Monday, August 04, 2008

Saluting the flag

I’m feeling rather sorry for the Peruvian model who is being prosecuted for “offending patriotic symbols”. All she did was use her country’s flag as a saddle while riding a horse in the nude. I’m sure she meant no disrespect – indeed, her purpose may have been to honour the flag in an unusual and imaginative way. I believe she’s going to auction the hallowed cloth on eBay to raise money for her legal defence. I won’t be making a bid myself, but will endeavour to contribute to her fund by other means. The State must never be allowed to curtail the artist’s freedom of expression, nor suppress the flow of her creative juices.

My only reservation about her conduct is the involvement of the horse. The conceited posturing of these stripeless zebra is something I witnessed in the circus. I remember watching one of our female stunt riders practising feats of gymnastic agility on a particularly cocky colt. All of a sudden, a dog scampered into the ring, causing the horse to halt abruptly. Luckily, the woman didn’t fall off because she was tightly straddling her mount – but her momentum caused her to slide jerkily along his back up to the nape of his neck. She then groaned and grabbed his mane, remaining motionless for half a minute, before dismounting breathlessly with a face as pink as smoked salmon. In the days that followed, the obnoxious animal couldn’t stop chortling and whinnying about the incident, as if he'd intentionally given her the mother of all gusset massages.

Now a lot of you are probably thinking that a gorilla could never understand the emotional significance of a national flag. Well I’ve got news for you: we gorillas have our own emblem. Before I describe it, I’m going to tell you a story that will make you ashamed to be human. The setting is again the circus, and the instigator of the drama was a clown who planted a flag above his trailer to celebrate a gay pride event. I later discovered that the ensign he raised was called “the jolly todger” (apparently the official banner of the “Bayswater Fairy Godfathers”) which is a fairly accurate description of its appearance. It had scarcely been fluttering for five minutes, however, when an irate posse converged at the clown’s door to demand that he take it down. It is fortunate I was there to intervene when I saw them haranguing the fellow.

“You are a mob of ignorant oppressors!” I cried. “Our fruity friend has every right to express his allegiance on this special day for his people! Disperse forthwith and repent of your bigotry!”

The persecutors silently and shamefacedly withdrew under my stern gaze. I immediately raised the standard of the gorilla nation over my own trailer, and I’m pleased to recall that several other performers joined me in this gesture of solidarity. Two flags that were proudly erected were the Red Dragon of Wales and the Blue Smurf of Phrygia, which immediately lightened the prevailing mood. A Smurf is always guaranteed to bring smiles to faces, whilst Welsh nationalism was invented largely for its comic potential (see the writings of
Mr Boyo).

So what is the emblem of the gorilla nation? It is the magnificent rump of a silverback in his prime, garnished with a pair of palm leaves. Anyone tempted to call it “the arse and wipes” in my presence should be aware that being sat on by a 500-pound gorilla can leave you with a permanent limp.

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Been a while since I beat Tarzan to the draw.
Is that Erica Roe with the Welsh Dragon? She looks a good sport whoever she is.
Is that Charlotte Church with the dragon flag?
Gadzooks! I never saw anyone as beautiful as that model during my time in Peru - not even at the prestigious Lima Cricket Club.

The bottom picture however, certainly explains why the Welsh have such a fascination with rugby....
I'm sure I've seen the Jolly Todger flying at the Gay Parade in San Francisco. It was proudly carried by the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.

Good thing I already know what the Welsh flag looks like. That lady is blocking it most effectively.
That dragon is lopsided!
i'm sorry, any mention of horses currently makes me think of Mr Hands (i just watched 'Zoo')

tell me what you think of mr hands GB?
The Jolly Todger huh? Can't say it rings a bell. But as for the Gorillia Standard, I believe the local primates in my zoo form that pose first thing in the morning every day.
Dr Maroon: Wasn't she an England supporter? She must be a grandmother by now.

XL: Charlotte Church is a successful recording artist but she was never that big in The Valleys.

Red Squirrel: I doubt the Welsh lady is a rugby player - the meat's in all the wrong places.

Mary: Well, there are few gay motifs that haven't already been displayed in San Francisco. Nice to hear of the lesbian sisters showing respect for the todger.

Mrs Cake: That dragon doesn't even having a supporting role! The young lady's patriotism has gone to her tits!

Kiki: I'd never heard of him, but I'm surely his death was widely mourned in the equine community. I hope his widower has got over the guilt and settled down with a less fragile mare.

Mr Guru: And now you know they're trooping the colour rather than insulting you for no reason. I hope you'll give them a salute henceforth.
I think it was an act displaying a very deep love for Peru. Anything a woman puts between her naked thighs is usually something she's at least a little fond of.
Once again you fearlessly upset the delicate sensibilities of your more straight-laced readership (ie people like me) with vulgar prose and nudity.
Can I drag this sorry morass back to equestrianism, and re-focus the spotlight where it belongs (ie onto people like me)? As you know, I am a horse-owner and rider of great prowess. When I had my terrible accident at Maidenhead Thicket in '99 (2 metal plates in knee) I was rescued by a couple out dogging. They bound my leg in the Austrian flag, which they happened to have with them. If it hadn't been for their quick thinking, and for the subsequent attention I received from the man who put Frankie Dettori back together, I would have visible scars and an audible creak. As many can attest, I am blemish-free and noiseless.
While I agree in the main with your sentiments Mr B , I have to disagree most strongly on one point .
There is nothing vaguely amusing about a smurf
I've always believed that symbols should simply be seen as such. Unfortunately, many people are far too symbol-minded.
I won’t be making a bid myself, but will endeavour to contribute to her fund by other means.

If not cash, GB, how do you intend to contribute? Tell me, are secretly a QC?

Will that Peruvian flag have any vestiges of her creative juices on it?

I might make a bid.
croeso y cymru.
I too can not for the life of me understand why people get sooo violently angry when it comes to a flag! I guess i don't understand it since i, sadly, don't have that much love for my country

But my point is they (not peruvians but some countries) are openly letting people get away with other more important, albeit disgusting things like human rights violations, that this just seems soo hypocritical!
Oh and the woman on the horse is gorgeous! Is it Jaclyn Smith?
I'm so glad she shaved her armpits, I might have mistaken it for a photo of Marty Feldman.
this reminds me a bit of the time Geri Halliwell took down the union jack from outside Buckingham Palace and wore it as a dress as a kind of two fingered salute to the Queen. The joke backfired when the Queen ordered that Geri give back the flag dress and perform the concert stark naked:
Sam: Extremely fond of it in most cases, I should hope. It's definitely a place for a woman's favourite things.

Mrs Pouncer: I didn't know you were an horsewoman, ma'am. I assume you have never ridden bare-back - perhaps you might give it a try to see if you like it. I am delighted that your accident left you unscarred, although a little noise would surely not have diminished your charms.

Beast: What about Smurfette with her blond hair? You either laugh at her or fancy her.

Kyknoord: Yes, the people who complain about these things usually have filthy minds.

Randall: Perhaps I'll send her a crate of peaches preserved in snow.

Luciano: Flags are not very absorbent, but there is only so much dampness they can resist.

Sabrina: I don't know who she is, but isn't the way her back curves into her bottom amazing? She should found a sexy-butt society and ask you to join, Saby. I'm sure you'd be proud of that flag.

Ginger: Pshaw, what nonsense! There's nothing wrong with her face!

Emma: The Queen is not one to encourage nudity, but one of Geri's boobies did pop out during a concert. I expect she'd be a fair match for the woman on the horse. Geri, not the Queen.
Good grief! Wake up. Honestly, I see I am called on AGAIN to fill in the blanks (see my popular treatise on Bewitched). Jaclyn Smith was one of the original Charlie's Angels, along with mad Farrah and the other one, Kate something, who no-one liked. Farrah had a bad case of duck's disease, unluckily for her.
Well, no, it's just that her tits reminded me of Marty Feldman's eyes.
omgosh i have never seen such big boobs. yikes, those puppies look heavy!! Flag, what flag?
Mrs Pouncer is right!
It's obviously Bo Derek.
Thank you, Dr Maroon. You see how complimentary and complementary we can be when not befuddled by drink and worse?
Bo Derek offends me with her stupid face. not to mention the rest of her nekkid ass. now that i mention it, the horse offends me too.
Ooh yes! I agree! That would definitely be a flag i would be proud of! :p
I do think I'd be much more likely to support the Welsh team if the men were also allowed to wave their flags with as much enthusiasm.
- especially those rugby boys! :)
Mrs Pouncer: A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

Ginger: To be stared at by a pair of tits would be worthy of a scene in a horror film.

Jahooni: Hi Babe! Doncha think she's got a wonderful smile for a woman carrying such a heavy load?

Dr Maroon: Yes it's Bo. Wasn't there a scene in a movie where she wrestled with an ape? The ape was obviously just toying with her.

Kara: Hey, nekkid was Bo Derek's best thing! It's not as if she could act or dance. The horse looks pretty cool to me, he's not the type to be seduced by a full body massage.

Sabrina: We should have a competition for its design. A nice peachy rump, perhaps, with floral decorations.

Mzungu Chick: Even a front-row forward's boobs wouldn't be as big as hers! Is it the meat-and-two-veg you're looking for, Miss Chick?
Beautiful pictures as always, gorilla... that first one is really worth saving :-)
Well, the top picture is lovely. Not sure about the latter part of the thread...
Those blue Smurfs of Phrygia are causing havoc here, agitating for Phrygin' secession from Belgium. I unwittingly bought an umbrella with the gay flag on it, thanks to which I've made lots of lovely new friends.
I wonder how much of the 'creative juices' flowed on to the flag, in this case.

No -- the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence are not lesbians, but rather sadists and masochists who enjoy a symbiotic relationship. Hence, the perpetual indulgence. They're a lot of fun and do have lesbian friends, I believe.
That is a photo Eswyth ferch Gwil, Minister of Culture, Cookery and Fighting of the Cymru Rouge provisional government, GB.

She's wearing her ceremonial robe of Cocwyllt (Ladies Battalion od Death Leader) and flying the flag after our successful undercover siege of Ludlow.
I'd like to know your thoughts on the troup of gorillas that was just discovered in the Congo. Or is that your troup and you knew about it all along? Just curious.
YOU, sir, have discerning taste in blog post point illustrations. And that's all my tired brain can manage right now...will be back to finish reading when my brain is alert and fully able to enjoy :)
Native Minnow just beat me to it. I heard about those newly discovered gorillas on the way home....
It's Rebecca! Alive and well and living in Wales.
Eve: I'm glad you have an eye for female beauty, Eve. Or was it the horse that caught your eye?

Blueguerilla: Well, it's difficult for a comments thread to compete with a naked woman on a horse.

Lady Daphne: Do you think the Smurfs were gay, milady? Smurfette was a blonde, but was she really enough for all of them?

Sidhu: Enough to attract quite a few bidders on eBay.

Mary: It's wonderful how women form these little self-help communities. I think it's because they trust each other more than men.

Mr Boyo: She's a credit to her nation. The Rouge are definitely going places if they can attract talent like that.

Native Minnow: It wasn't a troupe, it was an entire swampland resort where working class gorillas go on vacation. Have you heard of Butlins?

Letty: I'm delighted that so many women here appreciate the female form. Come back when you've had your beauty sleep and your booty is nice and bouncy.

Nursemyra: Zoologists are always the last people to find out what gorillas are up to.

Pi: Is she a friend or a relative?
LOL! Both are delicious-looking... and wow, that is such a BIG horse, I'm realizing...!
I think the State flag of "Maine" is most appropriate for the opening picture seeing that's where her boobies lay.
Horesgasms, flags, and naked chicks: that's one primo post you put up there, GB.
Eve: I think most girls love horses before they love men.

Joe: Any state with a flag made of absorbent material will do.

Baba Doodlius: Thank you, O Beaked One!
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