sympathy;

(c) never refer to the incident if you later cross the woman’s path.

I remember one young lady who after blubbering into my chest for five minutes looked up at me in apparent curiosity.

“Don’t you want to know why I’m crying?” she sniffed.

“I already know why,” I replied. “You are crying because you are overcome with emotion at a misfortune you have suffered. It happens to the best of us.”

For some reason she found this amusing, which encouraged me to send her on her way with a gentle pat, delivered a good four inches above her bottom.

Yet I must admit to confused feelings when movie stars cry in public. As they are said to express their emotions on film by reliving events in their lives, it makes me wonder whether they’re recalling past movie roles when they do it for real. Do you remember how Gwyneth Paltrow wept uncontrollably on accepting her Oscar? Rather than feeling any sympathy, I found myself judging her performance – almost good enough for a second gold statuette, I thought. I should add that I have nothing against Gwynnie as an actress or a woman. In naming her daughter “Apple”, she showed remarkably good taste for a human. Had she chosen the name “Apollonia”, I would have lampooned her as a pretentious bimbo.

I expect you want to know when I last cried. It happened quite recently, as a matter of fact, when my females jumped on me without warning and pinned me against a prickly bush. I’m not certain I was technically crying, come to think of it – but my eyes certainly watered a fair bit.

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I cry almost on a daily basis. How much of a pain in the ass am I?
I have been crying all through the US presidential election process; there are still two months to go. :(
I cried at 'Ghost.' I was with a young-ish lady I was trying to impress and damned near bit right through my lip in an attempt not to laugh out loud at the pottery scene.
I have almost made for me surprise !
By the fact that ; my fact of howling to laugh.

But for "Ghost" when the music is good...the end is sad and depressing ,result a widow !

It my to sometimes happen to howl of pain " cry as a sponge cake ",the day or they replaced the buttons of my fly by a zipper !?
I was go to the cinema to see " From Here to Eternity " in French " Tant qu'il y aura des hommes "( As long as there will be men )And during the break In the W.C , Ouch ! Ouch ! Ouch !

Pour qui sonne le glas " For Whom the Bell Tolls ?? "
I didn't see Ghost. I would only have cried at the wasted opportunity of putting Patrick Swayze in a film and not letting him dance.
> As they are said to express their emotions on film by reliving events in their lives, it makes me wonder whether they’re recalling past movie roles when they do it for real.
Heheh! Good one! :-)

Ghost is one of my favourite films... I watched it as a child (the first movie I remember watching in a cinema) and never forgot it. Very good film, and as you say, very moving, that ending... :-)
Forget 'Ghost' . . . 'Lassie Come Home' . . . sob . . . sniff . . .
Misssy: A very small one, Misssy, you'd be welcome to sob on my shoulder. I'm assuming it's not a hormonal thing.

XL: I hear many voters have been moved to tears by the soaring oratory of the candidates. I assume you're not one of them.

Kevin: It might have been better for your sex life if you'd stifled those tears until the last scene.

Crabtree: Howling in pain is not quite the same phenomenon, Monsieur. I suggest you buy a pair of trousers with buttons rather than a zip.

Gadjo: I've heard he's a good dancer, but I doubt he'd impress anyone in my neck of the jungle.

Eve: It must have increased your respect for the dead when you went to medical school

Miss Scarlet: You have the tender soul of a gorilla, Miss Scarlet.
I cried when Demi Moore split from Bruce Willis
I fainted headfirst into the lap of a nurse on our first cinema date. Perhaps Angel Heart wasn't the best choice. Either way she thought me a little forward, and we didn't go any futher. When I think of her access to drugs and uniforms I find it hard to fight back the tears.
What on earth is this 'Ghost' thingy? And why the divvel do you watch it if it makes you cry?
Y'know, I could never get past the fact that the final love scene in Ghost was "technically" between two women; as the medium (Whoopi Goldberg) allowed the Patrick Swayze character to possess her so he could have his way with Demi Moore.
I was also confused by the fact that Lassie (as any fule kno') is and always has been, played by boy dogs, who are always refered to as "Girl".
The resulting gender confusion has always stopped me from becoming tearful - although when pregnant I did cry at the Royle Family - I don't think I realised it was supposed to be a comedy!
Sound advise about comforting sobbing women Mr B.
Its generally best not to ask :-)
It's only acceptable to cry when you've been kicked firmly in the knackers.

I assume women cry so much because they've never experienced true pain....
I cried when Wellard was put to sleep in Eastenders recently. He was the best actor in the whole show. I used to cry at the Royle Family too, they were so much like my former in-laws.
Nursemyra: Were those tears for their new lovers, Nursie?

Mr Boyo: I suspect your fainting act wasn't good enough to fool her. Vigorous nuzzling usually gives the game away.

Can Bass: It is a motion picture, Sir. The tears are the price one pays for being alertered to the machinations of Beelzebub and his minions.

Baroness Black: 'Possessed' is surely too strong a word for what Whoopi did to Demi. From my seat it only looked like cuddly-wuddly.

Beast: I'm sure you have performed you own comforting duties with clench-teethed determination.

Red Squirrel: I hope you mother doesn't read that, mate. You're likely to get a blow-by-blow account of what she went through to bring you into the world.

Lady Daphne: These television actors are well-tutored in tugging the heart-strings, milady. Perhaps you should take a herbal libation before steeling yourself for the evening's viewing.
I suppose movies that make people either laugh or cry a lot go on to do rather well commercially. It is apparently much easier to make people cry than to make them laugh, however.

I cry during the 'X' Factor.
misssy m...thank god you cry a lot too. I find I cry more and more as the years roll on. For the last week I have cried every day. I used to be ashamed of it because I thought it meant my life was terrible but I think yes, GB, it just means my emotions are overwhelming me.
The example Is so bad !?
What made me cry ?
When I received my first price of excellence ( no this it is personal , That does not count !)
Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes , When it finds His father In cage ( But it is my father ...! )

If I found ! "The Kid"
Gwyneth's father was either dying or newly dead but she did go on a bit. I'm a terrible blubber but mainly in sympathy. I can see a complete stranger upset and I choke with him/her.
Four inches sounds like a bit of an exaggeration, frankly. You're a gorilla, after all, and I would fully expect you to have grabbed a bit of biscuit when the opportunity prevented itself. At the very least, it would have taken her mind off her grief.
I haven't seen Ghost, thanks for spoiling the plot.
Who am I kidding, I was never going to watch it anyway, I only watched Dirty Dancing for the first time last week.

The last film I really truely sobbed at was Brokeback Mountain, but that was cut short and turned to laughter as soon as I turned to see the blokes in the room biting pillows, trying desperately not to cry, let alone at a film centred around gay cowboys.
Gwyneth's dress that night was sobworthy all by itself.
Sidhu: Yes, there are many ways of making people cry, whereas being funny is the only was of making them laugh. That's beyond the ability of many comedians.

Miss Scarlet: People who can't sing do have that effect on girls with sensitive ears.

Emma: I think that's very feminine, Emma. Don't transsexuals cry a lot more after injecting themselves with female hormones?

Crabtree: I am sure Lord Greystoke would have appreciated your sympathy, Monsieur.

Pi: I never knew that. Poor Gwynnie!

Cooper: A cheeky accusation! I was tutored by an English gentleman, not Alfred E Neuman!

Rachel: They were biting pillows while watching Brokeback Mountain? I never realised the film was that influential. Couldn't they have waited until it ended?

Sam: It didn't show her at her best, did it?
I recently saw the film Ghost again after having found an old video in a box. In fact I intend to write a blog about all the old films I've found and viewed. I'd forgotten the storyline, but was newly reminded that Patrick Swayze always walked as though he had a bad case of piles.

Ah now I see this is your seductive patter. You have al aspects of the weeping covered. If you aren't sure of her then you would definitely take her to Lassie comes home. Right?
I've never seen Ghost but the previews gave the impression Demi spent the entire movie crying. As for Gwyneth, best role she ever had was getting decapitated in Seven.
BTW I didn't cry when I fractured my elbow falling off the pushbike on the weekend.
I cried when I passed my driving test . . .but then again so did lots of other people . . .
I have only seen a gorilla cry once, at a performance of The Sound Of Music I had been dragged to. The gorilla in question was clearly a music lover and moved in the most extreme way.

I could only sympathise.
The last five minutes of Monsieur Hire; it is truly a vale of tears. I don't suppose anyone else has ever seen it? It is my favourite film.
Kitty: I suppose ghosts aren't really comfortable walking - floating is more their thing.

Mo: Madam, I have no interest in making any woman cry. But if it happens, I offer as much comfort as the decencies will allow.

Zuba: She cried very prettily and was rewarded with a parting cuddle from the Swayze/Goldberg hybrid. I hope your elbow heals quickly.

Scarlet: Had I been your driving instructor I might have cried in sympathy.

Chris: I don't know what he was doing there, but he should have used ear plugs rather than blubbering like a sissy.

Mrs Pouncer: Perhaps free DVDs of the film should made available at French consulates. It must have been a work of surpassing poignancy to have moved you so.
I cried at 'Brief Encounter.' Two perfectly good cups of tea left to go cold in the station buffet.
Naturally, I never cry. I do quite the opposite, in fact.

I draw water in through my eyeballs. True story.
I didn't think squirrels had any, Iv'e jus had a brainwave as to how we can save the red quirrel population in the UK - get all red haired men to donate their sperm and use it to impregnate the slutty female grey squirrels - result!
I'd cry too if I'd won an Oscar...come to think about it, almost every female who's won an Oscar has cried.
It's a beautiful thing...the name Apple isn't so beautiful.
Oscar winners sobbing squicks me out, too. I feel somewhat cold-hearted when I catch myself rolling my eyes and thinking "bitch PLEASE" because I figure they put a lot of work and emotion in their acting and this is the pinnacle of a Hollywood career and blahblahblah, but it still comes off as the most egocentric thing to do.

Then again, it could just be that I'm projecting my own egocentricities on the professional egomaniacs :)
okay i will admit it...i cried at ghost but it wasn't at the end like most...i cried because of imagining being the dead person and trying so desperately to contact the was short lived and happened after a particularly painful situation in my own far as actors crying when receiving awards...i don't believe any of them...i don't watch the shows as they are so staged and i can't be bothered with all of the hype...they get enough imo with the money they get for doing the show...that should be enough...
Well, GB, I'm with you about "Ghost"
(More like 'Gust' 'cause that film really blew)
but moi does not watch The Oscars so moi viewed not the crying star.

GB, if'in ya wantz to see a short vid about humans, here you go.

Stay on groovin' safari,
Kevin: Indeed. True love means bringing a thermos flask to your trysts.

Lord Likely: M'lud, I am sure your eyes have sucked the juice out of many wet creatures.

Ms Lamb: An interesting idea, but you'd end up with half-breeds. And I'm not sure Mr Squirrel is listening anymore.

Secret Agent: I think you may be a little star-struck, young man!

Letty: Maybe you should slap their faces so they'd have a good reason to cry. How's your wrist action, Letty?

Daisy: Yes it must be frustrating being a ghost. Many in that predicament would surely shed tears.

Tor: Hi there Tor, you've got a great thing going with that sheriff moustache. Was that you singing in the video?
I suspect that what prompted so many humans to weep was a “happy ending” in which a young widow remains well and truly widowed.

no. it was whoopi goldberg's unfortunate hats that caused me to tear up.
Excatly how many females do you have Mr Bananas? And do you make them cry on a regular basis.
I cried only a few minutes ago, when someone at work took the last slice of someone's chocolate birthday cake. Still crying.

Still crying.


It had a Smartie on it.
Stan and Ollie-from one of the great movies " Babes in Toyland" I believe.
When your femaleS jumped on you? Plural?!!!
You are one stud-gorilla aren't you? LOL!

I can't for the life of me understand why everyone cried during Ghost....i thought it was alright only...Now The Lion King when Mufassa that is a real tear jerker!

As for Gwyneth, it was actually painful watching her 'cry'...i felt so embarassed for her
Kara: I think the Carmen Miranda fruit basket would suit you, Missy.

Mr Guru: I'm not discussing numbers here. You'd need the bulk of an elephant to make female gorillas cry.

Mrs Table: You'll be nobler for it, Mrs Table. By abstention shall the righteous live.

Tarf: Sons of the Desert was equally good.

Saby: We silverbacks have to work hard for a living, Saby. You didn't cry in Ghost because you enjoyed watching Whoopi cuddle Demi. Most people found it upsetting.
Since my hormones took over I have done a lot of crying. Often with no rhyme or reason. Ruf deals with it by giving me a passing hug and not asking any questions. It normally does the trick.
There's a man who's discovered his inner gorilla.
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