Friday, January 05, 2007

Loving the older woman


I was sorry to hear that Gina Lollobrigida won’t be walking down the wedding aisle for one last time. Her 45-year-old Spanish fiancé got cold feet after being relentlessly hounded by the gutter press. Now aged 79, La Lollo was the pride of Italy in the 1950s, acclaimed as la donna più bella until she was eclipsed by the sultry Sofia Loren. Let’s hope she is now deluged with offers from 19-year-old Italian lads, patriotically determined to keep her bed warm and her cheeks flushed.

We circus performers will always revere Gina for co-starring with Burt Lancaster and Tony Curtis in the classic movie Trapeze. She plays a scheming trampolinist who drives the flyers mad with desire, provoking them to compete in spine-tingling aerobatics without the normal protective devices. It would all be totally unbelievable without a woman like La Lollo as the prize.

She will also be remembered for a wantonly seductive dance routine in Solomon and Sheba, repeatedly thrusting her boobs at the burning eyes of Yul Brynner, who drags her off to a secluded glade while the other Israelites freak out to the biblical flutes. Unfortunately, God puts a stop to the revelry with a lightning bolt before the royal pair can consummate their alliance. “Thou shalt not covet the Queen of Sheba’s ass” is the point I expect He was making.

There is much to be said for the young human male sowing his wild oats in the furrow of an older female. The mature lady can take care of herself and is unlikely to have her heart broken by a panting young rake. She’s also had plenty of time to master all the bedroom tricks and acquire a proper understanding of her own carnal needs. The only problem in these liaisons is the financial aspect of the courtship – a woman cannot reasonably expect to be wined and dined by a man several decades her junior unless he happens to be loaded.

One recalls the infamous scene in the film Midnight Cowboy, where Joe Buck gives a middle-aged New York harridan the ride of her life, only to be rewarded with a furious temper-tantrum when he tactfully brings up the question of his fee. That kind of vanity is unbecoming in the older woman. She who wants to be serviced by the young stud should accept that he needs an allowance to pay for his body lotions and multi-vitamin tablets.

This is not to suggest that shagging older females is anything like a chore. Humans may find this difficult to believe, but in chimpanzee society it is actually the mature babes who are most desirable, whereas the young chicks only look good to males who’ve downed a few shells of fermented coconut juice. The key difference with humans is that female chimps don’t have a menopause, so they go on producing babies until they die. Thus, the brain of the male chimp is hard-wired to lust after the well-milked teats of the experienced mother who has learned about child-rearing the hard way.

Why do human females lose their fertility after a certain age? I should imagine it’s because of the importance of the grandparent in human society. It makes more sense for an older woman to care for her children’s children rather than bearing more of her own. As for women without grandchildren, no one should hold it against them if they fill the void in their lives with Activella tablets and a couple of well-groomed gigolos. We gorillas know from experience that there’s nothing like the satisfied glow of a mature female who’s been given a good seeing to.

Comments:
It's a nasty trick of biology that women get hornier at an age when the male sex drive is declining. My wife is already making subtle hints about Viagra.
 
They also get more grateful with age.
Or better at lying.
Either way, bonus.
 
I think you'll find, Kieran, that they just have less expectation.

For a brief moment there, GB, I thought it was a picture of Ruby Wax you were displaying there. you have to admit there is an uncanny resemblance.
 
Kieran, you took the words right out of Cooley's mouth. Have a look at the user comment below this great movie.

There's a bit of a likeness, Kim, but Ruby has fatter cheeks in both places.
 
Well if Ruby looks like Gina at 79 she will be extremely lucky.
What a marvellous film 'Midnight Cowboy' was. I remember sitting stunned at the end - moved to the marrow.
 
The "Kung" you see, are indigenous inhabitants of the Vasikela area, so as a joke it works on many levels, I think it was Oscar Wilde who said...

What was the topic for today? I can't remember.
 
Are they, Dr Maroon? So where did the Queen of Sheba live after her menopause?

Pi, I couldn't agree with you more about Midnight Cowboy, even though the ending was rather sad.
 
Interesting situation that. I can sympathize with Gina but I can see the boyfriend's problem too. Whatever he does he'll be seen as a rich woman's plaything or a conniving gigolo. I think if I was him I would have said sod 'em all and gone for it. Wonder if there was a pre-nup?
 
The New York Harridans (distant cousins on my father's side) are notoriously tight with money. I am happy to give generously to assist young men with their studies in return for a little help around the house. I wisely invested a few years ago in a bulk purchase of hair pommade to see me into my dotage.
 
The solution, dh, would have been to keep the engagement secret, but these film stars just love the limelight.

Daffers, I knew in my heart that you were a philanthropic soul. I'd happily open all your jars in return for one dance lesson.
 
GB, I finally found the clip of Yul Brynner in drag singing "Mad about the Boy", for your amusement. Not to be confused with a she-male. Enjoy!
 
Daphne, that's the damnedest thing I ever saw. His muscular shoulders gave him away but I expect a few women would exchange their faces for his.
 
You're telling me. Those cheekbones!

I should incidentally let you know that I have nominated you for a Bloggie in the "Best African Blog" and a couple of other categories. You are far and away the king of the blog jungle.

It's OK you can pay me later.
 
That's the kind of performance that could damage the sensibilities of every sort of men thinking "I would" - or open up whole new worlds for them. He's beautiful. He has a face that could launch a thousand sexual identity crises. Only his hips gave him away.
 
Hello, Sam dear, where have you been hiding? I expect female sex hormones would have given him the hips as well, but I'm glad he never made the attempt.

Thanks Daphne. You've inspired me to hunt down 2007.bloggies.com and nominate you for best European and Food blogs. I was going to nominate you for best Gay/Lesbian blog just to annoy you, but I couldn't do it. You're too fine a lady.
 
I can second the last sentence ;)
 
The point at which I have to start paying is the point I give it up entirely.

I am speaking as a mature lady here.
 
Then I hope you'll always get it free, Ms Elephant.
 
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