Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Day stripper

News arrives of an unusual incident in New Zealand. Annoyed at being repeatedly whistled at by road workers, a comely Israeli woman strips naked on her way to an ATM. After being arrested and taken to a police station, she explains that she was making a defiant gesture in response to a vulgar provocation. She is informed that this is not an approved method of rebuking whistlers in the antipodes.

Cultural differences between humans are fascinating to a gorilla. Those beer-bellied navvies must have thought it was their lucky day, having their boorish antics rewarded with a striptease. They might have wondered, with some justification, whether the woman’s response to having her bottom pinched would have been to place the pincher’s hands on her breasts. Yet speaking as one familiar with the conduct of female gorillas, I think I can see where she was coming from. As well as showing that her proud spirit could not be quelled by a few dog-whistles, I sense that she was contemptuously taunting the labourers with forbidden fruit. It’s as if she was saying:

“Hey losers! Think of what you’re not getting the next time the mare who shares your bed lets you paw her!”

Events like this raise the question of whether there’s an acceptable way for a stranger to compliment a woman. Back in my circus days, Doris the knife-thrower’s assistant often used to complain about the leers and whistles she received from men in the street. Although far from modest in her dress sense, and possessing a figure of outstanding qualities, her temperament was that of a heroine in a Victorian novel. There was one occasion, however, when she did appreciate the attention she got from a strange man. The circus was touring Ireland when he approached her as she sat on a park bench.

“Top of de mornin’ ter yer young lady!” he exclaimed, doffing his cap. “May I say what a picture yer are for sore eyes dis fine and luvverly mornin’!”

Doris was kind enough to swallow her embarrassment and chat with the fellow. It should be noted, however, that he was at least 70 years old and posed little threat to her virtue. It seems that lavishing praise on young women is one of the few activities that becomes easier for men as they age.

I suspect you’re wondering whether I’ve ever complimented a human female on her appearance. Being a gorilla, it’s certainly not something I make a habit of doing. However an event of this nature did occur recently at the safari guesthouse, whose visitors included a striking young minx with jet black hair and olive skin. It was actually her eyes that caught my attention. If I said they were emerald green, I’d be doing her a disservice – aquamarine would be closer to the truth. She glided up to me to order a drink when I was tending bar.

“Miss,” I said, “your eyes are bewitchingly beautiful, even to a gorilla.”

“Thank you,” she replied with a coy smile. “If you gaze into them closely you might lose your soul.”

She moved nearer as if tempting me to test the validity of her claim. I pondered her statement silently as I poured her drink.

“In that case,” I said, handing her the glass, “I shall admire them from afar.”

She giggled and walked off to socialise with the other guests. I could have sworn she wiggled her bottom as she sauntered away, but that may have been a trick of the light.

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Wise move GB.

The lady was probably planning on picking your pocket.
to be honest...i have never fancied compliments...they always embarrass me and make me feel like i need to do so in return...just makes an awkward situation...would rather just laugh and joke with someone than to have compliments complicate matters...
it is next to impossible to purposefully wiggle your bottom as you walk.

that is all.
"...I could have sworn she wiggled her bottom as she sauntered away..."

She did. Absolutely.

Cow was there, and saw it.

I say, that kind of dress and its occupant would've turned the head of even a squirrel!
I wonder whether the young Israeli lady kept her boots on.
kevin - Don't be silly. Gorillas don't have pockets! (Back me up on this Mr Bananas).

Even though I'm (mostly) heterosexual a backside like that in the photo above would turn my head.

Sadly, I live in Dundee, where the arses turn my stomach instead.
This is precisely why I have started hiring homosexual builders to do any construction on the Likely Estate. If anyone is going to leer at any ladies passing through my hallowed grounds, then it should be me.

Alas, they have taking to loudly proclaiming what a cracking arse I have every morning, but I can't say that it bothers me too much. To be honest, I quite like the attention.

Also: ATM machine is a tautological statement, you foolish ape. I should slap you around your hairy chops for that, sir.

Much love!

- Lord Likely.
> It should be noted, however, that he was at least 70 years old and posed little threat to her virtue. It seems that lavishing praise on young women is one of the few activities that becomes easier for men as they age.
Heheh! I guess they get more practice, through the years! Plus, being so close to death, they start thinking that they don't have so very much to lose ... ;-) I met a charming 82-year old gentlemen in the hospital last week; he paid me a compliment, and after that, I kept wanting to come back to his room and talk to him some more.... I guess that another part of the pleasure is that being so old is seen as an indication of being wise, so their words carry more weight than would those of someone younger, whom you might think was just flattering you for their own purposes ... hmm, that 'top of the mornin' and the rest of it were good lines ... but I've concluded that you're right... it's for old men to say that stuff ;-)
Ahh... she said eyes but she definitely meant her bottom. And I see it worked like a charm.
I feel for Doris. I'd be embarrassed too if I was accosted by a stage Irishman with a speech impediment.
I like being the center of attention. I daresay, so does the Israeli lass or she'd have kept her clothes on.
Kevin: That would have been an impressive trick, given that she was on the other side of the bar and I didn't have any pockets. But I agree she may have been trying to pull a fast one of some kind.

Daisy: You don't need to make a compliment in return, Daisy. Saying "thanks, old bean" would be more than enough.

Kara: It's possible if you briefly stand on one leg - you can get lessons for such moves in Africa.

Ms Cow: Had I known you were there, Ms Cow, I would have offered you a drink on the house!

Red Squirrel: I think a squirrel might want to tickle her with his bushy tail.

Mr Boyo: I would have guessed so, there's no need to risk a verruca over something like that.

Nichola: Quite right - no pockets, just a money belt! Women are surely more attractive to men if they're part lesbian. Hope you escape from Dundee soon, Nichola!

Lord Likely: So it is, m'lud! Nothing like a good old tautology to bring a smile to one's face! I hope you tell your workers how far they can go in admiring your arse.

Eve: You must be a great comfort to your patients, Eve. Do many young men pay women compliments in Malaysia?

Clea: It's a good thing I didn't stare at her bottom for too long then! We gorillas are deeply attached to our souls.

Ulaca: I think you would have heard something a little less complimentary.

Ms Dgny: I'm sure you have other methods of encouraging men to look at you!
Personally I'd like to meet this Israeli woman and shake her by the hand - "Damn good show", I say and Mr Bananas you're so right with her thinking surely;

“Hey losers! Think of what you’re not getting the next time the mare who shares your bed lets you paw her!”

Way to go Madam!
Maybe, Japers, but I wouldn't have understood, so it'd've all ended very noicely yer see.
That dress certainly shows all her assets...
Of course she allowed a little wiggle Mr Bananas . It was the flirting equivalent of the Spitfire victory roll during the battle of Britain.
The saucy minx obviously enjoyed a bit of flirting that didnt result in her fending off something with more hands than a sexed starved octopus.
You are indeed very suave Mr B
wow - great bottom!

I flirt with all the old patients at the gimcrack - that's what keeps them healthy. one man with severe dementia reprimanded me for wearing trousers once. he said "what happened to those fishnet stockings you wore yesterday?"

he can't remember whether or not he's put his dentures in but he can remember a well turned ankle:-)
I really don’t think a woman with a heroine in a Victorian novel’s temperament need work at as a knife thrower’s assistant, considering the required clothing necessary for the position.

You are most wise, Mr. Bananas, Sir! Through my many years, I have lost my soul to several women by looking deeply into their eyes.
"She was taken back to the police station and spoken to, and told that it was inappropriate behavior in New Zealand," police Sgt. Peter Masters told reporters.

Only inappropriate in New Zealand? Would the Kiwis close neighbours in Oz have been able to tolerate the cheeky response? x
Mzungu Chick: Is that what you would have done, Miss Chick? Or do Kenyan workers never whistle at ladies?

Ulaca: All the wonderful leprechaun movies must be a closed book to you.

Mrs Cake: It reminds me of a roller-coaster.

Beast: Hah! - although I don't think anyone got shot down in that dogfight. I would say it ended in a scoreless draw.

Nursemyra: I'm sure looking at your legs is one of the best remaining pleasures of their lives, Nursie.

Saintly Nick: Ah, the perils of youth! I hope it didn't take too long to reunite yourself with your soul.

Kitty: There's more of a larrikin culture in Australia. I think she might have got away with it on Bondi Beach.
No, not at all, Gorilla! The most they do are the wolf whistles, like in your post... and in fact, the old men don't pay compliments either. My dad said this complimenting business is a western ;-)
One thing Ms Israel did not do was make it any easier for the next shapely young woman who comes along. These guys are hardly going to hold back their wolf whistles from now on, are they?
It obviously was a very, very lucky day for those chaps.

I was in a bar about a year ago and the barmaid had just finished singing a slow jazzy "Summertime and the living is easy" with the band that was playing. She is an oustandingly beautiful woman, really exceptionally so, and her voice is incredible, she has a real talent. As she was walking back behind the bar, an older fellow nearby me said "Nice ass."

After a performance like that, with a face and eyes like that, all he could say was nice ass? I was gob-smacked at the way some men still cannot see the beauty for the bum.

He was old enough to know better too, the wee boor.
it's odd that she resorted to such measures

surely that gives the men exactly what they want?
i think this can be viewed in different ways
but i think she gives in to their bidding here
I was three doors down at cafe zest in kerikeri road when this mentalist israeli tourist ripped all her kit off. Displaying my usual complete lack of good fortune I missed the whole episode. Even to the point of half the cafe emptying onto the street to have a look, all I did was use the sudden dash for the door as cover to nick somebodies newspaper.
Eve: Haha! Do men whistle in the movies when an attractive woman appears? I hear that happens in certain countries.

Mary: Not unless their wives got to hear about it, which might have happened given the publicity.

Sidhu: Nememis awaits them. Such actions always have consequences.

Sam: He doesn't sound like much of a music lover, does he? Perhaps he lacked the vocabulary to praise the woman appropriately. I assume she did have an exceptional bum as well.

Kiki: I'm sure she didn't feel she was giving in to them. Her behaviour suggests a mixture of defiance and exhibitionism.

Barnsley Bill: What a tragedy! You would have been the first eye-witness to a news story mentioned in this blog. I hope the newspaper was interesting.
I'm afraid I've sworn off compliments of any sort -- too easy to get sued these days.

Well, it hasn't happened to me, gorilla; but then again, that could be because I hardly go to the movies, except on family outings ;-)
I am too old to change for the better. I find it harder to wolf whistle now a days. So I just use score cards now a days, everyone thinks that I am some crack pot and takes no notice of me.
And all the road workers did after she stripped was just stand there?

What a bunch of losers.

I would have grabbed her bottom, turned her around, and planted my tongue in her mouth.

After all, she was asking for it.

I am left to wonder whether the ATM visited by that Kiwi woman was located in a strip mall.

Truly, the mind boggles.
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And here I thought New Zealand was just a place to film lengthy fantasy films. Good to know they have a refined sense of protest in their blood.

The only reason I like Peta is because they'll often protest in the nude, or cover something in animal blood. It's that New Testament sensibility I like.
Nude King, are you losing your touch? Why turn her around?
Randall: Not to mention getting an earful from your wife!

Eve: It also might be too dark! I was thinking of the women who appear on screen.

Tarf: Do you wave your scorecard if you like the woman?

Nude King: You might have got a knee in the groin for your pains.

Baba Doodlius: Apparently she had a history of mental problems.

Mutley: I'm not doing your shopping for you!

Nz-ajb: So she was bonkers! Amazing that we overlooked that possibility.

Chris V: Really? I suppose ought to go to one of their nude protests to lend them moral support.

Ulaca: Maybe he'd have turned her round again after the kiss.
From the photographs you use I'm guessing that gorillas are impervious to the charms of - say - Audrey Hepburn? B's and T's seem to predominate.
Hard to believe that your usually diligent correspondent Maroon has had nothing to say about this. Wasn't the post written for him?
Reminds me of an incident when I was at college where I got drunk and took my top off at a party. One bloke came up to me and said "your tits aren't up to much are they?" I replied, naturally enough, by pouring my pint over his head. The ungrateful SOB! Later another gent said actually he liked my tits did I want to go home with him? I was not interested and left alone and with my breasts swaying in the breeze.
Holey Moley Mr Gorilla Bananas! You should have stared her out, it's the only language these beautiful little strumpets understand.

Is Inkspot right? Surely not. Your public is global, everyone knows that; however one thing troubled me, and it was what the oul' feller said to Doris, ie top of de mornin to yer young lady! bit racist I thought.

emmak I'm forever doing that, taking my top off at parties, don't worry about it. Having a party next Saturday. Up for it?
Pi: Not at all, Audrey Hepburn was an adorable little waif who would have made a fine pet for any gorilla.

Inkspot: You don't know Dr Maroon well enough to make that kind of statement. Do you think he is Irish?

Emma: A character in a movie by Jean-Luc Godard said almost exactly the same thing to a prostitute. She had to agree with him because he was paying, so your own response struck a blow for female emancipation.

Dr Maroon: Welcome back Dr, I haven't been gossiping about you behind your back. This fellow Inkspot emerged a few weeks ago and suggested I write a post about Ian Fleming. I said that you were the resident expert on Fleming and I had nothing to add to an earlier comment of yours about him. God knows why he believes this post was written for you. I suspect he thinks you're an old Irishman, which is an easy mistake for a newcomer.
Something similar once occured here in the cathedral, very late at night and involving the sub-Dean. The less said about it all, the better.

PS: Forty-three posts? How DO you manage it?
Oh, women. They make too big of a deal when men hit on them or check them out. Take it as a compliment.
Does that ass belong to Kim Kardashian?
Can bass 1: A cathedral might be the best place for it. It would give the nudity a spiritual touch.

Secret Agent: First time I've heard of the woman.
Kim Kardassian's rear view really makes the first impression, don't even need to see her face, know her other face so well -- but I'm one to talk ;D
I thought aquamarine eyes were just a myth created in romance novels to make us brown-eyed humans jealous and inadequate!

And isn't that Kim-i-only-became-famous-after-my-sex-tape-Kardashian's ass?!!!!
Ladies, this is the first I have heard of Kim K. I assume she has a great posterior. Not that either of you have any cause for envy in that department.
I must clear up a misunderstanding before it develops further: Dr. Maroon shares with you, Go. B., such a finely honed intellect that I assume that all your most acute and demanding posts, such as this one, are written with him uppermost in your mind.
Hee :p
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