Wednesday, June 10, 2009

A ticklish question

Scientists have finally admitted that laughter was invented by apes (and not Charlie Chaplin, as some humans appear to believe). I once tried to explain this to a group of tourists on safari and they reacted with incredulity.

“What is there to laugh at in the jungle?” asked one of them.

“A baboon’s red bottom,” I replied.

They were forced to concede the point.

We gorillas are constantly laughing at stuff as a matter of fact – we chortle, we chuckle, we cackle, we guffaw. And it’s not just slapstick jokes like elephant-sex that we enjoy. The jungle is full of subtle little ironies that make us smirk – the forgetful frog; the confused snake; the bilious beetle. It’s difficult to keep a straight face with all these comedy acts going on around us.

But let’s get back to the scientists. After tickling some infant apes, they realised that humans had copied laughter from their hairy cousins. This having been established, they wondered whether it was safe to tickle gorillas. Now we gorillas are ticklish and enjoy it as much as the next ape, but you can’t just walk up and fiddle with us. If a stranger started prodding my belly, I would wonder what the devil he was up to and pull his nose until he stopped doing it. If you want to tickle a gorilla you’ve got to start by making polite conversation. Tell me your favourite colour; comment on the price of citrus fruit; discuss the likely ramifications of the El Niño weather phenomenon. Only after creating a friendly rapport should you ask permission to tweak the flesh in a decent area of the body. Try any naughty stuff and you’re going to get spanked.

I’m not a great tickler myself. My females laugh enough without it and the humans I encounter are too shy to bring up the subject. A woman did once ask me to tickle her in my circus days. She was agreeably fleshy, but I was not inclined to oblige her.

“Tickling is a blunt instrument only to be used when humour has failed,” I said. “Watch a comedy show instead.”

“But I don’t have a sense of humour,” she retorted.

“Nonsense!” I barked. “I’ll give you a free ticket to our next show so you can see my act with the clowns.”

So she came along to the circus and watched the show from start to finish. In all honesty, I was on top form. Our antics brought the house down, and never did a team of clowns leave a circus ring with buttocks so sore. I met the woman outside my trailer after the show.

“You were really funny but I just couldn’t laugh.” she said. “I told you I didn’t have a sense of humour.”

I stared at her grimly. Perhaps there was a defect in her brain that prevented her from reacting normally to the sight of clowns getting their arses repeatedly kicked.

“Very well,” I said dryly, “you leave me with no alternative but to employ cruder methods of stimulation.”

I invited her into my trailer, bound her hands and feet, and fingered her flesh methodically until she shrieked and squirmed convulsively. I carried on sadistically until she was begging for mercy, flushed, sweaty and exhausted.

“You may leave,” I said after untying her hands and feet. “Let that be a lesson to you. A sense of humour is a far kinder palliative than tickle torture. I suggest you visit a psychologist who might help you overcome your mental block.”

I ignored all her requests for further sessions.

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You had me at "I invited her into my trailer, bound her hands and feet"

The women in question didnt happen to be Camilla Parker Bowles was it?
Something else to laugh at in the jungle:

An elephant was walking through the jungle when she stepped on a thorn. In considerable pain, and unable to pull it out with her trunk, she asked the only other animal around - a mouse - if he could pull it out.

"Okay," said the mouse, "on one condition - if I pull it out I get to shag you"

Having no option, the elephant agreed to the odd request.

The mouse whipped the thorn out in no time and then scrambled up the elephant's hind leg and started pumping away while the elephant stood there dejectedly.

A monkey, sat in a tree, had been watching this slowly unfold and started laughing so hard a large nut fell from the tree and bounced off the elephant's head.

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!" bellowed the elephant.

"Yeeeeeah," panted the mouse, "take it *all* beyatch!"
The curate employs a similar 'tickling' method with errant choirboys - I am glad to say with similar effect. Its a peculiar thing thats for sure ... oh yeah.
I kneed someone in the face this weekend when they tickled my feet. True story.

Not everyone is as fortunate to have as good a sense of humour as you, Mr B! Also, the knack for making tickling sound erotic unintentionally through your text.

I LOVE that Squirrel!! Haha!
Oh Mr. B... you're always leaving the human ladies wanting more! So unfair! So if I just casually walked up and started talking to you about your favorite childhood memories and what your preferred bedtime snack is and when the last time you tied someone up was... you might let me tickle you?

OOOh... this trip on safari is sounding more exciting all the time.

And the red bottom of a buffoon is really pretty funny...
GB - the thought of you 'fingering flesh methodically' shall stay with me for some time. Do you take bookings?
Cruel to be kind, Mr Bananas, sometimes it is indeed the only way. (Is the woman in that picture Zoe Ball? I'd like to think so).
That woman was surely my late former MIL, who was heard to state once "I don't like comedy" (you'll have to imagine the flat northern vowels).
Mia: I hope not, Mia! I wouldn't want to trespass on the property of Prince Charles. Are you keen on being tickled?

Red Squirrel: In the jungle version of that joke it's an ant rather than a mouse. And when the elephant yells the ant says "suffer, suffer".

Mutley: Have you been going to church then? I think you ought to report that curate.

Rachel: Did that happen on a date, Rach? He should have asked you first...or maybe tied your feet to the bedposts.

Auri: As you are already a friend, Auri, you may proceed without those preliminaries. Don't get carried away though. Do you know any buffoons with red bottoms?

Madame Defarge: There's no need for you to book, Madame Defarge, you qualify for instant service.

Gadjo: Yes, that's what we say in the jungle. I don't think the woman is anyone famous.

Lady Daphne: Could be, milady. Did she enjoy being tickled?
ah... you're a cruel beast aren't you GB?
Is not humor a sign of intelligence? I am sure you are always the tickler, not the tickle-E
In either case, I do like a fellow that can take the lead and smart enough to know just where to tickle.
If he can make me laugh, and mix a martini, then we have the makings of a beautiful evening
Being tickerlish is a state of mind. I would not yield to torture! Fighting talk...
Interesting, I was just discussing your species in my blog today...I agree with you that primates brought laughter to the humans...after all, who can argue with your cousins, the Chimpanzees... there must be a reason they dress like cowboys and doctors and ride ponies for our amusement...they're just telling us to laugh it up... I just won't let a Chimp Doctor examine me's amazing how open they are to examining your penis...
GB I love being tickled. Are you offering?
It sounds like gorillas are the Don Giovannis of tickling.

I remember one time this girl was showing me a sensitive tickle area above the knee and I nearly pitched a tent in my pants.

I guess that's why gorillas don't wear pants, they just get in the way.
Nursemyra: Only when provoked, Nursie.

Beverly: Yes, an expert tickler could find out where you were ticklish by looking you over. I think I could make you laugh be just by threatening to tickle you.

Scarlet: That's because you're not in the mood for it, Miss Scarlet. Let me know when you're feeling giggly.

Mr Meatbag: Don't forget the chimp astronauts. President Kennedy might still be alive if he'd spent more time with them.

Mia: You sound like a candidate for a surprise attack, Mia.

Chris: Well above the knee is the thigh, isn't it? You're supposed to get aroused when you see that.
I regard tickling as a form of torture, and have screamed and begged for mercy in the past, even in Claridges. My dear old father was a GP (have I ever mentioned that?) and he used tickling as one of the reflex responses to test for death. He always said it was a lot quicker than pouring iced water into the deceased's ear.
"comment on the price of citrus fruit; discuss the likely ramifications of the El Niño weather phenomenon..."

Why, those are all Topiary's favorite topics of conversation, too!

I'm so glad Auri turned me on to you!!!

Very interesting post. I had an incident once where the guy I was making out with starting rubbing my belly... not so much tickling, but unsolicited rubbing of the least sexy/attractive part of my body. It left me totally baffled. Any thoughts?
i've a dirty mind. methodically fingering flesh, painted such a lovely picture for me.

there are different degrees of tickling as well.
I am not susceptible to tickling. This is why Ruf keeps a fur-trimmed paddle beneath the mattress when he feels the need to teach me a lesson...
Mrs Pouncer: The sight of you begging for mercy must have been enjoyable cabaret for the diners, Mrs Pouncer. On balance, I think it would have added to my appreciation of the food.

Topiary Cow: We are already well acquainted, Ms Cow, but we can discuss those topics at your leisure.

Ms Salti: Hello, Ms Salti. Perhaps your belly is more attractive than you think. Did he squeeze as well?

Sarah: There are many ways of using the fingers, Sarah. I'm sure you have a wide experience of digital stimulation.

Mrs Cake: I'd like to see how you respond to having the soles of your feet tickled, Mrs Cake. Perhaps the other areas of your body have been inured by a surfeit of erotic touching.
Sadly, I'm one of those people who have an "ouch" reflex to tickling rather than the laugh one. This has spoiled many a charabanc trip.
Wonderful post, Gorilla Bananas. No blunt instrument needed here.
Cow glad to know GB considers us well acquainted--guess that means we can proceed right to the tickling phase!

Oh dont torture me GB. You know my love for all things erotic.

I'll be waiting eagerly for your suprise threats.
I highly doubt my belly is that attractive... he was the same guy who giggled when I went downtown... such a turnoff!
I was tickled with a cactus once.

I didn't laugh :-(
Har har! She fooled you GB!
Kevin: Perhaps you should try letting fish nibble your toes to see if they could cure you.

Ram: Thank you, Ram, I hope all your instruments remain sharp.

Topiary: And I'm sure Ms Cow is too much of a lady to abuse her privilege.

Mia: I can't promise anything erotic, Mia, but I'll do my best to give you a laugh.

Ms Salti: He giggled? Maybe he was ticklish down there.

The Jules: I hope it made contact with an itch.

Pi: Maybe, but a ticket and a tickle is a small price to pay.
i have no idea what you are implying GB.. (see how i do that, play innocent? fun eh?)
Laughing all the way to bed GB?
i hate being tickled. it's not real laughter, it's 'desperate not to pee' laughter. i much prefer 'try not to wheeze myself to death' laughter. i think it's sexier on me.
What happens when one gets carried away while tickling a large male gorilla? And yes, the poor buffoon's bottom was quite red after my spatula and I were done with it. The baboon on the other hand... well, I would never be bold enough to laugh at him... they're vicious.
My favorite color is green. Oranges here go for around 10 Turkish lira for a 10-kg bag if you're prepared to haggle a little. But no worries: my sense of humor is fully developed.
There would be a lot less teenage pregnancies if only people went back to fingering.
Sarah: Neither do I Sarah, I was just fishing for secrets.

Kate: All the way to a hammock in my case, Kate.

Kara: So you find death sexier than urinating? Why doesn't that surprise me?

Auri: What happens is that the perpetrator becomes the victim. You can't use a spatula on me, it has to be your hands.

Mary: So you're trying to tell me you'd rather tickle than be tickled?

Emerson: Yeah, but blokes from your part of England don't know where to put it.
I hate tickling. Why anyone would request it is beyond me.
I hate being tickled. My neck is probably the most sensitive, but in general, my whole body is pretty sensitive. I hate massages too.

Who doesn't like to have a good laugh? I love comedy. Don't some people say that the heart of a healthy relationship is a good sense of humor? I've been with people before who are just stuck up, boring and afraid to be silly with me. Stupid girls. I think people who aren't afraid to let loose and be silly are the sexiest and funniest.
I think that dogs laugh too and not just chimpanzees and humans. I am sure that the scientists are going to discover that sometime soon.

Ms OWO: Hmm. Maybe you've not had it done right?

Secret Agent: I hope you find a zany girlfriend, but at some point you're going to have to let her touch you, no? Maybe you need a trained masseuse to develop your tactile appreciation.

Sidhu: Dog laughs are probably just eager panting.
Hmmm..this is a sore point with me. My friends are always saying that i dyed my hair red to match my red-babboon-bottom :(
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