Friday, December 28, 2007
Dick Whittington's pussy
I click my tongue in disapproval on learning that
The current mayor of
It wasn’t always like this. The story of Dick Whittington, thrice mayor of
Now Dick Whittington would never have made it to the top without the aid of a highly resourceful and unswervingly loyal cat. In those days, the feline population knew the meaning of an honest day’s pay for an honest day’s work. As well liquidating pesky rodents, the ambitious cat performed odd jobs for its master and softened up his lady friends by curling up on their laps. Before the advent of the sports car, the most effective pussy-magnet was the pussy. When young Dick came to
Sadly, the cats of today no longer have the skills required to advance the career prospects of their owners. Dr Whipsnade allows a tomcat called
But enough of
Labels: Dick Whittington, Lord Mayor, Pussy-magnet
At least Arnold Schwarzenegger isn't your governor.
That is all.
And can I just point out that he would be a lot better to look at whilst he does f*** all for London (- at least from a chick's point of view!)
I must admit I am drawn to the idea of capes and vestal virgins tho........hmmmmm maybe I should concider running for office
Happy New Year to you and yours. :-) x
Emma: I never knew people did that. A friendly cat is quite gentle with its claws.
Mzungu Chick: The challenger is quite a comedian, but so is the incumbent when he's in the mood. And a certain type of woman used to find him attractive 20 years ago (not your type, obviously).
Beast: Running is certainly what you need to do after your Christmas overindulgence.
Kitty: Best new year wishes to you, dear Kitty. The line about shagging the neigbourhood kitties was not a reference to you, of course.
However, re: the assumed fondness of the English for the powerless, and given the dreadful performance of the Indian cricket team (one assumes your wonderful familiarity with several matters English extends to the sport as well) against the Australians, I must question the declining popularity of the English cricket team -- indeed, of cricket in genera.
Surely, if you're right, the affectionate English public would have flooded the team's doorsteps with little baskets of fluffy kittens these past few Christmases?
Careful, GB. You don't want to insult my forefathers like that. How in the world to you think my family paid for tuition at the University of Missouri?
Cheers.
: Friday, December 28, 2007 I suspect though, that if Ken Livingstone were turned into a cat during this, the most magical time of the year, he'd be less the slinky, hungry alley cat of the people he'd have us believe he is, and more of a flubbery Bagpuss type fatcat. Too long at the public trough is not good for anyone.
I hope your Christmas was peaceful and lovely, sweet Nanas.
: Friday, December 28, 2007 Randall: You're surely descended from W T Sherman, the scourge of the confederacy and a fearless Indian fighter.
Daisy: What of them? They fawn on their human masters and shit all over the place. Cats are more dignified.
Ms Cake: That tigress was a bad'un. Should have left her in Siberia.
Kitty: Glad to set your mind at rest!
Sam: Yes thanks, Sam. I thought Mr Livingstone was more of a newt and toad man.
By God G.B., you have it exact. Exactement !
I had dinner in the Guildhall once, stayed at the Savoy, the company paid for it. Very fancy. The worshipful company of gasfitters were my hosts. Best fanny magnet there is. Dosh.
: Saturday, December 29, 2007 : Saturday, December 29, 2007 thanks for dropping by the gimcrack. I'll be back
: Saturday, December 29, 2007 : Saturday, December 29, 2007 Daisy: You have more than one? How many poop bags do you need?
Lady Daphne: The Comanche were banned from cricket after their use of bodyline tactics - with bows and arrows.
Dr Maroon: I am so glad you mentioned this, Dr, as others readers might have doubted the existence these Worshipful Companies. A man in Cheapside once asked me to sign a petition saying they were an anachronism. I immediately called the City of London police, who soundly thrashed him
Ms Robinson: Haha! I had to re-read the whole piece to find out where I had implied that! I wish I had said it in your words. I'm so close to writing pure crap, but haven't quite lost my inhibitions.
Gypsy: Welcome to you, Ma'am.
Upset Waitress: Welcome, ma'am. Are you Australian?
Alex the Cat: I think he pampers you too much.
NurseMyra: Hi Nursie. You're always welcome here, especially in uniform.
Mutley: I'll relaxing in a hammock, very close to Nature.
Mr Minnow: Welcome from Las Vegas, Sir! Are not the mafia the main customers for legal advice in your fair city?
More than that, Dick is a lisson young woman in tights with a habit of not wearing skirts and slapping her thighs at regular intervals.
It's no wonder we're all strange.
I'll go and be sick then I'll have a lie down.
: Sunday, December 30, 2007 Mary: I believe your cat brings you its kills because it thinks of you as its mother and wants your approval. A cat-proof bird table would be a good idea. A cat that has its own chair is a sissy.
Kate: I didn't realise NYC had pissier places than London, but I'll take your word for it. If you really want a good whiff of urine, standing downwind of mating elephants might be the best bet.
Aims: Be my guest, ma'am. Haven't you just de-lurked?
Casdok: Hello madam. I've definitely met you before somewhere!
Princess Stef: I'm afraid panthers (or leopards) are solitary and bad-tempered. A lion cub might grow to love you, but it would probably kill your boyfriend.
Kevin: Heh! I wrote a post 2 years ago titled "Tis the season to be a transvestite". A shemale actress might be ideal for the part.
Nev: I think it would be worth watching hogs being castrated to get that image out of your mind.
Please explain to me what are "swinging ape bloggers". I would love to become an ape.
Be careful - remember it's a jungle out there. All the best for 2008 and keep on doing what you do so well.
Love,
Sam.
: Monday, December 31, 2007 "Dat cat is a food teef"
As I believe Congolese folk would say.
My own dear mother keeps two of these beasts and what a life they lead, a day of sleeping on silken cushions, lazing by the radiator in a fur lined basket, yawning and flicking the cat vees at anybody who passes them.
Do you have any relatives who could take their place?
My mother had a burglary last year and no doubt an enraged Gorilla would have done a better job of seeing off the miscreants.
I would consider a respectable troop of Baboons.
Princess Stef: If you say so!
Mosha: You sound like an anti-monarchist!
Pi: Happy New Year to you as well.
Secret agent: You are on your way to becoming an honorary gorilla, my friend.
Sam: Thanks Sam dearest, I'm sure you'll be able to resist my charms when we meet!
Hitch: She might get more than she bargained for with a gorilla. We apes like to share body heat at night.
Mermaid: Same to you, dear Mermaid, I'd love to give Monty a cuddle.
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