Friday, November 23, 2007

Sex doll relationships

The latest human sex dolls are getting very realistic. The company I own shares in printed photos of their new “Supersnatch” model in their annual report. In a recent TV documentary, a client confessed that he’d fallen in love with one of these dolls. Admittedly, he was a 78-year-old man with custom-built model based on his 22-year-old ex-girlfriend. The doll’s physical likeness to the girl was extraordinary. Her personality and conversational skills were pretty close as well, apparently.

The future of the sex doll industry depends on further improvements to the “internal cavity”, as those in the trade call it. Although it currently delivers a decent squelching sensation, clients who have unprotected sex are vulnerable to the “dick-rash and douche” syndrome. No man in a relationship with a sex doll wants to use a condom – he may as well pay a woman for that. The plan on the drawing board is for a new organic cavity harbouring jism-eating bacteria. There are few problems beyond the reach of modern science.

An industry insider once asked me whether there’d be a market for gorilla sex dolls. I told him they’d never catch on because you can’t afford dead weight in the wild. A female gorilla must do more than provide a sexual orifice – she’s got to pull her weight in the foraging, gathering and baboon-chasing departments as well. No one gets to be a passenger just because they’ve got a super-elastic cha-cha that stays permanently moist in the dry season. To be part of a gorilla band you’ve got to be a team player, keeping your eyes and ears open for any dangerous critters that might sneak up on your comrades. An alpha male always prefers to have feisty apettes in his harem, even if it means they’ll occasionally mob him and use him as a pouf. Being sat on by females is a lot better than sitting on a snake.

The march of technology being what it is, the sex doll may one day be replaced by the sex android. This concept was explored in
The Stepford Wives, a movie in which the menfolk of a town replace their flesh-and-blood spouses with battery-powered replicas. The androids adore cleaning and cooking; they speak in dulcet tones; they croon with delight when their husbands mount them. Yet such automatons would never fool a gorilla. Lacking a primate soul, the absence of rhythm in their booties would be obvious during our jungle festivities. For all their doting subservience, the matrimonial robots never dared accompany their husbands to the discotheque or ballroom for fear of making complete asses of themselves.

Constrained by its programming, the android spouse is incapable of the innovation and spontaneity required to keep the spark in a marriage alive. One doesn’t want a mate who’s totally unpredictable, of course. As any gorilla with a harem knows, too many surprises from the females lead to stress and irregular bowel movements. But a complete absence of conjugal tension causes you to become a fat, complacent slug. The ideal mate is one who keeps you on your toes without going completely loco and putting insects up your nose when you’re asleep. A proper balance between yin and yang is the secret of a contented life.

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Alas, science has yet to construct a sex-doll that can withstand my incredibly powerful pelvic thrusts.

Until they do, I shall have to make do with strong-hipped women instead.
I stuffed an 18lb turkey today. Don't talk to me about internal cavities!
Given the company in which you have shares, I have a whole new meaning to the word 'inflation'.

Someone once likened me to a Stepford Wife - I'm not quite sure just how insulted I should be?

:-) x
Those 'life' like sex dolls are a bit sick , in that if they get too life like , you may as well be humping a dead that is a bit worrying . I find this a bit creepy.
Your android musings also reminded me of an episode of 'The Outer Limits' which explored themes of similar robo-wifery.

Maybe your friend was referring to a Gorilla Sex doll for the human market.
*Makes mental note regarding the insertion of insects nasally if Ruf pisses me off* :)
I have a giant life sized teddy bear, but he's just for the snuggles. I've always wondered if gorillas were as cuddly, but I was too afraid to ask. They've always seemed so very formidable.
Lord Likely: I would have thought the absence of moaning and sighing might weaken the power of His Lordship's thrusts.

Sam: I hope the bird gave satisfaction!

Kitty: You are too fond of music to be a Stepford wife, Kitty. But the remark does make me curious about you.

Beast: The old guy in the documentary put his doll in a harness to make her more mobile. I could get you a discount if you're interested.

Mosha: It sounds like a classic episode. The human who mates with a gorilla doll shall be accursed for ever. Amen.

Mrs Cake: Don't do it, Ms Cake! Men are not as forgiving as male gorillas!

Princess Stef: We are, but get to know us first. You may cuddle me to you heart's content, of course.
> Her personality and conversational skills were pretty close as well, apparently.
Hehehee... well said ;- )

> The ideal mate is one who keeps you on your toes without going completely loco and putting insects up your nose when you’re asleep
Ahhh... will keep that in mind.. :-)
You know, the one in front ... the redhead. She looks like a Colleen or a Sheila ... I think she looks quite bright, really. It's just a first impression but I wouldn't be surprised if she were a sparkling conversationalist. You wouldn't have her number, would you GB?
I've never been much of a Dian Fossey type, but the more I learn about gorillas, the more I think I might have made one an ideal companion. I'm feisty, I'm an excellent hunter and gatherer, and if I ever met a baboon, I'll bet I could chase it. I've never put insects up anyone's nose either.

As for those dolls, sure they're pretty and forever supple and biddable and perhaps they could be programmed to make puff pastry and clean toilets. But will they ever be able to nag properly? Engage in amusing repartee? Tell Jokes? Fart? I think not. Real women can do all that and more.
How coy, sex dolls keeping their tops on for the company’s annual report, perhaps the sex aid business is more innocent then I thought.
What really fascinates me about the whole sex aid/toy business is who, works in it and what do they tell people that they do? I mean someone somewhere designed the two beauties pictured, they went into work one day sat at a drawing board and said to themselves today I will design Luscious Linda or Nympho Nina, someone else has stood in front of the mirror one morning and said the world is ready for a Nine inch Rampant Stallion Multi-speed Vibrator I will be the person to deliver it. Mr Bananas you seem to have an entry into this world, please let us know about the private lives of sex aid makers.
I wonder where they get their quality assurance team from.
And how do they explain to their parents how they bring the bacon home ?
Eve: I'm sure you're the kind of girl who would never dream of putting insects up a fella's nose.

Cooper: No, but I could arrange for her twin sister to be delivered to you in discreet packaging.

Mary: If you can shake you booty as well, you're well-qualified for jungle life. Can real women fart and tell jokes at the same time? That's quite a skill.

Jobrag: They are immensely proud of their work. They believe they're saving women from prostitution, helping the disabled and socially inept and reducing the spread of STDs. The dolls are like works of art of them.

Che: They are not the least bit ashamed of what they do so I expect they tell their parents the truth. They give their loyal customers free prototypes to test.
I'll take one of those in male form.

He better be good too! Otherwise I'll take a lighter to him and melt his ass!
I'm afraid you're all wrong. That photograph is two of the Spice Girls taking a well-earned rest after their exhausting reunion for Children in Need.
I was once given an anal fuck doll as a very thoughtless Christmas gift... I have enough difficulty focusing on the female as it is without plastic temptations being thrust my way.
If that photo is of the latest sex dolls, they have come a long, long way from the blow-up dolls of years ago. I assume the prices have, too!

One of my ex-girl friends might be interested in a male guerrilla doll: she left me for a live ape.
PP: Oddly enough, the demand for male dolls is nowhere near as high. But I think we have a model I could send you.

Lady Daphne: I never realised the Spice Girls were so lifelike.

Mutley: A stupid Christmas present! It would never fit into a stocking. The anus is not for fucking - it's where the spare fingernails are stored.

Saintly Nick: Some women go for hairy primates, but an ape should know better than to break up a human couple. If I ever catch up with him, I'll shave his butt for you.
Reminds me of 'Portnoy's Complaint' and the liver.
What pretty pictures, GB (top)
But did you see what happened to The Stepford Wives at the end? :-)
robot wives won't go out dancing for fear of making an ass of themselves? what kind of crap is that? i would think the main attraction to an android is the complete and total lack of inhibitions not having a free will provides. the kind that has me feeling like an ass on a regular basis. just the other day i tried to sing kenny rogers at a redneck karaoke bar and became the very definition of an ass...but it was kansas so who gives a fuck.

these doll lovers need to find real women, least until there's a comparable man doll for them.
Very profound Gorilla, a difficult subject to approach and you did so with the grace of a bishop
I myself had an android lover once, but in the end we proved incompatable. I am a MAC user and she was PC.

On another note GB, insects of the jungle are quite big. What was the largest shoved up your nose?
converational skills aren't really an issue in human mating, it's normal for the male to fall asleep about 0.1 seconds after the end game.

the female is disconcerted initially but soons learns to accept the reality and mating resumes in the morning.
Pi: They are surely prettier than a liver!

Suzy: The human wives were cruelly slain, but the android ones remain functional and attractive.

Kara: Anyone can lose their inhibitions, Missy, but not everyone can shake their booty to the beat. I'm confident I could get your tush to move in a way that no android could match.

N-ghost: Thank-you, Sir, I have always argued for the admission of gorillas to the clergy. I'll cite you as a supporter.

Charlie: There are no shortage of midges and mites that have been used to wake me up with an almighty sneeze.

Joliet Jake: Is that an argument for or against sex dolls?
I think us female animals get gimped when it comes to the sex doll issue. The only way for us to have sexual intimacy with a male doll would be on top.. yet for the male with the female doll, so many options!!!!!
Can you imagine anything more unerotic than having to wash out a sex doll after you've used its vagina? The future as you say, self cleaning vaginas for sex dolls.
This article has kept me larffing all week God bless me Mr Bananas so it has.
I cannot express the joy you bring to a an old fisheyed stuffed shirt like me.
yes, the insects up the nose thing was a problem i thought was unique only to me and my relationships
There was the old joke about the doll with a runny nose....Wasn't there British some soap star caught on a web cam pulling his own weight.

Bugs up the nose..cheaper than coke and safer than getting the ring pull stuck.
Jahooni: I think you ladies gimp the men with the vibrator options you have.

Milf: Welcome, ma'am, I may have seen you on a short video clip. How would you feel about being the model for a sex doll?

Dr Maroon: A hundred thanks, Dr, your support has kept me going over the years. Laughing at the written word means surprise as well as amusement. Something must have caught you off guard...

Raffi: It means they're asking for a good spanking.

Uncle Norman: Are you implying that a bug up the nose could be fun? I've never liked it myself.
GB......I have two surprisingly perky assets for a lady of my years (34) and yes!! I would be interested in modelling for this project. I take it I would be subject to you fondling my inner and outer lips to see if I am a suitable candidate?
My dear lady, I am strictly a hands-off an investor! I could refer you my corporate contacts. I believe the technique would involve creating a 3-d computer scan of your body. If you wish to meet for tea and cakes, that is a different matter.
GB....Sorry, I was getting carried away there. Yes, let's meet for tea and cakes and discuss this further (forgive me for being rude but do they allow Gorillas into Fortnum and Mason?) If so I would love to nibble on a cucumber sandwich with you.
I was thinking more along the lines of the Brazzaville Shrimp and Starfish Bar. Maybe your people should get in touch with my people and sort something out.
Could you fill them with helium and watch them float off?

Also - if you inflate them too much do their fannies turn inside out?
You are way behind the times, Mutley.
The latest dolls are not inflatable and have the skin texture of real imitation women. Furthermore, their fannies taste of orange fanta. (All this information is in the annual report.)
I can't imagine falling in love with a doll, but I have to say that with all the inconsequential crap that most women seem to obsess over in bed rather than just being in the moment and enjoying taking an active role in sex, the doll may actually be more fun. Not to mention the abscence of the woman constantly trying to control the situation with regard to every little detail surrounding sex and having sole discretion over whether sex will occurr at all. And the doll will never suddenly have to pee right when I'm about to climax.
Like a dead body you say? Surely you can see how much imagination would be necessary to make that leap and why would you have that in your mind anyway? Now THAT's creepy.
The use of dildo's among women has become fairly commonplace, aside from the fact that the sex dolls are aimed primarily at men, how is this any different? I'd rather own the complete (and dare I say beautiful) life sized artificial woman than some disembodied phallus laying around. Kinda' makes a guy wonder if the penis is the only useful part of a man in the womans view; that is so long as the woman gets to control even that.
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