Friday, May 11, 2007

Laughing at yourself

There’s a scene in Disney’s Jungle Book where the ape sings:

I wanna be a man, mancub
And stroll right into town
And be just like the other men
I'm tired of monkeyin' around!

Well I was watching this at the safari camp when I noticed some guests glancing at me nervously, fearing I would take offence. I put them at ease by hooting with laughter and slapping my thighs.

Yes, we gorillas can take a joke. There’s only one animal in Africa that enjoys a chuckle as much as we do. Not hyenas, you fools! Their hysterical yelping is the product of frenzied bloodlust and chronic sexual tension. Come to think of it, none of the top predators has much of a sense of humour. Tell a lion a joke and he’ll most probably give you a snarl and lick his private parts. A high-protein diet disables the funny bone and leads to an unhealthy fixation with the dicky bone. Look at bodybuilders, for example.

No, it’s giraffes who are the funny men of the savannah. When a giraffe wants to have a drink it lowers its neck a bit, widens its legs a little, lowers its neck a bit more… until five minutes later its lips are finally touching water. After it’s had a few gulps, another giraffe will sneak up from behind and nuzzle its back passage, causing it to snort water like a seal. It’s a sight which causes watching herbivores to stomp their hooves in glee – even the normally snooty zebras start haw-hawing when they see it. And the best thing of all is that the brown-nosed giraffe never takes it badly. It just lifts its neck and gives the perpetrator a wink, as if to say: “I may have water coming out of my nose, mate, but you’ve got shit on yours!”

Now humans like to think they can laugh at themselves, but what they actually enjoy, in my experience, is the sight of another human behaving like a ninny. One thing I’ve never seen is a human who could see the funny side of being humbugged by an animal. It happens at the safari camp whenever Bonzo, the resident chimpanzee, plays a practical joke on the guests.

I remember seeing him sneak under the table when a couple were having a romantic alfresco supper in the fading light of tropical sun. As they gazed longingly into each other’s eyes, Bonzo tenderly caressed the woman’s ankles, prompting her to kick off her shoes and rub her toes into the calves of her beau. The man responded by putting his hand under the table and pulling her dainty foot onto his lap. Not to be denied a piece of the action, Bonzo opened his mouth and gave the woman’s knee a good lick.

For a few delicious seconds the woman giggled with pleasure as if her paramour had been equipped with the tongue of an anteater. When the penny dropped that she must be involved in a ménage à trois, she withdrew her foot in horror and squatted below the table to find herself face-to-face with a pouting chimpanzee. I’m glad to report that Bonzo emerged from the ensuing pandemonium unscathed, while the couple were too embarrassed to make an official complaint. The sad part of the story is that they never managed to rekindle the amorous fire on that beautiful moonlit evening. Being made a monkey of by a chimp can have a devastating effect on the human libido.

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Hi GB,
I've just seen your comment. Was online.
Very sweet of you. Yes, I got incredibly, suddenly sick for about 5 days. I'm ok now. Really sorry to have missed your other post but I'll read it tomorrow and leave a comment there.
Is that a boob on the picture of the monkey or something else or shouldn't I dare ask? :-)
Oh i don't know - yes giraffe's like a laugh but do they always have to be so slapstick?

I prefer the gentle, intelligent wit of the (greatly underestimated in my opinion) aardvark. I always make a cup of tea and settle in for the night during Aardvark Hour on comic relief. Us academics are like that....
yep, who'd choose to be a man when you can behave like an arse butting giraffe or knee licking chimp? Sounds like much more fun.
Aha - that will explain those 'deely-bopper' headbands that became popular in the eighties - man trying to be a giraffe.

As for a brown-nosed giraffe, that will be the Mexican-kind?
"A high-protein diet disables the funny bone..."

A good theory but for one species: vegetarians. These protein thingies must be more complicated than first thought.
What amazes me is that people at the zoo will laugh their socks off when they see a Gorilla, giving himself a good old wank.
When I try it on a beach full of half nude girls, I am chased off with sticks, stones and shouted obscenities.
Hi again GB,
do a story on Josephine Baker's breasts!
Suzy: I'm glad you're better now, Suzy. That orang-utan had a fat belly. Ms Baker's breasts were before my time, but I'm still looking forward to sharing a coconut with you.

Jungle Jane: You're an academic, JJ? I hear they're looking for a professor of debauchery and applied narcotics at the University of Upper Volta.

Ms Gap: It helps to move around on all fours if you've got a taste for a woman's knees.

Goth: Mexican alarm clock? You're a master of the Urban Dictionary.

Peter O'Phile: They may be eating a lot of soya.

Mr Ratty: I'd get your dick checked to make sure it doesn't have some deformity that offends people.
Giraffes sticking their heads in the asses of other giraffes while drinking explains their black tongues! I thought there was a scientific explanation for that, not that the giraffes are shitstabbers!
Tell me tell me, GB, how is it that a jungle-dwelling fellow like yourself, has seen so much of the happenings in the Savannas?

Jungle Book was a great movie. One of the few instances where the movie turned out to be better than the book.

Great post. As ever.
Mr B, I have to admit my favourite kind of humour is when humans make ninnies of themselves.

Only problem is, its usually me making a ninny of myself; that's no laughing matter.
I'm surprised the elephant isn't the joker in the jungle. With his prehensile trunk you'd think he could get up to all sorts of jiggery-pokery-probery-ticklery plus common or garden stealing things for high larks.
Jenny: I don't think it's that simple. Let's not get carried away here.

Witnwis: I turn up in all kinds of places, my friend, I'm not a static jungle ape. I move with the groove.

Miss Cheese: No one could blame you for being human, but I'm quite certain you're among the best of your breed. If a chimp licked your knee, I bet you'd get over it in a couple of days.

Sam: They're a bit too heavy-footed for the funny stuff, Sam. When an elephant sneaks up behind you the ground tends to shake.
GB i checked out that job ad but they didn't say anything about rubbing coconut milk on my twat. it doesn't really sound like my kinda gig, yo.
Is Bonzo for hire? I think I could do with a good knee licking!
Dear Sir,

You have long claimed to be reporting from the Congo, and I for one have believed you wholeheartedly. Imagine my surprise when I checked my Clustrmap this evening and found I had no sub-Saharan visitors outside the Pretoria-Johannesburg region. I can only assume your frontline reporting is in fact emanating from an airing cupboard somewhere in Ipswich.

What do you have to say for yourself, you charlatan of an anthropoid?
so gorillas like kipling then. enidd's surprised, she thought great apes never kipled.
GB. Allow me to congratulate you on a first rate site. You are a very articulate chap, with a keen sense of humour and I must say that I find your reminiscences top hole.

Now, without wishing to be rude to you, is Bob Mugabe a distant relative? I ask, because if it were not for the hair, I would swear you were related.

Mind you Bob does not have much of a sense of humour as I found out once. Painfully.
Ilike that about monkeys . I tease and lead them by inserting a banana in my....
What else goes on at safari camp? Do you make s'mores? Ghost stories by the campfire? Do you tie the fattest camper to a tree and tickle him til he pees? Sign me up!
"what [humans] actually enjoy, in my experience, is the sight of another human behaving like a ninny"

Well, there's certainly never any shortage of that.
At least not as long as I'm around, anyway.
4 words that I subscribe to in life and that seem to reflect the nature of your post GB
Less emo, more Elmo!
Jungle Jane: The job just involves talking about twats. The twat action occurs when you're on vacation in the jungle.

Minx: Bonzo is a long way from you, but I'm sure many others would lick your knee without telling.

Auntie: I've never been to Ipswich and never intend to visit. My words appear before you via a long-range dictation method.

Enidd: Gorillas have divided opinions on Kipling. I don't think the song lyrics quoted were written by him.

Uncle Norman Thank you, Sir. Mr Mugabe is no more closely related than any other of my hairless cousins. I think his failings are very human.

Mutley: Are you commenting on the right post? Bonzo is not a monkey.

Kara: The campers pay $5,000 for six nights, so we have to treat them with respect. I have held my tongue on many occasions.

Captain Smack: I often feel sorry for ninnies. I mean, how you would like being one?

Zuba: 'Emo' as in an obscure form of contemporary music that I've never heard? I agree with your sentiment nevertheless.
With Gorillas having such tiny willys its good you can still laugh.
How does old Knudy know that gorillas have small willy's. I find that a little disturbing
Mr Bananas , hippo's always look enormous fun.....all that flatulence surely must have endless comedic possibilities.
Knudsen: Isn't it just, me old cobber?

Beast: Knudie offered me cash to feel my one, so I told him to close his eyes and put a baby carrot in his hand. Hippos are hilarious but have no sense of humour themselves. I wrote about one here.
'A high-protein diet disables the funny bone and leads to an unhealthy fixation with the dicky bone. Look at bodybuilders, for example.'

Urban dictionary master, no Sir, not I although I did have to use it to look up a 'dirty pirate' once.

As for giraffes, they have the ability to pick their noses with their tongues which is quite handy as they have no fingers...and no pockets for tissues either
Trust me GB, you really aren't missing out on the Emo thing.
Hi GB,
Here's a picture of Josephine Baker & a bobs of her boobies.
She wears bananas galore. :-)

And ok to the coconut bit, GB. :-)
Oops.. the above was meant to read as a blob of her boobies...but since I'm here, here's another picture, GB.
Goth: I call that nose-licking rather than nose-picking.

Zuba: I'll take your word for it. Maybe you should give musical recommendations in your blog.

Suzy: She was an impressive looking woman. Thanks for the pictures, Suzy, now I understand why you mentioned her.
What about those monkeys that throw their own shit at you when you sit down to have your lunch at some designated lunch-site? They are absolutely hilarious!
I absolutely LOVE The Jungle Book.

You see it's tr-ueee, someone like you-oooo

Good choice, GB.
C'est pas aux vieux singes qu'on apprend à faire la grimace...mais on peut toujours essayer!!
J'amuse les gosses, je perds mes poils
J'ai la grimace commerciale
Je fais mon métier
De chimpanzé
Mais si je joue aujourd'hui
De l'orgue de Barbarie
Moi, j'ai suivi pas plus haut que ça
Mon père sur les baobabs
Il m'a perdu, je suis tombé
Sur des sauvages civilisés
Qui m'ont traîné sur l'océan
Une forêt d'eau, un fleuve géant
Qui se jette en France près de Bordeaux
Pas loin de Médrano

c'est un mari girafe qui est fou de Brigitte Bardo. Pour lui faire une surprise sa femme se fait tatouer un B sur le postérieur droit et un B sur le postérieur gauche. Son mari rentre du boulot et sa femme girafe lui dit : je me suis fait tatouer sur mon arriere train les initiales de quelqu'un que tu admire! devine qui? Le mari girafe après mure reflexion donne sa langue au chat. Alors madame girafe se tourne et lui montre sa basse anatomie.... Alors son mari lui dit: C'est qui ce BOB???
Hi GB,
sorry to hog your comment box like this. :-)
I've answered your comment today already, in my blog and also left my email address in that answer. Hope you see it! Worried about spam.
Humans should definitely learn this trait from your kind!

Especially, silly ol' George...but what would he say? "Can you believe it, I got Iraq bombed to the stone age, just because I believed they had Weapons of...(scratching his head)...ummm...Now what was that?"
Dr Joe: I find monkeys are at their funniest when they're being chased up trees by fierce dogs.

Rosanna: Wonderful song. Sung by Louis Prima, costs 79p on Itunes.

Dip Doc: I'm not a fan of tattoos, but Miss Bardot would be a good choice.I have met her.

Suzy: Thanks Suzy, I saw it. Hog the comments box as much as you like!
Can I borrow Bonzo for my meeting tomorrow? Someone I know deserves a good knee-licking.
Excellent choice Mister Gorilla
You're not wrong about that.

Getting one-upped by any member of the animal kingdom is too strong a reminder for a human (especially male) that they are not always the dominant species.
The drawing of you on the throne is very nice, but frankly, I pictured you differently in my mind. More serious, I think.
so where is this jungle? what about hippos? are we cousins?
A human king of the swingers would certainly suffer guilt pangs, whereas non human primates apparently don't. In my weaker moments, I pity them. Then I mock their weaknesses. Sweet.
Chickybabe: If it's a punishment knee-licking you're after a wet towel might work better.

Dip Doc: Miss Bardot? I agree.

Mosha: It's not easy for a man to perform after his ego's taken a battering.

Trish: Actually, I laugh and smile a lot, but my fur is a different colour from that ape.

Savannah: The jungle is where I hang out, the hippos are in the river and yes, we're cousins, baby.

Tickles: Is that guilty about swinging or knee-licking?
Monkeys are funny!! On another point do you shave your armpits at all Dr Bananas?
No I don't and stop calling Bonzo a monkey.
how about your ball sack, gb? bet you shave that yeah?? yeah??

What an interesting piece of commentary you have here. I, too, enjoy the humour of giraffes. Particularly when the feeding time is involved.

I cannot say that were I the couple that had my intimate moment intruded on by Bonzo that I would not be a bit pissed. I mean, how rude!

Can't a person engage in a sex act in a public place without being disturbed?
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