Monday, October 22, 2007

Keeping abreast of developments

A Californian dentist argues that massaging a woman’s breasts can cure her of toothache. I suppose it might take her mind off it, but it didn’t stop the 27 women he artlessly groped from reporting him to the authorities. He hopes that the court will not revoke his licence if he promises to stop feeling up his female patients and examine them only in the presence of two chaperones. I am not one to prejudge these complex legal cases, but I get the feeling that his proposed plea bargain may be too little, too late.

My advice to the fellow would be to quit while he’s ahead. Having fondled 27 bosoms without retribution, it’s time to cash in his pension and move to Florida. His days of bamboozling women about the therapeutic benefits of the boob rub are behind him. After relocating in the Sunshine State, perhaps he could find work milking cows or squeezing oranges. A humble occupation like that is just what he needs to calm his restless spirit and maintain a low profile in the local newspapers. It might also be a good idea to send a $500 cheque to each of the women he groped. Penance is good for the soul, particularly if it encourages your victims to maintain a discreet silence.

There’s really no way back for the distinguished man who’s been exposed as a tit fiend. Have any of you been following Paul McCartney’s divorce? I sensed things would turn nasty when Ms Mills alleged that her husband forbade her from suckling her baby on the grounds that he had exclusive rights to her udders. Of course, one shouldn’t automatically accept the word of a woman willing to air dirty linen in the hope of getting 50 million rather than 30 million. But the image of Sir Paul mooching possessively over Heather’s boobs is difficult to banish from the mind. “What kind of man would refuse to share his wife’s nipples with his baby daughter?” is the question one cannot avoid asking. “One about to have his own assets well and truly milked” would be a possible answer.

Now there are a few professions where it is possible to touch a woman’s breasts in the line of duty. Dr Whipsnade has a friend who is a Harley Street consultant specialising in sexual maladies. A newly-wed woman once came to him complaining that she found sex with her husband to be painful and joyless. After summoning his dildo-equipped nurse, the doctor began caressing the patient’s breasts. The nurse attended to the woman’s lower half and presently slipped in the device without difficulty.

“Does that feel good?” asked the doctor in a matter-of-fact voice.

The blushing bride admitted that it did, whereupon the doctor told her that she was perfectly normal and should ask her husband to do as they had done, rather than ramming her like a frustrated satyr.

I had the same kind of disinterested concern for my female fans back in my circus days. I never knowingly touched their breasts, but I kissed quite a few hands and signed countless autograph books. He who inspires that kind of adulation needs a strong moral fibre to keep things in check. With the festive season approaching, I should imagine that many male bosses are contemplating frisky forays with female staff at the office party. My advice to them would be to think of the embarrassment that one drunken lunge can produce well into the New Year and beyond. In the evergreen words of Sheriff Buford T Justice, “You can think about it, but just don’t do it.”

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It is just as well this breast-fondling dentist did not get the opportunity to carry out any fillings.
That old "fondling of the boobs to alleviate tooth pain" chestnut won't fool a seen-it-all California judge. More to the point though, why did several of the woman keep going back for more, um, treatment? Something must have been working with his technique.
What audacity.

Next, he'll be penetrating clients in the name of solving earache.

Another question that has been overlooked: Do any of these women still have toothache?
You must have had lots of groupies when you were in the circus, GB. Or are they called "ape-ies" ? You could have had a second career as a gigolo. Or a dentist.
That Harley Street fellow had better have good malpractice coverage. If he hadn't been able to deliver, imagine how badly he could have been sued.
"his dildo equipped nurse"? My goodness GB you do slip in the most intriguing vocabulary at times.
Yes that little McCartney nugget is hard to get past. That and the fact that McCartney seems to have borrowed Cilla Black's hairdye these days.
My mum once broke her nose badly and her hapless doctor sent her to harley street to get it fixed. The Harley St. Doctor, not a breast-fondler, I must state, merely read the recommendation letter, and threw it back to her, saying: "Take this back to your doctor and tell him that I'm a gynaecologist."
I note that you take a very particular interest in « the life of the saints » where « the opinion of breast » and conversely proportional …
Toothache - Badly indoors - Male two teeth ?

" Toothache, badly of love " said a French proverb!
The therapist story does bring to mind an article in the paper a while back.
A young chinese couple had been trying for a baby for some time with no success.The specialist they had been sent to asked a few pertinent questions , which were met with confused silence. On smelling a rat he explained the basic mechanics and manouvers to be met with incredulous hilarity on the part of the couple.
After the poor man managed to convince them of the truth of what he was explaining , they were described as going at it with dedication.
One wonders what they were originally doing :-)
I had no idea GB that massage in such an obvious bumpy, lumpy place could cure a woman of her toothache. How wise you are GB. A true sage. :-)
Lord Likely: Quite. No lady should have to endure his drilling.

Sam: Maybe they wanted to believe it was for their teeth because it felt good. I have heard of similar cases, alas.

Mosha: The women didn't complain about the treatment being ineffective, so I assume they were cured.

Lady Daphne: I'd never do it for money, milady. An ape has his honour.

Mary: It's a true story, so he must have known what he was doing.

Kitty: I'm an ape of mystery who delights in intriguing his readers.

Misssy: He and Cilla are old buddies from Liverpool, as you must know. Someone should make a list of the women who've had their tits fondled by Paul.

Mermaid: The medical profession will never advance with all these restrictive practices. I would have treated your mum and I'm not even a doctor.

Crabtree: Are you telling me that women's breasts are saintly enough to cure toothache? Maybe they are in France.

Beast: I would guess that he was trying to penetrate her navel. Embarrassed adults often fob children off with belly button stories.

Suzy: Thank-you, Suzy, but I am sceptical about this theory. Maybe it only works in California.
I have tooth ache Mr. Bananas - do you think I could arrange a visit with this dentist? I only have moobs mind you. Also, I do not think your story about the dildo thing is very nice ...
What in the name of God is the matter with that dentist? Fondling tits like that and getting arrested, when he could have easily got away with it if he'd just fondled the ones that were under anaesthetic :P
I have a lady dentist and just the thought of fondling her bosooms is enough to cure any toothache, so your man might have been on to something rather subtle and profound.

A sage post for one so hairy, if I may say so, Mr Bananas.
I couldn't really get past your spelling of the word "check". Really. It's all I seem to be able to comment on. It's so damn cute that you put this random little "q" in there. I can't get over it. I just want to pinch your cheek and bake you a pie.
I absolutely did not mislay you !
The French woman is tame, or naïve ?
the only problem with dentists is that they always look down in the mouth.... Now you know SOMEONE had to say it!
Taking the McCartney thing a bit literally aren't we?

"the 27 women"

"Having fondled 27 bosoms

So they had one a-piece then, like the one-legged ex-MrsMcCartney?

You Gorillas can be so evil at times - no wonder you took Damian Albarn into your tribe
Mutley: You may not like it, but it happened as I related. A dildo is therapeutic tool in the right hands.

Emma: He wouldn't have got a reaction with an unconscious woman. Surely the expression on a woman's face is far sexier than a pair of faceless boobies?

Monday Club: Thank you.

Dennis: She sounds like a remarkable woman. I bet she could cure more serious ailments with her bosom.

Kara: Be my guest, Missy, I've often thought about pinching your cheeks, so I can't complain. Blueberries would be nice in the pie. When Dickens went to America, they pinched his cheeks when they saw him write 'cheque'.

Crabtree: The French woman cannot resist flirting with gorillas. I have personal experience.

Mermaid: Boom! Boom! Lovely to see you making jokes, dear Mermaid. You seem to have been rather melancholy lately.

Goth: The bosom is numerically imprecise, Goth. All we can say for certain is that 27-54 breasts were fondled. As for Sir Paul, I think he'll rent his next pair of boobs.
I tell you what.Some dentist dare touch my boobies he better either be super cute or prepare to get two black friggin eyes!!!! LOL
The dentist what rubs my breasts is going to have a toothache of his own. And a groin ache.
The dentist was clearly suffering from temporo-penile arousal disorder. Not an uncommon condition in men confronted by a nice pair of knockers.
Not to worry, GB. I daresay it would work very well in the Congo Basin if you put your mind heartily to it. tee-hee! :-)
What's the post about? I'm still staring at those bazonkers.
PP: Welcome, madam. Your suggestion sounds fair. Once black eye for each groped boobie.

Liv: He would have surely learned his lesson after getting his testicles crushed.

DH: Quite possibly, but rubbing boobs is no cure for that. He should have imagined he was treating Telly Savalas.

Suzy: I wouldn't dare - the females around here are very aggressive.

Commentator: The picture pretty much sums it up.
I have been up all night worrying about this - and am using the laptop on the top of the crane at the building site to post, so forgive me if I drop offff



There's a lot to be said for we laydees to patronise doctors and dentists of the female gender.
Salutations! You seem to me like my friend Jerzy, he is from Gorzow Wielkopolski. You are having family there?

“What kind of man would refuse to share his wife’s nipples with his baby daughter?”

My father Leonid always put me and Malgorzata (my sister) on to Tonja (a pig). This kept mother free for himself. Pig milk very high in fat so we did not complain come winter. Sadly Tonja died that Christmas.
My dentist used to gas me and put my pants back on back to front for a joke.
What a slut and that crown's been shaky for months now.
Another boob-tastic post Mr B.

As for Macca and Mills, what a couple of tits...
If ever I want to see a pair of tits, I know where to find them!
I never liked Paul McCartney, what a loser father!
Hmmm, the only dentist story I know is the one about the little old lady who needed a root canal. She lay down in the chair and, as the dentist prepared to administer the anaesthetic, she grabbed him gently by the balls and said 'We're not going to hurt each other are we?'
Seems like a good plan to me :)

Of course there is also the fact that in Victorian times women suffering from 'hysteria' were routinely masturbated by the doctors to alleviate their symptoms. Some bright spark's arm got so tired from 'curing' all those women that he invented the steam operated dildo - it was on Boston Legal so it must be true!
Mutley: I'm sorry to be the cause of such anxiety. Perhaps you should take a sleeping pill after reading these posts.

Pi: That would be throwing out the baby with the bathwater.

Mr Jankowiak: My family is mostly in the Republic of Congo.

Dr Maroon: Goodness knows what else he did when you were under.

Miss Cheese: Welcome back, you delicious piece of cheddar! They are indeed both tits, but I'm not sure who is the bigger one.

Jahooni: Paul is pretty tight with his money for a man with close to a billion, so the court case could get messy.

Mrs Cake: I never needed to grab my dentist's balls - eye contact alone did the job. Even you might have found those antique vibrators a bit scary.
If the dentist is going to grope his patients' breasts, the least he could do is give them a discount: a Dr. Feelgood Discount. I'm thinking maybe 10% of the bill would be a fair trade.
If there were no complaints, then perhaps the moral impications should be reconsidered inlight of the potential for success with this treatment.

Maybe I should go into the medical profession.
Just a distant mammary!
Cream: men have been shot for less!
Er...accupressure, perhaps...

LOL! I believed it...! (so perhaps the women did at first too, til the toothache didn't get better)...
I'm happy to screw a dentist, doctor, whatever, but don't charge me, and lets do it when I can dress up as a nurse in my bedroom, not the clinical surgery rooms.

Bad form DOCTORS!
I think the dentist has it wrong, when I massage my neighbour's titties she moans like she is in pain. Surely some mistake?
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