Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Ginger's confession
Ginger Spice has admitted trying to seduce George Michael when she was an aspiring starlet and he was a pretty boy singer.
“I’d made plans to marry him,” she explained. “I used to practice kissing his poster. Then we met and I started being all flirty-eyed, licking my lips and doing the sexy poses.”
Her wet lips did not win a kiss from her idol, which was probably just as well. It couldn’t possibly have matched the thrill she got from kissing his poster. It seems that George simply ignored her advances and blathered on about his latest hairdo. How good-natured of Ginger to bear no grudges and blame her faulty gaydar. It warms the cockles of my heart that she and George are now bosom buddies:
“He's the only celebrity friend I have, aside from the Spice Girls, that I tell all my secrets to,” said Ginger.
Let’s hope he keeps them.
It takes a big woman to admit falling in love with a gay man and trying, unsuccessfully, to make his pants bulge. I’m sure many single women have made the same mistake. It must be incredibly difficult for them to detect which of the dapper young men they meet is only good for fashion tips and shopping excursions.
We jungle apes use smell to sniff out the gay primates. That doesn’t work for humans, because of the widespread use of scented toiletries. Nearly all men smell gay nowadays. That’s why women have to rely on subtle cues, like the curl of the eyebrow or the stiffness of the gait. Unfortunately, it’s easy to ignore such signals when the hormones are raging.
Personally, I think it’s bad manners for a gay man to spurn the sexual favours of a nubile young woman. Whatever happened to closing your eyes and thinking of Johnny Weissmuller? No man ever died from letting an attractive woman jump all over him. Worse things have happened at sea. Nor can anyone be sure that they’re same-sex orientated until they’ve tried it with someone of the opposite gender. All the best gay men have slept with women, including Oscar Wilde and Pee-wee Herman.
Someone once told me that human sexuality was a continuum, ranging from ultra-straight at one end to utterly queer at the other, with most people somewhere in-between. I can well believe it. Even macho movie stars like Sly Stallone must be slightly gay to masquerade in front of a camera wearing make-up. John Wayne looked camper than a row of tents when he was stroking his horse.
Should there be an award for the straightest leading man? My main worry is that undeserving actors like George Clooney or Russell Crowe would win it. The strongest candidate I can think of is Gerard Depardieu. It is inconceivable that anyone with the slightest hint of gayness would allow his body to take on the shape of a potato. He was also recently fined for riding a scooter while intoxicated. That doesn’t seem like something a gay man would do.
Labels: gaydar, George Michael, Gerard Depardieu, Ginger Spice, Oscar Wilde., Pee Wee Herman
