Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Northern exposure
The mayor of a Canadian town has been interviewed by a woman who bared her breasts mid-way through the discussion. Apparently, it’s legal in that part of Canada for women to expose their chests wherever and whenever men are allowed to do so.
I don’t have much sympathy for the mayor. It seems that his interviewer wanted him to accept her boobs as everyday objects you could pass in the street without craning your neck or howling like a wolf. The only counterargument he could offer was that some people might find a topless woman “distracting”. This feeble response allowed her to assert that the mayor’s earlobes were distracting and ask him to wear ear muffs. The mayor was left floundering by this facetious suggestion.
When I told the manager of the safari camp about this story, he said:
“The mayor should have put his face between her tits and shaken his head like a cocktail mixer. Then he should have asked her how many women had ever felt like doing that to a man’s chest.”
I thought he had a point, even if the course of action suggested would have been undignified for someone in a position of civic responsibility. A man’s bare torso will never be in the same league as naked jahoobies, no matter what the law says. However great the pecs are, no woman ever got an erection from leering at them. Even ladies who find such sights stimulating can keep their symptoms tightly under wraps. In any case, my buddy Smacker Ramrod once told me that good girls don’t get sexually aroused until you’ve bought them dinner and whispered sweet-nothings into their ear.
Having said that, one has to admire the woman for skilfully deploying her assets in a daring surprise attack. It’s a tactic that ought to be added to the debating manuals, as well as geo-strategic directives on the use of soft power. I must remember to invite her to our next jungle symposium on the use of display tactics to disorientate potential adversaries. I’m sure most of the delegates would give her a big hand.
The female bosom has its philanthropic uses, of course. Consider the case of the French nurse who posted the following advertisement on a classified site:
”I am a young mother in perfect health, a trained nurse of 29, and I am renting my breasts to milk-feed infants.”
She is looking for a gay couple to hire her services for 100 euros a day. That’s not a lot of money for milk fresh from the teat, with all the associated nurturing of a surrogate mother. Not all the enquiries she got were from gay men with babies:
“I’ve received more than a dozen requests, but only half of them were serious,” said the nurse. “The rest were from perverts.”
Tut tut. Nothing is sacred if a lactating woman cannot advertise her services without being pestered by perverts. I hope she puts their replies in the public domain, so the world can pour scorn on their depravity.
Labels: breast-feeding, display tactics, jahoobies, perverts, topless women
