Wednesday, March 16, 2016
Virtually arousing
I wonder if virtual reality porn is going to be the next big thing for humans who hanker after hi-tech gadgets. The pastime involves putting on a big fat pair of goggles and watching videos stored in the memory. Apparently, the naked women don’t stay on a screen for you to admire at a distance, but walk right up to you, pouting and jiggling their jahoobies. I dare say there are naked men too for those who prefer beefcake and sausage. The first users of this gismo have been lavish in their praise:
“We tried virtual sex for the first time and it feels like we just lost our virginity again!” they exclaimed.
This looks like an impressive endorsement, but a comment from a more reflective guinea pig indicates the illusion was less than perfect:
“The scenes feature serious visual depth and three-dimensionality. My mind told me to reach out and touch, but my invisible arms were grabbing nothing but air.”
Not being able to feel the goodies is surely a major deficiency. And you can’t taste them either, unless you’re sucking on a rubber teat flavoured with essence of booby.
Call me a suspicious ape, but I don’t trust these early reviews. How do we know they weren’t sponsored by the manufacturer? Normally, I would have asked the manager of the safari camp for his opinion, but he is currently convalescing from a vasectomy operation and in no mood for such experiments. So I phoned my old circus buddy Smacker Ramrod and asked him to give it a try.
“If I used that device at home my wife would hammer my kneecaps with a rolling pin!” he protested.
“So why not use it outside the house?” I suggested.
“You mean in the street, where people could see the stiffy in my trousers?” he asked. “That might get me arrested. And wearing those goggles would allow any old pervert to walk right up and grope me. The really scary thing is that I might enjoy it.”
I had to admit these were valid objections, so I’ll just have to wait for an impartial review from a blogger I trust. Until then I shall reserve judgment, like a justice of the higher appellate court. But that won’t stop me discussing the broader implications, like a prophet of the masonic temple.
Virtually reality porn will have its human enthusiasts, but it’s not a perfect substitute for the real thing. Nor can it be enjoyed in a public place with making the participator looked like an utter nincompoop. Anyone so foolhardy should expect to have his picture taken by on-lookers while someone held a sign above his head with the word “pillock” written on it.
Hence it would most likely become a private bedroom pursuit, done as an aid to self-stimulation. The main cause for concern is that many humans might become completely dependent on it, like the ‘orgasmatron’ in the Woody Allen movie. If you can’t get yourself off without the help of a machine, you might as well marry a robot.
Labels: jahoobies, orgasmatron, porn, technology, virtual reality
