Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Balkans bush prank

Study the face of the man pictured above, the prime minister of Serbia. It’s the face of a man who’s observing a pantyless woman uncross her legs (in the all too imitable style of Miss Sharon Stone). Are you surprised to see him smiling? You shouldn’t be. The leader of a nation cannot allow a female flasher to rile him. Imagine what would have happened if President Kennedy had got riled when Marilyn Munroe combed her cat-fluff during the Cuban Missile Crisis. The world as we know it would be a Mad Max movie in which Mel Gibson was one of the bad guys.

Now the Serbian premier was the victim of a clever hoax. A Croatian TV station had invited him to be interviewed by a reporter who was actually a Playboy model. They wanted to see if he would lose his composure after getting a glimpse of her lady-garden. Miss Branka Knezevic (pictured below) was hugely impressed by his unflappable reaction:

"He is a strong, real man, exactly the one who should lead this country," she told a Serbian tabloid after the interview.

Who could argue with her? A lesser political figure would have snorted like a bull before plunging his drooling face between her luscious thighs. Only a true statesman can keep his tongue in his mouth when an appetising dish is flaunted before him.

Basic Instinct is a film that taught me a lot about human behaviour. I later had to unlearn most of what I was taught, but that didn’t annoy me. You discover a lot about humans from their fables and fantasies. The enduring message of the movie is that a man can enjoy “the fuck of the century” and still not be satisfied. He has to wander around naked in the femme fatale’s house and trash-talk her lesbian lover. He has to ravish his ex-girlfriend in the butt for acting whiny. He has to let the femme fatale straddle him when he knows she’s got an ice pick under the bed. It reminds me of a saying of Old Melonhead (the semi-mythical ape who was Aesop’s role model):

Indulge not your desires, for verily they are insatiable. As one craving is quenched, yet another shall rise from the meat of your loins.

As for Sharon Stone, I thought her performance was a tour de force, and not because she exposed her snatch. A slightly furry vulva is neither here nor there to a gorilla. Her splendiferous achievement, in my eyes, was to show a whole generation of ladies how to fake an orgasm convincingly. Internet research indicates that virtually all women feel obliged to do this from time to time. I don’t blame them. Sometimes an outburst of caterwauling is the quickest way of cutting one’s losses and getting a good night’s sleep.

If I were the Serbian prime minister, I’d hold a Sharon Stone film festival in Belgrade this summer. When life has imitated art, you’ve got to embrace the connection and milk it for all its worth. 

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Well, I don't know how unflappable the Serbian prime minister truly is. I think there is a more fappable explanation for this. I remember the Newman guy from "Seinfeld" making a fool of himself during that scene with Sharon Stone by sweating like a pig. That was before the internet. Now you can see women uncrossing their legs any time you want. The internet will eventually cause men to lose interest in sex completely which will bring the human species to the brink of exctinction in an apocalyptic society run by Mel Gibson.
I am so glad I am gay
I am freed up in such circumstances
Oh, I have got to see that movie.
And I don't think I will ever lose interest in sex.
excellent prank but i would have liked a better view of the garden of delight.

since he's an all powerful prime minister he may require all women interviewing him to shed their panties.
LOL. that approving smirk!
he'd remember that interview for a long time to come.
the TV channel should have just kept her for scoops from him.
I have asked the requisit "Discreet Gentlemen who do" in my household and they confirm that the Memsahiba and indeed all ladies are built differently from chaps.

Other than to give them all a substantial pay rise and to tremble a bit in terror I'm not entirely certain what to make of this news.

Please thank the Serbian Prime Minister for his research but tell him that I wish he hadn't shared the results.
Jimmy: Yes, that's true, the over-abundance of visual stimulation might make men impotent. The only hope is that smell and touch might still excite them. You can't get those senses on the internet, can you?

John Gray: Is there a gay equivalent of what she did? Or would it be too shocking for TV?

Al: You didn't see Basic Instinct? They must have kept you on a tight leash in the navy!

Billy: You might find an uncensored clip on You Tube, Billy. Serbian TV refused to broadcast the interview was it was "undignified".

Jaya: Being a politician, he'll have to check what the focus groups think of the incident. But I'm sure he bears no ill will towards the young lady.

The Owl Wood: There's nothing to be scared of, old bean. It's the same principle as dealing with snakes. They fear you more than you fear them.
"Lady garden" HAHA!!! I love that term!
That's the face of a man who enjoys one too many cupcakes.

They should test church leaders in this same clandestine manner. That'd clear out the pews.

True story: I faked an orgasm once. I was just bored and I'm pretty sure she was, too and that was the only dignified way out for either of us.
I think the Serbian Prime Minister is totally in awe of that lady garden. If only I can see what he's doing with his hands.
Is that all it takes to test a politico's mettle these days? A quick flash of bush to see if he pounces or not? If she'd offered him a wad of cash I bet he would have bit her arm off.
You're gracious to assume the best of people, GB. We don't know where the man's face went once the cameras stopped rolling.

There IS a place that has gone Mad Max and where Mel Gibson is one of the bad guys: It's called Los Angeles
Not a very dignified setup up, with the red chairs and cheesy leopard print dress. They should have went with the more classy Stone look, it would have made the jay flash more surprising.

PS GB, if you're able, please hop by and vote. It's neck and neck at the polling station. =)

Dr Zibbs: Yes, it's become quite a favourite since women started keeping the lawn well trimmed.

Mr UB: I've heard about men faking orgasms so it's probably more common than people think. Maybe you should set up a "men who've faked it" club. Shouldn't the woman fake it simultaneously to be polite?

Jules: Now that would have been real political bombshell, Jules! He wouldn't have been the first wanker to attain high office, of course.

Steve: Money can always be explained away as a campaign donation, but coochie cannot be accepted without questions being asked. People don't like seeing fat unattractive men get top-quality tail.

Robyn: You just reminded of Bill Clinton, Robyn. Although he was more into receiving than giving.

Winopants: Yes, it was obviously a low budget production with no art director. I've been keeping tabs on Mel's antics in LA ever since he threatened to burn his girlfriend's house down for falling asleep before giving him a blowjob.
Well that's sure no Valentine, even for an ape!
My kids think you're a real ape, but I question your wi-fi.
I have just one question--WHY would they do that?
Wait, I have another--WHY would SHE do that?
Obviously she is a harlot, shameless harlot!
Crazy Mama: Your kids can call me Uncle Bananas, Crazy Mama.

Rose: She's a Playboy model, Rose. Indecent exposure is her job description.
Ha Bananas, my daughter was so happy, she ran upstairs and put on her banana shirt!
That smile certainly isn't unflappable... is he squinting? Perhaps he's not sure what he's just seen! No man with that smirk on his face is to be trusted.

: )x
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