Wednesday, July 02, 2014
Getting her back
Robin Thicke, the singer who twerked with Miley Cyrus, has made a pop video beseeching his wife to return to him. I never knew the fellow had a wife – apparently he married a famous beauty called Paula Patton. She recently left him, reported to be cheesed off by a string of indiscretions, which may or may not have included the twerking episode with Miley.
The peculiar thing about the pop video is that it features a scene where Thicke is having his chest hairs groomed by a comely young wench. If he were a gorilla, this might signify nothing more than an extended delousing session, but the torso of a man is too naked to be stroked for non-erotic reasons. Given that this is so, why would a video intended to persuade his wife to return to the marital bed display the very behaviour that caused her to leave it in the first place? I can think of three possible reasons:
1) The man is a halfwit.
2) The man is a moron.
3) The man is a halfwit and a moron.
Having said all that, who is to say that she won’t go back to him? Women are very unpredictable in the way they react to cheating husbands. When Tiger Woods’ missus found out about his philandering, she attempted to drive him down the freeway with a long iron. No question of forgiveness there. Yet even an ultimate power-dame like Hillary Clinton decided to grit her teeth and persevere when the whole world knew that her husband’s appendage was a popsicle in Monica’s mouth. Did she exact her vengeance by taking her own lover, like a Russian queen? I am tempted to search for rumours using google, but that would open up a whole new plate of oysters.
What sort of woman is best-equipped to deal with a cheating spouse? My shortlist would include the actress Taylor Schilling, pictured below. The first thing to say about her is that she’s played a lesbian in a popular TV drama – this sends a powerful “Who needs your dick anyway?” message to any man who might be tempted to play fast and loose with her.
The second point to note is that she’s been cuddling the actor Zac Efron in a very public way, even though Master Efron is believed to be gay by those who speculate about such matters. This suggests the emotional fluidity of a woman who doesn’t pine for the attention of a macho man. If the hound chases after bitches, she’ll just turn her back on him and canoodle with the poodle.
Miss Schilling has yet to marry at the age of 29, and when she does announce her nuptials let us hope her future husband will be as faithful as the night is long. But if worst comes to worst, she has my permission to party with the lesbians and snuggle with the gays before finding a new spouse. It’s what her fans will expect of her.
Labels: Miley Cyrus, Robin Thicke, Taylor Schilling, twerking, Zac Efron
